Gay Looking For Long Term Relationship? The 127 Latest Answer

“Traditionally, being ‘straight’ has referred to a person’s sexual and romantic interest in the opposite sex,” New York-based sex and relationship therapist Todd Baratz, LMHC, told mbg. But does that mean only ever liking women? Not necessarily.

“The reality is that sexuality is wide-ranging and diverse,” says Baratz. “Just because someone identifies as straight doesn’t mean they can’t and never will have romantic or sexual feelings for a person of the same sex.” That fluidity goes both ways, he adds. “A person who identifies as gay may also have sexual or romantic feelings for women. There is no universal definition of sexuality.”

Identities such as “straight” and “gay” may seem concrete and enduring, but research actually shows that they are subjective and can change over time. “Heterosexuality, like being gay, is an individually defined subjective reality,” says Baratz.

In addition, there are many other categories to choose from – there is a whole spectrum of sexuality between the extreme opposites of gay and straight.

In 1971, gay couple Michael McConnell and Jack Baker filed for a marriage license from Blue Earth County, Minnesota. The clerk, not noticing that any of those listed on the application were male, issued the license — although he didn’t officially record it.

Nearly five decades later, after a protracted legal battle over legal recognition of her union, her wish was granted. The couple received a letter from the Social Security Administration on Feb. 16 officially confirming their ’71 marriage. The McConnells (Jack took Michael’s surname) are now considered the longest-married same-sex couple in the United States — and maybe even the world.

“We knew from the day we were legally married in 1971 that we were right — that we had followed the law to the letter,” Michael McConnell told NBC News.

Michael and Jack McConnell Tobin Kay / NYPL

After the couple was first denied a marriage license in May 1970 in Hennepin County, Minnesota, the couple found a loophole. Jack McConnell changed his first name to the gender-neutral name “Pat Lyn,” and Michael McConnell went to Blue Earth County to apply for a license alone.

Because the Minnesota Marriage Statute did not specifically state that two people of the same sex could not marry, the license applied to them. But after it was revealed that “Pat Lyn” was male, the couple recalled, the district attorney told officers not to officially record it. Without proof of marriage, the McConnells said they would not be able to receive spousal Social Security benefits, even after the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in 2015.

In September last year, after a long legal battle, a Minnesota District Court judge ruled that the marriage was valid. In the letter they received from the Social Security Administration in February, they learned that they were entitled to spousal benefits. But for the men, there’s a lot more to winning.

“This simply proves that the first same-sex marriage ever recorded in the public records of a civilian government anywhere in the world took place in Minnesota,” said Jack McConnell.

The couple, who penned their story in the memoir The Wedding Heard ‘Round the World: America’s First Gay Marriage, exchanged vows in September 1971 during a small ceremony at a friend’s house in Minneapolis.

Same-sex marriage was later legalized—first in Minnesota in 2013 and two years later nationwide by the Supreme Court. Now that their 1971 marriage is legal, the men say they’re finally confirmed.

“The powers that be bullied us all the time, and we won,” Jack McConnell claimed.

The McConnells received the letter from the Social Security Administration just days after Valentine’s Day. Michael McConnell said they partied as usual. “We had a glass of champagne and smiled a lot, and then we watched a movie,” he said.

The McConnells, who met in grad school at the University of Oklahoma in the late 1960s, will celebrate 49 years of marriage in September.

Michael, a retired librarian, and Jack, a retired attorney and engineer, said they’ve always been proud of their relationship. Michael McConnell, who grew up in conservative Oklahoma, said a long-term relationship was “the rule” for him. Jack McConnell, an orphan raised in a Catholic-run boarding school, said he grew up determined to find someone who would always love him.

“I wanted to find someone to grow old with,” said Jack McConnell.

The Minneapolis couple, both longtime LGBTQ activists, remain unwaveringly optimistic about the development of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer rights. In 2017, they witnessed two black transgender leaders, Andrea Jenkins and Phillipe Cunningham, being elected to their city council – a historic moment they said lends credence to their mantra: “Full equality for all people with no exceptions, no Excuses.”

“It doesn’t matter what your skin color is, what your ethnicity is, what your gender is, how you identify or anything,” said Michael McConnell. “It means full and absolute equality for all people.”

