Top 46 My Partner Doesn'T Know How To Comfort Me The 82 Correct Answer

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Contents

What to do when your partner doesn’t know how do you comfort you?

What to Do if Your Partner Is Bad at Comforting You

1 Find a quiet time to talk about your feelings.
2 Explain how you’re feeling in a non-confrontational way.
3 Point out examples of when they are supportive.
4 Give an example of when you needed more comfort.
5 Ask if there are times they don’t know what to do.

How do you get your partner to comfort you?

BE A GOOD LISTENER

Often, your partner just wants to share what he/she is feeling with you. So, when your partner tells you something, do not just respond with opinions, judgments, or requests to calm down. Give him or her the time to express feelings.

Why does my boyfriend not comfort me when im sad?

He doesn’t know how to comfort you.

Maybe your partner is simply clueless about what to do when you cry, and he feels too awkward to try to wipe away your tears. Solving your problem could be as easy as letting him know what you would like him to do in those situations and helping him feel more comfortable doing it.

How do you comfort someone who doesn’t know how they feel?

According to McKay and McKay (2019) these are the few steps we can take to comfort someone.

1. “ …
Affirm that their feelings make sense. …
Draw out their feelings inorder to better understand what they feel. …
Don’t minimize their pain or focus only on cheering them up. …
Offer physical affection if appropriate.

What does emotional abandonment look like?

Emotional abandonment is, “other people not meeting your emotional needs, leaving you feeling rejected, unloved, or painfully lonely,” explains Kibby McMahon, PhD, a clinical psychologist and co-host of the podcast “A Little Help for Our Friends.”

Why does my partner not care when I cry?

It’s possible that he’s anxious or worried that he’ll start crying too, making him back away and act as if he doesn’t care what you’re doing. For example, the two of you are arguing over a misunderstanding in which he thought you were supposed to call him and you thought he was supposed to call you.

What is emotional neglect in a relationship?

Emotional neglect in a relationship is the absence of enough emotional awareness and response. It may be invisible to everyone, even the couple themselves, yet it’s painful. Both partners are hurt by what is not there.

What is emotional invalidation?

By definition, invalidation is the process of denying, rejecting or dismissing someone’s feelings. Invalidation sends the message that a person’s subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.

What does stonewalling mean in a relationship?

In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or refuses to interact with another person.

What do you do when your partner is not expressive?

How To Handle A Partner Who Isn’t Very Emotional

Don’t Push Them. …
Specifically Invite Their Emotions To Join The Situation. …
Never Judge Their Emotions. …
Realize There’s A Reason Why They Can’t Be Emotional. …
Tread Lightly. …
Be Aware Of Your Own Responses. …
Learn To Accept It.

What causes emotional detachment?

As a result of abuse

Sometimes, emotional detachment may result from traumatic events, such as childhood abuse or neglect. Children who live through abuse or neglect may develop emotional detachment as a means of survival. Children require a lot of emotional connection from their parents or caregivers.

How do I get my boyfriend to understand how I feel?

15 Easy tips to get your partner to understand what you’re feeling

Use “I” statements instead of “You” Don’t say: …
Keep it short. …
Learn to understand your partner as well. …
Be calm. …
Your body language matters. …
Discuss your emotions in your conversations. …
Explain what you feel clearly. …
Remind your partner that they are enough.

What to say to someone who is struggling emotionally?

11 ways to help someone struggling emotionally

Validate their emotions. Letting someone know that they are not alone and being open to what they want to share is an important step. …
Just show up. …
Be a good listener. …
Keep things confidential. …
Keep the door open. …
Spend time with them. …
Offer praise. …
Offer practical help.

What is being emotionless called?

Nonmedical terms describing similar conditions include emotionless and impassive. People with the condition are called alexithymics or alexithymiacs.

What should you not say when comforting someone?

Free E-Book: #1 Social Skill Superpower

Reassure or Distract. The first set is the least worst things you can say. …
Condemn or Criticize Their Behavior. …
Tell Them How to Behave. …
Delegitimize Their Feelings. …
Make Them Feel Inferior. …
Tell Them How to Feel. …
Focus on Your Own Feelings. …
Over-Involve Yourself in Their Life.

