Top 7 How To Be Less Intense The 192 Latest Answer

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Intense people experience the full range of human emotions at a profoundly deep level, allowing them a unique and sophisticated understanding of others. They are highly sensitive people who are complex, sensual, and passionate.Childhood trauma is a key cause of emotional intensity as an adolescent and adult. Trauma disrupts our sense of self. We can end up with less personal boundaries than others, less ability to control our emotions, and also a habit of searching to please others. It might be that we had attachment trauma.If you describe a person as intense, you mean that they appear to concentrate very hard on everything that they do, and they feel their emotions very strongly.

Here are some pointers to get you started.
  1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions. Intense emotions aren’t all bad. …
  2. Aim for regulation, not repression. …
  3. Identify what you’re feeling. …
  4. Accept your emotions — all of them. …
  5. Keep a mood journal. …
  6. Take a deep breath. …
  7. Know when to express yourself. …
  8. Give yourself some space.

What is an intense person like?

Intense people experience the full range of human emotions at a profoundly deep level, allowing them a unique and sophisticated understanding of others. They are highly sensitive people who are complex, sensual, and passionate.

What causes an intense personality?

Childhood trauma is a key cause of emotional intensity as an adolescent and adult. Trauma disrupts our sense of self. We can end up with less personal boundaries than others, less ability to control our emotions, and also a habit of searching to please others. It might be that we had attachment trauma.

What does it mean to be too intense?

If you describe a person as intense, you mean that they appear to concentrate very hard on everything that they do, and they feel their emotions very strongly.

Why do my emotions feel so intense?

Feeling heightened emotions or like you’re unable to control your emotions can come down to diet choices, genetics, or stress. It can also be due to an underlying health condition, such as depression or hormones.

How do you deal with intense personality?

Intensity can be a force for good. To harness that, when dealing with an intense person, don’t compete with that or try to tamp it down.

It won’t work Instead, roll with it:
  1. Let them talk and don’t interrupt. …
  2. Ask them questions, for example, “What do you think is the wisest idea?”
  3. Feel and show them respect.

Is it good to be intense?

However, as long as we’re self-aware about what we project, being an intense personality is typically OK. While intense personalities may turn some people off, many more people want to learn to communicate with them better. Because intense or not, we’re all people who deserve to be loved and understood.

What is being emotionless called?

Nonmedical terms describing similar conditions include emotionless and impassive. People with the condition are called alexithymics or alexithymiacs.

What is intense look?

If you describe the way someone looks at you as intense, you mean that they look at you very directly and seem to know what you are thinking or feeling. I felt so self-conscious under Luke’s mother’s intense gaze. He gazed at me with those intense blue eyes. intensely adverb [ADVERB with verb]

What is Type A personality?

The phrase “Type A” refers to a pattern of behavior and personality associated with high achievement, competitiveness, and impatience, among other characteristics. In particular, the positive traits of a Type A personality include: Self-control. Motivation to achieve results.

What is the opposite of an intense person?

Opposite of characterized by deep or forceful feelings. cold. dispassionate. emotionless. unemotional.

Is there a disorder for being over emotional?

When someone is experiencing emotional dysregulation, they may have angry outbursts, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and other self-damaging behaviors. Over time, this condition may interfere with your quality of life, social interactions, and relationships at home, work, or school.

What is an example of intense?

The definition of intense is to a high degree, or a strong emotion. If you really, really really hate ice cream, this is an example of when you have an intense hatred of ice cream. A person who is always serious and talking about problems and emotional issues is an example of someone who is intense.

How do I control my intense emotions?

Here are some pointers to get you started.
  1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions. Intense emotions aren’t all bad. …
  2. Aim for regulation, not repression. …
  3. Identify what you’re feeling. …
  4. Accept your emotions — all of them. …
  5. Keep a mood journal. …
  6. Take a deep breath. …
  7. Know when to express yourself. …
  8. Give yourself some space.

How do I stop being so sensitive?

7 ways to be less sensitive
  1. Mindfulness. Daily mindfulness is one of the best tools to pull you away from your reactive thoughts and into the present moment. …
  2. Brain training. Our brain is a bit like a computer. …
  3. Displacement techniques. By: Michael Himbeault. …
  4. Perspective jumping. …
  5. Acceptance. …
  6. Daily journalling. …
  7. Self care.

