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Stan Twitter: “Are you mad at me? ….Yeah, he mad at me! He mad at me!”
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What is the best way to answer the question ‘are you angry …
Originally Answered: What is best way to answer the question “Are yo angry with me?”? Not at all. It just that my face resembles with angry bird!
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7 Better Ways To Ask “Are You Mad At Me” – Grammarhow.com
What Can I Say Instead Of “Are You Mad At Me”? · Have I done something to upset you? · Are you upset about something? · I’m sorry, but d I do something wrong?
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The “Are you mad at me” game – BPD Family
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The One Question You Should Never Ask Your Partner | GQ
Are you mad at me?” is a scourge on relationships everywhere. Here’s why.
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To ask you to help me reply to ‘are you still mad at me’ | Mumsnet
Long story short; friends went on a night out without inviting me and we all went shopping the next day. I felt excluded from the night out …
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“Are You Mad At Me?” Meme Tweets – BuzzFeed
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What is the difference between “”Are you mad at me?”” and …
vs “”Are you upset at me? … When you “disagree” with an answer … saying, “are you upset with me” implies you’re also upset and apologetic for whatever …
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best answer I’m mad at you – I should have said
Vote for the best comeback if someone asks if you are ignoring them. Please do not interrupt me while I am ignoring you.
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What is the best way to answer the question “are you angry with me?”
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7 Better Ways To Ask “Are You Mad At Me”
“Are you mad at me” could be a useful question to ask someone to find out their feelings towards you. However, it is not very delicate and you should handle it with care. This article will introduce some alternatives that may be more suitable for you.
What can I say instead of “Are you mad at me”?
There are many more sensitive and appropriate alternatives that we can use. Some of the ones we want to cover in this article include:
Did I do something to upset you?
Are you angry about something?
Sorry, but did I do something wrong?
Why are you acting like this?
did i offend you
Please tell me if I overshot the mark.
What seems to be the problem?
The preferred version is “Did I do something to upset you.” It works well because it doesn’t immediately claim blame for what might upset someone. It always shows that we care and want to understand why they might be feeling down.
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Did I do something to upset you?
“Did I do something to upset you” is the best choice because it allows us to try to figure out someone’s feelings. It uses a low-key and sensitive question to determine if there’s anything we should apologize for.
A lot of people get offended by questions like “Are you mad at me” because they think it should be obvious. However, rephrasing it as the question above is a great way to show someone that you care about their feelings but aren’t quite sure why they’re “excited”.
A common response would be for someone to explain what you could have done to make them feel this way. From there, you can work with them to determine what you need to do to make things right.
Here are some usage examples:
Did I do something to upset you? You seem a little depressed.
I’m sorry, but did I do something to upset you? I can not say it.
You are very blunt with me. Did I do something to upset you?
Are you upset about something?
“Are you upset about something” is another great question we can use to find out someone’s feelings. We’re reusing “something” to talk about things more generally, hoping they’ll give us a clue as to what they’re upset about. We don’t call ourselves responsible either.
It is important to see that this question is not asking “do I have” or “on me”. Instead, we just ask if they’re upset in general. This way we can try to understand who or what is the main cause of their problems.
If in the end it’s still our fault, they can always tell us. At least that way we know what to do and how to help them.
Here are some ways it might work:
Are you angry about something? You seem to be…
I can’t help but wonder, are you upset about something?
Are you upset about something and is there anything I can do?
I’m sorry but did I do something wrong?
“I’m sorry, but did I do something wrong” is a polite way of beginning the “I’m sorry” question. This works well because we want them to know that we are apologizing on some level without fully admitting that we are at fault. Before that, we want them to explain why they might be upset.
While “I’m sorry” works well to apologize for a situation, it doesn’t have to work that way in this context.
You’ll see from the question about it that we’re asking if we “did something wrong.” This shows that we are not yet sure whether to take the blame and we want to understand why someone might be upset.
These examples show you how to use it:
Sorry, but did I do something wrong? I have a feeling something is bothering you.
Sorry, but did I do something wrong? You seem a bit distant to me.
Sorry, but did I do something wrong? I can’t help but feel this way.
why are you acting like this
“Why are you acting like this?” is a bit more insensitive than some of the other options on this list. We can use it when we know someone is wrong with us and we want to understand why. Usually we can only use this when we are sure that it is not our fault.
The reason this works well is because it draws attention to the other person’s attitude. Maybe instead they’ll apologize to us for the rude way they spoke.
