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Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner’s infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn’t going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process.Experts say it’s possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they’re willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman. “They have to—otherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.”
- 1 Find a healthy distraction.
- 2 Try out some mindfulness exercises.
- 3 Take stock of your infidelity triggers.
- 4 Talk through the episode of infidelity entirely.
- 5 Stay close to your support system.
- 6 Ask your partner to help you heal.
Contents
Does infidelity pain ever go away?
Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner’s infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn’t going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process.
Can a relationship go back to normal after infidelity?
Experts say it’s possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they’re willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman. “They have to—otherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.”
Can you truly love someone and cheat on them?
In reality, happy people in fulfilling relationships go out and cheat all the time. Whether you believe that someone can love their partner in the moment of infidelity or not, it’s difficult to argue that there was never any love in a relationship just because someone cheated.
What does cheating do to the brain?
This betrayal can cause our brains to become desensitized to dishonesty, which can lead to more cheating in the future. Cheating can also damage our brain’s ability to process information accurately, leading to poorer decision-making. In addition, cheating can impact our ability to form and maintain relationships.
What does cheating say about a person?
They lack respect towards others.
Besides a lack of self-esteem, a cheater lacks respect towards others. The two are closely related. After all, if someone doesn’t even respect themselves, how can they respect other people? A cheater engages in unethical behavior that hurts their partner by being unfaithful.
How does being cheated on change you?
Being cheated on can not only affect your self-esteem and self-worth; it can also affect the way you treat those around you. Built up anger, bitterness, or hurt can show itself in how you act around the people you encounter. “Trust is very sacred.
When should you not forgive a cheating spouse?
- Your Partner Doesn’t Apologize. …
- Your Spouse Doesn’t Want to Get Counseling. …
- Your Partner Doesn’t Show Desire to Put in the Work. …
- They are Still in Touch with the Person They Cheated on You With. …
- Your Partner Doesn’t Seem Committed to the Relationship.
How long does it take to heal from adultery?
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
How does being cheated on change you?
Being cheated on can not only affect your self-esteem and self-worth; it can also affect the way you treat those around you. Built up anger, bitterness, or hurt can show itself in how you act around the people you encounter. “Trust is very sacred.
Why does it hurt so much when you get cheated on?
In his book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Matthew Liberman writes, “When human beings experience threats or damage to their social bonds, the brain responds in much the same way it responds to physical pain.” The pain we experience in betrayal often feels like an attack on our body. It hurts like hell.
11 Ways to Stop Reliving Infidelity – wikiHow
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Getting Over the Hurt of an Affair
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Getting Over the Hurt of an Affair
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11 Ways to Stop Reliving Infidelity
Question
Does infidelity pain ever go away?
Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Steven Hesky is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 37 years of experience. He specializes in long-term psychotherapy with adults and adolescents. His training includes Freudian, Jungian, and Existential approaches to psychotherapy, hypnosis, family therapy, marriage counseling, and biofeedback. Dr. Hesky holds a BA in Philosophy from Lake Forest College and an MA and PhD in Existential Clinical Psychology from Duquesne University. Steven Hesky, PhD Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Answer
It’s definitely going to take time for the pain to go away and the trust to develop again, since there’s always the need to deal with the issues which have led to the betrayal. Be aware that the relationship may never be quite the same again. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile, or that it can’t work out.
Getting Over the Hurt of an Affair
Your partner was unfaithful and now you are trying to get past all the hurt it’s causing you. You may be experiencing a number of different emotions including embarrassment, shame, guilt, anger, and sadness. You are probably going through a rollercoaster of feelings; loving and hating your spouse, all at the same time. Maybe you are wondering if this incredible pain will ever go away and end.
Research shows it takes about eighteen months to two years to heal from the pain of your partner’s infidelity. Knowing that the pain isn’t going away overnight can be helpful, and knowing that it will eventually end is also valuable in the healing process. It will take time to decide if you want to continue in the relationship. Once you come to your decision, you can then move forward in the process of your healing and growth. Also it’s important to note that just because the healing process can take up to two years doesn’t mean you will be in pain and distress every day for two years.
