Games About Putting Others First? Top 6 Best Answers

selfless

When you are selfless, you think of other people before yourself. Selfless is the opposite of selfish.

When you are selfless you think less of yourself and more of others – you are generous and kind. Being unselfish is similar to being altruistic—another word for giving to others without seeking personal gain. Giving time, money, or things to other people without expecting anything in return is selfless. Most people would agree that the world would be a better place if there were more selfless behavior.

You can’t buy happiness. Items – like all the things you bought this weekend – will not make you a happier person. And even the success and wealth you desire will not make you happier than you are right now.

Psychologists who study happiness have repeatedly found that these things do not buy lasting happiness. In fact, research shows that wealth can actually decrease happiness.

Similar results have been found in people who achieve what we often define as success, such as a promotion or other great achievement. Quite simply, reaching an important milestone will not suddenly make you happy if you are unhappy now.

So where do you go to find true happiness? The answer lies in a quality often overlooked in our consumerist world: compassion.

Compassion should drive everything you do as you seek greater satisfaction in life. It should affect how you interact with others and how you treat yourself. While developing this trait can take some effort, the benefits of compassion are worth it.

Here are five ways compassion can make a lasting difference in your life—and in the lives of those around you:

1. Service stimulates the brain’s pleasure pathways and makes you feel good.

The most recognizable form of compassion is service, and there is ample evidence of how volunteering leads to happiness. Brain imaging research has shown that compassionate actions like donating money to charity activate the brain’s pleasure centers in the same way as eating a sugary dessert.

More importantly, compassion helps us focus less on ourselves and more on helping others. This is especially valuable when you are feeling stressed or suffering from anxiety.

By focusing your attention on the problems of others, you become less preoccupied with your own concerns. Your brain becomes energized when you try to be part of someone else’s solution, giving you the power to tackle your own problems with renewed vigour.

2. Helping others is contagious (and improves other people’s lives).

If someone observes you doing a compassionate act, they are more likely to be motivated to help others as well.

Many businesses and charities have taken steps to harness this community-driven force. An example of this is Occasion Station, a personal gift shopping platform that has developed a “Smart Gifting” program that allows its premium members to send gifts to charities such as the Miracle Foundation or Cake4Kids. This facility allows users to share these gift lists with friends and family to encourage additional charitable donations.

As Felix Odigie, Occasion Station Founder and CEO explains, “So many people want to donate but don’t know where to start and want to know who to give to. It’s been amazing to see how many people are willing to contribute once they become aware of the opportunities that are out there.”

3. Compassion makes you a better, happier person.

Focusing on money and success can make it easy to criticize yourself when you don’t live up to preconceived standards or when you don’t achieve a certain goal. This can be detrimental to your self-esteem and overall well-being.

Instead of blaming yourself for your shortcomings and flaws, Kristin Neff recommends that you treat yourself “as you would treat a cherished friend.”

Simple habits like soothing self-talk when you’re upset, calming your inner critic, or even writing an affirming letter can increase happiness and reduce symptoms of depression.

4. Compassion builds stronger social connections.

Volunteering offers new opportunities for social interaction that have been shown to provide a wide range of physical and mental health benefits.

Working together to serve others strengthens relationships and allows you to forge deeper connections that can provide much-needed emotional support during difficult times. This, in turn, combats social isolation and loneliness, which can cause serious damage to your mental and emotional health.

5. Compassion also improves your physical health.

Compassionate behavior has a significant impact on your emotional well-being, but volunteers often experience physical health benefits as well. Lots of volunteer opportunities help us get moving a lot more than sitting at our desks from 9am to 5pm.

A letter from the Corporation for National and Community Service reports that those who volunteer 100 hours per year are 33% less likely to “report poor health” among benefits compared to those who don’t volunteer a reduced risk of hypertension and mortality, and more.

Other research has even found that volunteering reduces the risk of dementia! With improved physical health, it’s easier to stay happy and have the energy you need for everyday activities.

Relationships can be difficult for HSPs because our sensitive nature tends to draw people in need of help like a beacon offering shelter in a storm. Others often find our strong sense of empathy, compassion and gentleness irresistible.

But have you ever wondered why we are attracted to them? What do we find so appealing about troubled souls and why do we stay with them?

The answer is usually one or all three possible reasons.

1. They remind you of someone from your past.

While none of us would consciously choose someone we consider unkind or abusive, we can be attracted to negative people because they remind us of someone from our past. This is usually an unconscious decision.

If your father was a bully, you will tend to be attracted to men who are bullies. If your mother was bossy, you will be attracted to bossy women. We don’t want to be with that type of person, but everyone is attracted to what is familiar to them.

