Top 17 How A Dom Talks To A Sub Top 13 Best Answers

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What is a good dom like?

Simply put, a good Dominant is someone who possesses the very qualities we would ascribe to a “good person”: kindness, consideration, politeness, empathy, sympathy. A good Dominant, like a “good person” has a strong sense of ethics and honesty and is respectful of others regardless of their position in life.

What are the rules of a dom?

The “Ten Rules” of D/s

Be Patient. “To the Dominant, I say this: Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. …
Be Humble. …
Be Open. …
Be Honest. …
Be Realistic. …
Be Sensitive. …
Be Genuine. …
Be Healthy.

What are the characteristics of a submissive?

A submissive personality is someone who willingly submits to the authority of someone else. They have a service-oriented mindset and find peace in taking instructions from those he or she looks up to. This can be at home, at workplace, with friends or in community relationships.

What does overly submissive mean?

showing an excessively deferential manner. meek, spiritless. evidencing little spirit or courage; overly submissive or compliant.

What is Dom sub lifestyle?

One person, the Dom, takes on more the role of leader, guide, enforcer, protector and/or daddy, while the other person, the sub, assumes more the role of pleaser, brat, tester, baby girl, and/or servant. Many couples limit the D/s dynamic to sexual role play in the bedroom.

How can I be a good sub wife?

Keep reading for 10 ways to be a submissive wife.

Be the peacemaker. …
Allow your husband to be your provider. …
Keep the house under control. …
Be open to your husband’s sexual needs and desires. …
Listen intently to your husband without interruption. …
Include your husband in financial decisions.

What is a submissive woman in a relationship?

A submissive wife is: someone who does what she does out of love for her husband. someone who helps her husband as they work together to achieve their goals. a godly woman who is upholding the laws of the church.

Dom and sub Relationships Part 2

26 Dominant Things To Say In Bed If You’re New To BDSM

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26 Dominant Things To Say In Bed That’ll Make Your Partner Blush

In popular culture, doms are often portrayed as cruel and sadistic individuals who intend to make their partner feel uncomfortable or even humiliated rather than fulfilled. (I’m looking at you, Mr. Grey.) But BDSM takes on many forms, and while a dom is typically a person who likes to have the perceived power in a situation, receiving consent from their partner is still imperative.

“People who explore dominance are rarely wanting to actually control another person completely,” Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of Wild Flower, previously told Elite Daily. “Someone who enjoys being dominate is exploring their fantasies of control and what it would be like to have authority over someone.” A dom is simply the one to take the reins in a sexual experience, directing their partner in a way that assures mutual excitement and pleasure. If you’re looking to be the boss of the bedroom, these phrases will allow you to bring out your inner Dom.

1. “I want to do [insert specific sex position] tonight.”

2. “Are you ready for me to do everything I want to you?”

3. “Take your clothes off and get into bed.”

4. “Tell me how badly you want it.”

5. “Put your mouth here.”

6. “Lie on your stomach and arch your back.”

7. “Touch yourself for me.”

8. “Do it harder/faster/slower.”

9. “Don’t make any noise until I tell you that you can.”

10. “I want to see you on your knees.”

11. “Ask for permission before you come. I want to hear you beg for it.”

12. “Come for me. Now.”

13. “Scream my name.”

14. “I’m going to make you mine.”

Dominant Talk | Talk To Me

Communicate Your Dominant Desire

An often overlooked aspect of a D/s-M relationship is the ability for the Dominant to command his desire to his submissive without apprehension or apology. This scenario may not actually be overlooked, it may be outright avoided as it is difficult for most new Dominants to perform this simple deed. The submissive genuinely desires to please her Dominant and requires his specific direction in doing so. Oftentimes the submissive is pleasing her Dominant and doing everything precisely as he desires and he feels no need to ask anything of her. During these circumstances the Dominant’s silence will distract the submissive. Throughout the scene she will become bemused with thoughts of how she could bring him more satisfaction or if she is pleasing him at all. Without proper guidance from her Dominant the submissive will not have the ability to know whether she is fully satisfying her Dominant’s desires.