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Jennifer Gural and Jonathan Esslinger

It’s complicated

Asheville-based therapists Jennifer Gural and Jonathan Esslinger answer readers’ questions to help with the language of love and loss. Submit questions through Jennifer and Jonathan’s website, kisskissbyebye.com

Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for about seven years. We share a home and pets and I thought we would spend our lives together. I can finally see that this relationship is over though. I feel like we have issues that I don’t think can be fixed, and honestly I don’t want to either.

The details are not important at this point. My question is how can I end this without hurting him as much as possible? Although he knows we have problems, I don’t think he really expects it. I care about him and I don’t want his feelings to be hurt any further. – EndingIt, 35, Asheville

Jennifer’s Contribution: Ending a relationship is never easy, almost always sad for one or both members, and one party is usually hurt worse than the other. Although you initiate this, I imagine you will have some painful nights in the future, just like him.

My best advice to you is to do this as kindly and consciously as possible. If you feel safe, have this conversation in a private place so he can express his feelings without fear of public embarrassment.

I would start by letting him know how much you care for him and how much your years together have meant to you. It wasn’t a waste of time, it was some of the best years of your life. Let him know that the memories you shared will be treasured by you forever. (It lets him know he’s valuable to you.)

In this case, you feel that your time together is over. Let him know that you’ve thought about it and that it’s your decision to end the relationship now. Let him know that he can ask any questions he needs to ask and that you will continue to offer him friendship when he is ready.

Jonathan’s Contribution: To break up with someone, you must bravely share your truth that the union doesn’t work for you. You won’t want to hesitate for long as your relationship with the “wrong” person is keeping you both from finding the “right” ones.

Here are some breakup tips to help you best manage the end of your union:

• Breakup Tip #1. Remember that a breakup is a process, not an event. It doesn’t have to be handled properly in the first conversation – it probably couldn’t be, even if you tried.

• Breakup Tip #2. Start the breakup conversation by telling your future ex something you valued or admired about their relationship.

• Breakup Tip #3. Tell them you’re not happy in the relationship—or that it’s not working—and that you want to end the relationship.

• Breakup Tip #4. Listen, provide emotional space, and show empathy for your partner’s fear or sadness.

• Breakup Tip #5. If you’re urgent, give the simplest of reasons. Common reasons are specific deal breakers: not feeling heard, not happy in the relationship, or not being able to give a partner what they seem to need. Avoid extrapolating or arguing about the validity of your reasons — whether an ex accepts them or not, they are your reasons.

• Breakup Tip #6: If the breakup conversation gets too heated or unproductive, take a break. Let your ex know you want to come to a better room to talk more about it and suggest talking again the next day.

EndingIt, you both have a lot to unravel. Alongside the logistical challenges of separating shared property, expect each of your hearts to take time to sort things out. Luckily, studies show that within three to six months, both of you are likely to heal — heal broken hearts.

The real lesson I have to learn here is one I’ve long fought to learn – have the courage to be honest about how you feel about things. Ending it, imagine a world where you told him about your relationship woes a long time ago. Sharing your truth sooner would have been emotionally helpful for both of you — surely the breakup would have been smoother and less shocking. This is the great power of being boldly honest in relationships: it is necessary for repairing bad relationships, ending irreparable relationships, and connecting with your soulmate.

Jennifer Gural and Jonathan Jay Esslinger are Asheville-based authors, clinical trainers, and therapists specializing in relationships, personal development, and addiction.

There are a multitude of reasons why relationships don’t go the distance. The main reasons for relationships failing are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, different priorities and little intimacy.

This article explains why both can cause a relationship to end.

loss of trust

One of the basic feelings needed in a good relationship is a sense of security. If you lack emotional support or find your partner unreliable, you may lose trust.

If your partner is vague or elusive, there is cause for concern. Relationships built on distrust are shaky.

lying

Let’s say you found out that your partner lied to you. Lying can have powerful consequences. Was it a white lie or a lie told to protect the person who lied? White lies are often insignificant or inconsequential, while true lies have far-reaching implications.

possessiveness

If you’re with a partner who is overly possessive, ask yourself, “Does that sound healthy? Is your partner isolating you from your friends or constantly controlling you?”

