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First accept that you are not fully yourself because of the vulnerable state you are in. Cut yourself off completely from this manipulative ex who has brought you so much pain. Avoid spending time alone thinking about the good times. Second guessing yourself only leads to stagnation and self doubt.It’s OK to acknowledge that your ex sometimes made you feel genuinely happy. However, it doesn’t change the fact that they are an unhealthy influence and you have done the right thing by removing them from your life. Every relationship is a learning experience.Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they’re making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.
- 5 Ways to Stop Reminiscing about the Good Times with a Toxic Ex. You’re likely under the influence of many cognitive biases. …
- Allow yourself to think and feel. …
- Write facts down. …
- Set boundaries. …
- Work your own psychology. …
- Make your life happen.
- Recognize why you want to text your ex. …
- Acknowledge why you need to stop. …
- Delete their number. …
- Distract yourself, and preferably, break a sweat. …
- Reconnect with your friends. …
- Don’t drink and text. …
- Enlist technological help. …
- Give it time.
Contents
Is it OK to miss your toxic ex?
It’s OK to acknowledge that your ex sometimes made you feel genuinely happy. However, it doesn’t change the fact that they are an unhealthy influence and you have done the right thing by removing them from your life. Every relationship is a learning experience.
How do I stop caring about my toxic ex?
- 5 Ways to Stop Reminiscing about the Good Times with a Toxic Ex. You’re likely under the influence of many cognitive biases. …
- Allow yourself to think and feel. …
- Write facts down. …
- Set boundaries. …
- Work your own psychology. …
- Make your life happen.
Why do I still think about my toxic ex?
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they’re making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.
How do I stop texting my toxic ex?
- Recognize why you want to text your ex. …
- Acknowledge why you need to stop. …
- Delete their number. …
- Distract yourself, and preferably, break a sweat. …
- Reconnect with your friends. …
- Don’t drink and text. …
- Enlist technological help. …
- Give it time.
Can toxic exes change?
Toxic people can change, but it’s highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else’s fault.
Should I reach out to my toxic ex?
Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship. The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a bad idea.
How do you emotionally detach from your ex?
- Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you’re now deciding to detach from the relationship. …
- Release your emotions. …
- Don’t react, respond. …
- Start small. …
- Keep a journal. …
- Meditate. …
- Be patient with yourself. …
- Look forward.
How do you get over someone you love but is toxic?
- Realise that you deserve healthy love. …
- Accept that the relationship was toxic. …
- Remember who you are. …
- Take practical steps to help you cope. …
- Don’t wait for an apology or closure. …
- Embrace forgiveness. …
- Fill the void and surround yourself with positivity.
How do I move on?
- Look at your life as a journey. …
- Silence your inner critic. …
- Reflect realistically. …
- Let go of fantasy. …
- Feel the feelings. …
- Talk about it. …
- Explore your attachment style. …
- Believe in yourself.
How do I stop loving someone?
- Acknowledge the truth.
- Name your needs.
- Accept the significance.
- Look forward.
- Tap into other bonds.
- Go inward.
- Give yourself space.
- Accept that it takes time.
Should I block my ex?
If keeping your ex on your social media disturbs your inner peace, block them. If you don’t want to do it only because you are worried about how your ex will perceive and interpret it, do it and block them anyway. As long as it make you feel better, then what your ex or people think doesn’t really matter.
Why do I always go back to my toxic ex?
Scared of being alone– Another reason that keeps you going back to a toxic relationship is the fear of being alone. The fear of loneliness overpowers everything else. For a lot of people there is a very deep core belief that they will always be alone and no one will like them or accept them.
How do you know if your ex is toxic?
- Lack of support. “Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Caraballo says. …
- Toxic communication. …
- Envy or jealousy. …
- Controlling behaviors. …
- Resentment. …
- Dishonesty. …
- Patterns of disrespect. …
- Negative financial behaviors.
Can you be friends with a toxic ex?
Under no circumstances should a relationship that was abusive, manipulative or toxic transition into a friendship, Sussman says. But even if your relationship was generally healthy and simply didn’t work out, you might want to think twice before becoming pals.