However, once we realize that we are with someone who makes us feel as bad about them as we did about our parents, we feel angry and upset and try to get our partner to change and love us the way we do always wanted to be loved. Being with this person becomes painful because you are constantly reminded of the pain you have endured in the past while your efforts to meet your needs for love and respect are constantly thwarted.

This process can keep us entangled and struggling for years. The key to avoiding this is to become aware of the type of person you are attracted to because of your own past and realize that you cannot change that person. People can only change themselves and only if they want to. And if you don’t want a relationship that resembles a painful one from your past, you need to make sure your current relationship is about mutual love and respect, not fight. If not, and your partner doesn’t want to change, it may be time to move on.

2. You are a savior.

You may not be aware of this, but some of us are attracted to people who need help because it feels good to help them. Most of the time we are not even aware of this motivation. And while it may seem rooted in a desire to help others, the real reason for wanting to save someone is because they need us. A savior must be needed because deep down they believe that they are only that worthy and lovable.

It also allows the rescuer to feel good about feeling more empowered than the person they are rescuing. You believe they are weak and you are strong. But in reality, this dynamic only serves to bind you to people who will demand your services from them while giving you little or nothing in return. Over time, your self-esteem weakens because your needs for love and support are not being met while your partner’s needs become the focus of the relationship. If you think you could be a savior, you must realize that your needs are important too and that you should and will be loved for who you are, not for what you do for others.

3. You focus too much on the goal instead of the person.

Once we are emotionally involved in a relationship, it becomes very easy to focus on that person and their needs and very difficult to leave them. This is especially true for highly sensitive people because our innate compassion and caring nature compels us to help and because we can often feel what others are feeling. When we sense that someone else is hurting or suffering, we want to help. But while it’s nice and feels good to help someone, it’s easy to become self-absorbed and help too much.

The focus of our life becomes directed toward the personal growth of the other person, and as that process progresses we pass on while increasingly resenting it. Subconsciously, part of us wants our partner to keep struggling so they need us, while another part of us waits and hopes they will finally heal so we can have the love we’ve always wanted. And so we continue to help and support them in the hope that one day we will live happily ever after.

We are so focused on the goal of future happiness that we cannot see the painful reality of the moment. People have to learn to help themselves. Compassion and caring are admirable, but they should be used both for ourselves and for others. If your goal is to live happily with a loving partner, you must focus on the moment, on what is happening today, on what kind of person you are with now, in order for that goal to be realized. If the person you are with now isn’t kind, loving, supportive, and dependable, chances are they won’t be in the future. And the future is created by what you do now.

Many people are drawn to HSPs like a sinking ship is drawn to a lighthouse. But it’s important to remember that we can have compassion and sympathy for others without sacrificing ourselves. A sinking ship will not save you and will not get you where you want to go. Just because someone needs help doesn’t mean you have to save them. It’s not your job. Your job is to take care of yourself.

Others may see you as a beacon, shining your light upon them to be saved and healed and to bask in the warmth of your attention. But you can shed a little light on yourself and give your needs as much attention, warmth, and compassion as everyone else’s. You deserve to get what you need now, not sometime in the future. And the more you expect to get what you need, including love, tenderness, sympathy, respect and care, the more likely you are to find it.

Modern life puts a lot of pressure on our relationships.

Does that sound like you? They struggle to balance work, family, and “me” time. You struggle to keep up with loved ones, friends, and co-workers. Maybe you’re juggling childcare, elder care, housekeeping, health issues, or car issues. You wonder when you’ll ever find time for your to-do list.

What about your partner’s wants and needs? How do you let all these emotions in? Are you feeling strained to the breaking point?

Some couples seem to take the demands of life calmly. They seem to draw strength from each other. How do you do that?

A relationship that provides a source of strength and support is often based on “us first”.

So what does it mean to “be there for each other” and put the relationship first?

What it means to put your partner first in a relationship

Prioritizing your spouse or partner means that your partner’s emotional needs are just as important as your own.

You make your partnership a place where everyone fully belongs. Putting your partner first means putting their needs, feelings, and wellbeing ahead of other people or things.

A “we feeling” forms when you consciously maintain this priority every day. They protect your relationship from being destroyed or damaged. You nurture your connection to make it feel good for both of you.

A helpful idea is the “pair bubble”. Psychologist Stan Tatkin describes it as a zone of emotional protection surrounding a relationship. Having a “we” feeling is one way safer couples differentiate themselves from those in more troubled relationships.