However, it could backfire if they turn out to be mad at you about something. It will seem like you don’t care about their feelings at all, and you dismiss them with a short and hard question about their actions.
Here are some ways we can use it:
I haven’t done you any harm. Why are you acting like that with me?
Why are you acting like this? I can’t help but feel like you hate me, but I know I’m innocent.
Why are you acting like this? You can’t even look at me and I haven’t done anything wrong.
did i offend you
“Did I offend you” works when we’re trying to determine if we’ve done or said something to upset someone. This time, “insult” is the synonymous word in the question with “angry” or “upset”. We use it to understand why they might be upset or angry with us.
Again, the question can be considered a bit more insensitive than the others. It works when we really don’t know what we did wrong.
However, if you did something wrong (and perhaps you should think long and hard before asking this question), you could be in trouble. Someone who asks, “Did I offend you?” when they’re clearly at fault is a quick way to end up in a shouting match.
Here are some examples:
did i offend you You seem very off the mark.
I can’t help but think, did I offend you?
Excuse me, but did I offend you in any way?
Please tell me if I have exceeded the target.
“Please tell me if I’ve gone too far” is not a question, it’s a statement. We use this to let people know that we understand they are unwell and that they may need to make their feelings heard. We may know that we caused some problems in this case.
The statement works well when we know we may have had a hand in their anger or sadness. It may depend on the things we have said or done before. When we know we may have caused problems, it’s polite to use that statement.
That way, we encourage them to speak up when we’ve “overshot the mark.” In this case, that phrase means we’ve gone too far and we want them to tell us so we can stop.
Thats how it works:
Please tell me if I overshot the mark. I can do that sometimes, and I don’t want to offend you.
I am sorry. Please tell me if I overshot the mark. It can happen occasionally.
Remember to tell me if I’m going over the target. I would hate a repeat of last time.
What seems to be the problem?
“What seems to be the problem” is not ideal in most cases. It’s the most insensitive question we can use, but it works well when someone is playing off or being “pissed off.” It’s especially effective in retail or when you’re dealing with disgruntled customers.
Here are some ways we can use this more insensitive question:
What seems to be the problem here, ma’am? Anything I can help with?
I’m the manager and what seems to be the problem here?
Okay, what seems to be the problem here? You’re making noise and I want to know why.
Does “Are you mad at me” mean “I’m sorry”?
Finally, let’s take a look at what “are you mad at me” even means. Some people think it translates to “I’m sorry,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Are you mad at me” doesn’t mean “I’m sorry”. Instead, we simply ask if someone is “mad” at us. Maybe we’re not sure if they are, or we don’t understand the cause of their “madness”. That’s why we’re asking them.
It’s a simple question we use to gauge a person’s feelings towards us. If they turn out to be “mad” at us, this is a way for us to try to understand what we did wrong.
Once we identify wrongdoing on our part, we can choose to say “I’m sorry.” But it’s not until we’ve determined if we have something to apologize for that we would bother to find an apology or apology for someone.
Someone can be “mad at you” for a reason they don’t understand. That’s why you don’t always have to find someone to apologize to. Instead, they just need some time to calm down and think things through logically.
You might also like: 10 words for someone who blames others for their mistakes
The “Are you mad at me” game
sunshine40
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Gender: What is your sexual orientation: Straight Marital status: Married 22 years Posts: 36 The “Are you mad at me” game “am: 21 at me” recurring conflict. This is typical behavior for him and I know that I have to react “differently”, but I don’t know how.
He will ask, “Are you mad at me?”
I’ll say no (not the least bit angry)
Sometimes hours pass, sometimes minutes, and this time it actually took a couple of days before he repeated his request. (by saying, “Have you been mad at me the last few days? I’ve been good.” FYI, I’ve had the flu for the last two days so I’m pretty down but never angry. …and he’s been good .
I replied: “Yes, you were very good and helped in the kitchen. Thank you.”
He also pointed to a time when he “could” have argued with me about something, implying that he still can (or will) but has decided against it.
I said, “Thanks, I appreciate that.”
These statements were peppered with “Are you mad at me” and my “No” replies.
Then he got frustrated about something and raised his voice (I think he wanted to be intimate and argument #1 came into play…that’s initiating…and he can never do that….another story that takes too long for this post , but we’ve had this argument so many times I’ll just call it argument #1)… oh yeah it was the 8 year old getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. So he yelled at me about it and I know he was frustrated because he wanted to have sex and thought it would never happen (he always thinks it will never happen…even though it’s at least once a week… even when I’m sick) so he yelled at me. I don’t even remember what he shouted. But I said, “You don’t have to yell at me” and got sucked into the “Are you mad at me” game… “See? You ARE mad at me! I knew it!”