Why am I so triggered all the time?

What we react to – our “triggers”– are unique to our personality and individual history. Think of triggers as wounds – often from past trauma. When we’re triggered, we’re re-experiencing a past injury in present time – similar to a post-traumatic stress reaction.

How do you know if you’re an intense person?

To be an intense person means that you’ll likely experience some of the following feelings, desires, and behaviors:
  1. You have a tremendous inner drive (or ‘fire’)
  2. You’re sincere.
  3. You’re devoted.
  4. You’re interested in truth (some people may be uncomfortable with your brutal honesty)
  5. You feel everything deeply.

What does it mean when a man says you are intense?

Being intense often means you’re more sensitive and aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and physical wellbeing or discomfort, as well as of your surroundings and what’s going on in your world. Seen this way, being intense means you sense and feel more than the average person.

What it means to have a strong personality?

People with strong personalities aren’t afraid to accept difficult challenges, in part because they feel a responsibility to do so, and in part because they don’t want to let their friends, family members, or co-workers down.

What is carefree and intense?

To be carefree is to be free of care! You have no troubles or worries. Being carefree is feeling happy and breezy, like the carefree days of summer before school starts. To be carefree (one word) is to be happy and relaxed. People tend to be carefree when they’re not working or thinking about work or school.


how to master your emotions | emotional intelligence
how to master your emotions | emotional intelligence


How to Control Your Emotions: 11 Strategies to Try

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  • Table of Contents:

1 Take a look at the impact of your emotions

2 Aim for regulation not repression

3 Identify what you’re feeling

4 Accept your emotions — all of them

5 Keep a mood journal

6 Take a deep breath

7 Know when to express yourself

8 Give yourself some space

9 Try meditation

10 Stay on top of stress

11 Talk to a therapist

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How to Control Your Emotions: 11 Strategies to Try
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Are You Too Intense? : Blog

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What does ‘too intense’ even mean

What does ‘too intense’ look like

Why am I so intense

Childhood trauma and emotional intensity

What is borderline personality disorder

What can I do if I’m too intense

Need an Appointment ASAP

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Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons You’re Feeling Extra Sensitive

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  • Most searched keywords: Whether you are looking for Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons You’re Feeling Extra Sensitive Updating It’s normal to feel extra sensitive from time to time. But in some cases, feeling more emotional than usual could be a sign of an underlying condition. We’ll go over some common causes and help you recognize when it’s time to reach out for help.why am I so emotional
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Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons You're Feeling Extra Sensitive
Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons You’re Feeling Extra Sensitive

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How to be ‘less intense’ personality-wise ? | Mumsnet

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Is Emotional Intensity Ruining Your Relationships? – Harley Therapy™ Blog

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How do I stop being “too intense” for people? – Tiny Buddha

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7 Ways to Relax and be Less Intense on a Date | HuffPost Contributor

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Emotional Intensity | Are you Intense and Sensitive? – Imi Lo

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How to Control Your Emotions: 11 Strategies to Try

Share on Pinterest The ability to experience and express emotions is more important than you might realize. As the felt response to a given situation, emotions play a key part in your reactions. When you’re in tune with them, you have access to important knowledge that helps with: decision-making

relationship success

day-to-day interactions

self-care While emotions can have a helpful role in your daily life, they can take a toll on your emotional health and interpersonal relationships when they start to feel out of control. Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tarzana, California, explains that any emotion — even elation, joy, or others you’d typically view as positive — can intensify to a point where it becomes difficult to control. With a little practice, though, you can take back the reigns. Two studies from 2010 suggest that having good emotional regulation skills is linked to well-being. Plus, the second one found a potential link between these skills and financial success, so putting in some work on that front may literally pay off. Here are some pointers to get you started.

1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions Intense emotions aren’t all bad. “Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” Botnick says. “Strong feelings can signify that we embrace life fully, that we’re not repressing our natural reactions.” It’s perfectly normal to experience some emotional overwhelm on occasion— when something wonderful happens, when something terrible happens, when you feel like you’ve missed out. So, how do you know when there’s a problem? Emotions that regularly get out of hand might lead to: relationship or friendship conflict

difficulty relating to others

trouble at work or school

an urge to use substances to help manage your emotions

physical or emotional outbursts Find some time to take stock of just how your uncontrolled emotions are affecting your day-to-day life. This will make it easier to identify problem areas (and track your success).

