Top 34 How To Act At A Funeral The 139 Top Answers

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Being brave is being ok with sharing our grief with others and allowing them to help us to experience what that grief means to us. Being brave is being authentic, honest with ourselves and others about how we feel, and understanding what we need to safely experience our grief.

During the funeral ceremony it is important to conduct yourself in a subtle and respectful way;

Arrive early, ten to twenty minutes prior to the start time.
Turn off your phone or put it on silent. …
Keep conversations to a minimum whilst you are inside the venue.
Don’t eat or drink during the funeral service.

Things You Should NOT Do at a Funeral

Laugh out of turn. …
Wear something revealing or loud. …
Disrespect cues. …
Make unnecessary noise. …
Speak out of turn. …
Applaud out of turn. …
Yawn excessively. …
Move around too much.

What to say in a eulogy

Stories that show the personality and best qualities of the person.
Share the person’s favourite poem or song lyrics.
Share something that the person said, and that you will always remember.
Talk about their favourite interests or hobbies.
Celebrate the biggest achievements in their life.

Social Etiquette : How to Act at a Funeral

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Funeral etiquette: 15 tips for attending a funeral – Dillamore Funeral Service

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Things You Should NOT Do at a Funeral

Things You Should NOT Say at a Funeral

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Funeral etiquette: 15 tips for attending a funeral

Attending a funeral can raise many questions about the right way to behave and the different funeral etiquette practices that exist. In this guide, we look at some of the most common questions surrounding funeral attendance, including when to send flowers, where to sit and what to say.

Here are our 15 tips for attending a funeral

1: Who should attend

As a general rule, everyone is welcome at a funeral and you don’t need to wait for an invitation. This includes those who didn’t know the deceased but would like to offer their support to the family or another guest. Witnessing a big turnout at a funeral is often a great source of comfort to the bereaved family.

Some families choose to hold a private funeral service, in which case this will be invite-only. Covid-19 restrictions also mean that there are current limitations to the numbers of people who can attend a funeral. A close friend or family member of the deceased should be able to advise you on whether you are able to attend.

2: Children

Children are very welcome at funerals unless specifically requested by the bereaved family. If your child is older then it is important to ask them whether they would like to attend. It can be useful to talk to them about what will happen at the funeral and how they might feel.

Younger children and babies may find it challenging to sit quietly for the funeral service, so take in to consideration the relationship your child had with the deceased, their understanding of the funeral, and how the immediate family will feel if your child becomes fussy.

It may not be possible to leave a newborn or breastfed baby at home. In this instance you could sit near an exit and step outside of your baby becomes unsettled. Alternatively, you could invite someone along with the sole aim of taking care of your baby during the service.

3: Attending funerals of different faiths

If you are attending the religious funeral of someone whose beliefs don’t echo your own, there is no pressure for you to take part in any religious practices that you aren’t familiar or comfortable with. A funeral is about paying your respects to the deceased and this can be done simply by listening to the service and being respectful to the other mourners.

4: Clothing

What you wear to a funeral is an important way for you to show respect to the deceased and the other mourners attending. First and foremost you should consider the culture or faith of the deceased and dress according to tradition.

In general, dressing conservatively in either black or dark colours is the most appropriate attire. If a specific dress code has been set, such as wearing a specific colour, try to adhere to it as best you can.

There is no need to agonise about what to wear. Your attendance at the funeral is far more important than what you wear.

5: What to take

Being prepared can help to make a funeral feel more comfortable for you. Some suggested items to take include;

Tissues

Money for a charity donation (please note, due to Covid-19 restrictions, cash donations aren’t currently being collected)

A sympathy card

A personal story or memory about the deceased

An umbrella or weather-appropriate items

6: Entering the funeral

The traditional church funeral etiquette is for guests to take their seats prior to the arrival of the coffin. At crematoriums, the congregation will usually follow the coffin and chief mourners in to the chapel. Not all funerals follow the same traditions, however, so please follow the Funeral Directors instructions on the day.

7: Where to sit

At a funeral, the first few rows are usually allocated to the immediate family (chief mourners). The remaining seats are free for everyone else, and you don’t need to pick a specific side. Try to avoid sitting too far back at larger venues – this will even out the spread of guests to ensure there isn’t a big gap between the guests and chief mourners.

