Top 28 How Does A Narcissist Feel When You Ghost Them All Answers

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Contents

What does ghosting do to a narcissist?

When dating a narcissist, even long-term relationships can be vulnerable to ghosting of empathy, compassion, and respect. Ghosting can have a devastating effect on the living’s self-esteem and mental health. Moriah had been in a committed relationship for almost a year when her partner just stopped communicating.

How does a narc react when you no longer care?

Since narcissists require almost constant admiration, validation and even blind obedience in some cases – when you don’t give them attention, they’ll often become quite brittle – reacting in a variety of negative ways including rage, petulance, insults, and may even try to undermine you in other sectors of your life ( …

What happens to a narcissist when you expose them?

When a narcissist’s position has been exposed as false, arbitrary, or untenable, he will suddenly become evasive, articulate half-truths, lie, flat-out contradict themselves and freely rewrite history (making things up as they go along). This is why at such times they don’t seem like adults so much as 6-year-olds.

When you leave a narcissist How do they feel?

If they’re the ones to break it off, it can feel brutal and sudden. One minute you may feel like everything your partner has ever wanted, and the next you’re left wandering what on Earth went wrong.

Do narcissists come back after ghosting?

Yes! They most often come back after ending the relationship if there is still enough supply for them.

How does the ghoster feel after ghosting someone?

Ghosters also experience negative consequences from the act, but with less positive long-term influences, the study found. After ghosting a partner, 65% of ghosters feel anxiety, awkwardness and guilt. This may vary from concerns of running into the ghostee in the future to simply hurting someone’s feelings.

Does no contact hurt a narcissist?

Even if the narcissist has one or two other people who want to be with them, he or she may still go into this sense of narcissistic injury and anger. So rejection and no contact are extremely painful to narcissists and they typically handle it by punishing the other person one way or another.

What happens when a narcissist is exposed to the point of no return?

They may lash out in the following ways: Denial: The narcissist may deny the truth, even if it’s blatant. They will draw upon alternative theories, no matter how far-fetched or impossible they seem. They may insist that other people are crazy or dumb for not seeing the situation differently.

How do you make a narcissist miserable?

15 Ways to Make a Narcissist Miserable

Tactic #1. Know your enemy.
Tactic #2. Call them out on their “bs”
Tactic #3. Tell them, “No”
Tactic #4. Hit them with new boundaries.
Tactic #5. Hold them accountable.
Tactic #6. Set consequences.
Tactic #7. Hit them with facts and evidence.
Tactic #8. Shift the spotlight onto yourself.

Will a narcissist ever regret losing you?

It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.

How do you confuse a narcissist?

11 Ways to Confuse and Disarm a Narcissist

1 Be unpredictable.
2 Say “no” when they ask for favors.
3 Remove all emotion from your reactions to them.
4 Bore them with the “gray rock” treatment.
5 Guard your sensitive information closely.
6 Walk away while they’re talking.
7 Cut off all communication.

How does a narcissist react when you move on?

#5 The Narcissist Will Attack Your New Partner

Because you’ve moved on to someone new, your new partner serves as a constant reminder that they were not good enough for you, so they’ll launch an attack against them. They’ll start spreading false truths about your new lover and slandering their name on every corner.

How do you emotionally detach from a narcissist?

How to emotionally detach from a narcissist: 15 Ways

Recognize that it’s not your fault. …
Accept that change isn’t likely. …
Understand that narcissists are wounded people. …
Make a plan for leaving. …
Cut off all contact. …
Get off social media. …
Find other things that make you happy. …
Connect with people who support you.

When the narcissist knows you have them figured out?

2. They exude manipulative behaviors. When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right.

What does ghosting say about a person?

Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace. People respond to being ghosted in many ways, from feeling indifferent to deeply betrayed.

Do Ghosters always come back?

If you’re wondering, “Do ghosters come back after months?” the simple answer is “Yes—sometimes.” There’s no set amount of time for these disappearing people to stay out of reach before they decide to come back.