2. Aim for regulation, not repression You can’t control your emotions with a dial (if only it were that easy!). But imagine, for a moment, that you could manage emotions this way. You wouldn’t want to leave them running at maximum all the time. You also wouldn’t want to switch them off entirely, either. When you suppress or repress emotions, you’re preventing yourself from experiencing and expressing feelings. This can happen consciously (suppression) or unconsciously (repression). Either can contribute to mental and physical health symptoms, including: anxiety

depression

sleep issues

muscle tension and pain

difficulty managing stress

substance misuse When learning to exercise control over emotions, make sure you aren’t just sweeping them under the rug. Healthy emotional expression involves finding some balance between overwhelming emotions and no emotions at all.

3. Identify what you’re feeling Taking a moment to check in with yourself about your mood can help you begin gaining back control. Say you’ve been seeing someone for a few months. You tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you texted again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can you meet this week?” They finally reply, more than a day later: “Can’t. Busy.” You’re suddenly extremely upset. Without stopping to think, you hurl your phone across the room, knock over your wastebasket, and kick your desk, stubbing your toe. Interrupt yourself by asking: What am I feeling right now? (disappointed, confused, furious)

(disappointed, confused, furious) What happened to make me feel this way? (They brushed me off with no explanation.)

(They brushed me off with no explanation.) Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense? (Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable explaining. They might plan to explain more when they can.)

(Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable explaining. They might plan to explain more when they can.) What do I want to do about these feelings? (Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things, text back something rude.)

(Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things, text back something rude.) Is there a better way of coping with them? (Ask if everything’s OK. Ask when they’re free next. Go for a walk or run.) By considering possible alternatives, you’re reframing your thoughts, which can help you modify your first extreme reaction. It can take some time before this response becomes a habit. With practice, going through these steps in your head will become easier (and more effective).

4. Accept your emotions — all of them If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might try downplaying your feelings to yourself. When you hyperventilate after receiving good news or collapse on the floor screaming and sobbing when you can’t find your keys, it might seem helpful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not that big of a deal, so don’t freak out.” But this invalidates your experience. It is a big deal to you. Accepting emotions as they come helps you get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions allows you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhelpful ways. To practice accepting emotions, try thinking of them as messengers. They’re not “good” or “bad.” They’re neutral. Maybe they bring up unpleasant feelings sometimes, but they’re still giving you important information that you can use. For example, try: “I’m upset because I keep losing my keys, which makes me late. I should put a dish on the shelf by the door so I remember to leave them in the same place.” Accepting emotions may lead to greater life satisfaction and fewer mental health symptoms. What’s more, people thinking of their emotions as helpful may lead to higher levels of happiness.

5. Keep a mood journal Writing down (or typing up) your feelings and the responses they trigger can help you uncover any disruptive patterns. Sometimes, it’s enough to mentally trace emotions back through your thoughts. Putting feelings onto paper can allow you to reflect on them more deeply. It also helps you recognize when specific circumstances, like trouble at work or family conflict, contribute to harder-to-control emotions. Identifying specific triggers makes it possible to come up with ways to manage them more productively. Journaling provides the most benefit when you do it daily. Keep your journal with you and jot down intense emotions or feelings as they happen. Try to note the triggers and your reaction. If your reaction didn’t help, use your journal to explore more helpful possibilities for the future.

6. Take a deep breath There’s much to be said for the power of a deep breath, whether you’re ridiculously happy or so angry you can’t speak. Slowing down and paying attention to your breath won’t make the emotions go away (and remember, that’s not the goal). Still, deep breathing exercises can help you ground yourself and take a step back from the first intense flash of emotion and any extreme reaction you want to avoid. The next time you feel emotions starting to take control: Breathe in slowly. Deep breaths come from the diaphragm, not the chest. It may help to visualize your breath rising from deep in your belly.

Deep breaths come from the diaphragm, not the chest. It may help to visualize your breath rising from deep in your belly. Hold it. Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly.

Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly. Consider a mantra. Some people find it helpful to repeat a mantra, like “I am calm” or “I am relaxed.”

7. Know when to express yourself There’s a time and place for everything, including intense emotions. Sobbing uncontrollably is a pretty common response to losing a loved one, for example. Screaming into your pillow, even punching it, might help you relieve some anger and tension after being dumped. Other situations, however, call for some restraint. No matter how frustrated you are, screaming at your boss over an unfair disciplinary action won’t help. Being mindful of your surroundings and the situation can help you learn when it’s OK to let feelings out and when you might want to sit with them for the moment.

8. Give yourself some space Getting some distance from intense feelings can help you make sure you’re reacting to them in reasonable ways, according to Botnick. This distance might be physical, like leaving an upsetting situation, for example. But you can also create some mental distance by distracting yourself. While you don’t want to block or avoid feelings entirely, it’s not harmful to distract yourself until you’re in a better place to deal with them. Just make sure you do come back to them. Healthy distractions are only temporary. Try: taking a walk

watching a funny video

talking to a loved one

spending a few minutes with your pet

9. Try meditation If you practice meditation already, it might be one of your go-to methods for coping with extreme feelings. Meditation can help you increase your awareness of all feelings and experiences. When you meditate, you’re teaching yourself to sit with those feelings, to notice them without judging yourself or attempting to change them or make them go away. As mentioned above, learning to accept all of your emotions can make emotional regulation easier. Meditation helps you increase those acceptance skills. It also offers other benefits, like helping you relax and get better sleep. Our guide to different kinds of meditation can help you get started.

10. Stay on top of stress When you’re under a lot of stress, managing your emotions can become more difficult. Even people who generally can control their emotions well might find it harder in times of high tension and stress. Reducing stress, or finding more helpful ways to manage it, can help your emotions become more manageable. Mindfulness practices like meditation can help with stress, too. They won’t get rid of it, but they can make it easier to live with. Other healthy ways to cope with stress include: getting enough sleep

making time to talk (and laugh) with friends

exercise

spending time in nature

making time for relaxation and hobbies

11. Talk to a therapist If your emotions continue to feel overwhelming, it may be time to seek professional support. Long-term or persistent emotional dysregulation and mood swings are linked to certain mental health conditions, including borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Trouble controlling emotions can also relate to trauma, family issues, or other underlying concerns, Botnick explains. A therapist can offer compassionate, judgment-free support as you: explore factors contributing to dysregulated emotions

address severe mood swings

learn how down-regulate intense feelings or up-regulate limited emotional expression

practice challenging and reframing feelings that cause distress Mood swings and intense emotions can provoke negative or unwanted thoughts that eventually trigger feelings of hopelessness or despair. This cycle can eventually lead to unhelpful coping methods like self-harm or even thoughts of suicide. If you begin thinking about suicide or have urges to self-harm, talk to a trusted loved one who can help you get support right away. If you need help now If you’re considering suicide or have thoughts of harming yourself, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-HELP (4357). The 24/7 hotline will connect you with mental health resources in your area. Trained specialists can also help you find your state’s resources for treatment if you don’t have health insurance.

29 Spot-On Signs You Have An Intense Personality

Has anyone ever told you you’re “too intense”?

Or if you took an intense personality quiz, what are the odds your score would confirm what others have suggested?

Maybe you already suspect as much, but you’re not sure exactly what it means to have an emotionally intense personality.

What you do know is you absolutely hate it when others tell you to “lighten up” or “calm down” or “chill.”

You don’t feel a need to conform to someone else’s idea of how you should be. Intense people feel deeply — both good and bad emotions.

They are keenly aware of their internal world and often have a running mental dialogue with obsessive thought patterns.

What is an intense personality?

An emotionally intense person is one who feels so strongly and deeply they can’t hold it in or hide it. And they don’t see a point in even trying to.

These intense feelings can lead to them feeling out of control or completely overwhelmed by their emotions.

They’re driven by passion, and when they feel passionate about something, they give it their all.

They’re not shy about expressing their thoughts and feelings, even when others don’t share them or appreciate them.

Sure, they’ve heard that mellow people are easier to be around, but they don’t mind being over the top. Intense people are proud of their forceful personalities, even if it makes some people uncomfortable.