How To Stop Missing Your Toxic Ex After a Breakup
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21 thoughts on “How To Stop Missing Your Toxic Ex And Forget Him Forever”
Is it normal to miss a toxic ex? How can I reframe the thoughts o | BetterHelp
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How to Stop Texting Your Ex
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- Table of Contents:
Recognize why you want to text your ex
Acknowledge why you need to stop
Delete their number
Distract yourself and preferably break a sweat
Reconnect with your friends
Don’t drink and text
Enlist technological help
Give it time
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Error 403 (Forbidden)
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- Table of Contents:
1 You’re lonely
2 You see their social media
3 You lost confidence during the relationship
4 You only remember the good times
5 You haven’t learned to let go
6 Humans are a social species
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12 You’re going through repetition compulsion
13 Your ex feels familiar
14 You’re still in contact
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1 You’re lonely
2 You see their social media
3 You lost confidence during the relationship
4 You only remember the good times
5 You haven’t learned to let go
6 Humans are a social species
7 You’re afraid of being alone
8 You didn’t get closure
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12 You’re going through repetition compulsion
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10 Things I Try To Remember When I Miss My Toxic Ex
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How To Stop Missing Your Toxic Ex After a Breakup
“He wasn’t always nice to me and I know I should forget him, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I miss him so much, what do I do?”
This is the gist of a lot of the private messages and posts that I receive and see in the private EBR Facebook support group. I hear this from women who have had their hearts broken into a million pieces. Women who have found Ex Boyfriend Recovery in a lonely and desperate state.
So what is one to do when you miss your ex so much, but you also fear he may not be the right guy for you? And worse, what if your ex boyfriend dragged you through a toxic relationship such as one of my clients, Kim, who was so confused that her first question to me was, “is my ex toxic”?
I told her if you have to ask such a question, he probably is and you should be doing everything you can to stay away from such a rotten boyfriend. Some guys you should just neatly pack away and forget them forever.
But how you go about forgetting your toxic ex boyfriend is not so easy as it turns out. You would think it would be easy to get over a toxic relationship with someone who has done way too much to make you suffer.
And it’s unfortunate there are guys out there like that. But some of these bad boyfriends know how to pull on your heart strings such that you think twice about leaving him.
Hi, I am Rachel and I want to talk to you about putting your ex behind you.
A Toxic Ex Can Screw With Your Mind Causing You To Miss Him
In the short term when your mind is playing tricks on you, it’s hard to see the big picture. It is easy to be manipulated and conned into thinking that this time he will be different. He may try to convince you that he has learned his lesson and will be good to you. He will exploit your weaknesses. This time the relationship will be better you might say to yourself.
But my experience is that when the relationship starts to go sideways for whatever reasons, far too many men do not rise to the occasion. Rather, they want you to forget all the bad stuff actually happened. How are you suppose to forget that an ex boyfriend cheated on you repeatedly? How are you suppose to forget an ex who dumped you for no good reason?
Well, you are suppose to, but it sure isn’t easy because the pull your ex may have on you is both emotional and it has a chemical origin as well. You actually go into a state of withdrawal when you come out a broken relationship.
And since not everything with him in the past was bad, you are particularly vulnerable. So those dopamine spikes you got when things were going well can turn on you when things with your ex starts breaking bad.
So here is my quick advice for women who tell me, “I am missing my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend, how do I stop feeling this way?”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz
If You Are Looking for Relationships Healing Solutions and To Stop Your Emotional Decline, Consider These Solutions:
First accept that you are not fully yourself because of the vulnerable state you are in.
Cut yourself off completely from this manipulative ex who has brought you so much pain
Avoid spending time alone thinking about the good times. Second guessing yourself only leads to stagnation and self doubt
Get up and walk or run or exercise and do so frequently to flush out the stress hormones
Start a journal and express your feelings about why it is so right to have ended things
Focus on improving your personal health, wealth, and expanding your relationships with new people
Why Can’t I Let Go of An Ex Who Is Harming Me?
Breakups suck, and missing someone who used to be in your life everyday might be the worst part of it.
I remember in the depths of the depression of my first heartbreak, how when I woke up in the morning, my body had to adjust. I woke up, and before I opened my eyes, I remembered that we were no longer together, that he was no longer mine. I thought all this, but I also new deep inside he was not right for me.
“Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I’m like, “Oh God, is this my life? Was that me?”
– Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Entropy”
So you have to re calibrate. You must re-adjust to the new reality of your life. You are no longer together, and somehow, the world keeps on spinning, even though you feel like your life will never be the same. One part of you despise him for what he did to you. Another part is hungry for his company. I suspect if you are here, you have some sense of what I am talking about.