What ghosting does to a person?

Ghosting is a heartbreaking fact in the modern dating world. It’s when a friend or someone you’ve been dating disappears from contact with no explanation. Ghosting can shatter self-esteem and hurt just as much as physical pain.

Is ghosting a form of Gaslighting?

Gaslighting defined: Ghosting in its extreme form

Extreme ghosting can be considered gaslighting, which is the practice of manipulating somebody psychologically so that they doubt their own sanity or understanding of a situation. Gaslighting is psychologically abusive, and often undetectable within relationships.

How the Narcissist Feels When You Ghost Them! #ghosting #narcissists

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Table of Contents:

What is the root cause of narcissism

Why do narcissists cry

What does it mean when a narcissist ghosts you

Do narcissists forget you easily

Why do narcissists devalue you

Do narcissists forget their exes

Do narcissists like to be alone

What is GREY rocking a narcissist

Are narcissist born or made

What happens when you go silent on a narcissist

Do narcissists help others

What are narcissists weaknesses

What drives a narcissist insane

Will a narcissist ever apologize

Do narcissists know they are hurting you

What do narcissists hate the most

Is ghosting immature

Do narcissist have feelings

Will ignoring a narcissist hurt him

Do narcissists ghost forever

Why would a narcissist ignore you

The Narcissists That Haunt Us

Thanks to modern technology, dating has become one of the easiest—and hardest—equations to master. At the touch of a button, one can sign up and begin swiping through eligible matches almost instantly. The ease of mate selection is compounded by the availability and the anonymity the apps offer. But with this anonymity comes the opportunity for narcissists to hide their true selves while racking up their digital victims list and maintaining their perceived power.

“Ghosting” is a relatively modern dating term. The Urban Dictionary defines it as the shutdown or ceasing of communication with someone without notice. It can be done through blocking of phone numbers, social media profiles, and dating accounts; or, the one doing the ghosting will just leave the other person on “read” and never answer. In a 2017 HuffPost article ghosting was described as the “ultimate silent treatment” (Borgueta).

Most diagnosed narcissists are male (APA, 2013) and this is echoed in a 2017 Elle.com survey in which 27% of women state they were ghosted. Jack, 30, admits he has ghosted women in the past to avoid confrontation and conflict and says it is easier to just block a number and move on. “It wasn’t a serious relationship, and she was hounding me for a reason why I wasn’t answering her anymore.” Robert, 40, openly admits to ghosting many women in the past. When asked why, he didn’t have a reason. His most recent victim was a woman he spoke with for over a week and even went as far as setting up a date; he then just stopped responding to her texts.

The opinions of the two men above don’t necessarily reflect their narcissism or narcissistic traits; it does, however, help in compiling reasons why people choose to ghost. The top reasons for ghosting have nothing to do with the person being ghosted; ironically, the reasons reflected the shortcomings of the individual doing the ghosting. Avoidance and fear of conflict are two of the most commonly self-reported reasons (Borgueta, 2017).

The act of ghosting reflects on key traits of a narcissist, particularly low-self-esteem, obsession with perceived power and being in control, and lack of concern for others. The reason narcissists can walk away without a final goodbye is due to the fact they lack crucial human components of caring how their actions affect others. As long as they are comfortable, it doesn’t matter how others feel.

Source: Johnathon Andrews/Pexels

Narcissists often form friendships, partnerships, and alliances to strictly benefit themselves (APA, 2013). They consider themselves to be incredibly unique and special and project a bombastic exterior to protect their fragile self-esteem. By being the one doing the leaving in a relationship, they are maintaining the power and preventing the blow that comes with “being dumped.” Individuals with narcissistic traits are described as emotionally cold and cannot tolerate or respect the emotions of other people (APA, 2013). Expressing emotions is considered to be a sign of weakness, not strength, and narcissists view these people with disgust. Ghosting cuts out the emotions from a breakup and leaves them with a trail free of tears, pleading, or arguments.

