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Do therapists cry over their clients?
Research asking patients what they think about their therapists’ tears is scant. In a 2015 study in Psychotherapy, researchers Ashley Tritt, MD, Jonathan Kelly, and Glenn Waller, PhD, surveyed 188 patients with eating disorders and found that about 57 percent had experienced their therapists crying.
Can you get attached to your therapist?
So clients often have feelings for their therapists that are like the ones that children have towards their parents. Sometimes it feels like falling in love. Transference is completely natural and normal, and it can enhance the experience of therapy significantly.
Do therapists apologize?
A recent study finds that nearly all psychologists have apologized to clients, sometimes with major benefits to the therapeutic process, but other times with regret.
What should you not tell your therapist?
- “I feel like I’m talking too much.” …
- “I’m the worst. …
- “I’m sorry for my emotions.” …
- “I always just talk about myself.” …
- “I can’t believe I told you that!” …
- “Therapy won’t work for me.”
Why do therapists mirror you?
When the psychologist mirrors, he or she is giving attention, recognition, and acknowledgement of the person. If the patient has a deep need to feel special, than the therapist’s interest in understanding, and the provision of undivided attention, is reparative.
Do therapists look you up on social media?
Short answer: yes. A new study published on January 15 in the Journal of Clinical Psychology finds that 86% of the therapists interviewed by the study’s authors say they sometimes do look up their patients on the Internet.
How do you tell if your therapist likes you?
- THEY ARE ENGAGED WHILE YOU TALK. …
- ALLOW YOU TO TAKE YOUR TIME. …
- YOU FEEL VALIDATED. …
- THEY CHALLENGE YOU. …
- THERE IS TRUST. …
- PAYS ATTENTION TO YOUR IDENTITY AND TRAUMA HISTORY. …
- THEY’RE OPEN TO ALTERNATIVE DIAGNOSES.
Do therapists think about me between sessions?
Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session.
What a true apology looks like?
A true apology does not overdo.It stays focused on acknowledging the feelings of the hurt party without overshadowing them with your own pain or remorse. A true apology doesn’t get caught up in who’s to blame or who “started it.”Maybe you’re only 14% to blame and maybe the other person provoked you.
Is therapy making it worse?
It is actually normal to occasionally feel bad or worse after therapy, especially during the beginning of your work with a therapist. It can be a sign of progress. As counterintuitive as it may sound, feeling bad during therapy can be good.
What is a real apology like?
A sincere and effective apology is one that communicates genuine empathy, remorse, and regret as well as a promise to learn from your mistakes. In other words, you need to really believe you did something wrong and feel sorry for the hurt you caused.
Do therapists ever cry in session?
Whether or not you’ve personally witnessed a therapist cry, it’s a fairly common occurrence. In a 2013 study, almost three-quarters of psychologists admitted they’ve shed tears during a session. Some patients might appreciate the display of compassion.
Should therapists comfort crying clients?
Finally, in sadness or despair crying, clients acknowledge that they cannot avoid loss, and through the crying actually come to accept the loss. Such crying in therapy allows clients to experience their grief with the therapist and tacitly invites the therapist to comfort the crying client and show compassion.
What do therapists do when clients cry?
Normalize and validate the response. Compassionately state that crying is a normal reaction. Let the client know explicitly that it’s okay to cry; there’s no need to hold back the tears. If offering a tissue box, it’s often useful to say, “Please don’t try to hold those tears back.
Do therapists have feelings for their clients?
It’s not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else. But we have to remember that it’s the therapist’s job to meet the client’s therapeutic needs and goals, not the therapist’s own personal or professional wants and needs.
how to come out to your therapist
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- Summary of article content: Articles about Error 403 (Forbidden) you don’t have to come it to anyone you don’t want to; however, it would be beneficial for your therapist to know your sexual entity. There are certain things … …
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Coming out in therapy – Counselling Directory
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- Summary of article content: Articles about Coming out in therapy – Counselling Directory As an LGBT+ client, you might hope that it will be easy to come out to your therapist when you meet them. Therapists are generally open and … …
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The wider impact of homophobia and transphobia
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Are My Feelings for My Therapist Normal?