So Why Can’t I Let Go of a Guy Who Is No Good For Me?
Getting over a toxic man is a battle against your memories of the good and bad times.
Even despite his poor treatment of you, your brain chemistry will conspire against you shortly after break up.
A bad boyfriend is one who beats you down emotionally, this takes a tool on your psyche.
He made you feel inadequate and undeserving of anyone else, telling you no one will want you.
Though your ex has mistreated you far too often, you are afraid to break the bond so as not to rock the boat or disappoint him more.
What Do I Do To Break The Hold My Ex Boyfriend Has On Me
I understand well that those first few days after a breakup are the worst – the days when you have to constantly remind yourself that things have changed.
This is the eye opening times, I like to call them, especially for those women stuck in abusive, toxic relationships with mean, vindictive, and narcissistic men.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz
But where do you go from here? You can’t stay in this broken hearted, confused daze forever.
What do you do to curb those feelings of missing him and escaping that invisible grip he has on your life?
There are numerous steps to this process. You have to first understand why you miss him so much, and you have to take steps to move forward with your life and create change.
To Get Over Him Remind Yourself Why He Made You Feel So Helpless, Worthless and Hopeless
This is what boyfriend con artists do. Some guys, are Prince Charming in the beginning, but as time goes by they reveal their true colors through scheming, manipulation and toxic behavior.
You name it, whether it is emotional abuse, physical abuse, rampant cheating, or brow beating, some guys are just not good relationship partners. If you find he is constantly taking verbal shots at you and saying demeaning things, draining you of your confidence, then yes, your are in an unhealthy relationship.
So why does he do this?
He would have you believe it’s your fault that things are wrong. He would have you believe that you are to blame for why he is upset or why things did not turn out well. A rotten boyfriend is one who is selfish and inconsiderate and is quick to criticize you and belittle you, zapping you of all your confidence and self esteem.
He does this because that is who he is.
That is all you need to know. It is not because of something inadequate in you. It’s him. It’s your ex’s ego centric view of himself and his place in the world.
So let this ex go bye bye.
You don’t need him. The reality is he needs you more. This kind of ex boyfriend is not worthy of any more of your time and emotional energy.
I Know This But How Do I Break Away From Him For Good
I know it can feel like your ex holds a spell over you. You try to end things, but somehow you are back together and the whole cycle of broken promises and emotional abuse begins again. So how do you stop this and move on?
Don’t advertise to him or anyone that you miss him Institute a strict policy of No Contact Indulge in yourself. Put yourself first. Plan on a special outing with friends and leave to do something you have never done before. Write down all the things this bad boy did to you to make you feel small. Hang it somewhere for 1 week, then burn it. Finding peace within yourself through meditation, yoga, and participation in community activities. Keep a level head and your emotional cool and remind yourself that your ex is a figment of your past with each passing day.
Will I Ever Be The Same After What My Ex Did To Me?
Change is hard, and for some people, it’s harder when you our stepping out of a tough relationship.
For example, I got frustrated when the Starbucks that was on the walk to the train station moved a block away. This meant I had to travel an extra distance to get it each morning. It genuinely messed with the vibe of my commute for a full week before I got over it.
And that’s a little thing! Depending on the length and intensity of the relationship, breakups are always a big change to adjust to. And if you felt blindsided by the breakup or you were forced to give him up for your own survival, this can make it even more difficult.
When you have to quit something for your own good, like an ex boyfriend who is a bad egg, it takes a bigger toll on your psyche because irrespective of how he may have mistreated you, there were most likely good times and memories.
It is a huge change when a person who was a part of your daily life all the sudden disappears from it. There are actually studies that show your body goes into a withdrawal from not having that person in your life any longer. The brain of a cocaine addict is similar to that of someone going through a breakup.
So I have 5 things I want you to remember about breakup psychology because knowing these things will help you come out of the fog of depression.
It is important to keep in mind that abuse stings, but by taking the steps to distance yourself from a toxic relationship will be a decision you will never regret. Being rejected is a blow to the ego and can make you cling to a guy who is no good for you. As soon as you let go you will start to see the bigger picture of how you had lost sight of your own worth Doing the things you are asked to do during the No Contact Period will lift your self esteem and confidence. After you get away from a serial cheater and manipulator, you will see your ex for what he really is. A weak, insecure loser. Once you have parted ways with an ex who is damaging everything that you are, you will learn to love yourself and even date yourself.