8: Funeral service etiquette

During the funeral ceremony it is important to conduct yourself in a subtle and respectful way;

Arrive early, ten to twenty minutes prior to the start time

Turn off your phone or put it on silent. If it rings, do not answer it during the service

Keep conversations to a minimum whilst you are inside the venue

Don’t eat or drink during the funeral service

If there are moments that require your participation, such as singing or standing, get involved as best you can

9: When should I exit a funeral?

At the end of a funeral service, after the chief mourners leave, the rest of the guests will leave row by row, starting at the front and working backwards.

Depending on whether a person is being buried or cremated, there may be an additional committal service after the funeral. Sometimes the committal is reserved for immediate family and friends only, so do check whether you are able to attend beforehand.

10: Taking photos at the funeral

As with any big life event, there may be a big temptation to take photos and document the occasion, particularly if you are reconnecting with old friends and family. However, it is wise to avoid taking any photos at a funeral unless you have permission to do so by a close family member of the deceased. This includes selfies, which will likely come across as disrespectful to the family of the deceased.

If you have been given permission to take photos at a funeral, be subtle in your approach, turn off the flash and ensure you ask for permission before you take someone’s photo. Waiting until after the funeral service, when you are outside and away from the other mourners, is often the best time to take a photo.

11: Posting on social media

Always take your lead from the family of the deceased – wait for them to announce the death on social media first before posting anything yourself. Often the most respectful way to engage in social media is simply to comment on a post that has already been uploaded by a family member, offering your heartfelt condolences.

The simplest rule to follow with regards to funeral etiquette at the service is to refrain from posting entirely. You might be tempted to ‘check in’ or talk about the funeral on your social media pages, but this could be viewed as both insensitive and an infringement of the family’s right to privacy.

12: How to offer condolences

Finding the right words to say to someone who has experienced loss can be challenging and you might be concerned about saying the wrong thing. Planning what you would like to say beforehand can usually help you find the right words in the moment. Some sensitive phrases could include;

I’m sorry for your loss

He/she will be sorely missed

You are in my thoughts

If you would like to talk then I am here

Let me know how I can support you

Sharing stories and memories of the deceased is another way to offer your support to the bereaved.

If the funeral has a large number of guests, or the family seem very distressed, it may not be appropriate to approach the family at the service. Sending a sympathy card will be just as gratefully received.

13: Should I show my emotions at a funeral?

There is no right or wrong way to show emotion at a funeral, and everyone will respond differently to the emotions of the day. Crying is a perfectly normal response to have, so let your emotion out if you need to. Being prepared with tissues can help you to feel more comfortable. If your emotion feels overwhelming then quietly leaving the funeral for a few moments is perfectly acceptable.

14: Should I send flowers?

Sending flowers is a thoughtful gesture, but it’s important you understand the wishes of the bereaved family, along with any religious or cultural practices, before organising an arrangement.

If funeral flowers and tributes are welcomed then they should be organised at least 48 hours before the funeral. They may be sent direct to the Funeral Directors on the day of the funeral, ahead of the service.

An alternative to sending funeral flowers is to send sympathy flowers to the bereaved family. Avoid handing these over at the funeral service. These should be sent direct to the family home along with a card or note.

15: Making funeral donations

Nowadays it is common for bereaved families to request charity donations in lieu of flowers. Typically cash donations would be collected at the funeral service, however, due to Covid-19 restrictions, donations are likely to be collected by the Funeral Directors overseeing the funeral via online payments. There isn’t a specific amount you should donate, simply pay what you can afford. A good starting point is to pay as much as you would have done on flowers.

Whether you are arranging a funeral or are a guest, our team of funeral arrangers will be happy to answer any questions you may have regarding funeral etiquette. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us on 01525 372210 or use our contact form where we can answer any queries you may have.

26 Things to Never, Ever Do at a Funeral or Memorial Service

Even if you’ve never been to a funeral or memorial, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that there are things you can and cannot do. While specific funeral etiquette can vary, there are some general guidelines to follow that should ensure smooth sailing.

Jump ahead to these sections:

If you’re getting ready to attend a funeral or memorial or you’re just curious about what never to do or say, this post is for you. Similarly, you may also be interested in what to say (and what not to say) on a death anniversary.

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Things You Should NOT Do at a Funeral

When it comes to what not to do at a funeral, the list can be pretty endless. But, a good rule of thumb is that if you have to sit there and wonder if it’s OK, then it’s probably not.

Funerals and memorials, more so than perhaps any other event, are intended to show respect toward a deceased person and their family. After all, funerals and memorials are meant to facilitate the healing process as well as let the deceased person rest easily.