Even when those who don’t understand them make hurtful assumptions.

And what’s so bad about being a strong-willed personality, anyway?

It takes a strong will to reach the finish line when things get tough. Intense people don’t need or even want an easy path to success.

If it’s not worth blood, sweat, and drama, it’s not worth their time.

Is being intense a good thing?

Being emotionally intense can have its ups and downs, but for most, the positive aspects outweigh the negative.

Many people with intense emotions are highly gifted individuals with exceptional levels of empathy, intelligence, creativity, and imagination. They excel at interpersonal skills because of their compassion and depth of feeling.

Intense people experience the full range of human emotions at a profoundly deep level, allowing them a unique and sophisticated understanding of others. They are highly sensitive people who are complex, sensual, and passionate.

29 Intense Personality Traits

Intense personality types fit more than one MBTI (Myers Briggs type inventory) category. Some are more quietly intense while others are loud and proud of their passionate natures.

Both make the world better than it would be without them. That is the goal, after all.

And if you have an intense personality, you’ll probably recognize the following traits:

1. You don’t take long to open up.

When you meet someone willing to listen, it doesn’t take long for you to open up and show your full intensity. For some, this will be overwhelming. But this is how you find your tribe.

2. You wear your heart on your sleeve.

You don’t try to hide what you’re feeling. And if anyone asks how you feel, you don’t sugarcoat it for them. And you expect those who actually care about you to listen and at least try to understand.

3. You’re sincere and unafraid to be yourself.

You’re genuine and unafraid of people seeing you as you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of, anyway. And those who see what you’re like and can’t handle it are free to move on.

4. You prefer meaningful conversations.

You don’t see any value in having banal or pointless conversations, even for playful banter. Every conversation must be meaningful and satisfying, or you feel cheated of your time and attention.

5. You don’t waste time on small talk.

Small talk is a waste of time that would be better spent on meaningful conversations, passionate expression, or purposeful action. The intense person resents the very existence of small talk.

6. You don’t worry about what other people think of you.

Those who think you need to “chill” or “mellow out” aren’t your people. Their opinions of you don’t matter. You’ve learned to accept yourself as you are and not to sweat the uninformed opinions of those whose expectations you don’t meet.

7. You use intense language.

You use descriptive language to express your thoughts and feelings with others.

Word choice is important to you, and you feel the nuances in every syllable you speak. If one word doesn’t have the right connotation, you’ll find one that does.

Just as your words are direct and expressive, so is your gaze. You make eye contact to fully engage the other person, as well as to engage yourself and pay close attention to every nuance of their reaction.

9. You tend to be clingy with your closest relationships.

You want to spend as much time as possible with your favorite people — even if you’re not always talking to them. Some would describe you as “clingy.” The way you see it, life is just better when your besties are near.

10. You have a tendency to be “moody.”

You’ve heard the word “moody” used to describe your behavior, and it annoys you. Maybe you’re just processing something. True, you might also be brooding over something. But “moody” is so reductive. It’s also probably true.

11. You’re a big believer in romance.

You’re a sucker for an epic romance, and you want one of your own. Far better to have one epic love that lasts a few years at the most than to have a decades-long committed relationship that’s comfortable but devoid of passion.

12. You ask “too many questions.”

You ask a LOT of questions because you have a deep and overwhelming desire to understand things, ideas, and people to their core. You want the fullest possible picture. So, one question generally leads to ten more.

13. You’re brutally honest.

Mincing words just feels icky. You feel polluted when you’re not completely and even painfully honest. After all, you’d rather know the whole truth, even if it hurts. So you assume others want the same.

14. You expect others to give as you give.

Back to expectations, you expect those who care about you to give as you give — wholeheartedly and with passion. You’re all in, and you’d alienate the world to have your friend’s back. You expect the same of them.

15. You can see through people.

You have a built-in radar for the real motives behind someone’s “nice” behavior. And you have zero tolerance for fakery. You also tend to be hyper-sensitive to others’ attempts at manipulation, calling it out or shamelessly sabotaging their efforts.

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16. You like consistency — or, rather, you expect it.