How to Stop Feeling So Helpless After a Tough Breakup
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz
1. Simple Answer: Take Control Where You Can!
You can’t control that your ex ended things and you can’t go back and undo all of the problems the two of your experienced. Remember, if he has been treating your poorly, he probably did so because he has some hangups. Part of your ex’s game could be to control the structure of the relationship. Guys like this would like to see you beg to be taken back.
But the one thing that you can control is YOU. You can control your decision to end this breakup abuse cycle. Ultimately, the control freak part of your ex won’t like it because he expects you to come crawling back. But don’t. Make the choice of recognizing that this guy you were stuck with is truly a weak man.
You will feel empowered when you give yourself credit for not taking his crap any longer.
2. You Already Know What You Need To Do To Defeat the Monster: A Perpetual No Contact.
Many people think they can get away without a No Contact period. They feel pressured or emotionally obligated to let him know and keep in contact because now he is crying and is sad and asking for mercy.
Don’t put it past a man, who has done all sorts of damage to you in indescribable ways, to resort to begging and guilt trips to get you to just talk to him one more time.
So it’s not enough to sit on your bed, crossing days off the calendar as you keep your promise not to contact your ex. The real work begins with recognizing that the mean streak in your guy is still there because those that are truly really mean and hateful or also very weak when they get called out on their behavior.
3. Become The Girl Every Guy Wants
How do you do this? For starters, envision a girl who is sitting at a bar, surrounded by adoring men. She is beautiful, confident, and making all the men around her laugh and swoon. That is an Ungettable Girl. She makes men want to be with her, and she makes women jealous of her.
Now picture yourself in that place. That is what we are striving for.
4. Focus on the Holy Trinity: Health, Wealth, and Relationships.
Make a list of three or four things you want to accomplish in each area of the trinity. Whenever you start to feel helpless or vulnerable, throw yourself into one of these activities.
Push forward and adopt these core principles into all of your life activities. Remember, this bad boy who was once your boyfriend is in your past. It’s time for you to start anew.
5. Love Yourself and Date Yourself – You Are a Much Better Person To Be Around Than Your Ex
Keep the internal conversations you have with yourself forward looking . This also goes for conversations that you have with mutual acquaintances. If someone asks about your breakup, have a pleasant, canned response, and then change the subject.
Take time to do nice things for yourself. Ask yourself what might be a fun night, then go do it.
When you are able to find fulfillment in your alone time, you will be ready to embrace another soul in your life.
6. Keep Your Emotional Cool If Memories of Him Come Flooding Back
As previously mentioned, emotionally word vomiting on your ex not a healthy behavior. You may get attacked with a set of really ugly memories of what it was like when you were with him. There will be things he may have said that made you feel worthless. Keep your emotional cool in such situations.
It will happen. Undesirable memories will be set off by things.
Things are going to happen that will rattle you. He may have said things that still upset you. You have to realize that you control what you think about. And when you succumb to these bad memories, you are giving him the power to reach from the past to hurt you again. Tell yourself No.
But What If I Slip Up and Want To Just Check On My Past Boyfriend or Set Him Straight?
Is it normal to miss a toxic ex? How can I reframe the thoughts o
Hello Al,
So you have left a toxic relationship, only to find yourself still missing your ex 2 months down the line. Ending any relationship can be tough. Ending a relationship that you considered toxic can be a confusing situation – you may be wondering why you would even be thinking about taking someone back when it was toxic, controlling, and manipulative.
Well, rest assured that you are completely normal. It is good to hear that you have been able to heal from the breakup quickly enough and you are sure it was the right choice for you. We will first look at the reasons why you might be left with some reoccurring thoughts and flashbacks. We will then consider some ways you can manage those voids.
Reasons Why You Miss Your Toxic Ex
There are sound psychological reasons why you miss your ex-partner. Here are the most common explanations:
You still romanticize them and are holding on to false hope:
Is a part of you still clinging on to the hope that they will see the error of their ways, grovel at your feet, and then give you the relationship of your dreams?
If so, you need to shed this illusion before you can move on.
Give yourself a reality check.
