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“How To Fuck A Chicken” by Gerry Armstrong
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- Summary of article content: Articles about “How To Fuck A Chicken” by Gerry Armstrong Go buy a chicken. It must be a mature, egg laying chicken. No roosters (sorry fags);it has to be a mature female. Chickens are monotremes, …
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Sex with a chicken – Everything2.com
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- Summary of article content: Articles about Sex with a chicken – Everything2.com However, you’re never going to get much play from the bird either way, so you might as well go ahead and fuck it. Use short, gentle strokes. OPTIONAL STEP: If … …
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How to fuck chicken – MPGH – MultiPlayer Game Hacking & Cheats
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1) First run to your nearest farm
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5) Start helicoptering it around while you do the chicken dance
6) Then pounce upon your target
7) Once you have restrained the chicken
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How to fuck chicken
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How to fuck a Chicken. : copypasta
Like any woman, a chicken needs to be in a relaxed and receptive mood before you can successfully have sex with it. If you do not make sure of this, you will end up covered in scratches and peck marks in locations that will be hard to explain. Gently pick the chicken up in both hands and stroke it slowly, so that it becomes accustomed to sitting in your hand. Making soft clucking noises is also a good seduction tip. Get your penis nice and lubricated, and place the head at the entry of the chicken butt. I’m calling it a butt, but it acts as a vagina, an anus, and a urethra all in one (actually, chickens only have one form of elimination). You need to be erect when you do this, because otherwise, it will be hard to enter your new girlfriend. Slowly push your penis inside the chicken. You should have one hand on the neck of the bird, just below the head, so that it cannot peck you. The other hand may need to hold the feet to prevent scratching. Try to keep the bird as calm as you can as you do this. If a chicken butt can accommodate a Grade AAA egg, it can expand to fit your dick, albeit somewhat tightly. However, the butt is not all that deep, and you will hit bottom fairly quickly. Don’t try and push the limits here, just be glad that you’re getting some.
“How To Fuck A Chicken” by Gerry Armstrong
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Go buy a chicken. It must be a mature, egg laying chicken. No roosters(sorry fags);it has to be a mature female. Chickens are monotremes,which means they only have one sewer-pipe down there for yourpleasure. You will want an egg-laying hen because she is accustomed toopening up that hole every day to squeeze out an egg which isapproximately the same diameter as the average erect penis.
Next, you’ll need to secure the chicken’s wings and feet. especially
the feet. To do this, take a length of cord (shoe-laces work great)
and tie the wings together at their bases, as tight as you can
possibly get them. Wrap the whole thing in duct tape. Tie the feet
together leaving plenty of extra cord which you use to pull the feet
forward to the head. Then wrap the cords around the base of the neck.
Lastly, wrap the feet thoroughly with duct tape.
This bondage and tapeage is more than just foreplay; it’s necessary to
keep your testicles and tender inner thighs from getting ripped to
shreds by the claws on the ends of your date’s feet. The tape wrapped
around the wings keeps them from flapping around and beating the hell
out of you, and they make a convenient handle.
At this point it’s safe to assume you have a raging hard-on. All you
need now is some lubricunt (she ain’t gonna get wet for you). Pour
copious amounts of it onto your pecker, drop some lube into the
chicken’s chute, and then push. Keep your grip around the base of the
chicken’s neck with one hand, with the other holding onto the tied
together wings.
Optional: You’ve got to time this just right: when you’re “there” and
you’re almost ready to shoot, use your non-wings hand to squeeze down
the chicken’s neck. Harder! (don’t worry, she likes it). As she dies
she’ll convulse and undergo muscular spasms, and hopefully you will
too.
There. You’ve had your fun. Now unceremoniously toss the dead, raped
chicken into the garbage bag. Just be sure not to dump it in your own
trash can.
——————————————
© Gerry Armstrong
http://www.gerryarmstrong.org
Sex with a chicken
There are times in a man’s life when he just wants a relationship based purely on sex , but cannot get such a thing from women . Maybe he is using the wrong approach . Maybe he is isolated from available women. Maybe he is just too poor and icky to get such a relationship. Or maybe he’s just kinky . In any case, some men turn to chicken s for solace Larry Flynt claims that he did this once at the age of nine, and if you follow the simple instructions below, you two can be getting the chicks in no time at all.
Before I go any further, I have to admit that I am writing up this node based on information a document that I saw about 5 years ago, specifically an article from Easy Rider magazine. I wanted to find the article or some other HOWTO before I went any further, but when I told another noder about it, he immediately nodeshelled this. So now I am forced to give you the scraps that I can remember before one of the NRT shows up and does a half-assed job. If I have made any technical errors, please feel free to add your own experiences below.
You will need:
A penis. A hen. Lubricant. A knife (optional).
Instructions
Like any woman, a chicken needs to be in a relaxed and receptive mood before you can successfully have sex with it. If you do not make sure of this, you will end up covered in scratches and peck marks in locations that will be hard to explain. Gently pick the chicken up in both hands and stroke it slowly, so that it becomes accustomed to sitting in your hand. Making soft clucking noises is also a good seduction tip. Get your penis nice and lubricated, and place the head at the entry of the chicken butt. I’m calling it a butt, but it acts as a vagina, an anus, and a urethra all in one (actually, chickens only have one form of elimination). You need to be erect when you do this, because otherwise, it will be hard to enter your new girlfriend. Slowly push your penis inside the chicken. You should have one hand on the neck of the bird, just below the head, so that it cannot peck you. The other hand may need to hold the feet to prevent scratching. Try to keep the bird as calm as you can as you do this. If a chicken butt can accomodate a Grade AAA egg, it can expand to fit your dick, albeit somewhat tightly. However, the butt is not all that deep, and you will hit bottom fairly quickly. Don’t try and push the limits here, just be glad that you’re getting some. If you want, you can wait for your chicken to calm down. However, you’re never going to get much play from the bird either way, so you might as well go ahead and fuck it. Use short, gentle strokes. OPTIONAL STEP: If you have plenty of chickens, or if you are hungry, or if it’s just come time to break up with your chicken, then you can make your last night a memorable one by slitting the bird’s throat at the moment of your orgasm. This will cause some strong twitching that can add some spice to your experience.
And that’s all there is to it! Have fun . And remember : chickens carry salmonella , which is transmitted from the anus to the mouth . So if you believe that your significant other has been having sex with chickens, make sure that his cock is cleaned thoroughly before you give him oral sex
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