A lack of consistency makes it difficult (if not impossible) to trust someone. If they can’t be consistent in their behavior to you, then they must be faking some of it. Authenticity as you see it manifests as consistency.

17. You don’t waste time trying to please people who don’t get you.

Those who expect you to “tone it down” 24-7 so they can be more comfortable around you aren’t going to accept you as you are, anyway. So, there’s zero payoff for appeasing them. And you have better uses for your energy.

18. When you argue (or fight), you play to win.

Your intensity doesn’t always manifest as aggression, but you don’t back down from a fight or an argument. And since you don’t engage in either without skillfully wielding the proper weapons, your opponents tend to lose (or resort to name-calling).

19. You’re careful about whom you let into your life.

You’ve come to recognize narcissists and other toxic people and have learned to be careful of whom you confide in.

Maybe once you were quick to let people in, but early experiences of betrayal or abuse have made you more cautious.

20. You hate ignorance and unexamined assumptions.

You have a particular aversion to willful ignorance in others. It appalls you when someone is content to remain ignorant. And when others make assumptions without knowing the facts, you feel a deep and instant outrage.

21. You love to learn and expand your mind.

One of your greatest delights is in learning more about things that matter to you. And when someone makes you aware of something you’ve overlooked, you will go overboard in your zeal to learn everything you can.

22. You’re open-minded about new ideas and experiences.

You’re hungry for new experiences that can teach you more about something that matters to you, even if they only help you identify your likes and dislikes. You resent anyone telling you what you should or shouldn’t be interested in.

23. You don’t need attention from others to enjoy yourself.

You’re fully capable of keeping yourself entertained without anyone else’s attention or admiration. Your intensity manifests as an unusual focus on projects and activities that make you feel more fully yourself, whatever others may think.

24. You bond easily with fictional characters.

When a favorite character in a novel or movie dies, you grieve as heart-rendingly as you would for a friend. And you resent being told you shouldn’t feel as much because they’re “not real.” They’re real to you.

25. You say exactly what you mean — and with conviction.

Nothing comes out of your mouth that you don’t mean. You speak with conviction and without fear. No one has to agree with you, either. You believe 100% of what you’re saying and you say it with feeling.

26. You’re a creative and complex thinker.

Your powerful thought processes, intuition, and perceptions allow you to see things more quickly and clearly than most. And your heightened senses and emotions give you the ability to respond to people, situations and surroundings with a clarity that’s unique.

27. You’re a truth seeker.

You can’t be satisfied with pat answers or hypocrisy. You yearn to find the truth in all situations, even if it’s uncomfortable for you and those around you. You quickly find holes in arguments or positions and poke at them until they unravel. You are willing to tolerate painful realities that others might shy away from.

28. You experience beauty intensely.

You can be carried away by something beautiful to the point of feeling enraptured. Art, music, dance, nature, and other forms of beauty speak to you on a soul-level. Sometimes beauty can make you feel such intense emotions that you cry, or you’re moved to a state of ecstasy.

29. You are sensitive to spiritual things.

Because of your deep insights, complex inner life, and intuition, you are drawn to spiritual ideas and experiences. Your depth and giftedness makes you feel (and seem to others) like an old soul who is wise beyond your years.

How to be Less Intense When Necessary

Although you and others can see the beauty and positive qualities of your emotional intensity, there are times when you may want to dial it back — or you may need to due to the situation. At this point, you’re probably asking a few questions:

Why am I so intense?

What’s wrong with being intense?

Why should I be less intense (to please someone else)?

All valid questions. To answer the first one, intense personalities are rooted in the way your mind works and how you process what you’re feeling. It’s not a flaw in your make-up.

To answer the next two, you might be “extra” to those who are less intense. Your whole personality feels more aggressive to them — or at least noisier. And for some, your intensity can make it hard for them to feel relaxed around you.

On the flipside, folks who are “chill AF” aren’t really in the business of changing the world for the better.

The world needs more people who are on fire with ideas on how to make the world better and who have the passion and determination to learn more and take action.

That said, if your intensity is making it hard to be in a relationship, here are some tips on how to balance it:

Listen more than you talk.

Remember that some people are more easily overwhelmed by their senses.

Practice compassion toward others and toward yourself.

Don’t expect others (even those who love you) to get you all the time.