What causes emotional detachment?

As a result of abuse

How do I console upset my husband?

Here are some effective strategies for dealing with an angry partner.

De-escalate and Neutralize Emotionality. …
Be Assertive and Respectful. …
Communicate Constructively, Understand, and Validate. …
Practice Patience and Compassion. …
Pick Your Battles and Think Long-Term. …
Reflect on Your Actions and Understand the Triggers.

How do you use the significant other console?

Experts Explain How To Help Your Partner Cope With Loss

Let Them Cry. Shutterstock. …
Let Them Know It’s OK To Not Be OK. …
Give Them Room To Grieve In Unique Ways. …
Be Comfortable With Silence. …
Offer Practical Help. …
Avoid Potentially Hurtful Clichés. …
Let Them Talk About Things Over And Over. …
Be A Spokesperson.

How do I comfort my boyfriend over text?

How to Make Your Boyfriend Happy over Text

Send him a pic.
Compliment him.
Tell him when something reminds you of him.
Ask questions to get him to open up about himself.
Ask him for a recommendation.
Open with something interesting.
Tell him something about your day.
Laugh when he makes a joke.

\”My Husband Doesn’t Know How To Comfort Me\” | Paul Friedman

What to Do if Your Partner Is Bad at Comforting You

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He Just Doesn’t Get How to Comfort Me!

How many times have you found yourself frustrated that your significant other can’t comfort you at the very time you need it the most? Is he or she unable to see that your eyes are bloodshot? Incapable of empathizing with your pain? Or just afraid of your inevitable tears?

Well, perhaps all three, in various combinations, could account for what feels like a loved one’s insensitivity. But is it really insensitivity? In today’s blog, I’ll offer some suggestions for how you might encourage your partner to offer support when you need it most. For the sake of pronoun simplicity, I’m going to assume that you are a female and your partner is a male; but, if you are in a relationship where the genders differ from my examples, just substitute the genders that work for you.

The first thing is to do a bit of detective work. Are there times when your partner is immensely supportive? Are there circumstances when he does “get it” and doesn’t hesitate to offer emotional support? If so, you’re in luck, because that suggests that certain situations are ones that he shies away from, rather than every circumstance where you’re emotionally needy.

So, the next step in your detective work is to find a quiet time to raise with him your feelings of confusion. But first, you’ll want to say something like, “You know, I’m always so grateful when you give me emotional support. Like when I was so bummed out last month after I didn’t get the raise I expected, or earlier when I was frustrated that my boss was imposing unrealistic deadlines. It feels so good when you find just the words to comfort me. Have I ever told you that?”

Hopefully he’ll respond with appreciation, which will allow you to continue with something like, “That’s why I’m so confused during those times that you seem oblivious to my sadness—like earlier this week, when you had to have known I’d been crying after I got my period, or when the infertility clinic called to tell me they’d have to change our appointment and I was frustrated to the point of tears. Both of those times, you were just matter-of-fact when I really needed you to be more comforting.”

This level of inquiry moves you closer in several ways to understanding what could be going on. You want to be non-confrontational about this and ask for your partner’s help in understanding his perspective. You want to let him know that you do notice and appreciate those times that he offers emotional support. And you want to ask why there are times that he doesn’t offer the support that you need.

So here are some possible answers he might offer:

1. “You know, it’s a lot easier to offer support when you’re angry about something. You’re usually willing to talk about it, and even if you rant and rave, I feel like I’m doing something to help by letting you get it out of your system.”

2. “Well, in the examples you mentioned from your office, I felt frustrated on your behalf and, as I recall, after you settled down I offered several suggestions of strategies you might try with your boss.”

3. “Now that I think about it, I realize that any time you have a problem that brings you to tears, I feel pretty inadequate. It’s easier for me when you’re angry than when you’re sad.”

4. “Our infertility is such a source of sadness for both of us. I know I shy away from encouraging you to talk about it, because it will bring up such sadness in me.”