The responsibility of picking up the pieces of the narcissistic mess falls on the shoulders of the living, or the one who was ghosted. “Ghosting is the cruelest form of rejection”, says Moriah, 37. Katrina, an East-Coast-to-West-Coast transplant, went on five dates with a guy and thought it was going well, “but I tried to contact him and when I realized I was ghosted, I got kind of depressed. I was finally comfortable with him, and we were always having fun debates and talks. Just up and ghosted … no text saying, ‘Hey, this isn’t going to work out.’”

Thirtysomething Kelly has been ghosted “too many times to count.” The most baffling situation was at the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak when quarantine was first being implemented. “We met online and started talking. Over the course of the weeks and eventual months, he was calling me every morning and night and we were making plans for our first date after quarantine. We would send each other pictures throughout the day, always staying in contact and getting to know each other. Then suddenly … nothing. All contact ceased. I sent a few messages just asking if everything was OK, if he was healthy, and no response. I was concerned because of the virus. It was just so strange.”

Although ghosting is usually the means-of-choice for ending a brief flirtation, it’s not just reserved for short-term encounters. When dating a narcissist, even long-term relationships can be vulnerable to ghosting of empathy, compassion, and respect. Ghosting can have a devastating effect on the living’s self-esteem and mental health. Moriah had been in a committed relationship for almost a year when her partner just stopped communicating. “We had just lived together for three months during the pandemic, and then we had a miscommunication over one text and he was gone. I felt confused, sad, angry, insignificant, and unworthy.”

Source: Pexels

Alison, 45, was in an off-and-on relationship with a serial ghoster for over a decade. “I used to feel like I was the problem, but now I know it’s him. I used to feel that if I acted a certain way or did the right things, he would want to be with me. But now I know that none of that is true … now I’m just being myself and not playing into the chasing-after-him game.”

There is power in realizing your worth as the living. Narcissists are truly ghosts; they are just shadows of humans, lacking any depth or emotion. Ghosting is painful and can make you feel worthless, but it has nothing to do with the living: ghosting has everything to do with the dead.

Have you been ghosted? Let me know in the comments.

What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist? (8 Experts Say..)

A relationship with a narcissist can have negative effects to you emotionally. When you decide to break away from them, it can be freeing.

But what happens next when you ignore a narcissist? According to experts, here are a number of issues that can arise.

How will a narcissist react to being ignored

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They’ll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

Many women are initially attracted by a narcissist’s good looks and veneer of power or wealth. But not all. If a narcissist is trying to date you and you ignore him, he’s going to pursue you even harder. However, while all men do experience a degree of excitement in the “chase,” (that’s because men have twenty times more testosterone than women), for a narcissist, it’s all about the chase and ultimately winning you over.

A narcissist will pursue you even harder

That’s because narcissists can’t bear to lose. It’s too bruising to their inflated egos! And watch out, ladies, because narcissists are often tough to resist, at least at first. They’ll lure you in with charm, gifts, compliments, promises—but once they get what they want (in this instance, you), it all goes away.

Sadly, it won’t be long before you’re taken aback by a truly narcissistic partner’s emotional coldness and lack of reciprocal interest, especially when you try to talk about your concerns. Involvement with a pathological narcissist will send a woman on a path to almost certain grief because of his lack of empathy and out-of-control entitlement (i.e., unreasonable compliance with his demands by you, or even by a server in a restaurant.)

Notably, a defining characteristic of narcissism is insensitivity to the feelings of others. Add that to the fact that narcissists don’t take criticism—or rejection—well, as in they may rage and defiantly counterattack. In a similar vein, narcissists rarely apologize because they can’t ever admit that they’re wrong.

So if you do become seduced into a relationship with a narcissist and then at some point try to break away by ignoring him, brace yourself for his angry, nasty text messages. Or he may block you altogether. In contrast to a “normal” partner, a narcissist won’t try to reach out to find out why you’re ignoring him, because he doesn’t care about your feelings. It really is all about him.

