How To Stop Looking At Woman Lustfully? All Answers

This article was co-authored by Jan & Jillian Yuhas and wikiHow contributor Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured in media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both have BAs in Psychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago and MAs in Marriage and Family Therapy from the Adler School of Professional Psychology. This article has been viewed 959,407 times.

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To overcome lust, choose a hobby that distracts you when you have pleasurable thoughts, such as B. decorative braiding or memorizing a sacred text. If your lust is focused on a specific person, try hanging out with them in groups so you have fewer opportunities for lustful thoughts. You should also avoid physical contact with the person as it will likely increase your feeling of lust. Whenever you look at her, focus on her eyes rather than other body parts that might trigger your lust. To control your desire for sexual or pornographic material, you should install a filter on your computer or other electronic device to block access to such content. Read on for tips on speaking to your spiritual advisor about your feelings of pleasure!

DESIRE

As summer approaches (especially if you’re a man), so do the visual distractions. Bikinis, short shorts and mini skirts, the list goes on. Consequently, it’s hard not to notice when you have all these things around you begging for your attention. And when you do (inevitably), the questions pile up.

Can I have a look?

Do you want me to take a look?

Should I feel bad about how I look?

And if I look, do I feel like it now?

Which then begs the question, is looks the same as lust?

You might think that the answer to this question would be pretty obvious, but I think most of the time people get confused when it comes to these two issues (especially Christians).

Here’s the thing:

You can long for anything, not just the opposite sex

You can lust for money.

You may yearn for a car.

You can crave power.

And the list goes on.

The word lust simply means to have a passionate or overwhelming desire or craving for something. It’s just that in our culture we generally associate lust with “sexual pleasure.”

However, looking is a little different

I can look at something without having a strong desire to look at it.

I can even admire something (like a car) without lusting after it.

But because sexual matters are so sensitive, we often have a hard time telling the difference between looks and lust when it comes to those we’re attracted to. Your spouse probably wouldn’t have a problem with you saying, “Hey, that new sports car our neighbor got looks pretty good.” However, try saying the same thing about your neighbor’s spouse. Wow! For the next few nights it’s off to Couch City. But the truth is that looks and lust are completely different. The reason we have a hard time recognizing this fact is either because of “religious guilt” or because of insecurity.

So, for those of you who constantly ask yourself, “Do I look or do I desire?” Here are 3 ways you can tell:

1. You just can’t look enough

hey she looks good I get it. You didn’t ask to see her; She just crossed your path today. To look at you and realize that fact is not wrong. And it’s not lust. But how often do you have to go back to the fountain to have a drink? If your head is constantly spinning like it’s spinning, chances are you’re doing more than just “looking.” You’re looking for a reason. And often that reason is lust. You like what you see and you want to see more because there is a strong desire.

2. You “desire” what you see

Take my earlier example of the neighbor with the “new” handsome spouse. Whether you end up on the couch or not, the truth is, you don’t lust after your neighbor’s spouse just because you’ve acknowledged that they have visual appeal. However, if you follow your gaze and unwelcome observation with the thought, “Boy, I wouldn’t mind if that person was my spouse,” then there’s a problem. You have now crossed the line. you desire Desire is an older term that we find a lot in the Bible, but basically it means “to have a strong desire for it.” Since your “strong desire” in this case is for someone other than the person you’ve committed to, it’s safe to say you’ve strayed into lust territory.

3. It makes your “special areas” all warm and tingly… and you’ll want more

Well, I know I might get some heat for this, but the truth is that men are wired very differently than women and react accordingly. While women process things visually, men are far more visual and our biological responses to what we see are practically hardwired. When a man sees a woman who is very attractive (and dressed particularly provocatively) he will feel a kind of primal reaction. In other words, his brain will let him know he likes what it sees. There’s not much we can do about that.

But it doesn’t have to go any further. There are ways to keep that gaze from drifting into the arena of lust (I wrote a post about it HERE).