5. “I know I can comfort you with talk about how to use different strategies. But when a problem like our infertility has defied both us and our doctors, I don’t know how to comfort you.”

So where does this detective work leave you? Actually, in quite a good place. You’ve learned in response #1 that your partner is comfortable with your anger and that he knows that being a good listener is something he can do. In response #2, he shows that he can empathize with your frustration and that he can mobilize his comforting techniques to include strategizing with you about possible next steps. In responses #3, 4, and 5, his reaction shows that he doesn’t know how to comfort you when you’re sad, especially over an issue that doesn’t have a clear solution—and, even worse, if it arouses his own feelings of sadness.

So we now know that there is a toxic issue that blocks his capacity to comfort you, and whether that issue is infertility, a chronic illness, a health problem, an emotional loss, or something else, the challenge you both face is how to share more fully the impact of this in your lives.

The good news is that (hopefully) there are either issues or emotions that your partner feels adequate to respond to in a comforting way. The challenging piece is to identify what issue(s) are red flags that make your partner feel inadequate or emotionally vulnerable. Once both of you can talk about his feeling more adequate and more emotionally supported, you are on your way to finding mutual comfort in your relationship.

So, for example, when your partner says he doesn’t know how to comfort you when you’re sad, what he really is saying is that none of his old behaviors (good listening, strategizing) seem up to the challenge. I often have been amazed to watch my female clients tell their partners what would comfort them when they’re sad (hugs, cuddling, some chocolate, undivided attention), only to have the partners say something like “You’re kidding! That’s all?” Some guys feel that if they can’t “fix” the problem there’s nothing more to be done. They don’t fully appreciate until you tell them clearly that there are ways to comfort you in your sadness, and that their very efforts to do so will be immensely reassuring.

It also is possible that, in their own childhood homes, tears were toxic and comfort was never modeled. Helping your partner to understand what he can do to comfort you will be a gift to him. And, of course, once he begins to show his capacity for responding with empathy to your tears or emotional despair, your feedback and appreciation will help him to feel more adequate.

So, next we need to think about the issue of emotional vulnerability that your sadness may evoke in your partner. The suggestion here is that the toxic issue is a shared issue, raising mutual sadness and perhaps some anticipatory mourning in each of you. And what we know about mourning is that it proceeds on different pathways for different people. So you and your partner may be in different places in your efforts to grieve, to make sense of a loss, or to make decisions about your future.

There are several things for both of you to consider if emotional vulnerability is getting in the way of offering comfort. One is that, in spite of all the gender stereotypes that guys have grown up with, it is not the male’s responsibility always to be strong for his female partner. Here is where you need to say to him: “This is a shared sadness and it would help me a lot if you could talk with me about the emotions it is bringing up in you.” Or, “I feel lonely being the only one to share my feelings. I’m sure you have feelings too, and I really wish you would talk with me about them.” This effort to give one another mutual support can go a long way toward making both of you feel less vulnerable.

Another aspect of emotional vulnerability is the way in which it seems to stretch to fill every moment and every room. The worry is that once you bring up the toxic issue, it will overwhelm you. So, there are two ways of trying to contain the emotionality associated with this issue (and the inevitable related ones) in your lives.

One way is to agree to set limits on when and where you discuss the issue. I usually tell my clients to agree on a time limit they will respect: perhaps 15 minutes three times a week (with exceptions for crises and emergencies), and to identify a place in the house where these conversations can occur: absolutely not in the bedroom and preferably not in a place with frequent distractions or interruptions). Once you and your partner know that there will be times set aside each week for discussions, decisions, and emotions, it becomes easier not to feel overwhelmed.

A second way to address issues of emotional vulnerability is to talk with a therapist about constructive ways of coping. This can be a good investment of both time and money, as it will set the stage for additional ways of being emotionally responsive to one another as partners, as well as helping both of you to understand any issues of grieving that you may be grappling with in different ways.

So, when trying to help your partner learn how to give you emotional comfort, your quest may actually have the effect of making your relationship stronger. Not only will you have learned how to initiate good emotional detective work, but you also will have engaged your partner in sharing his feelings around whatever toxic issues you may encounter together in your lives.