Simple Dominant Commands

The Dominant needs to command certain actions that he desires of his submissive.

“Roll over on your stomach.” “Put your hands behind your back.” “Spread you legs.” “Arch your back and push your ass in the air.”

Any one of these commands would work or all four of these commands given together would work even better.

Silence During Sex is Deafening.

Discussing this topic may seem elementary, however, accomplishing this simple task during play often proves more difficult for most. Many vanilla men are much too silent during sex. Phrases stating that it feels good and a couple of noises or grunts inferring satisfaction from the Dominant is not going to be sufficient in a successful D/s relationship.

Explicit not Implicit

A submissive seeks explicit direction from her Dominant, the more explicit and direct the input the better. The submissive’s mind will be clear of any distraction and she will find herself focusing on nothing except pleasing her Dominant and obeying his every command. She will concentrate on her task at hand and will be afforded the confidence that when the time arrives when she should be moving onto the next task, her Dominant will command it of her without her needing to realize it on her own.

Dominant Confidence

Men in general have difficulty verbalizing their desires during play. Most new Dominants lack the self confidence to give their submissive orders and command them to act out the Dominant’s desires. This insecurity is very real. When the Dominant gives a command to his submissive and in doing so can hear the fear in his own voice it destroys his self confidence.

Many men have spent years cherishing their wife or significant other and placing them high upon a pedestal elevating them to a princess like status. We have been programmed over the years, by society, of what equality is supposed to look like. Equality during sexual interactions in a D/s relationship simply does not exist. This woman has become your tool to do with as you please for your own pleasure. She is now your submissive, not your wife, and she derives pleasure from pleasing you and obeying your commands.

D/s Circle

I have spoken of our D/s circle many times in previous posts. This circle is composed of the submissive obtaining her pleasure by pleasuring her Dominant and the Dominant deriving his pleasure by pleasuring his submissive. This happens when both partners are truly selfless in the other partners pleasure.

Where to Begin

Like everything else, when learning something new start at the beginning and start small. Review the entire scenario in your mind before the actual scene. Don’t become labored trying to visualize every single second of the scene and account for every word and command spoken. Instead, think of the upcoming scene in a more macro, big picture, mindset.

If you find it difficult or awkward speaking to your submissive with authority, practice. When you are alone actually say aloud, a few simple commands that you can use during play. If you are still at a loss, read the four commands from above. Read them aloud so that you can hear yourself making these commands for yourself. The more often you hear these types of commands coming from you and in your own voice, the more comfortable and natural this will become during play. A convenient private time and place for Dominants to practice giving and hearing themselves command their desires is in the car while driving to and from work. When you are not confident in yourself you will naturally speak in a lower, weaker, voice. While you are practicing speaking out loud be sure to focus on how your voice actually sounds, speak with confidence.

Dominant Tone of Voice

The tone of your voice is important as well. You should use a professional businesslike tone and be sure to avoid any pretentious, condescending or degrading tone toward your submissive. You are in control because she has chosen to submit to you and accept your commands not because she is any less than you so do not treat her a such.

Clear and Concise

When making commands be sure that they are clear and concise. Avoid regular conversation scenarios that include full descriptive sentences including a lot of adjectives, simply exclaim what you want her to do.

Do Not Ask Your Submissive

Avoid making commands in the form of questions. Do not “ask” your submissive to do what it is that you desire of her, make a clear and concise statement.

Follow through… State your command clearly one time and expect compliance. You should always have your submissive’s undivided attention and not have to repeat yourself. If your submissive does not comply with your command immediately, a swift smack on the ass may be in order.