But say you feel all warm and fuzzy and decide to let that look linger because you want more of that feeling. Or, after you’re done searching, you keep reminding yourself of what you just saw and how great it made you feel. Well, now you’ve officially stepped into the pleasure realm. You see, the first situation is a physical and biochemical reaction. But the sequel is a conscious choice to elicit sexual pleasure from what you saw. And if what you saw isn’t your spouse, then it’s time to talk to your accountability partner. hey i see This topic is a bit touchy. Especially if you talk about it with your spouse.

But don’t confuse looking with desire

Don’t let religious guilt or insecurities tempt you into self-imposed and unnecessary shame. But at the same time, realize that looking can lead to pleasure very quickly if left unchecked.

So be aware.

be intentional

Be accountable.

And seriously, be honest enough to talk about this stuff.

If you’re struggling with a porn addiction, read 7 Steps to a Porn-Free Life.

The key difference between lust and love is that lust is purely sexual attraction while love is both passionate and compassionate.

Signs of lust include spending most of your time with a partner who is physically intimate, has little interest in their life outside of the bedroom, and has different values.

Love signs include being emotionally vulnerable, looking forward to meeting their friends and family, and feeling secure in the relationship.

If you get butterflies in your stomach, get dizzy when you see them and dream about your life together, maybe you are in love. Or is it lust? At the beginning of a relationship, it can be difficult to tell the difference between the two.

Understand the difference between lust and love

Lust and love are often thought of as two distinct emotions, but anthropologists posit that they exist on a spectrum that can be divided into three categories:

Lust: The desire for sexual gratification that drives people to seek out sex partners. Lust is driven by a hormonal need for sexual gratification.

: The desire for sexual gratification that drives people to seek sex partners. Lust is driven by a hormonal need for sexual gratification. Attraction: Also called passionate love, attraction is associated with feelings of excitement, desire for emotional connection, and intrusive thinking about the loved one. It involves the brain’s reward center and can mimic the feeling of drug addiction.

: Also called passionate love, attraction is associated with feelings of excitement, desire for emotional connection, and intrusive thinking about the loved one. It involves the brain’s reward center and can mimic the feeling of drug addiction. Attachment: Attachment is also referred to as companionable love and is characterized by feelings of calm, emotional unity, and security. This is especially true in long-term relationships, including friendships, families, and committed romantic partnerships.

“The most commonly understood distinction between lust and love is that lust is purely physical and sexual, while love involves caring for someone far beyond its function as a source of desire and sexual satisfaction,” says Alexandra Stockwell, MD, relationship researcher Intimacy with Alexandra Stockwell Coaching and Counseling.

While the categories can overlap, different hormones and brain chemicals are involved in each stage. Here’s how you can spot the signs of lust vs. love.

sign of love

Love can be divided into two spheres – passionate and companionable.

Passionate love, also known as attraction or infatuation, is defined as a state of intense desire to be with another person. Emotional arousal and sexual passion are prominent characteristics of passionate love, and people who experience this type of love usually feel distressed when their relationship goes awry.

When a person is attracted to another person or thing, the brain produces “feel good” chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine, which affect the same pathways associated with drug use and addictive behaviors. This phenomenon explains the obsessive, euphoric behavior often seen in the early stages of romantic relationships.

Companionship is characterized by strong feelings of intimacy, affection, and devotion to another person. It often develops slowly and shows up in close friendships and long-term love partners.

Companionship involves the brain chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin, which are associated with pair bonding, as in the mother-child relationship.

What the research says: A small 2014 study found that oxytocin was significantly higher in new couples compared to singles. The elevated oxytocin levels persisted through a 6-month follow-up, and couples with higher oxytocin levels early in their relationship were more likely to stay together.

According to Stockwell, signs you might be in love include:

They think of interesting things to tell each other.

They look forward to meeting friends and family.

You share vulnerable, tender things like challenges you face.

You know it’s okay if you live in different cities for a few months.

“Love feels like security, respect and admiration and typically includes a sense of security and commitment within a partnership,” says Neidich.