Essentially, narcissists thrive on using others as a source to make them feel important, loved, cherished. If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive.

Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos

This is because narcissists have incredibly fragile egos (also though they seem quite large because they are overcompensating). They’ll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves. True narcissists are unable to see the needs of others and don’t truly care if the’re exhausting another person.

However, this can be dangerous for the person involved with the narcissist. The best thing you can do to start to disentangle yourself from a narcissist is to go full no contact. No calls, emails, texts, and especially no in-person meetups.

Related: Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact?

Unfortunately, this will not cause a real narcissist to change. They will move on and find another source. But you will be free.

Related: Can Narcissists Change if They Want To?

Dr. Priya Chaudhri CEO, Elevation Behavioral Health

If you have been unfortunate enough to have gotten involved with a narcissist, you’re no doubt very emotionally damaged from experience. Being in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can break your spirit. As the victim trapped in the abuse cycle of a narcissist, you have unwittingly supplied the fuel that they fed off.

Many victims of NPD attempt to reason with their abuser, hoping to somehow appeal to their conscience by expressing how their actions are deeply hurtful. This is an exercise in futility, as the narcissist is deeply disturbed and will only continue to extract what they need from the victim, regardless of the harm it may cause.

They may hurl insults at you or damage your reputation

The only answer for someone in a relationship with a narcissist is to break away from him or her. Ignoring the narcissist is the most effective way to sever ties from the person, although it is not easy to do. The narcissist will act out when they realize their host is rejecting them and will go to great extremes to reel the victim back in.

Remember, you have provided the fuel that propels their disorder. The key is to not respond to any of these tactics.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist:

They may ignore you back, for a while anyway, to reassert their power.

They may hurl insults at you, demean you or damage your reputation.

They may become violent or threatening. They may stalk you.

They may turn on the tears and sweet talk as a ploy to regain your attention.

They may try to manipulate you through guilt.

They may threaten to commit suicide.

It’s imperative to stay the course and resist the temptation to engage in any way with the narcissist. To successfully disengage from a person with NPD, you must continue to ignore them indefinitely until they move on, all the while working on your healing process.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula Clinical Psychologist, Author, Professor of Psychology

When you ignore a narcissist, it’s a healthy response but one that can bring angry fallout because that means you are holding back on the air they breathe – narcissistic supply.

Narcissists will react negatively

Since narcissists require almost constant admiration, validation and even blind obedience in some cases – when you don’t give them attention, they’ll often become quite brittle – reacting in a variety of negative ways including rage, petulance, insults, and may even try to undermine you in other sectors of your life (passive-aggressive comments on social media, speaking badly of you to others).

The good thing is that in the long run, this strategy will pay off as they will get frustrated with you not giving them validation, and once they throw their tantrum and make your life uncomfortable for a little while, they will move on to their next source of supply.

Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP Neuropsychotherapist, The Greenhouse KC

They might attempt to manipulate you

This can be done by sweet-talking you, making promises, or telling you how much they miss you. If sweet-talking fails, they then go into a state called “Narcissistic Fury” where they will threaten, attack, manipulate, and do anything possible to get you to engage.

Positive or negative engagement is a win for a narcissist. Stay strong and maintain no-contact, and the fury will eventually subside.

If they don’t have another source of narcissistic supply lined up, they will go into what’s called “Narcissistic Collapse” and immediately enter a state of physiological withdrawal, not unlike people who are detoxing off of hard drugs.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist?

Two individuals will face consequences of this: the narcissist and the one who ignores him

Ignoring a narcissists means a re-enactment of a core wound in his inner child. He loses his narcissistic supply – admiration that he is addicted to. So he will feel rejected, betrayed, lonely, his shallow self-esteem will take a huge hit.

He might become manipulative to gain your attention back, pamper, praise, blackmail, blame, threaten, physically or verbally lash out, gaslight, punish, lie, try different ways to win you over like false promises or apologizing, love bomb you.

Significant others will need to go into recovery from a narcissistic relationship, try to understand what happened to her life, confront low self-esteem, and with time feel more free, confident, mature, enjoy her life again.