Remember, there is never going to be a one size fits all scenario so use your best judgment. Your submissive may be in such a state that she wants to comply with your command but may be physically unable. Towards the end of a scene LK is usually in such a state that she literally may not have control and functionality of her own body. If lk is noncompliant in a scenario such as this, I may just move on, or I may choose to physically move her into my desired position. Sometimes I may decide to back off the stimulation until she can once again comply with my commands on her own.

For Beginners

Begin with her hands… Many new submissives are unsure of what to do with their hands when their Dominants do not either physically restrain them or give them specific direction on what to do with them. This uncertainty will become a distraction for your submissive if you do not provide proper guidance.

“Put your hands above your head and do not lower them until I instruct you to.”

Do not underestimate the importance of being commanding during a scene, use

Dominant Talk.

She has given you control… Take it!

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Answers to Your Questions About What It’s Really Like to Be in a Dom/Sub Relationship

I accidentally crossed paths with my first Dominant online when I was going through a divorce seven years ago. My first thought was to run away fast: He must be some whip-toting freak with a dungeon in his basement. Fast-forward to today and I have three Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships behind me (though I’ve had vanilla relationships, too), and I can honestly say that each relationship built on the former and has taught me profound things about my body, myself, and even life.

With so much controversy and misinformation, which I’ve written about before, out there around what D/s is and isn’t, I want to offer up a glimpse into the REAL world of D/s. Here are the answers to the most popular questions I’ve been asked.

What do you enjoy most about D/s?

What appeals to me the most is the intense cerebral connection — the mind play and the feelings it conjures in me, sometimes all day long (the brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ). The words, the orders, the reprimands, the tone and the downright audacity for him to say it all: Never would I allow anyone else to speak to me in this way, or, over all, to have such deep access into my mind, body and heart.

And I hear myself responding in ways that similarly shock me — from mouthy and totally improper to meek and pleasing or with no air in my lungs at all. All the while I feel with my mind, heart and full body, the anticipation, the fear, the exposure, my power, his control and protection, desire and love. Through the D/s dynamic, I not only feel more alive and aware of my sexuality/sensuality, I learn and own more of myself.

I’ve heard of “punishment and discipline” being used in D/s relationships: What does that look like?

I can only explain this from my perspective, so I’ll have to back up a bit:

I have many different aspects to my personality. For the most part, I’m pretty straight-laced: responsible, hard-working, kind, thoughtful, capable, organized, (boring). Maybe it’s my upper middle-class, good girl upbringing at work, I don’t know.

But some parts of me itch to go outside the lines, and those parts are bitchy, aggressive, sly, daring, bold, manipulative, and even, I’d say, immature. This is where “Delaine The Brat” comes out in the D/s relationship — and boy does she love to push.

Poking at my Dom, testing him, trying to break his rules and, in some ways, undermine his masculinity, brings me great pleasure. I’d almost describe it as glee. If he catches it — and I always kind of hope he will— I need to know he will ‘put in my place’ through some kind of “punishment/discipline” that we both somehow, on some level, enjoy. If he doesn’t rise to the challenge, it’s actually a turn-off to me.

For some people, this is where S&M comes into play. For others, it’s bondage and/or spanking and/or kink. It could even involve humiliation and standing in the corner like a berated child. The submissive never knows ‘exactly’ what her Dom is going to do and the slight fear of the unknown can be erotic. That being said, she should always know that she is safe and won’t be pushed outside her limits physically, mentally or emotionally. If this happens and she immediately wants it to stop, she can call out a mutually agreed upon “safe word.”

As for me, the best way to make me behave is to ignore me.

But why, as a grown woman, would you possibly want to behave so childishly?

It’s not all the time, it’s just sometimes. And I don’t know the exact answer. Why do you sometimes crave tomatoes on rye bread while I feel like grilled cheese on white? Why does it even matter if we both enjoy a good meal and are both satisfied and unharmed in the end?

All I know is that some part of me is attracted to strong, decisive, creative, powerful men who also possess the Dom ‘skill set’ (a topic for another article). And when I’m around that energy and reminded of it, I like how it makes me feel as a woman and sexual being. It’s not that I think I’m not all of those things too, but something inside of me is appeased and awakened when I feel that in the company of my partner.