Dear Confused,
Last year I started therapy. I have a very troubled past, I was abused. I never really had any kind of therapy, and I decided to go into it because of some issues that had begun to pop up. I went for about 3 months. I decided to stop, even though I had hardly worked on any issues. The reason is that I began to have these strong feelings for my therapist. I didn’t like the feeling. I wished she could’ve been my mother and was always thinking about her. When I would go into therapy it started to get to the point where I couldn’t even talk about how I was feeling for fear of what she might think of me. She was really nice. So I just stopped going. I did have a last session. I decided to take a trip which didn’t really need to be taken, that was my excuse. I want to go back but am scared. I still have the same issues and really don’t want anybody else. Should I go back to her or look for someone else? It just felt so uncomfortable. I know it’s wrong and that’s why I stopped. I never told her. I just don’t know how to deal with this. I keep thinking if I go somewhere else it could happen again…I’m not sure. Please let me know if this is something that can be worked out or if it’s considered inappropriate. Thank You. – Confused
First, I want to congratulate you for your courage in reaching out to a therapist and beginning the healing process that can unfold when you get into counseling. You mention that you’ve never really had any kind of therapy although you were abused in your past. I can’t emphasize enough how important trust is, and I want to especially point out that you hung in with this therapist for 3 whole months…good on you! This is definitely something that can be worked out and worked on and your strong feelings for your therapist are entirely natural, appropriate, and yes, essential.
Essential because therapy is all about the power of relationship. Good therapists should be able to accept you completely and entirely as you are. Carol Rogers called this “unconditional positive regard.” So you really don’t need to worry about what your therapist might think of you. You can learn from your thoughts about her! When clients have feelings like you’re describing, psychotherapists and counselors often refer to them as transference. What’s being transferred? The general idea is that, unconsciously, emotional feelings that you may have had or wished you could have had as a child are transferred from your parents or other caretaker to your therapist. So clients often have feelings for their therapists that are like the ones that children have towards their parents. Sometimes it feels like falling in love. Transference is completely natural and normal, and it can enhance the experience of therapy significantly.
Your experience of positive transference toward your former therapist is very likely a rich and powerful message from your internal world about what you missed in childhood. So it could present a wonderful opportunity for you to learn how to love, nurture, and care for the wounded child that still lives within you. Since healing is an “inside job,” therapy can offer the opportunity find that healing.
Often and for many of us these thoughts might remind us of what we missed when we were growing up. Ideally mothers are warm, reliable, and nurturing. Unfortunately, for many of us our moms weren’t like that or even capable of nurturing. I’m guessing you might have experienced some of this deprivation, creating a huge contradiction for you as you began to spend therapy time with a person who was “really nice.” Red lights – sirens – confusion – yikes!
No wonder you just stopped going. Nothing is wrong—with you or with your therapist. These kinds of feelings can all be part of the healing process, so I strongly encourage you to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, as it sounds like you’ve begun to establish a good connection with this therapist. Any professional and ethical therapist will be able to accept and understand your feelings without taking the transference personally. Also, some people find that they are more comfortable not working face to face, but by telephone. This might be an option that would be preferable for you, at least in the beginning. You are safe in the privacy of your own home—not someone’s office. If you do decide to go to a different therapist, just be very certain that the therapist has experience and expertise working with survivors of abuse.
Kind regards,
Jill
Coming out in therapy
LGBTQ+ counselling
Coming out to friends and family members is a significant and daunting milestone in the lives of most LGBT+ people. Most, if not all non-heterosexual/non-cisgender people will face the decision of how and when to tell others at some point, in the knowledge that the newfound openness might increase their happiness. Yet coming out is always a very personal process – there is no rulebook telling you how to do it, and for some, it can cause great stress and anxiety, particularly if one’s loved ones are not very liberal.
As an LGBT+ client, you might hope that it will be easy to come out to your therapist when you meet them. Therapists are generally open and accepting people; therapy training will have imbued them with non-judgemental attitudes, and there should be no obstacles when it comes to having this conversation in the therapy room. However, when you have faced routine discrimination in your life, whether it took place in the family, at school, at work or in other familiar environments, the fear of opening up is likely to carry into the therapy room. If you carry negative scripts about yourself because of experiences around your sexuality/gender identity, then you may struggle to talk to anyone about it, even your warm, empathic therapist. They are another person that you have to tell, another person to explain things to, when you might be tired of having to do that.
The wider impact of homophobia and transphobia
Research has shown the traumatising impact of discrimination and abuse related to sexuality and gender identity on members of the LGBT+ community (Scheer et al, 2019). Bullying and emotional as well as physical abuse in childhood and teenage years directly correlate with greater levels of shame, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD and substance abuse issues later in life. Poor mental health in the LGBT+ community as a whole is gaining greater recognition as we become more aware of the impact of discriminatory laws and social attitudes in previous times. Anecdotal evidence about excess drinking and drug use in the gay community in particular may support the idea that there is unprocessed collective trauma in this community.