Adina Mahalli Mental Health Consultant and Relationship Expert | Founder, Enlightened Reality

The hope is that they’ll eventually get bored and move on to seek attention elsewhere

There is a method known as Grey Rock when dealing with narcissists. This method encourages victims of narcissistic abuse to act like grey rocks. This means you need to work to make your life appear as dull, motionless, and static as possible toward the narcissist.

The hope is that they’ll eventually get bored and move on to seek attention elsewhere. Part of this concept means that it’s essential that you have your interests, engagements, and identity going on when dealing with a narcissist. You shouldn’t let them believe that they are the center of your world.

Knowing your worth very quickly allows you to realize that when you spend all your energy on someone else, even if that means ignoring them, you’re wasting your self on someone else. Make yourself the center of your universe, always.

Ignoring a narcissist can lead to self-growth and self-worth

Allow people in and out of your bubble, but never make your bubble revolve around somebody else. Once you understand this, you’re able to focus on you, and instead of actively ignoring a narcissist, you’re just living your life and allowing them to fall to the wayside. It’s a lesson in self-growth and self-worth.

Dan Cross

Control is the primary motivator of which Narcissistic Personality Disorder, like most personality disorders. It’s functionally defined by the objectives of attention-seeking, causing the other party to “revolve” around them as the “center of the universe,” etc.

Therefore, ignoring is perceived defiance of that control. The first reaction is usually to one-up them by doing more of the same or at a higher intensity. So, one would likely see them ignoring one’s self until they notice that it’s not working – control has not been established. Plan B is in order.

Expect that they will try to manipulate you to get you back

So, they will likely try to manipulate you differently by acting out of their usual pattern of behavior. They make “act” tender and loving, exhibiting kindness and showing respect. If this fails, Plan C is in order. They may cry remorsefully and pull at your heartstrings with promises to turn over a new leaf. This is a ruse.

If this fails to gain traction, Plan D is the next assault. They will be delightfully charming – just like they were when you fell in love! They will tell you how they miss, the things you used to do together, everything they love about you, and all the places and memories that evoke those feelings in you.

But is you have enough self-esteem and self-respect to resist this charm, Plan E may be in order. This is where the Narcissist drops the acts and reveals who they are emotional, a hurt, angry toddler in an adult body and intellect.

In pronounced cases, that behavior can resemble sociopathic, antisocial traits where control means vindication. It can get harsh and even violent. It can be explosive or grossly devious with plotting that can include intricate plans or the two in succession.

Narcissists resemble the Russian Babushka dolls, where each doll breaks open to reveal the next smaller doll inside. The hurt, the angry toddler, is in the center. That emotional toddler has the intelligence of an adult but has a highly stunted emotional development that was also greatly twisted early in life. They do not easily change, even with psychotherapy.

The Narcissist’s Dilemma: They Can Dish It Out, But…

Source: Needpix Free Photo

The ability to take criticism well depends mostly on how secure we feel about ourselves. Yet it could hardly be said that any of us actually enjoys being criticized. For it’s a challenge to avoid feeling defensive when we experience ourselves being attacked. At such times, it’s more “natural”—or rather, more aligned with our conditioning—to go into a self-protective mode. And typically, the way we choose to protect ourselves is through denying the criticism, indignantly turning on the criticizer, or hastening to disengage from the uncomfortable situation entirely.

Such a universal tendency is elevated almost to an art form with those afflicted with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). When criticized, narcissists show themselves woefully incapable of retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity. And it really doesn’t much matter whether the nature of that criticism is constructive or destructive. They just don’t seem to be able to take criticism, period. At the same time, these disturbed individuals demonstrate an abnormally developed capacity to criticize others (“dish it out” to them).