Well, am I mad at him at this point? moron! But I said no, I said she’s not asleep yet… wake me up in an hour or two.
I can be calm when I say it. I just hate that game… and no, I didn’t want any intimacy with him afterwards. I never do, but I know it gets worse if I reject him…so he always gets it…but after he falls asleep I sob for hours. What can I say to change the game and how can I possibly feel good when his idea of initiating usually yells at me?
=Sunshine40 Logged
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briefcase
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Retired employee Gender: What is your sexual orientation: StraightMarital status: Married 18 years, together 20 years, still living togetherPosts: 2151 Subject: The Are You Mad At Me Game «Reply #1 posted on: December 21, 2012 , 12:36 p.m. :13 p.m. »
Second, if you really aren’t angry, a simple “no” response doesn’t really validate his feelings that you’re angry. Instead, try asking a question. “Did I act angry?” “Is there a reason why you think I should be angry?” Not a challenging tone, more of a curious/surprised tone from you. Look what he says.
He might say something like, “Well, you don’t talk to me,” or “You keep avoiding me,” or something that he reads a lot into. That gives you some meat to validate. “Oh I hadn’t noticed that, no wonder you thought I was mad” (said with a smile and good eye contact). You can offer an explanation after validating. . . “I’m still not feeling well” or “I’m just exhausted” or whatever the real reason is. But don’t invalidate it. Let him know you get his point.
Two thoughts on that. Explore your feelings first and make sure you really aren’t angry with him. People with BPD can be very perceptive, and they may pick up on feelings that you are not fully aware of yourself. I know, in my case, it became reflexive to answer that kind of question with a quick “no,” even though I was actually a little angry. I’m not saying you do, just pointing out the possibility of your consideration. Second, if you really aren’t angry, simply answering “no” doesn’t really validate his feelings that you’re angry. Instead, try asking a question. “Did I act angry?” “Is there a reason why you think I should be angry?” Not a challenging tone, more of a curious/surprised tone from you. Pay attention to what he says. He might say something like, “Well, you don’t talk to me,” or “You always avoid me,” or something that he reads a lot into. That gives you some meat to validate. “Oh I hadn’t noticed that, no wonder you thought I was mad” (said with a smile and good eye contact). You can offer an explanation after validating. . . “I’m still not feeling well” or “I’m just exhausted” or whatever the real reason is. But don’t invalidate it. Let him know you get his point. logged
codependent husband
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Gender:What is your sexual orientation: StraightRelationship status: MarriedPosts: 1565 Subject: The game “Are you mad at me” «Reply #2 on: 21 Dec 2012, 13:07:02 » but I would also add that this certainly a Segway to J.A.D.E. when you explain why you are exhibiting any behavior that he seems to notice that you associate with being mad at him. I’m by no means saying that you shouldn’t try to ask the probing questions, but be prepared to quickly disengage if you see that your explanation seems to be causing him to get triggered.
The point that someone with BPD knows how we feel before we do is also found in my case. I’ve gotten better at noticing how I’m really feeling in a given moment, and I sometimes take action based on that to keep things from getting worse. logged
sunshine40
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What is your sexual orientation: Hetero
Relationship status: Married for 22 years
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Gender: What is your sexual orientation: StraightMarital status: Married 22 years Posts: 36 Subject: The Are You Mad At Me Game « Reply No “I’m just tired”… when I’m tired… . and 90% of the time I can say I’m tired and it would be a true statement. Sometimes I ask a probing question, and I have to tread carefully. And he usually says something like “You don’t say anything”. And sometimes it’s because I’m tired, and sometimes because I’m thinking of things I don’t want to talk to him about because they might be sensitive to him, and sometimes because I’m a little angry about his recent behavior (usually it’s bitching, complaining, yelling at the kids for being around, or blaming others for one’s fears)… and I know if I answer yes, it’ll be a “fine, you do” that “and you can’t be mad at me.” Fight… . I’m just so tired of them, so I just say no.