Is Lack of Emotional Support a Problem in Your Relationship?

Is Lack of Emotional Support a Problem in Your Relationship?

Do you and your partner have difficulties because one or both of you feel emotionally unsupported? Or do one of you struggle with “being there” for your partner when he/she is upset or feeling down? If so, this activity should help.

People differ in how they want to be supported and problems arise when one partner does not meet the needs or expectations of the other. For example, a partner more in tune with feelings may share emotions when looking for support; however, if the other partner is not as emotional, he/she may respond in a way that feels unsupported, invalidated, or dismissed. These issues often create the following cycles: “I Am Not Overreacting!” and “I Need You to Listen, Not Fix it!”

I AM NOT OVERREACTING

In this cycle, partners may differ on emotional expressiveness, reactivity, or sensitivity. One partner may feel unsupported when he/she seeks emotional support and the other partner responds in a way that feels invalidating such as by saying, “oh, that’s not a big deal” or by refusing to talk to the partner until he/she “calms down”. This can cause a lot of hurt, sadness, and resentment.

The partner who is less emotionally reactive or expressive may not understand why his/her partner is upset and may feel attacked when his/her partner accuses him/her of not caring. However, he/she may not understand why something is a big deal and may feel he/she is helping when he/she tells the partner to “relax”. This can often lead to frustration and both partners feeling misunderstood.

The Partner Who Feels Emotionally Unsupported

Although you used to turn to your partner for emotional support, over time you’ve learned that your partner likely won’t be there for you in the way you want. As a result, you may get very upset when your partner doesn’t support you, react with surface emotions such as anger or frustration, or eventually open up less to your partner. Tips to improve this cycle:

1. REMEMBER NATURAL DIFFERENCES

Remember your DEEP Understanding and consider how each of the DEEP components could be contributing to both your and your partner’s feelings. You and your partner likely have natural differences in emotionally expressiveness and/or sensitivity. Remember, your partner isn’t trying to be unsupportive. When your partner does not respond in the way you need, try not to respond with anger, frustration, or other surface emotions that could make your partner react. Instead, talk with your partner and give him/her some tips on how he/she could respond in ways that would make you feel more supported.

2 STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Because you feel unsupported, you likely also feel disconnected from your partner. Therefore, one suggestion is to increase intimacy in other domains. For example, if you both are comfortable with touch, consider cuddling, hugs, or even sex as a way to feel more connected. Other suggestions include prioritizing date nights or planning to do something fun together at least once a week such as doing a physical activity, cooking together, playing a game, or watching TV.

3. OTHER TYPES OF SUPPORT

Try to recognize the ways your partner does support you (e.g., financially, helping around the house, supportive of career or school, etc.) By not dismissing these other types of support as valid, you are more likely to be less biased in how you view your partner and are more likely to feel supported, even if your partner is not as sensitive or emotional.

4. CAN SOMEONE ELSE PROVIDE SUPPORT?

While you certainly don’t want to shut your partner out and not share any of your feelings, it may be that a friend or family member is going to be more naturally supportive. If you know that your partner “just doesn’t get” why you’re upset about a particular topic, consider talking with someone else instead. In this case, acceptance of natural differences may be your best solution.

The Partner Who is Told He/She is Emotionally Unsupportive

After hearing over and over how insensitive or unsupportive you are, you may feel frustrated and hurt. You may also feel stuck because you don’t know how to make things better or like you are being punished for not being as emotional. These feelings may make you pull away from your partner or respond very defensively. Tips to improve this cycle:

1. BE A GOOD LISTENER

Being a supportive and validating partner starts with being a good listener. Often, your partner just wants to share what he/she is feeling with you. So, when your partner tells you something, do not just respond with opinions, judgments, or requests to calm down. Give him or her the time to express feelings. Also, use body language to show that you are listening. It is important that you make eye contact, turn your body towards them, and stop whatever you are doing.