Although narcissists don’t, or won’t, show it, all perceived criticism feels gravely threatening to them—the reason that their inflamed, over-the-top reactions to it can leave us so surprised and confused. Deep down, clinging desperately not simply to a positive but grandiose sense of self, they’re compelled at all costs to block out any negative feedback about themselves. Their dilemma is that the rigidity of their defenses, their inability ever to let their guard down, guarantees that they’ll never get what they most need, which they themselves are sadly oblivious of.

To better grasp why narcissists are so ready to attack others and so unable to deal with being attacked themselves, it’s useful to understand something about their childhood. People aren’t born narcissistic—it’s powerful environmental influences that cause them to become so.

As a caveat, however, I should add that no single theory adequately accounts for every instance of NPD. The explanation I’ll be offering, though seminal among those proposed, is still just one of several. But even though it’s a bit oversimplified, I think it elucidates the essential dynamic of the narcissistic defense system better than any of the theoretical alternatives.

Briefly, while growing up future narcissists had many reasons to doubt whether they were good enough. Neglected and ignored, or constantly disparaged and berated by their parents, they were held to unrealistically high standards of behavior. And their caretakers were quick to judge them whenever they failed to live up to such unreasonable, perfectionist expectations. As a result, they couldn’t help but feel defective, not okay, and insecure, doubting their fundamental worth as humans. In most instances, neither did they feel cared about or wanted—as though they were factory seconds, to be tolerated but not respected or loved.

Anxiously experiencing their bond to their parents as tenuous, in their head they cultivated an imaginary “ideal self” that could get the parental acceptance, even adulation, they craved. If narcissistic adults project an air of importance, superiority, entitlement, and grandiosity, it’s a pronounced reaction, or over-reaction, to the massive self-doubt that they keep well-hidden beneath the self-satisfied facade they present to others.

The narcissist’s marked lack of accurate empathy for the feelings, wants, and needs of others is all too well known. But what is less appreciated is that this deficiency represents an unfortunate consequence of their growing up so preoccupied with their own frustrated needs, and emotional distress generally, that they could never develop sufficient sensitivity to others. Intensely driven to succeed, or at least see themselves as successful, their focus inevitably became myopic, pathologically self-centered. Others simply weren’t in their line of (tunnel) vision.

Without any clear recognition of what’s motivating them, in their relationships as adults they continue to seek the encouragement, support, and acceptance denied them earlier. Yet, however unconsciously, at the same time, they’ve cultivated the strongest defenses against ever having to feel so excruciatingly vulnerable again. And so when they’re criticized, or think they’re being criticized, they’re compelled to react aggressively, in the frantic effort to avoid re-experiencing the terrible feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or rejection they suffered when they were younger.

It’s especially suggestive that two common terms in the psychoanalytic literature used to describe NPD are “narcissistic injury” and “narcissistic rage.” The “injury” results from their parents’ deficiencies in being able to adequately nurture them, and so make them feel loved, a prerequisite for self-love. This is why they need to prove themselves constantly, arrogantly claiming superiority over others that can make themselves feel “good enough” to be loved. But ironically, it serves in time only to alienate these others.

It’s precisely this need to be viewed as perfect, superlative, or infallible that makes them so hypersensitive to criticism. And their typical reaction to criticism, disagreement, challenges can lead to the “narcissistic rage” that is another of their trademarks. To protect their delicate ego in the face of such intensely felt danger, they’re decidedly at risk for going ballistic against their perceived adversary.

This indicates why their artificially bloated sense of self is so fragile. Given the enormity of their defenses, they regard themselves not on a par with, but above, others. Yet they’re mortally threatened when anyone dares question their words or behavior. Ancient fears about not being accepted are never that far from the surface, which is why narcissists must forever be on their guard with anyone who might disbelieve or doubt them. For any external expression of doubt can tap into their own self-doubts.

And this is why, though they can certainly “dish it out”, they just can’t “take it” themselves. Obviously, if the child self was unequivocally convinced about their basic acceptability—adequately integrated into their adult self—they wouldn’t need to boast about their accomplishments, or vehemently debate anyone who took exception to their viewpoint. But narcissists see their best defense as mandating a good offense.

