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A Driving Instructor Teaches How to Channel Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
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- Summary of article content: Articles about A Driving Instructor Teaches How to Channel Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge In a recent veo by The Onion, defensive driving instructor Danny Preston gives tips for channeling road rage into cold, calculating road … …
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The Onion’s “How to Turn Road Rage Into Cool, Calculated Road Revenge” Video Is Terrible Advice, But Also Absolutely Hilarious
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- Summary of article content: Articles about The Onion’s “How to Turn Road Rage Into Cool, Calculated Road Revenge” Video Is Terrible Advice, But Also Absolutely Hilarious Or at least, that’s the philosophy fictional defensive driving … The veo takes the form of a segment on a morning show — which is … …
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The funniest thing you’ll see today: The Onion’s tips for exacting ‘cold, calculated road revenge’ – BGR
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- Summary of article content: Articles about The funniest thing you’ll see today: The Onion’s tips for exacting ‘cold, calculated road revenge’ – BGR … you’re out there and you’re unpredictable,” suggests defensive driving instructor Danny Preston on The Onion’s talk show, Today Now! …
- Most searched keywords: Whether you are looking for The funniest thing you’ll see today: The Onion’s tips for exacting ‘cold, calculated road revenge’ – BGR … you’re out there and you’re unpredictable,” suggests defensive driving instructor Danny Preston on The Onion’s talk show, Today Now!
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The Morning Talk Show Formula – Defensive Driving
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- Summary of article content: Articles about The Morning Talk Show Formula – Defensive Driving The morning talk show host does not have an easy job. Most of their listeners are on their way to work and stuck in traffic. …
- Most searched keywords: Whether you are looking for The Morning Talk Show Formula – Defensive Driving The morning talk show host does not have an easy job. Most of their listeners are on their way to work and stuck in traffic. The morning talk show host does not have an easy job. Most of their listeners are on their way to work and stuck in traffic. Yet, the morning talk show
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The Keys to Defensive Driving (for Teens) – Nemours KidsHealth
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- Summary of article content: Articles about The Keys to Defensive Driving (for Teens) – Nemours KidsHealth Distractions, like talking on the phone or eating, make a driver less able to see potential problems and properly react to them. It’s not just teen drivers who … …
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Safety talk: components of defensive driving | Pinnacol
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- Summary of article content: Articles about Safety talk: components of defensive driving | Pinnacol Any activity that takes your hands off the steering wheel affects your ability to effectively control your vehicle. Adjusting the radio, eating, texting, … …
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How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
- Article author: www.theonion.com
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- Summary of article content: Articles about How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avo conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on … …
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A Driving Instructor Teaches How to Channel Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
A Driving Instructor Teaches How to Channel Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
“Once you know where he lives you could sneak into his house every couple weeks. Rearrange a bunch of things. Something that says you’re out there and you’re unpredictable.”
In a recent video by The Onion, defensive driving instructor Danny Preston gives tips for channeling road rage into cold, calculating road revenge. The video teaches Preston’s RELAX technique and reveals a long-term revenge plot Preston began back in 1996.
The Onion’s “How to Turn Road Rage Into Cool, Calculated Road Revenge” Video Is Terrible Advice, But Also Absolutely Hilarious
The next time someone cuts you off while you’re driving, don’t get mad — get even! Or at least, that’s the philosophy fictional defensive driving instructor Danny Preston offers in The Onion’s latest video, “How to Channel Your Road Rage into Cold, Calculated Road Revenge.” Obviously no one should even think about applying the “tips” espoused here in the real world — but taken as the satire it’s meant to be, they’re absolutely hilarious. I mean, yes, I have something of a sick sense of humor, but still. Funny, funny stuff. I promise.
The video takes the form of a segment on a morning show — which is actually the whole thing works so well. They hit the classic “morning show” tone so perfectly that you might think you were actually watching the real thing… if it weren’t for the words coming out of everyone’s mouths. “Danny’s” cheerfully-delivered tips on how to take your road rage, cool it off, and turn it into a long, drawn-out pay-back scheme turn the whole thing into the funniest revenge tragedy you’ll ever see. For reals.
Again, I’d like to stress that no one should ever actually follow through with any of “Danny’s” suggestions; besides the fact that they’re extremely illegal, they’re also exactly what you shouldn’t do when someone pisses you off, on the road or otherwise. Road rage is a very real thing — its technical term is aggressive driving — and it causes around one-third of all car accidents each year. People may be rude, but don’t let your temper get to you, OK? You’ll be far safer in the long run.
That said, though, if we lived in a world where the ghosts of dead kings could appear to ask for vengeance and baking people into pies and feeding them to their parents was an acceptable form of conflict resolution, I imagine these road rage management strategies would come in handy. Scroll down to watch the whole video.
Road Revenge Strategy #1. Instead of losing your temper, take a breath, count to 10…
…And follow the other driver home. Once you know where they live, you can, oh, sneak into their home every so often and rearrange their furniture. Just y’know, to make sure they know that you’re out there and that you remember the terrible things they’ve done.
2. Put yourself in the other driver’s shoes.
They’re human, just like you. They have families, and friends, and plenty of other weaknesses you can exploit — as long as you keep your cool, enabling you to plan your revenge and execute it at the most effective time possible. You might, for example, shoot long videos of their parents’ home, which you then mail to the other driver. You can bet they’ll soon come to regret cutting you off at that stop sign!
3. Never underestimate the usefulness of muffins.
Say someone flips you off on the road one day. Do you get angry right then and there? No. You wait. Years, if you must. And then, at the appropriate moment, you deploy some carefully-selected muffins.
Don’t eat the muffins.
Watch the whole video here:
Images: trapgosh/Flickr; The Onion/YouTube (3)
The funniest thing you’ll see today: The Onion’s tips for exacting ‘cold, calculated road revenge’
It’s far too easy to lose your temper while out on the road. Despite the fact that you yourself and everyone around you is driving a 2-ton steel death trap, you still feel separated from reality within your vehicle, which makes it even more tempting to cut off a slow driver or pump the brakes when someone gets too close behind you.
But don’t let them get to you. Instead, consider taking The Onion’s advice and channel your road rage to more productive activities off the road.
MORE HUMOR: Video: Jimmy Fallon’s genius video editors make NBC anchor Brian Williams rap Snoop Dogg classics
Rather than flipping someone the bird, why not follow them home and find out where they live instead?
“Once you know where he lives, you could sneak into his house every couple weeks, rearrange a bunch of things — something that says you’re out there and you’re unpredictable,” suggests defensive driving instructor Danny Preston on The Onion’s talk show, Today Now!
Preston’s suggestions become increasingly psychotic throughout the video, and by the end, at least one of the hosts is in serious danger of losing their life. But it’s all hysterically funny.
Watch the full video below:
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