2 THE KEY TO LISTENING

You can recognize your partner’s feelings as valid without agreeing with him/her. Therefore, do not respond with statements that undermine your partner’s feelings like “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting”. Instead, summarize his/her feelings to show understanding. Try to say things like, “I can tell you’re feeling really upset, frustrated, hurt, etc.” or “It sounds like that situation was really hard for you.” Remember, your partner is entitled to his/her feelings just as you are. By responding in a way that summarizes your partner’s feelings, your partner will feel heard and supported.

3. ASK WHAT YOUR PARTNER NEEDS

At a time when your partner is NOT upset, have a conversation about what you could do when he/she is upset that would feel good to your partner. Your partner might have some very simple ideas that would help.

I NEED YOU TO LISTEN, NOT FIX IT

Here, one partner may feel unheard and unsupported when he/she seeks support and the other partner starts problem solving or tries to “fix it” instead of listening. This can cause feelings of invalidation, hurt, sadness, and loneliness.The partner whose first instinct to try to help their partner solve the problem may feel annoyed or frustrated because it may feel like the partner “must enjoy being upset” if the partner doesn’t want to fix the problem. So, while he/she initially felt the desire to help the partner, he/she eventually tunes out the partner because he/she feels powerless to change the partner’s situation.

The Expressive Partner

You may feel hurt or frustrated when you are turning to your partner for emotional support and he/she responds with problem solving. This can leave you feeling like he/she doesn’t care for your needs. Tips to improve this cycle:

1. EXPECTATIONS

Are there any ways in which your partner does provide support? Are there sometimes when your partner’s problem solving is helpful? This is an important question because when you are upset about something, you are more likely to focus on what your partner is NOT doing to your satisfaction instead of focusing on when his/her response to “fix it” is helpful. By asking yourself this question every day, you’re more likely to notice and appreciate when your partner is meeting your needs. If you’re still feel you need more support, use the problem solving activity in the 4th phase to identify other ways he/she can provide the support you need.

2. SPEAKER SKILLS APPLY

Whenever you share your frustrations with your partner or ask him/her for more help, remember your Speaker Skills. Make sure to watch your tone of voice and not use blaming language. As much as you want him/her to respond to your emotional needs in a certain way, communicating often in a more demanding way will likely result in him/her pulling away and you not getting your desired outcome.

3. TELL PARTNER WHAT YOU WANT

If you know your partner has a tendency to jump right into problem solving, start the conversation saying something like “I’m really upset and I just need you to listen to me for a few minutes, okay?” That can help your partner get into the right mindset.

4. USE THE SPEAKER/LISTENER STRUCTURE

While you certainly don’t want to use it for every conversation, if you’ve repeatedly tried to talk with your partner about a particular topic and he/she just doesn’t listen, consider using the speaker/listener structure. In fact, we have an activity in the Strengthen phase of this program that will allow you to have a speaker/listener conversation about anything you want.

The Problem Solving Partner

If your partner reacts negatively to your problem solving, you may feel frustrated because your partner does not recognize you are trying to help. Additionally, you may not know how to provide support in the way your partner wants which leaves you feeling sad and/or annoyed. Tips to improve this cycle:

1. ACTIVE LISTENING

It may come more naturally for you to jump into problem solving when your partner expresses him/herself, but that can often feel invalidating to your partner when he/she just wants you to listen. Show you are listening by asking questions.

2. REMEMBER YOUR LISTENER TIPS

Practice how to be a good listener: a) summarize; b) don’t defend or justify; and c) don’t jump in right away. Try practicing these skills in addition to not telling your partner what to do.

3. ASK HOW YOU CAN BE HELPFUL

If you are unsure if your partner wants advice, ask “are you coming to me for advice or do you want me to listen?” The fact you are asking your partner for his/her needs will help him/her feel supported.

4. NATURAL DIFFERENCES

Remember your DEEP Understanding and consider how each of the DEEP components could be contributing to both your and your partner’s feelings. You and your partner likely have natural differences in emotionally expressiveness. Read the other drop down option “I Am Not Overreacting!” for more tips on how to provide greater emotional support.

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Why Doesn’t He Comfort Me When I Cry? (10 Reasons + What to Do)

Get expert help dealing with a partner who doesn’t seem to care when you cry. Click here to chat online to someone right now.