To sum up the above, when criticized, narcissists can begin to experience anxiety or degradation. A certain shame at their non-family-bonded core may rise perilously close to consciousness. By way of safeguarding themselves from such never-resolved feelings of worthlessness or defeat, they’re likely to react to present-day threats with contempt or defiance, or with verbal violence frequently referred to as narcissistic rage.

Exquisitely susceptible to criticism because it endangers their frail sense of internal validation, they take great pains to devalue or invalidate the person criticizing them. To achieve such a dismissal, they’ll do everything possible to negate their viewpoint. And this can include much more than blaming or indignantly challenging them. When a narcissist’s position has been exposed as false, arbitrary, or untenable, he will suddenly become evasive, articulate half-truths, lie, flat-out contradict themselves and freely rewrite history (making things up as they go along). This is why at such times they don’t seem like adults so much as 6-year-olds. And in fact, when others inadvertently trigger mini emotional crises in them, there’s little doubt that, both cognitively and emotionally, they can regress.

So what’s the final cost of all the narcissist’s efforts to ward off what constitutes for them the unbearable sting of criticism? As already suggested, it’s immense. Though not consciously realized by them, their heart’s deepest desire is to form an intimate bond with another that would successfully address the huge void left by their parents’ denigration or neglect. But because they’re so strongly motivated to avoid re-experiencing this keenly felt hurt, their overpowering defenses prevent them from letting anyone get close enough to assist them in recovering from their pain. A pain that they conceal quite as much from themselves as others.

Blaming and excessively criticizing others to shore up an extraordinarily vulnerable ego, and reacting antagonistically in the face of anything regarded as critical of themselves, they keep others at a distance that renders any true intimacy impossible. The way they “set things up” in relationships, particularly intimate relationships, makes their self-created dilemma unsolvable. And if they’re married, they can be expected to be especially hard on their spouse.

Recall that they need somehow to see themselves as perfect; they can’t perceive anything less than that as good enough for the critical parent they’ve internalized. Consequently, they’re made extremely uncomfortable whenever their mate—implicitly viewed as an extension, or reflection, of their idealized self—reveals an imperfection or makes a mistake. At that moment, they experience an irresistible urge to dis-identify themselves from their partner, their partner is now inextricably linked to parental disapproval and rejection. At such times, they can be extremely unkind, even brutal, in how they react to them.

At last, the prodigious defenses of those with NPD simply don’t permit them to grow, to evolve, or to take full responsibility for their lives. They’re so “bound” by these defenses that there’s a stagnant, two-dimensional quality about them. They’re not really free to reform, to change, to progress, to expand. Given their considerable drive, they’re frequently able to attain more and more things. But as Huston Smith wisely declared: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really want.”

So they remain emotionally and spiritually unfulfilled, hungry for a nebulous something they can’t even conceive. Lacking the ego strength that would allow them to be genuinely vulnerable to others, the prerequisite for the intimacy they secretly long for, their relationships demonstrate a level of detachment not entirely dissimilar from their original so-hurtful disconnection from their parents. But this time they’re not just the victim but the “perpetrator,” too.

In attempting to avoid any resurgence of the acute pain they once felt with their non-nurturing caretakers, they succeed only in muting or burying this pain. They’re unwilling to take the chance that authentically opening themselves up to another could lead to a personal fulfillment beyond anything they ever experienced in growing up. So, in playing it safe, they present others with an impenetrable facade. And the price they pay for such habitual self-protectiveness is that their wounded inner child, well-hidden beneath their carefully cultivated and false exterior, can never be healed.

So you have finished reading the how does a narcissist feel when you ghost them topic article, if you find this article useful, please share it. Thank you very much. See more: what happens when you ghost/disappear on a narcissist after they discard you, when you disappear from a narcissist, how does a narcissist react if you accept the narcissists discard and not beg them, what happens when you dump a narcissist, bait and ghost narcissist, what happens when you ghost a player, ghosting a narcissist friend, can narcissists feel anything

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