Given the endemic effects of shame that an LGBT+ person may be living with, it’s understandable when they find it difficult to talk about their sexuality or gender identity to a stranger. The core conditions of person-centred therapy might be designed to put an anxious client at ease, but if you’re habitually weary of getting close to others following years or decades of non-acceptance, it could take much hard work to form a therapeutic alliance.
The shame of growing up LGBT+ in a world that is geared towards heterosexuality is pervasive and persistent. As a teenager, the realisation of difference is a painful one, when fitting in with one’s peers is all-important. Prior to 2003 in the UK, LGBT+ children generally could not seek advice about their feelings because of section 28, a piece of legislation that made it illegal for local authorities to ‘promote’ homosexual lifestyles to them. Although the legislation did not specifically apply to teachers, many in the profession were unaware of this and tended to be cautious when it came to these discussions. Therefore, an entire generation of LGBT+ children grew up in an atmosphere of silence, where talking about sexuality and gender identity was seen as impermissible.
Bringing shame into therapy
The effects of the past have led many LGBT+ people into therapy. With growing societal awareness of these issues, there are positive signs of an expanding willingness to talk about the shame and the trauma of these experiences. Many members of this community might prefer to seek a therapist who is LGBT+ themselves; whilst some might prefer to talk to someone outside of the community – if they have had negative experiences within it. A good therapist will try to meet you in your shame, and they will understand that this shame could persist for a long time. Don’t be put off by the hard work: it can lead to great changes.
The corrosive effects of shame may have caused you difficulty in sustaining relationships. You may struggle with trust, or maybe you have a tendency to sabotage things when someone is getting too close. You could be living with chronic anxiety, or depression, or anger. Maybe the anxiety and the memories of trauma have made finding work difficult; perhaps you’ve been in trouble with the law, or you find it difficult to stop drinking to excess. Whatever you’re dealing with, don’t be afraid to ask your therapist for time and space to own these things. A lifetime of shame may seem insurmountable, but with trust and patience it can be. The therapy space is yours – you can come out however you choose to.
If you would like to find a therapist that can help with issues surrounding coming-out then use our search tool to find a qualified counsellor near you.
How to Open Up to Your Therapist
Being vulnerable in therapy can be hard. But there are some actionable steps you can take if you’re feeling a little tongue-tied in front of your therapist.
In fact, one well-known 2015 study found that 93% of people admitted to lying to their psychotherapist. A 2018 study found that 84% of people have omitted things, like details about their sex life or having suicidal thoughts.
If the idea of someone asking you a bunch of personal questions brings up mixed feelings, you’re not alone. Everyone has a chapter of their story they might prefer not to speak out loud.
You may have secrets you’d prefer not to share, especially not right away. But when it comes to therapy, opening up can make all the difference.
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Being honest in therapy can strengthen the therapeutic alliance and allow for a tailor-made treatment plan. It can also lay the groundwork for opening up about other painful or hard truths in the future. Even if it doesn’t exactly get easier, at least the process will become more familiar.
“Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all approach, which means that I want to know even the things you don’t think are important so that I can best help you,” Schwehm says.
The more they know, the better they can understand you and help you reach your goals.
That’s when missed opportunities can occur. When you omit certain facts or distort the truth, a therapist may believe that an issue is more or less important than it actually is, which can impact the kind of support you receive.
“Even though you may be able to tell yourself logically that this is a safe space, it’s easy for that little part of your brain to say, ‘Be careful! Don’t say that!’” he says.
The more you put into it, the more you’ll likely get out of it. Yet it’s a challenge to open up to someone who is, essentially, a complete stranger, says Dr. Andrew Schwehm , a licensed psychologist in New York City.
About 75% of people who go to therapy experience some benefit from it, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
“Outside of a few important things that we may need to report — abuse or neglect of dependent people, suicide, and homicide — your secrets are safe with us,” Schwehm says. “I can’t even tell my wife about the well-known people I’ve worked with.”
No and no. It may help to think of your therapist as a professional secret keeper, or a vault. What goes in will not come out.
Many therapy clients worry about what will happen with the information they share. It’s natural to have a few questions and concerns about your privacy. Will your therapist tell their colleagues about your issues over coffee? Will they write about your life in a book or a study?
Being honest in therapy is easier said than done, but here are some psychologist-approved tips to help make it easier:
Create a game plan.
Ground yourself.
Pick an optimal appointment time.