When you cry, you’d expect your partner to hold you, wipe your tears away, and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Instead, he just ignores you and doesn’t seem to care that you would like nothing more than for him to comfort you.

Isn’t he supposed to make you feel better? Well, probably, but maybe there’s a good explanation for his lack of empathy.

You are going to learn the possible reasons why he doesn’t seem to care about your feelings, as well as the ways you can approach this problem and find the solution.

Things might not change so easily, but as long as your partner is willing to put some effort into it, you can have a healthier relationship.

10 Reasons Why Your Partner Ignores You When You Cry

Tears come when we’re sad and leave us feeling vulnerable, but they can cause some people to back away instead of reaching out to comfort us.

The thing is, not everyone has a healthy attitude toward crying. Many men were raised to think that crying is a sign of weakness.

On the other hand, maybe your partner truly doesn’t care enough about you to be concerned when you cry. He might even assume that you are using tears to get something from him.

There are many reasons why your partner might ignore you when you cry, so keep reading and see what applies to your situation.

1. He doesn’t know how to comfort you.

Some people simply aren’t good at comforting others. Maybe your partner is simply clueless about what to do when you cry, and he feels too awkward to try to wipe away your tears.

Solving your problem could be as easy as letting him know what you would like him to do in those situations and helping him feel more comfortable doing it.

Maybe he is not used to it, and he just needs some practice. This is especially true if no one ever cared when he cries, if he ever cries in front of others.

Some people, especially men, aren’t comfortable with crying in general, but more on that later.

2. He lacks empathy.

Is your man capable of understanding and sharing emotions with other people?

If he has no empathy for others, it should come as no surprise that he shows none for you and your tears.

He has trouble relating to you and feeling what you feel, but that doesn’t have to be such a huge problem. Learning to be more empathetic is not easy. Your partner would have to be willing to put a lot of effort into it.

Lack of empathy isn’t the worst reason for him to not care when you cry. It’s certainly better than if he didn’t care about you to begin with.

3. He doesn’t know how to deal with strong emotions.

Many men find it hard to deal with emotions, whether it’s their own or their partner’s. While hugging you when you’re hurting might come naturally to some men, others will find it difficult because they don’t know how to react to such strong emotions.

How does your partner react to other emotional situations? Does he cry sometimes?

If he’s the strong silent type that likes to keep quiet about his own emotions, it’s not surprising that he can’t react properly to yours.

If he gets quiet and distant in all emotional situations, especially negative ones, his problem is not about your tears.

On the other hand, if he only ignores you when you cry, the reason is probably something else.

4. He thinks crying is wrong.

As already mentioned, some men were raised to think that there’s something wrong with crying. They often think that it’s a sign of weakness and that it’s not manly to cry, or, at the very least, that crying is unimportant and unnecessary.

If your partner was raised to think that way, he won’t be able to understand your tears and react to seeing them in the way you’d expect him to.

You should help him to, not just for your sake, but for his sake as well. There’s nothing wrong with crying, regardless of gender, age, or anything else.

He should find a way to be okay with being vulnerable and expressing his emotions, and a skilled professional could help him get there.

5. He got used to you crying.

How often do you cry?

Maybe you have cried in front of him so many times lately that it has become normal to him. Perhaps he used to comfort you, but he gave up because it kept happening, and he had nothing new to say or do that could help you.

If you frequently cry and he believes it’s because of trivial things, it could be the reason that he started to ignore you.

Maybe he is less sympathetic because you’ve needed him too many times. He might think that nothing he could do would make you happy again.

If this is the case, and you don’t have an extremely understandable reason to cry so often (such as grieving the loss of someone dear to you), try to dig deep and get to the root of the problem.

If you are constantly finding small reasons to cry, try to figure out whether there’s a bigger reason that you’re not addressing that could actually be causing your unhappiness.

6. He thinks crying is a form of manipulation.

Crying can be used to get what you want. We learn this as kids. So, your partner knows that tears can be used to manipulate someone, not just express sadness.