These are not signs that someone trusts you. Remind yourself that this is not what a healthy relationship is about.

jealousy

Jealousy in small doses can be healthy and a sign that you don’t take each other for granted. But if someone is overly possessive and seems to be showing signs of pathological jealousy, these are red flags.

infidelity

If you suspect your partner is being unfaithful, you may feel like the cornerstone of what you built together has been shattered. You may not trust this person anymore. Are they even who you thought they were?

Relationships that focus on lack of trust, full of lies, jealousy, and infidelity are unlikely to last.

Bad communication

When the two of you are limited to just talking about the kids’ schedules or the weekend to-do list, your communication becomes purely transactional. Healthy communication should cover many different topics.

Even if you communicate well, it’s okay to disagree. Conflict is inevitable and there are ways to manage conflict with effective communication skills. Communication should be characterized by empathy, understanding and active listening. Unfortunately, many couples find it difficult to communicate in this way.

While it may sound counterintuitive for a couple to boast that they never fight at all, it’s not a good thing. It often reflects the fact that both people avoid conflict. They prefer not to rock the boat or address difficult issues.

It’s actually better for couples to express their frustrations and find a way to talk about them than not to argue at all.

In a recent study, researchers analyzed a demand/withdraw communication style between couples. This style describes what happens when one partner demands or nags and the other person avoids the confrontation and withdraws.

The study found that this demand/withdraw style also increased as financial distress increased. In addition, it was also correlated with lower marital satisfaction. What was surprising, however, was this interesting finding: couples who showed signs of gratitude and appreciation overcame this communication problem.

lack of respect

Couples often disagree on various issues, but financial issues are often a source of disagreement. Maybe one is a donor and one is a saver. The problem isn’t so much that they view spending and saving in opposite ways; it’s more about how they handle discussions about money.

Therefore, it is important to recognize how one treats the other during a conflict over money or other issues. Is your partner respectful? Are they joking with you about it? Or does your partner put you down, roll your eyes and treat you with utter contempt? These are signs of a lack of respect for one another.

dr John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and expert on marital stability and the likelihood of divorce, considers contempt to be the greatest destroyer of relationships. He says contempt is also the biggest predictor of divorce.

If your partner taunts, jeers, or is hostile to you, it is a sign of disgust. This lack of affection and respect can create an irreparable rift in a relationship.

A difference in priorities

When you realize that someone you’re dating, or someone you’ve been with for a while, has very different relationship aspirations or life goals than you do, your relationship can start to fall apart.

Different relationship goals

Sometimes you have other priorities for the relationship itself. For example, after a month of dating, a recently widowed person might want to book a fun trip with you and pursue a no-strings-attached relationship. However, you may be ready to introduce your love to your family over the upcoming holidays and embark on a more serious path.

Different life goals

Perhaps the two of you have different long-term goals for the future. If you haven’t taken the time to talk about it, it can be annoying to find out that your partner’s dreams and goals are different from yours.

For example, you might want to ambitiously pursue a career in the city for another five years. Meanwhile, your partner is ready to settle down next year and start a family in the suburbs.

If you can’t compromise or happily pursue a path, your relationship will suffer.

Having different goals doesn’t always mean your relationship is doomed. For example, it’s possible that your goals affect those of the person you’re with.

A recent study published in The Journals of Gerontology examined the interdependence of goals within couples. The study, which involved 450 couples, found that partners influence each other over the long term when it comes to goals. This could be a mechanism that keeps the relationship more stable.

However, don’t rely on influencing the other as a solution. If one of you wants kids and the other absolutely doesn’t, or one of you wants to live as a digital nomad and the other wants to stay in their childhood neighborhood until they’re old and gray, it doesn’t fit. Maybe a better match is out there for you.

Not enough sex and intimacy

Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Our bodies produce the hormone oxytocin when we hug, touch, kiss, and show affection to another person. Increased oxytocin is also associated with reduced stress and feelings of happiness.

When couples don’t touch each other much, and the lack of touch is compounded by communicating in a style that isn’t intimate and close, relationships often deteriorate.

When your partner has no interest in sex, relationships sometimes end tensely. The mismatch in sexual desires, along with other factors, can undermine a relationship and ultimately contribute to a split.

Sex is very important in relationships. According to a recent study, the average adult has sex once a week. There are many benefits to having sex more often. These include emotional, psychological, and physical benefits.

What can make a relationship last?