Get clarity around privacy.
Start small.
Send a letter.
Practice in the mirror.
Let your therapist take the lead.
Bring in something to reference.
Ask about other approaches.
Challenge yourself.
Know you’re not the only one.
1. Create a game plan
If you don’t know where to begin, it can take some pressure off if you jot down a few talking points on a notecard or in your phone. Between sessions, write down significant events, experiences, or feelings you want to bring up in therapy.
2. Ground yourself
If you have time, it might be a good idea to take a moment to mentally prepare for your session. You can take some deep breaths, meditate, or listen to calming music. You may also want to try saying this mantra in your head or out loud: “I may not 100% enjoy this process, but I am safe.”
Don’t be afraid to show up a little early either, says Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, California.
“Since the therapy hour is typically 45 or 50 minutes, I invite clients to ‘take the whole hour’ by showing up early for their appointment to relax, get settled, and focus on what they’d like to cover in their session,” Howes says.
“Sometimes this is enough to help them decide to tackle the tough issues,” he says.
3. Pick an optimal appointment time
It can be difficult to let your guard down if you’re trying to squeeze in therapy between meetings at work, or while you’re out running errands around town. If you and your therapist have some flexibility, work out a time when you’re more likely to feel calm and ready to get to work.
4. Get clarity around privacy
It’s OK to ask your therapist about what they’re going to do with the information you share, even if you’ve already gone over it.
For peace of mind, you can ask your therapist to review their confidentiality policy with you. You may ask them directly what information they would have to report to an outside party. You can also refer to Section 4 in the American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct.
5. Start small
It takes time to build trust and a rapport. Each session will help fortify that bond.
Until you feel more at ease, you could talk about topics that have a less emotional charge. For example, you may talk about an argument with your partner rather than your childhood trauma.
“Just like you’d want to test a rickety footbridge before charging ahead, you may want to try disclosing smaller items first to see how it feels and how your therapist handles them,” Howes says.
“The big topic from your past may feel too heavy for now, so maybe start with lighter concerns and build up to the bigger topics,” he says.
6. Send a letter
Writing down your thoughts can feel less intimidating or intrusive. Think about grabbing a pen and paper and getting it all out. Then, you could hand the letter to your therapist in your session.
If they’re OK with it, you can even send them a letter beforehand to provide a heads-up or some context.
7. Practice in the mirror
Just like when you were a teenager, perhaps preparing to ask someone out on a date, it may be helpful to rehearse what you’d like to say out loud, well before you have to.
Hearing our own words, then repeating them, may release tension and help us develop confidence.
8. Let your therapist take the lead
Don’t worry, no one expects you to know exactly what to say. This is especially true if you come from a culture or family that doesn’t like to talk about their struggles.
That’s what a therapist is there for.
Rather than engage them with small talk until you get to the core issue, consider letting them take the lead on this.
You may allow them to create a welcoming, safe space and ask the right questions to guide you into a conversation.
That’s what they’re trained to do.
9. Bring in something to reference
If you’ve seen something that relates to what you’re going through, or you’ve shared about your experience somewhere else (like a blog or on Instagram), you could read that content out loud in your session.
This will help the therapist understand how you interact with the world.
10. Ask about other approaches
There’s more than one way to get a message across, even without words.
It may be a good idea to ask your therapist whether art therapy, sand tray therapy, or other mediums are a possibility. They may also assign you creative homework projects to bring in for the next session.
11. Challenge yourself
There’s no getting around it: Therapy is hard work.
It may be helpful to remember that it’s natural to feel a bit stretched beyond your comfort zone. In fact, that’s where the growth happens.
If you need motivation to open up, come back to your “why.”
Consider asking yourself these three questions:
What brought me in here?
What am I hoping to accomplish?
What kind of life do I want for myself?
When we remember the reasons we called a therapist in the first place, it can give us the push we need to be a little more vulnerable.
12. Remember: You’re not the only one
No matter what you’re coming in with, remember: You’re not the only one.
When we keep things to ourselves, it’s easy to think that we’re alone in our experience, but that’s simply not true. Chances are, your therapist has heard similar stories from other clients. The sooner you open up about what you’re going through, the sooner your therapist can help.
“Know there isn’t anything you could say that would shock or horrify us,” says Dawn Friedman, a licensed clinical counselor in Worthington, Ohio. “Really, we’ve heard it all.”
So you have finished reading the how to come out to your therapist topic article, if you find this article useful, please share it. Thank you very much. See more: come out to therapist, coming out in therapy, counselling for coming out