Perhaps they were romantic and kind at the start of your relationship, or perhaps they are nice to you for a few days after a fight, but this doesn’t change the fact that they are toxic.
Write a list of all the things they have said and done that reflect their real personality. Read it several times a day.
You made them the center of your universe:
When you love someone, it’s normal to spend a lot of time and effort getting to know them and trying to make them happy.
However, in a toxic relationship, one or both people often take it too far and become obsessed with their partner.
This can leave behind a gaping void when the relationship ends.
If you are co-dependent – that is, you take on too much responsibility for other people’s emotions – you might have based your whole life and even identity around trying to solve your partner’s problems.
For instance, if you were in a relationship with a drug addict, your primary concern on a day-to-day basis may have been to stop them from giving into their addiction.
If they leave, you may want them to come back so you can resume a care-taking role.
They made you believe no one would ever want you:
If you were in an emotionally abusive relationship, your partner may have damaged your self-esteem to the point where you believe no one else will find you desirable.
When you hold a low opinion of yourself, it’s easy to conclude that you’ll be alone forever without your partner.
Remind yourself that you are good enough as you are, that you are worthy of love, and the cruel things your ex said to reflect their personality and not your looks or character.
Abusive people tear down their victims’ self-esteem as it makes them easier to control.
They had some good qualities:
Few people are completely evil. Your ex may have been toxic, but they probably had some positive traits – otherwise, why would you have fallen in love with them?
It’s OK to acknowledge that your ex sometimes made you feel genuinely happy.
However, it doesn’t change the fact that they are an unhealthy influence and you have done the right thing by removing them from your life.
Every relationship is a learning experience.
Your ex may have taught you some valuable lessons about spotting toxic people, but they might also have shown you the kind of traits you like in a partner.
You’ve had to change your lifestyle since the relationship ended:
If you were financially dependent on your ex, your standard of living may have dropped when the relationship ended.
You might feel as though you miss your ex, but in fact you may be missing the trappings of the old life you shared together.
You might also have lost some friends when you split up.
For example, if you met most of your friends through your ex and they decided it would be too awkward to hang out with you after the breakup, you might feel lonely.
You will need to rebuild your social network, which is a big challenge.
It can be doubly hard if your self-image has been left in tatters.
Remember, missing someone isn’t a reliable sign that they deserve a place in your life.
You can also miss someone and yet realize that they have serious flaws that make a healthy relationship impossible.
Consider the following to help you move on from your thoughts about missing her:
Figure out who you want to be with
You have to stop thinking about this person because they’re bad for you, plain and simple.
They bring out the ugliest sides of you, and you might also bring out the ugliest sides of them.
Is that really the kind of relationship you want, the kind of dynamic you want to grow old with?
You deserve better, and an easy way to get yourself to stop obsessing over them is by truly understanding how bad it was, and how good a better relationship can be.
So imagine what your ideal partner might be like.
Imagine someone who:
Gives you strength when you’re feeling down
Makes you calm when you’re feeling out of control
Hears you out, no matter how silly your thoughts might be
Shares your exact sense of humor
Values all your intricacies and quirks
Love you for who you are, truly
Always meets you halfway and respects you at every turn
Envision what it would be like to be with this person, and tell yourself: this doesn’t have to be a dream.
This can be someone who truly exists in your life, as long as you seek them out.
Let go of the grudge
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. You could have broken up with your ex years ago only to realize problems in your relationship still sneak up on you.
This old saying tricks people into thinking that moving on is a passive process; that after separating from a major person in your life, everything will naturally back into place like nothing ever happened.
In reality, if you want to stop thinking about someone, you have to stop thinking about the relationship altogether.
Stop replaying fights, stop thinking about things you could have said or things you could have done differently.
In ways they could have improved to save the relationship. The relationship is over; there is no point running simulations in your head.
At the end to day, all this does is make all wounds fresh again.
If you really want to move on, make a conscious effort to forgive your ex and take it for what it is: good, bad, and ugly.
Understand the difference between obsession and intuition
You’ve maintained your distance, you’ve attempted to move on, maybe you’ve even started seeing other people.
But no matter how much you try, your mind always circles back to your ex.
You could be hanging out with a new person and all you could think about are the stupid inside jokes you had with your ex.
Now before you think this is a sign from the universe compelling you to try again, consider how this might just be your brain’s way of obsessing over every single detail.