Additionally, Stockwell says that both types of love can lead to physical symptoms like sweaty palms, genital swelling or discharge, and a feeling of butterflies in your stomach — but lust can also cause these physical symptoms.

sign of desire

“Lust is purely sexual attraction, often accompanied by physical arousal. Lust occurs both in and out of romantic relationships,” says Haley Neidich, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship expert at Haley Neidich Consulting. “Lust is a natural human event. Lust isn’t always something we act on, it’s a feeling of sexual interest.”

According to Stockwell, you may experience desire when:

When you think of the person, your thoughts immediately go to what your bodies are doing for each other.

When you think about the person, you start smiling, feeling flushed, feeling excited and aroused.

As soon as you see each other, you want to kiss.

They don’t necessarily have much in common, but if you touch it really doesn’t matter.

Lust is an intense emotion that dominates our minds and can cause us to do things against our better judgment to satisfy the craving, says Stockwell. Feelings of pleasure are controlled by the brain’s hypothalamus, which stimulates the production of the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen.

Can lust turn into love?

Relationship experts agree that lust can turn into love — but caution that feeling lust is no guarantee of an eventual loving relationship.

“Sometimes lust can lead to love and is often experienced in a loving relationship. However, the presence of desire says absolutely nothing about the long-term compatibility of the partners,” says Neidich.

The blinding nature of lust means partners can miss potential “red flags” like dishonesty or selfishness and have trouble determining whether a sexual partner is a good fit for a serious relationship, Neidich says.

Knowing the difference between hormonal lust and real love can help you determine if there’s more to your relationship than just sex. According to Stockwell, your relationship could be limited to lust if:

You spend most of your time being physically intimate with each other, and doing something else is unappealing.

They are not interested in getting to know you outside of the bedroom.

You are not ready to make plans for the future.

It often feels like you have different values.

Insider snack

Love and lust are exciting emotions, but it’s important to be able to differentiate between the two when navigating relationships.

“New love can feel exhilarating and exciting when a couple falls in love for the first time and imagines their life together. However, long-term love that continues to feel “addictive” is quite concerning,” says Stockwell. “This feeling of ‘addiction’ is often a big red flag that one or both partners have a codependent attachment style that can lead to unhealthy partnerships.”

Related articles from the Health Reference:

By Orna and Matthew Walters — Posted on October 18, 2021

Photo: Getty

This post is from the creator of Respark The Romance

Life isn’t fair in a lot of ways, and one of them is this: women know how to turn men on. They dress up and give men that look and bam! The man wants her.

It works when they walk into a room and he sees them for the first time, and it works after years together.

However, men scratch their heads and wonder how to make a woman desire him more.

You no longer have to wonder. But first, drop all your preconceived ideas about how to make a woman want you.

What you think and what you have read online is not the key to attracting a woman and making her want you.

You see, with both men and women, it’s all about how you make the other person feel.

And women have different needs than men. They want to be desired, valued, appreciated and adored.

They want to feel like you’re a great catch, but you only want them.

So, let’s dive into the real ways to make her desire you more…

Click here for full details on Respark The Romance

1. Listen to her

Let’s start with a simple step. Just listen to her.

Okay, it might not be that easy because I mean really listen to her, understand her and let her know that you are listening to her and you understand her. The #1 complaint you’ll hear from women in a relationship is, “He’s never listening to me anymore!”

So if you want to rekindle her desire…or attract her for the first time…learn to listen.

Watch her eyes and facial expressions, and notice how she is feeling and what she is thinking. Show her that she can talk to you. Be a safe space for her to open up and talk to you about anything.

If you’re not sure how to have a conversation like this with a woman, just ask her questions about what she’s saying.

For example, she says, “My friend Marcy gets so jealous…”

You ask, “Have I met Marcy?” or “What is she doing?” or “Did someone tell you that?”

You can also show her that you’re listening by saying things like, “This is tough. But I can understand why she’s jealous of you.”

When you really listen to a woman, she feels valued and close to you, and that turns you on a lot. Score even more points: When she starts talking, put your phone down and give her your full attention.