But you made me realize that I’m so scared to say anything that I don’t even try to confirm it… . First of all I don’t know exactly how. And sometimes I’m not sure if I should “confirm” what he’s saying. (because it’s not really the reality, but I can’t even point it out). So again no idea how… . I just got two books to help. I don’t have to play “The High Conflcit Couple”, but I have to hide “Stop Walking On Eggshells”. But I hope to learn something from both books that will help. logged
yet
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Gender:What is your Sexual Orientation: StraightRelationship Status: MarriedPosts: 2203 Subject: The Are You Mad at Me Game «Reply #4 at: Jan 02 2013 14:37:04 » It’s super easy for JADE, and comes across as not validating his feelings.
He’s asking for a reason – see if you can ask a probing question to learn more?
Are you mad at me?
Why, does it feel like I’m mad at you?
Then listen. Don’t even try to explain why you behaved the way you did (even if you were tired or distracted or whatever). Listen and try to figure out how your behavior affects his feelings – how he processes things (they won’t be rational, but it doesn’t matter).
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recoil
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Posts: 259 Subject: The “Are you mad at me” game « reply #5 on: Jan 3 2013 10:24:59 am » When I asked my girlfriend to move out, it was after an “I think you’re mad at me” game she was playing combined with the silent treatment and what I thought were disparaging comments.
If I had known some of the tools back then, I would have handled them better.
That is how it goes:
Her: I think you’re mad at me.
Me: Huh? I’m not mad (wasn’t).
[Be silent]Hours later I go to her. Hun, I’m not crazy (with supplemental neck message); really (I wasn’t).
[Be silent]next morning
[Be silent]Now I’m getting irritated because I’m not used to such games.
I wondered after I asked her to leave if she was manipulating me to kick her out (in retrospect I highly doubt it but I felt cornered at the time).
Look back:
Her: I think you’re mad at me.
Me: That must be annoying. What am I doing?
You: — hopefully something other than silence —
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sunshine40
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Gender: What is your sexual orientation: straight? Relationship status: Married for 22 years gets mad at me when he asks me if I’m mad at him.
Sometimes I say, “No, are you mad at me?”
and sometimes his answer will be “I don’t want to be” and then I’ll throw up with what I did, didn’t do, didn’t do, did “wrong” or something he really doesn’t want to argue about but just can’t let go.
Sometimes that shuts him up.
But I’ll try to ask better questions next time and say “that must be annoying”… . When I really think about why he’s mad at me, it’s usually ridiculous. I hope he doesn’t take it as patronizing.
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yet
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Gender:What is your Sexual Orientation: StraightRelationship Status: MarriedPosts: 2203 Subject: The Are You Mad at Me Game « Reply No , 2013, 13:56:19 When I really think about why he’s mad at me is this is usually ridiculous. I hope he doesn’t take it as patronizing.
!
Think about that statement for a minute.
This is exactly why validation is so difficult. We’re trying to make a statement like, Wow, that must feel really bad to think that. But what we really think is … . ‘Are you kidding me?’
It turns out what we’re really thinking comes through pretty clearly. So it comes across as patronizing. (because it absolutely IS! – we are not genuine or sincere in our investigation, we have already closed ourselves off to what they might be feeling)
At best, we can react very consciously and mechanically. But again it doesn’t sound so sincere.
Validation works best when we can clarify our own goals and really want to listen and really understand. Think about that statement for a minute. This is exactly why validation is so difficult. We’re trying to make a statement like, Wow, that must feel really bad to think that. But what we really think is … . “Are you kidding me?” Turns out what we’re really thinking comes out pretty plain. So it comes across as patronizing. (because it absolutely IS! – we are not genuine or sincere in our inquiry, we have already closed our minds to what they might be feeling) At best we can provide a very conscious and mechanical response. But again, it doesn’t sound so sincere. Validation works best when we can clarify our own goals and really want to listen and really understand. logged
briefcase
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Retired Employee Gender: What is your Sexual Orientation: StraightMarital status: Married 18 years, together 20 years, still living togetherPosts: 2151 Subject: The Are You Mad At Me Game « Answer #8 posted on: 03 Jan 2013 , 02:58 :15 »
There are many types of validation, and asking a validation question is one way.
Alan E Fruzzetti, Ph.D. is a master at explaining this. . . Here’s a new Youtube video of him explaining it. Asking him if he’s mad at you is basically asking him to say “Yes…”. Your goal in asking questions isn’t to “talk” with him or even to start a discussion that gets to the bottom of anything. Your goal is simply to validate it. There are many ways to validate it, and asking a validating question is one way. Alan E Fruzzetti, Ph.D. is a master at explaining this. . . here is a new youtube video of him laying it out www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDSIYTQX_dk Logged
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