Regardless of how you actually feel about all of the individuals involved, you owe them a few hours of peace and quiet, while still paying attention. If you can’t handle this, then you may just want to kindly decline the invite.

1. Laugh out of turn

It’s not out of the question that something can strike you as funny during a memorial, funeral, or otherwise serious moment. While there is such a thing as having a good laugh at certain funerals during speeches, eulogies, and the like, it may not always be appropriate.

Alternative: Step outside if you need to and collect yourself. Bringing some attention to yourself to walk outside or use the restroom is much better than laughing in your seat or over someone speaking.

2. Wear something revealing or loud

Some funerals and memorials are more modern nowadays in terms of expected attire. In fact, some request that you wear whatever you wish or follow a specific theme. Even beachside funerals or paddle-out ceremonies are a thing, requiring guests to come in swimwear.

Alternative: Unless otherwise specified, you should dress appropriately and conservatively. Choose dark, muted colors or just shoot for all black. Wear pants or longer skirts and dresses, and bring a jacket or sweater. You can also check out etiquette for what to do at a wake here.

3. Disrespect cues

The procession of just about every funeral or memorial is similar. That being said, the funeral you’re attending may have a different schedule than those you’ve attended in the past.

Try to respect the procession the best you can. For example, use the restroom during an intermission (if there is one) rather than in the middle of someone’s speech.

Alternative: Doing whatever you want when you want simply isn’t acceptable funeral behavior. If you’re a high-energy person or you get restless, avoid drinking caffeine before the ceremony and try to relax and be calm.

4. Make unnecessary noise

This includes having your phone on loud, chewing gum obnoxiously, picking at your clothing… the list goes on. The funeral itself may have music, speeches, or prayers, but that doesn’t mean that you making noise in your seat won’t be distracting for others.

Alternative: Silence your phone or turn it off. Instead of gum, enjoy a mint or use some mouthwash prior to the service. Try not to wear clothing or shoes that are overly embellished or “jingly.”

5. Speak out of turn

Similar to the point above, you shouldn’t speak out of turn at a funeral or memorial. This includes inserting yourself in the procession of speeches or prayers or talking over others.

Alternative: You may attend a funeral or memorial that welcomes guests to come up or share a few words. Wait until your turn, and be respectful of everyone’s time, especially the immediate family of the deceased person. In the section below, we also cover what not to say at a funeral or memorial.

6. Applaud out of turn

Even if someone at a funeral gives a great or compelling speech, it may not be the time to applaud. Wait for cues from their family members or close friends. If the rest of the audience begins applauding, you can, too.

Alternative: Approach the speaker after the service or another time directly and share your praise. They’ll likely appreciate it.

7. Yawn excessively

Funerals and memorials can run long, and it’s understandable to feel tired during some of them. However, do your best to not yawn excessively, even if you’re tired. Furthermore, practice proper etiquette and cover your mouth, and don’t make any additional noise.

Alternative: Take deep breaths, but not too loudly. Eat a breath mint or drink some water, if you have it close by. Have some caffeine prior to the service if you feel yourself growing tired.

8. Move around too much

On the other hand, you may feel antsy or fidgety during a funeral or from sitting in place for too long. This can be very distracting to other guests and those speaking in the front. Try to sit still and respectfully. If you must get up, try to do so at a discrete time.

Alternative: Wear a ring or something else that you can fiddle with silently without disrespecting speakers or other guests if you’re prone to hyperactivity. Avoid caffeine prior to the service, and make sure that you eat a decent meal or grab a snack beforehand.

9. Steal flower arrangements

Stealing anything from a deceased person or their family is obviously a no-go. Even “just a flower or two,” is also disrespectful.

Alternative: Some families may offer up extra flowers to their guests as well as other gifts as a “thank you.” In this case, it’s obviously OK to accept these items.

» MORE: Honor a loved one with an online memorial. Create one for free with Cake. Honor a loved one with an online memorial.

10. Attend if you’re not invited

Don’t give Owen Wilson the inspiration to shoot “Funeral Crashers.” While the time and location of a funeral or memorial may be publicized, use your best judgment about whether or not you should attend.

Alternative: Send a card, message, flowers, or donation instead. If your relationship with other guests or the deceased person’s family is rocky, it may be best just to keep your distance.

11. Bring guests who weren’t invited

Funeral “+1s” aren’t really a thing, so it’s best just to stick to an invite-only basis. However, some funerals, memorials, and celebrations of life extend the invite to all people.