7 signs your spouse or partner isn’t making you a priority

Tatkin found that partners who don’t make their relationship their priority may:

Consider yourself independent people first, then a couple. Think that neither partner should care about the other. Try to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. Leave a partner alone to deal with adversity without offering relief or protection. Allow a competing person, task, or cause to take precedence over partner Put personal needs first when there is a conflict with a couple’s needs Act on the motto, “You do your thing, I’ll do mine” Live by rule (spoken or unspoken): “If it’s good for me, you have to agree to it”

7 Signs Your spouse or partner will put you first in a relationship

In contrast, Tatkin found that partners who prioritize their relationship tend to:

Make emotional connections a priority. Take the time to know and care about each other’s thoughts and feelings. Use their knowledge to protect each other (from shame, stress, or other unwanted experiences) in public and private. Talk to each other first, not the second, third, or fourth, when there is something to say. Respect that the partner thinks, feels or experiences differently. Act on the motto, “I will never abandon you in distress, scare you, or intentionally hurt you.” Make a pact (spoken or unspoken): “Our relationship comes first before I have to be right about what other people do want or a person, place or thing.”

(Summary from the book Wired For Love by Stan Tatkin)

We need each other to help us through life’s challenges. Yet I often see couples make this misstep. They think they need to protect each other from their personal struggles.

When couples learn to create an emotional space in which the other fully belongs—problems and all—they create space for secure attachment.

Building your own couple bubble gives you a place to share your struggles, joys, hopes, and dreams. It is a place to discuss and plan your career moves, family needs, or “me time.” They ensure that competing demands or distractions do not harm your partnership.

Openness makes your relationship a safe haven to help each other see what matters most, as individuals and collectively.

Conclusion

Without a doubt, creating a safe space to hold each other’s emotions is hard work. It’s one of the toughest jobs I know.

But I think the relationship you get from it is worth it.

Your secure love helps you feel more secure, stronger, and happier as you build trust and see more of each other’s emotional needs.

Building a healthy relationship can play a bigger role in our well-being than we realize. And it probably takes more intent and focus than we think.

When you’re ready, here are 3 ways our practice can help you create a safe space where your relationship comes first:

Find out about our Creating Connection workshop for couples. You can find out about upcoming workshops by signing up for free information (without obligation). Here you will receive a free information sheet for the couple’s weekend.

Ask for a consultation for yourself or for both of you. Sessions are a safe zone for you and your partner to explore emotions in new, constructive ways. We answer the phone: (703) 768-6240

When you think about what makes you feel good about your life, what are the first qualities that come to mind? Is it able to look at your achievements and be proud of them, even if they aren’t necessarily that earth-shattering? Do you think that achieving the quality of self-actualization should take precedence over all other priorities in life?

The idea of ​​what psychologists call “eudemonic well-being” involves just this kind of self-assessment. Part of this form of wellbeing is a hedonistic piece where you take pleasure in seeing yourself as fulfilling your own personal expectations. This good feeling translates into a feeling of happiness or even exhilaration.

In contrast to this individualistic definition, the concept from Erik Erikson’s personality development theory assumes that fulfillment ultimately does not come from the achievement of one’s own individualistic goals, but from the feeling of having contributed to the common good. Erikson suggested that a key feature of adult “psychosocial” development is a sense of generativity, or a belief in the importance of caring for others.

The traditional way of thinking of expressing generativity is that being a parent is required, but parenting does not guarantee this. There are parents who are not particularly generative and people who are generative but are not parents. People who have a high quality of generativity have placed themselves second and should be profoundly more fulfilled in Erikson’s system as they mature.

Testing the role of generativity in well-being

As crucial as the role of generativity in adulthood should be, there are few studies examining the relationship between this quality and well-being, and even fewer examining generativity throughout adulthood. One such study is the Rochester Adult Longitudinal Study (RALS), a project I have been involved with throughout my research career.

Participants in the RALS were studied from their college years through their 60s, and with the addition of new investigators to the project, they are being followed again in their 70s. Across the four testing occasions in the study, we obtained data from additional samples of college students, making it possible to see whether trends in the oldest group were reflected in the data for the younger generations of participants as they got older.

Recently, our research team completed a study addressing how generativity is related to well-being over a 12-year period from 2000 to 2012 (Mitchell, Lodi-Smith, Baranski, & Whitbourne, 2021). During this period, the oldest participants at the time were in their 60s, the second oldest in their 50s, and the youngest in their 40s. This group of 271 adults represented a subset (29 percent) of the 937 adults potentially eligible for enrollment, reflecting the challenge of accompanying people over extended periods of adulthood.