Don’t get caught up in the positive feelings and try to remember the relationship for what it truly was.
This is not your subconscious telling you you’re meant for each other; consider this as a sign that there are residual issues from the previous relationship that you might still need to work on.
Plan new goals
While you can’t ever go back in time to change the course of events that transpired between you and your ex, the good news is that the future always feels hopeful.
Teach yourself to stop looking back at your life by setting goals for yourself. It’s easier to move forward when you have something great to look forward to.
Plan that trip you’ve been postponing with friends. Enroll on that online platform you’ve been eyeing for a while.
Your life doesn’t stop just because a chapter of your life has closed. Use this momentum to drive yourself forward and try out new things for yourself.
Consider talking to someone new
It’s probably not the best idea to start flirting with someone else while things are still fresh, but it won’t do you any harm if you start talking to someone new.
You don’t have to dive into a new relationship immediately but the point is to keep an open mind.
Instead of shying away from strangers, be open to the possibility of meeting someone new.
The goal isn’t to get into a relationship; it’s just an easy way to open up your horizons and remind yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Even if you’re starting with the premise of being just friends, getting to know someone new is a great way to move forward.
Instead of spending your days mulling over old conversations, channel your energy towards opening yourself up to a new person.
You are in a good place with your healing and remember just like everyone else you deserve a healthy relationship that meets your needs and be with someone who complements you and your happiness.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Gaynor
Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex
WHY YOU CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX: Is your Ex always on your mind? Do you think about your Ex first thing in the morning, throughout the day, and last thing at night? Does every little thing trigger memories of your Ex?
If you are like many (most? all?) people struggling with the aftermath of a painful breakup — even a breakup that you know was the right thing for both of you — you may find yourself tormented with non-stop thoughts about your Ex.
Have you ever found yourself saying (or thinking) “How do I stop caring about my Ex? Why am I still thinking about my Ex? I don’t care! But I do…” Like so many of our breakup counseling clients or divorce recovery clients, you’re wanting to fully heal your heart so that you can let go of the past, and move forward into a new future.
Obsessed With Your Ex? It’s Not Just You…
As we all know — letting go of a relationship is easier said than done. It’s close to impossible to turn off your feelings for someone else, even when you know, logically, that the relationship should be over. It’s especially hard when you thought you were getting over your Ex, but then they move on with a new partner, and the feelings flare up all over again. Nothing like thinking about your Ex having sex with someone new to rip the slowly healing scab right off again. Ouch.
Many people come to us for therapy or coaching after a breakup or divorce for this exact reason: They need support in figuring out how to move past the past, reclaim their power, and start feeling good again. The most maddening thing is often knowing the relationship is over…and yet they’re still thinking about their Ex. Still fantasizing about them even. They sometimes think about getting back together with their Ex, or whether they should try to rekindle the relationship. Sometimes they try… and quickly remember all the very good reasons why they broke up.
And yet, despite knowing that the relationship is wrong for them (or perhaps even toxic) they still think about their Ex. They still care about their Ex. They still feel jealous knowing that their Ex has moved on. They hurt… and they want it to stop.
But how? How can you break your attachment to someone? How do you turn off the feelings? How do you stop thinking about your Ex?
Why You’re Still Thinking About Your Ex
One of the first things we do with breakup and divorce recovery clients in therapy or coaching is helping them make sense of their feelings so that they can learn and grow from them. Also, we need to normalize what is happening: Having lingering feelings for an Ex is very common, and there are many complex reasons for it.
Sometimes, people can’t get past a breakup because they have unfinished emotional business with the past. They have lingering feelings of guilt, anger, regret, or pain that are holding them in the past. They may never have gotten closure around their relationship having ended. They need to do the work of growing and healing before they can move on.
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they’re making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have. The path to healing here is to focus on growing your own self-confidence, and feeling like you’re moving towards your goals.
Perhaps the most insidious kind of Ex-attachment is that related to your biology: When you don’t understand how you’re maintaining your attachment to your Ex on a neurological level, you can get stuck for years — even though you want desperately to move on. (For much more on this subject check out my book, “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love”)
Yes, it’s hard to stop thinking about your Ex, but it’s also necessary. Not being able to move on emotionally after a breakup or divorce can impact your life in major ways. Here are just a few of the consequences you might be experiencing… Can you relate?
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