Alternative: If you were actually invited, don’t push the envelope by bringing a friend, date, or acquaintance. You all can do a different activity together later.

12. Drink or sneak alcohol or drugs

It’s understandable that funerals and memorials are emotional events, and everyone handles death differently. That being said, this is not the time to get drunk or otherwise under the influence.

Alternative: If you need to de-stress from a loss, do so on your own time. Attend funerals sober and be ready to be respectful. Here’s a post that explains what to bring to a funeral.

13. Bring pets

Pets can provide a lot of joy and comfort, no doubt. However, to respect other guests in attendance who may be afraid or even allergic, you should refrain from bringing pets to funerals or memorials.

Alternative: Emotional support animals may be excused. But, that being said, it’s best just to leave pets at home. Have a neighbor or friend check on your pet if you’re worried about being gone too long. Or, take them to daycare.

14. Make any sort of scene

A funeral or memorial is not the time or place to get into a heated argument or make things about you. This includes taking selfies or inappropriate photos. For more on funeral photo etiquette, you can check out the linked post.

Alternative: If you need to meet with someone attending the funeral, pull him or her aside afterward and arrange a different time to talk. Wait for cues from who planned the funeral if it’s OK to take photos or if there is a designated area for this. Some families treat funerals as important get-togethers, so taking photos is a little more understandable.

Things You Should NOT Say at a Funeral

Unless you’re a speaker, you probably won’t be saying much of anything at a funeral. There are some definite things NOT to say, too. If you’re unsure about a particular comment, just keep it to yourself — this is a great rule of thumb in just about any situation.

15. “How much did this all cost?”

Matters of money and cost are generally rude to bring up. If you are genuinely interested in the cost of a funeral or an aspect of a funeral, perhaps address whoever planned it individually after the fact.

Alternative: Simply complement something you view as expensive instead. Or, say nothing at all.

16. “Why were they invited/not invited?”

There are tons of reasons why the family or those who planned the funeral may not have invited a particular person. On the flip side, there are a ton of reasons why they chose whoever is on their guest list.

Alternative: A funeral is for the deceased person and for their family to heal. They should not feel obligated to include everyone, and may not be able to afford a large service. Questions like this can make them feel guilty — which they’re already going through enough right now.

17. “This décor/flower arrangement is awful.”

Keep negative comments like these about décor or flowers to yourself. After all, you may not know if they were particularly special to the deceased person or have an important meaning to their family.

Alternative: Try to find a positive thing to say. If you can’t, don’t say anything at all.

18. “[Deceased person] had it coming.”

You should never say that anyone deserved death. Furthermore, you should also avoid talking about how the deceased person let their health go on purpose.

Alternative: No matter how you really feel about the deceased person or their family, a funeral is a time to show grace and respect.

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19. “[Name] isn’t even crying or sad.”

Everyone grieves differently, this doesn’t mean that they’re not devastated by the loss of their loved one. Some people have an issue crying in public or simply have not reached that stage in their grief.

Alternative: Be sympathetic and empathetic toward anyone attending the funeral, as long as they are also being respectful.

20. “[Name] needs to get over it.”

On the other hand, attendees of the funeral may be very emotional. No matter what happened in the circumstances surrounding the deceased person’s death, everyone is entitled to grieve and to experience their feelings.

Alternative: Funerals are the place to air out feelings of grief. You never know how much a guest has held it in until this point. Or, perhaps they are finally facing the truth that their loved one is gone.

21. “I’m exhausted/starving.”

Even if you are in fact exhausted or very hungry, a funeral is not the time to make complaints like this.

Alternative: Be sure to get a good night’s sleep or take a nap before a funeral. Have a snack prior to the service if you think you’re going to get hungry.

22. “Can they play some different music?”

The family or those who planned the funeral likely chose the music for a reason. Be respectful of their taste and choices.

Alternative: There are plenty of songs not to play at a funeral you may not have considered.

23. “This is really boring.”

Again, complaining about a funeral or memorial or describing it as boring is very disrespectful. If you weren’t prepared to spend your time there the right way, then you shouldn’t have attended.

Alternative: Funerals, memorials, and even celebrations of life may have their quiet moments. Try to view them as “peaceful” instead of boring.

24. “Why aren’t they burying/cremating [deceased person]?”

It’s not your place to share opinions about the family or the deceased person’s wishes, especially in regards to what they’re doing with the body.

Alternative: If you do have a genuine question about burial, cremation, or some other aspect of the funeral, ask the family in a gentle way another time.