Whether you are doing it or not, if he thinks that you are trying to manipulate him, that’s likely the reason he ignores you. Maybe his ex-girlfriends used to emotionally blackmail him by crying whenever he wouldn’t do what they wanted him to.

If you stop crying when he does what you asked from him, he probably thinks that you started to cry to get him to do it in the first place. He may now assume that you’re trying to manipulate him every time you cry in front of him, whether it’s the truth or not, and therefore ignores your tears.

7. He doesn’t care about you.

Unfortunately, one of the possible reasons why your partner doesn’t care when you cry is that he doesn’t care about you to begin with.

There are a lot of other possible reasons though, so you shouldn’t look at this problem separately from the other ones that you may or may not have in your relationship.

Does your partner treat you well and try to make you happy besides the situations when you cry?

If he is showing that he cares less about you than he did before in more ways than just ignoring your tears, he might have already checked out of the relationship.

Don’t jump to conclusions before considering all the facts though. If you are otherwise happy with your partner, his behavior regarding tears might have little or nothing to do with his feelings for you.

8. He is afraid that he’ll cry too.

Maybe your man doesn’t mind it when you are vulnerable, but he wouldn’t like to be vulnerable too.

The reason he ignores your tears might be because they are too emotional for him, and he doesn’t want to cry too. He acts like he doesn’t care and backs away because he’s worried that he’ll start crying too.

Maybe he doesn’t want to let you see his emotions, so he walks away when you turn on the waterworks. This is especially true if his feelings could be hurt too.

9. He just wants to fix the problem.

A lot of men assume that the only way of dealing with a problem is by fixing it.

While you need your partner to hold you and comfort you by talking about feelings, he might be busy thinking about the solution to make the tears stop.

He doesn’t think that talking about the problem or crying about it with you will solve it. To him it’s simple – if you are crying about a leaky roof, he should go fix the roof or hire someone to do it. He thinks that there is no point in talking about how bad it feels to have a leaking roof.

You can help him understand that sometimes he’s fixing the problem simply by listening to you talk about it.

10. He doesn’t think that you have a reason to cry.

In the end, your partner could be perfectly fine with comforting you. He just doesn’t understand why you’re crying in the first place.

If he doesn’t think that you have a reason to cry, try to explain it to him better. Let him know what you need from him as well.

If you communicate well, you can solve this problem together, so let’s see all the things that you could do.

10 Things You Can Do If Your Man Doesn’t Care When You Cry

Depending on the reason, you can help your man change his attitude toward tears.

Regardless of his reasons, maybe he would be willing to put effort into improving himself and showing you more affection in ways you like to receive it.

If you need your man to show care when you cry, there’s nothing wrong with that. He should be able to understand it and work on giving you what you need.

If your man refuses to change, you will have no choice but to either accept things as they are and seek comfort elsewhere or end the relationship and find someone more compassionate.

Try the following first though, because fixing the problem in your relationship might be easier than you think.

1. Think about how often you cry and why.

Have you’ve been crying too often lately? Do little things make you cry because there’s something big that you’re trying to push under the rug?

If so, try talking to a therapist about it. Spend some time really thinking about the reasons you cry and try to get to the root.

A therapist can help you deal with these problems and start smiling more often. While your partner should be there for you when you need him, he can’t solve all your problems and you shouldn’t expect him to.

If you are crying frequently, there’s a problem that you need to start addressing.

2. Talk to your partner.

Think about what you want to say to your partner and find the appropriate quiet time to say it.

Instead of criticizing him for not comforting you, talk about how that makes you feel. You probably feel lonely when he shuts down.

If you can remember a time when he did what you wanted in a situation when you cried, mention it, and say how that made you feel too. You probably felt loved when he put his arm around you while you were crying.

Be specific when you talk about what he did back then and communicate your feelings well. He should start to understand your needs better.

3. Give him examples of when you needed him and why.

While you should mention the times when he was there for you, give him examples of when he wasn’t and how that made you feel.

Mention specific situations and what you wish that he had done differently.