There are no right or wrong ways to get through this pain but there are several things you can do to help you move through the hurt, pain, and stress.
Take a Breath:
Ground yourself when you are feeling the emotional rollercoaster revving up. Stop and take three deep breaths; in through your nose and out through your mouth. Check-in with your senses; ask yourself what you hear, see, smell, and feel. Sometimes you just need that moment to catch your breath and your thoughts will slow down so you can get a handle on your array of feelings.
Address your Thoughts:
When we keep our emotions bottled up, we tend to have those sonic boom moments and eventually explode. Therefore, don’t ignore your thoughts and feelings. Write them down on paper or digitally. Talk about them with a trusted friend, family member, and/or therapist. Just address your thoughts openly and honestly to someone who will listen without judgment.
Grieve:
Allow yourself the time to grieve the loss of fidelity. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You may experience many of the stages all at once. You will ultimately get to acceptance that this happened, which is conducive to moving past the agony and misery.
Focus on your Physical Health:
Eat, Sleep, and Exercise. Keeping physically healthy actually helps your mental state of mind. Eating healthfully, getting a good night’s sleep and exercising all make you feel better. Exercise can be relaxing and help calm those painful thoughts.
Make Time for You:
Spend time doing things you enjoy. Take up a new hobby or get back into one you haven’t done in a while. Pamper yourself, take a class and learn something new, or read something entertaining. Whatever you choose to do, enjoy your “you time”.
Understand the Affair:
Understanding the how and why is important in being able to move on and heal. This is something a with which a Marriage and Family Therapist can help, either in individual or couples counseling. Get your questions answered and then stop asking them so you can move forward and feel less frustrated.
Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, but know that you will move past the pain. Forgive the affair, whether you stay with your partner or not. Forgiveness promotes the healing you need and desire. Believe and know you will heal.
Why Some Couples Can Recover After Cheating and Others Can’t
When someone says they’ve been cheated on, it’s easy to react with empathetic outrage and imagine a reality TV-style confrontation. But infidelity is not a new concept—as long as relationships have existed, someone has been transgressing whatever “rules” had been set up for them. Heartbreak-rage-move on is a formula that has fed every kind of pop culture for centuries, from the Bible to movie melodramas. Lifelong monogamy is still a cultural ideal.
It’s easy to assume that infidelity would spell an automatic end to a partnership, but it’s not that simple—and that’s a good thing. Greater social equality between men and women, the rise of relationship and sex experts like Esther Perel, and diminishing stigma around going to therapy have all made it easier for couples to think beyond a binary “stay together or break up” choice in the wake of an intimate betrayal.
But that doesn’t mean it’s actually gotten easier to move forward when one partner cheats on another. If there is one thing experts agree on when it comes to dealing with infidelity, it’s that while recovery is possible, rebuilding a healthy relationship is hard work.
“It is a long road to recovery when one partner cheats,” licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago, tells SELF. “Couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don’t recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair.”
It takes time, however. He says he’s seen it take at least a year, but it’s usually up to two years for a couple to heal.
Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D., tells SELF that, due to the sensitive nature of the topic, it’s hard to know for sure how many couples stay together after infidelity. “Despite the ambiguous statistics, it seems reasonable to speculate that more couples are staying together after infidelity than not,” he says.
There are a few factors that make a couple more likely to try to work it out, psychologist Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces, tells SELF—namely, whether they have strong commitments to one another like children or a house. “If a couple is dating or just started living together, there is less of a need to go through the work of rebuilding trust,” he says.
The cheating has to stop.
Experts say there are a lot of things that need to happen in order for a couple to move on. The first, and most important, is for the cheating to stop. “The person who cheated cannot see the person they cheated with again,” says Klow.
Washington, D.C.-based Lena Derhally, M.S., L.PC., and certified Imago therapist, agrees. “I think it’s a waste of time if you’re working through an affair and the person is still seeing the other person, because there’s no trust there,” she tells SELF.
Total honesty is essential.
After it’s clear that the affair is over, Derhally guides her clients through a process in which the person who was cheated on can as as many questions as they want about what happened. This can take multiple sessions, and it depends on complete honesty.
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