25. Anything generally negative about the deceased person or their family

A funeral or memorial is not the time to share negative opinions about the deceased person or their family.

Alternative: Have a private conversation with a trusted loved one after the funeral to express your feelings if you must.

26. Anything generally negative about the memorial itself

You never know all of the reasoning behind certain decisions, especially all of the decisions that go into making a funeral work. Be patient and understanding with those planning the funeral and everyone grieving.

Alternative: Again, have a private conversation after the funeral or memorial with a trusted loved one.

If You’re Not Sure, Don’t

We all mess up and have the occasional faux-pas. Accidents happen. But, these mistakes aren’t as excusable if you have the opportunity to think before you act or speak — and then still do the wrong thing anyway.

A good way to judge if behavior or speech is inappropriate for a funeral, consider this: If you’re not sure, it’s probably wrong. Just don’t do it. It’s far better to be safe than sorry.

After all, you likely owe a few hours of peace to the family or the deceased person. It’s not about you, it’s about honoring them and healing as a group.

What To Say At A Funeral – Speech Or Eulogy

If you’ve been asked to give a funeral speech or eulogy, you might have questions about how to get it right. Here are some tips to help you write a heart-warming funeral speech.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech that’s given at a funeral or memorial service. It’s a way to share memories of the person who has died. It’s also called a funeral speech.

A eulogy can be delivered by family or friends, or by a celebrant (the person leading the service).

How to start a eulogy

Starting a eulogy can feel like the hardest part. One easy way to begin is with a story about the person who has died. You could talk about how you met them or share a story that shows the kind of person they were. To find some inspiration, try writing down some of your favourite stories. They can be touching, funny, emotional or inspiring.

What to say in a eulogy

Keeping to a basic eulogy structure will make it easier for you to say, and easier for people to follow. Try to have 3-5 main points, then give yourself 1-2 minutes to say each point.

Things you could include in your eulogy:

Stories that show the personality and best qualities of the person

Share the person’s favourite poem or song lyrics

Share something that the person said, and that you will always remember

Talk about their favourite interests or hobbies

Celebrate the biggest achievements in their life

Rather than simply writing a funeral speech that tells the person’s life in order, consider basing the eulogy around the stories and moments that stand out.

How to end a funeral speech

It’s best to end your funeral speech with something memorable and meaningful. You could end with an uplifting quote from the person who has died, or you could finish with a final story. You could even end with a sentence about what you think the person would say to everyone if they were still here. Alternatively, you could finish with a poem or song.

How long is a funeral eulogy?

Eulogies are usually quite short. Try to write a speech that lasts between 5 and 10 minutes, as a guide. But it’s important to think about how long you feel comfortable speaking for. If you only want to speak for a couple of minutes, that’s fine too.

Tips for speaking at a funeral

Practise the speech as much as you can. Ask someone to listen to you read through the eulogy and give you advice about where you need to slow down or speak more clearly.

Ask someone to listen to you read through the eulogy and give you advice about where you need to slow down or speak more clearly. Use something to help you remember your words. You may prefer to have the speech written down word-for-word. Others prefer short prompts or cue cards.

You may prefer to have the speech written down word-for-word. Others prefer short prompts or cue cards. Don’t worry about faltering . Nobody expects you to get through a eulogy flawlessly. You may stumble over sentences, you may become upset. No need to apologise – just take a deep breath and move on when you can.

. Nobody expects you to get through a eulogy flawlessly. You may stumble over sentences, you may become upset. No need to apologise – just take a deep breath and move on when you can. Bring a copy of your speech written out in full. Even if you don’t plan to use it. That way, if you don’t feel you can deliver the speech on the day, you can ask someone else to read it for you.

What to do if you can’t do the eulogy

If you can’t face delivering a eulogy at the funeral, that’s perfectly OK. You can ask a friend or the person leading the funeral to read your speech for you. They can also help you to write it, if you’re finding that difficult too.

Hopefully our eulogy tips have helped you understand how to write a funeral speech. You’ll find more tips and advice about planning or going to a funeral in our advice hub.

So you have finished reading the how to act at a funeral topic article, if you find this article useful, please share it. Thank you very much. See more: what to say at a funeral, what to wear at a funeral, funeral etiquette for immediate family, how to tell a story at a funeral, what to bring to a funeral, how to act at a wake, post funeral etiquette, how to remain composed at a funeral

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Funeral etiquette: 15 tips for attending a funeral

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