Don’t be dismissive if he responds by explaining the ways he did support you at those times. He might even make you notice that he shows you support in ways you didn’t even think about. Either way, try to explain why you need him to behave differently at such times.

For instance, maybe you can understand that he can’t relate to what you are feeling when you cry, but if he would hug you, it would make you feel better. It’s a way he can help fix the problem.

Try not to blame him for everything and focus on your feelings.

4. Ask him if he doesn’t know what to do.

Let him open up about his feelings because maybe he feels frustrated or helpless when he sees your tears.

Ask him if he doesn’t know how to react at those times. Maybe he feels like he needs to either solve the problem or get out of your way and let you process your feelings on your own.

Ask him how he likes to be comforted when he’s hurting. If he would like nothing more but to be alone with his thoughts at times like that, it makes sense that he assumes you want the same.

It also makes sense that seeing you cry is painful to him.

Talk about your feelings, and you might be surprised with what you learn about your man.

5. Explain what you would like him to do.

It might feel silly to tell someone that you need them to hug you when you cry, but it’s worth trying if it will help your man understand your needs better.

Let him know that you’d like to cuddle with him when you feel sad, or that you just need to talk to him about the problem and you just need him to be there and listen.

Maybe you could even mention some specific ways he could cheer you up when you’re hurting.

Don’t be afraid to explain what you want from him because solving your problem might even be that simple, even if it doesn’t seem that way now.

6. Ask for what you need when you need it.

Men sometimes say that their lives would be easier if women would just ask for what they need when they need it, instead of making them figure out what’s on their minds. Why not test that theory?

When you need a hug, ask for one!

You’d like your man to intuitively know how to comfort you, but if he doesn’t, try just asking for what you want from him.

With time, he will learn what you need, and reacting that way will become normal to him.

Don’t do the whole “You can do what you want” thing to wait to see if he’ll make the wrong move. Say what you want, and you will probably get it.

7. Appreciate his efforts.

If your partner has already been putting at least a little effort into comforting you, show appreciation for that. The same goes for any progress he might make after you try the suggestions from this article.

After you have a conversation about it, and your partner starts giving you what you need when you’re sad, show him that it makes you feel better and that you are grateful for the effort he’s putting into being a better partner to you.

Even if things still aren’t exactly the way you want them to be, appreciate his efforts. This will encourage him to keep trying to make you happy.

8. Be there for him.

Just like your partner should be there for you, you should be there for him. Just remember that he might need a different kind of support than you do.

While your response to sadness is to cry, maybe he needs to take a walk, play sports, or watch TV when he feels blue.

Let him tell you how he needs to be comforted without assuming that he needs the same things you do.

When he feels sad, respect his need to do whatever it is that he does to make himself better. Ask him what he needs from you. If he needs to be alone, don’t pressure him into letting his emotions out the same way you do.

9. Get support from your friends and family.

Your partner is not the only one who could be there for you at times of need.

Sometimes, he might not be the right person to talk to about the problem. Your family or your friends might understand you better or be able to help you in ways you are used to receiving help.

Don’t forget that you can also seek the help of a therapist, who likely has more insight into situations like the one you’re dealing with than your loved ones do.

If your loved ones can’t relate to the problem you’re experiencing, there’s always someone who can. You can talk to a professional about anything that bothers you.

10. Learn to self-soothe.

You should definitely get support from your loved ones when you need it, and even the help of a therapist in overcoming your problems.

However, there are also things that only you can do. Sometimes, you will have to deal with problems alone. So, learn to self-soothe and make yourself happy.

Don’t always expect others to make you feel better and find a way to do it on your own, even if you don’t have to.

You know yourself best, so, after a little soul-searching, you should know what you need and what you can do for yourself. You could even make an emergency kit for when you feel sad and include your favorite music, chocolate, wine, and whatever it is that will make those tears go away.

Let your loved ones be there for you the way they should but learn to be the master of your own happiness too.

Still not sure what to do if your partner won’t comfort you when you’re upset? This situation can rip two people apart if left unaddressed, so why not get help and advice from a relationship expert. Whether you speak to them by yourself or as a couple, they can help rectify this potentially toxic issue. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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