Spend time learning about the positive traits of other personalities.

Learn to speak each other’s love languages.

Practice forgiving others as well as yourself.

Are you an intense personality?

Now that you’ve learned more about intense personality traits, how many of them resonated with you? Or how many reminded you of someone you know and love?

Intense personalities can be difficult to live with. They can also richly reward those who see past the difficult moments to the generous heart behind them.

If you’re an intense person, you probably have a small circle of people you trust and who love and accept you as you are. Few though they may be, they’re your tribe. And you’d do anything for them.

May your growing self-knowledge enrich and strengthen all your relationships.

Are You Too Intense?

Has someone told you that you’re too intense? And you aren’t sure what that means, or why it’s a problem?

Emotional intensity can be behind your failed relationships and friendships.

What does ‘too intense’ even mean?

It can be hard to understand why other people find us ‘too much’. From our perspective, inside looking out, we are who we are. We think what we think and feel what we feel, and to us that might make sense. Our family, who knows us and is used to us, might take it in stride.

But consider this – what if the way you think and feel isn’t the way that the majority of people do? What if what to you is normal, is to many other people simply a bit much?

Some people are different. It’s as if their emotional thermostat has a higher setting than other people’s. They feel things more intensely. You might also be called ‘oversensitive’.

What does ‘too intense’ look like?

Ask yourself if the following sounds familiar:

Do you share stories of your past and difficult things you went through with people you just met?

Do you also tend to share a lot about yourself, and often?

Have you even be told you ‘overshare’?

Do you like to be in constant contact with others?

Do you ask other people endless questions about themselves?

Or sometimes feel like you have a gift for getting people to tell you their secrets?

Can you go from happy to sad in an instant? Or get angry out of the blue?

When you are upset do you speak before thinking?

Do you yell easily, and/or cry easily?

Do you tend to rush heedlessly into romantic relationships?

Do you also form very close friendships quickly?

Have you ever got rid of a friend or partner just as fast? As you just suddenly felt differently?

Can you spend hours or even days with one person, sharing all your thoughts?

Are you easily moved by art, films, stories?

Do you tell yourself not to share so much or demand so much of relationships, but you can’t seem to stop yourself?

Why am I so intense?

Some people are just naturally more sensitive than others and more ‘feeling’ than ‘thinking’. This would be the ‘biology’ side of the issue.

Then there is what psychologists call the ‘environment’ side of the equation. Environments are the worlds we live through and the experiences these worlds provide us with.

So this means the way we were raised, and the sort of household we lived in. For example, if we had parents with intense personalities, we might have learned to share all our feelings.

It also means the difficult experiences we had as a child.

Childhood trauma and emotional intensity

Childhood trauma is a key cause of emotional intensity as an adolescent and adult.

Trauma disrupts our sense of self. We can end up with less personal boundaries than others, less ability to control our emotions, and also a habit of searching to please others.

It might be that we had attachment trauma. The person who was our main caregiver from infancy on was unable to provide us with the consistent love and security we needed. We learned to please to gain the love we wanted, by being ‘good’. As adults this can continue as a habit of being ‘interesting’, such as by oversharing.

Or it might be that we experienced neglect or physical or sexual abuse. Sexual abuse in particular can leave you with issues with controlling your emotions in relationships, and might even mean you end up with borderline personality disorder.

What is borderline personality disorder?

Remember when the idea was raised that perhaps you think and feel in a way that is quite different than average? A personality disorder is just that. It means that since adolescence, your brain simply doesn’t perceive things like most people’s.

Borderline personality disorder, also called ‘emotional instability disorder’, means you seem to lack to emotional defences others do. You feel everything far more acutely, and your emotions change incredibly fast. You are happy one moment, then depressed the next.

It’s all driven by a terror of being rejected and abandoned. The second you feel you will be, you ‘act out’, such as by being mean or pushing others away first. You also worry what others think of you and assume the worst, then act impulsively despite yourself.

What can I do if I’m too intense?

It can feel as if you’ll never be able to control your racing emotions if you have BPD. But there are actually types of therapy designed just to help those who have emotional instability. These include:

Ready to learn how to control your emotions and stop overreacting? Find a therapist who can help now.

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