The main measures used in our study were as follows. See how you would rate yourself on these sample articles:

Generativity: “I try to pass on the knowledge I have gained through my experiences.”

“I try to pass on the knowledge I’ve gained through my experiences.” Wellbeing (Personal Growth dimension): “I enjoy seeing how my views have changed and matured over the years.”

As you can see, these items are not like the traditional personality measures that ask people to rate their individual traits. Instead, they draw on the qualities by which you would evaluate yourself when reflecting on your ability to change and grow over time, including supporting others by sharing your experiences.

Becoming more generative can help foster your own well-being

To answer the specific question of how changes in generativity are related to changes in well-being in adulthood, our team developed a set of tests that created a statistical model detailing the set of possible predictive relationships.

In each of these tests, rather than seeing whether people’s average scores changed over time, we looked at whether we could track patterns based on individual growth curves. In other words, instead of comparing people with an overall mean, we looked at how people have changed relative to themselves.

The results of comparing people to themselves over time in terms of generativity showed that most people who scored high in 2000 also had high scores in 2012, meaning that over time people increased similar way from high to low. If you are generative now, you were probably very generative when you were younger.

However, some people have changed their position, leading to some interesting questions as to why this might be happening. We haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what they were to know, but some possible causes could be becoming parents for the first time, achieving a position at work that now involves mentoring, or perhaps choosing to work for a charity purpose to work. While all of these life circumstances occurred in our sample, we simply didn’t have enough data to be able to provide these answers with certainty.

Addressing the key question of how these changes in generativity relate to changes in well-being, our results support the prediction that people who became more generative also continued to grow in their sense of personal fulfillment. So if you lost ground in the growth of generativity, you also lost a few points on the feel-good scale. This “general pattern of maturation,” my co-authors and I concluded, suggests that “personality development in adulthood is continuous and may persist across multiple psychosocial qualities.”

How and why to work on your own generativity

Now that you can see how much your well-being can depend on your sense of generativity, what can you do about it? Again, our study could not pinpoint the exact causes of the generativity changes we saw, but Erikson’s theory may provide some ideas.

Let’s look again at what it means to be generative. The term itself shares its roots with “generation”. If you are very generative you care about the next generation and this is where the idea of ​​expressing generativity through parenting or mentoring comes into play. However, when you think of yourself and the care you could show to others, are they ever younger than you? Could you not express your desire to care for people of your own generation? What about caring for people older than you or people who might benefit from your efforts someday in the future?

Viewing generativity in a way that transcends “generations” and instead includes caring shows that it contradicts the notion that well-being can only result from this eudaimonic sense of achieving one’s own personal goals. In fact, Erikson defined the opposite of generativity as what he called “stagnation.” In his model, people who are stagnant become more self-centered. For example, instead of donating to a charity, for example, they spend money to endlessly redecorate their homes, take expensive vacations, and invest in the kind of beauty treatments that they believe keep them looking youthful.

In summary, it may seem counterintuitive that the best way to feel good is not to think about how good you are feeling right now. However, based on the work of our study, your path to fulfillment can only lie in this very different kind of striving.

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“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain arrogance, but humbly regard others as better than yourself. Each of you should look out not only for your own interests but for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4 )

College can make us selfish. We spend a lot of time thinking about what we’re going to do with our lives, what jobs we need to get, what we’re going to do this weekend, or even what we’re going to have for dinner. In the midst of this mindset of thinking about what we need to achieve, we often don’t think about others.

The Bible commands us to “consider others better than” ourselves. It also says that we should consider not only our own interests and lives, but also the interests and lives of others. While college is a great time to find out who you are, it’s also a great opportunity to get used to thinking about others.

We are called to be humble and humble ourselves so that God may be glorified. Serving others is a great way to do this. When we make an effort to help someone, people take notice. In a world that celebrates individual and personal achievement, it’s becoming increasingly rare for people to look to anyone other than themselves.

When we think of others, it can be done in small, simple ways, like bringing someone a cup of coffee in the morning or sending a friendly card to a friend. The plot itself doesn’t have to be much; It’s the act of thinking of someone else before yourself that matters. This is also reflected in showing consideration for others. Maybe you know that your roommate has friends later, so you clean up the apartment for her without her asking for help. Little things like this go a long way and can improve your character and mindset.

Thinking about the needs of others can even extend to those you don’t know. You can help people in your community and around the world by donating money, food, or time. Perhaps instead of donating your paycheck to shopping, you might be donating your paycheck to families in need. Maybe you’re very busy with schoolwork but take the time to volunteer at a homeless shelter. Thinking about the benefit you can give to others before benefiting yourself is vital to showing God’s love to the world.