Why didn’t you explore D/s before you got divorced?

Looking back, all I can say is that the mundaneness of raising three kids within a stable, predictable, domestic life and marriage squashed my interest in sex beyond the requisites. Only when I became single again at age 37 did I realize how much my sexual desire rouses when my mind and imagination are consistently engaged and challenged. A D/s relationship offers me that.

What do you want women to know most about D/s?

First, D/s is first and foremost a PART of a relationship, but it’s not everything the relationship is. You need to be highly compatible in a myriad of ways beyond D/s for the relationship to be successful.

Secondly, when you love your partner, D/s becomes like this private, special journey that enables you to explore yourself and each other in intimate, breathtaking, never-ending ways. Sex is more like an extension of that journey, a vehicle if you will, that allows you to excavate, ask, dare, receive, give and explore things about yourself, and slightly beyond yourself, that you never knew existed. The power and intensity and connection to one another almost feels cosmic. It’s like you’re attached to one another, like muscle on bone.

Do you have psychological issues?

Smile. No more than the average person.

In the real world I am a professional, a mom, capable, creative and self-reliant. But as a woman, D/s speaks to some deep and intimate part of my soul. I long to be mastered and taken and led by one amazing man I love.

But not just any many can call himself a Dom and own me. There is a ferocious tiger that guards the gates to that sacred part of me.

I encourage other women to do the same.

Is D/s all about whips, chains, blood and pain?

No. Please do not confuse D/s with S&M, which is sadomasochism. S&M is the dynamic where one person (the sadist) enjoys inflicting pain, often sexually, on someone who enjoys receiving it (the masochist). That being said, some people may incorporate some level of S&M into their D/s dynamic — but more often than not, it’s mild to moderate and takes the form of spanking, which, let’s be honest, many “vanilla” couples have tried in the throes of passion.

Please note that BDSM is divided into three areas: BD, bondage and discipline; DS, Dominance and submission; and SM, for sadomasochism. Not everyone combines all areas, nor do they do so in the same ways; it’s up to the couple to decide upon and consent to together. Also, many couples don’t even categorize themselves under these labels and simply call acts like blindfolding or handcuffing “kink.”

Is D/s largely about kinky sex then?

D/s is first and foremost an energy dynamic that flows between two people. One person, the Dom, takes on more the role of leader, guide, enforcer, protector and/or daddy, while the other person, the sub, assumes more the role of pleaser, brat, tester, baby girl, and/or servant. Many couples limit the D/s dynamic to sexual role play in the bedroom. But D/s can be expanded and applied in exciting and creative ways beyond it.

For example, a Dom may create simple yet ‘unordinary’ rules for his sub to follow, such as requiring she ask his permission to masturbate when he’s absent. Or, the dynamic may involve much stricter rules and numerous tasks that entrust him with more control of her mind, body and behaviors. This is where the line between D/s crosses into that of Master/slave, which is much more in-depth and more of a lifestyle.

Does the Dom have all the power while the sub is pretty much a doormat?

No. This is one of the biggest myths about D/s. A true D/s relationship is based upon the needs, wants, desires and curiosities of the sub — she defines the flow and boundaries of the relationship. The Dom’s job is to listen closely to her, ask questions, intuit what she says and sometimes can’t, and help her creatively and safely explore her innermost self, mentally, emotionally and yes, sexually, too. Sometimes her boundaries get gently pressed, too.

This is why the four pillars of a D/s relationship are trust, communication, respect and honesty. And if one pillar is missing or one starts crumbling, the relationship becomes stunted and may even collapse.

Read more from Delaine at DelaineMoore.com.

This post was originally published in November 2016.

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Top 17 How A Dom Talks To A Sub Top 13 Best Answers

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What does overly submissive mean?

What is Dom sub lifestyle?

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What is a submissive woman in a relationship?

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