Click here for full details on Respark The Romance

2. Ask her what she likes

Try something new and ask her if she likes it.

If you usually have a beard, shave it. Show off your smooth face, pull her hand up to feel, and ask her how she likes it. Try a new cologne. Spray it on your wrist or neck and let her smell it so you can ask if she likes it.

This makes her think of you, intrigued and happy because you care about what she thinks.

This also works in many other ways. Try doing something different and ask her what she thinks. The fact that you are doing new things and trying to please her will make her desire you more.

There are many secret ways to make her want you even more… and the strongest of them are shared in Respark The Romance, a comprehensive course that will satisfy her cravings for passion and intimacy

Click here for full details on Respark The Romance

3. Be Mr. Hollywood… for her

You know those movie scenes where the hero struts in his tuxedo, flashes a beaming smile from ear to ear, and has his hair styled?

be that man Dress up and charm her.

Be bold, dashing and fun. Make her feel like she’s with the hottest man in the room. You don’t necessarily have to be the hottest and fittest guy. It’s all about how you treat them.

Have eyes for her and her alone. Lean forward and look into her eyes as she speaks. Be sure to give her a dreamy look. Basically be James Bond in love with her like she’s the only woman in the world.

It’s like crack for women and she will ask for the ticket early so she can take you home and to the bedroom.

4. Avoid the “friend zone” and relationship rut

Some men get stuck in the friend zone far too often and aren’t sure why.

And other men have a relationship, but it feels more like a friendship than anything romantic or sexy. You’re trying to be nice and you’re not sure what you’re doing wrong.

“Nice” is not always sexy.

In fact, a woman in a relationship might expect you to do all of those things and she might not turn her on or make her want you.

Women need flirtation and compliments. They want you to feel sexy.

When you meet a new woman, flirt, lean in to talk, listen to her, and pay attention to her body language. Don’t worry about coming off as shabby. If you don’t tell her you like her and want her, she will put you in the friend zone and move on.

Trying to be a friend first will most likely destroy your chances of being romantic!

Being a woman’s confidant and partner is like being a friend, but it has chemistry, sexual tension, and teasing. Even in a relationship, women still want to flirt. They still want to be hunted.

If you want her to desire you more, take her out and treat her like it’s a first date. You will be amazed by the results.

5. Touch gold currency in relationships

An easy way to get into the friend zone is by not touching a woman.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering why she doesn’t want you as often, you might not touch her all day. Even scientific studies have proven that women benefit from a 5 minute hug from their significant other. Your happiness hormones will skyrocket.

Think of it as a slow warm-up. Hold your hand in the car or while walking. Put her hand on her leg. Put your arm around her shoulders.

Play with her hair. Most women love this unless they get their hair done to go somewhere.

Stroke her arm. cuddle her

If you touch your partner all day long, in the evening she will be anxiously waiting for bedtime!

6. Notice that you remember the little things

Stan has been married for six years and it doesn’t take long for him and his wife to see that she is very happy and very into him.

What’s his secret? If he brings her roses, he gets her favorite color. (It’s light purple.) When he picks up groceries, he’ll bring her home a little treat, and it’ll be something she once mentioned he likes.

He says he only remembers her casual comments because she’s going to reveal big things. Women will mention they like something when they see it, and remembering it can earn you big points later.

Pretty easy, right? But so many men miss that.

If you know she’s collecting something, you can get her one and make her day.

Now imagine applying this in the bedroom. You notice that she likes being touched in a certain way or in a certain place, and you have the key to making her want you more. If you want to get her something sexy to wear, make sure you know what colors she likes.

Sometimes men have the wrong idea of ​​what women want and what makes a woman desire him more.

Look past all the hype you’ve read online about improving your style or playing games.

Women want attention: they want you to listen, really see them, appreciate their ideas, touch them, tell them their beauty and spend time with them.

If you put in some effort, you will be hugely rewarded with a woman who desires you more.

And if you want to be regularly rewarded with desire, intimacy and lust, you need your very own copy of Respark The Romance

Click here to learn how to rekindle The Romance in your life