Grand Canyon University is committed to serving God and others. If you would like to learn more about GCU’s Christian identity and heritage, or to read more devotionals, please visit our website or click the “Request More Information” button on this page.

Try to take your time and do some things you enjoy. It’s harder now of course than it used to be, with limited places, but always make time for the things that make you happy. If you’re someone who works from home or takes online courses, consider taking a step back. Give yourself a break, especially from computer and phone screens. Even during regular breaks in class, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you feel like you’re getting into a spiral. It can sometimes feel like you are completely alone, but I can assure you that other people feel exactly the same.

Ensuring you have a good and healthy sleep pattern will benefit you tremendously as sleep is so important to your mental health. Avoid watching the news before bed and try to establish a routine so that you go to sleep and wake up at consistent times each day. This will benefit your overall health and give you more motivation and energy.

There seems to be a lot of confusion about “self-love” and what level of “selfishness” one is entitled to. In fact, many people shy away from putting themselves first to ensure they are not what society/parents/religion/culture considers “bad.” This is what we fear most: being a bad person.

I’m here to uncover something for you: the concept of being a “bad” human being, really beyond anything done with malicious intent or, you know, killing and stealing, is a mechanism to keep you at your damn to hold space. Think about it: why else would a society make you feel that putting yourself first is a bad thing, when in fact it’s not just okay, it’s absolutely necessary to get something done, and good?

The reality is you can’t save anyone. You can’t force the world to change. But you can change. You can take responsibility for yourself. You can heal and take care of yourself and by taking care of your own physical/mental/emotional needs first you empower yourself to actually be selfless. Not “selfless” to get the support you need (which in the end it mostly is). Here are seven more reasons why surrendering isn’t selfish (actually, quite the opposite):

If you don’t fill your gas tank, you won’t be able to carry passengers

Realistically speaking, when you’re tired, hungry, or late with your work, there’s no way you can focus on what so-and-so is telling you about their personal life drama, or actually being at your friend’s art-show-thing or fully devote all your ideas and attention to the project at work. The point is: you’re not quite yourself when you’re not being taken care of, and if you go somewhere half-heartedly just because you’re exhausted and unhappy, that’s just as bad: nobody wants it to be the presence of people who aren’t there want. (Really. Nobody.)

Nobody else will save you

You can’t save anyone and nobody can save you. It’s the best and worst of being human, and kind of what we’re the slowest to admit. But no one can force others to get help or get better. No hand reaches down from heaven to guide you. There are only small moments of calm that you work for yourself. There are only rays of clarity and what you choose to do with them. There are only decisions about how you want to change your life and how seriously you take it. Ultimately, you do the work. You lift the dead weight and carry it home. Until then you stand around waiting and complaining and so sick of nobody else doing it for you that you just do it for yourself (and at that point you realize it was always just you, baby.)

Nobody can change the world, but everyone can change themselves

And if everyone took their liberty, we would have the mass cultural change we all so desperately want. (Everyone wants to change the world, nobody wants to change themselves…)

“Putting yourself first” is not the same as “disregarding everyone else’s needs”

… And I’m not sure how we came to the conclusion that they were. If you’ve ever really tried to put someone else’s needs completely before your own (no matter what), you’ve undoubtedly come to the realization that it’s just impossible without getting spiteful and then disregarding everyone else’s needs.. .

You have to take care of yourself after all

Whether that comes before you’re drinking up to deliver to others and ultimately just getting annoyed that they’re somehow not refilling your fuel, or after you’re too angry to even try again is your choice. Sooner or later you have to rest. And eat. And think about your feelings first. Why? Because nobody else does. No one else will make sure you’re taken care of (except your mother, and even then, she’s a heart and soul too).

The more you put yourself first, the more you will serve others honestly, sincerely, and fully

If your goal in this life is to be selfless, start with yourself. If they take care of you, everyone else can too. Putting yourself first is not selfish. Putting someone else before your needs is the first, only, and often overlooked step. As human animals, we often do nothing unless we can get something out of them. When your needs are already met, you can give sincerely and without expectations. And that, at the end of the day, is the only real way to be selfless.

When you learn to love yourself, you will know how to really love other people

You want to know the funny thing about people? Although we are driven apart by our perceived differences, at the end of the day we are exactly (completely, completely) the same. We are all connected. Our individual differences are only on the surface. When you learn what it takes to love yourself, you will also teach yourself what it takes to love another person. If you can first open the tender and vulnerable parts of your heart, then you can let someone in. It starts and ends with you. Don’t let the world rob you of all that by simply convincing you that starting there is the wrong way to go.

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