Brian Ogolsky, Director of Graduate Studies, Associate Professor, Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, analyzed more than 1,100 studies on romantic relationships. In his research, he identified positive strategies that helped preserve partnerships.

He found one thing that kept couples from breaking up and found in great relationships: partners who valued their partners from the start. The partners in these relationships dealt with conflict effectively and, when in doubt, agreed with their partners. The opposite is true in unsatisfactory relationships.

A word from Verywell

Relationships don’t last for many reasons. But the root causes of their downfall are issues of trust, communication, respect, priorities, and intimacy. Of course, no relationship is perfect, but when you find that the difficult moments outweigh the good ones, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. If you and your partner want the relationship to work, you can try contacting a couples therapist for additional support.

What’s happening?

Since launching in 2009, Grindr has grown to become the largest social networking app for gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people. We have millions of users every day using our location-based technology in almost every country around the world.

And we continue to develop.

Our mission: connect queer people with each other and with the world.

Today, Grindr proudly represents a modern LGBTQ lifestyle that is expanding into new platforms. From social issues to original content, we continue to innovate in ways that have a meaningful impact on our community. At Grindr, we’ve created a safe space where you can explore, navigate, and zero feet from the queer world around you.

Keep connecting.

Most people have at least one online dating horror story. It’s a rite of passage that singles tend to hate.

For members of the LGBTQ community, however, the horror stories are a little different. In addition to the classic, awkward hinge-date anecdotes and cheesy secondhand bio screenshots leaking with embarrassment, gay singles deal with all sorts of alienating interactions. Unfounded sex history questioning, molestation, and fetishization—some of it from straight cis people who shouldn’t have been in your feed in the first place—don’t exactly make butterflies.

Still, dating apps have become a crucial vehicle of introduction for gays looking to settle down. A 2019 Stanford study and a 2020 Pew Research survey found that meeting online has become the most popular way for US couples to connect — particularly for gay couples, 28 percent of whom met their current partner online met (versus 11 percent of heterosexual couples).

ALSO SEE: The Best Solo Masturbation Sex Toys Everyone Can Enjoy

But the Pew poll also revealed those ugly experiences of harassment. This is where options that exclude straight users, like HER and Grindr, could come into play. Their perfectly tailored environments are so well known in the gay community that they’re essentially in a league of their own.

Is Grindr the only option for gay dating apps?

While Grindr and HER are big players, they are not alone in the queer dating app market. There are apps like Zoe, Taimi and Scruff. But their stagnant popularity can be attributed to similar complaints: too many scam profiles and not enough legitimate users (those within reasonable distance to schedule a date, anyway). Chappy was a promising gay men’s app that was shut down when it started gaining serious traction.

And at the end of the day, “everyone” apps are just where there are masses of queer users. Keeping Tinder on the back burner isn’t just a thing for straight people, especially those living in less populated areas where Grindr and HER offer slim pickings. Also, some mainstream apps deserve credit for the steps they’ve taken to create a more inclusive atmosphere. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge now offer many options for sexual orientation and gender identity. OkCupid gets credit for making this change years ago and making social justice a core part of compatibility ratings – which curates the nature of people in the app itself.

If you are part of the LGBTQ community and hate to leave your home, you are not alone. Here are the best dating apps and websites that will maximize your options while minimizing your human contact. Bless.

Smartphone social networking application

Grindr is a location-based social networking and online dating application for gay, bi, trans, queer[1] and men who have sex with men[2].

It was one of the first geosocial apps for gay men when it launched in March 2009 and has since become the largest and most popular gay mobile app in the world.[3][4][5] It is available on iOS and Android devices in both free and premium versions (the latter called Grindr XTRA and Grindr Unlimited).

The app allows members to create a personal profile and place them based on their GPS location on a cascade where they can browse other profiles by distance and be viewed by near and far members depending on the filter setting. Selecting a profile photo in the grid view will display that member’s full profile and photos, as well as the option to chat, send a “tip”, send pictures, video calls and share precise location.

history [edit]

Original ownership (2009–2015) [ edit ]

Grindr was launched as an iOS mobile app on March 25, 2009 by tech entrepreneur Joel Simkhai in Los Angeles, California.[6] The free version showed 100 profiles of nearby men, while a premium version ($2.99 ​​plus monthly fee) had no ads and expanded the dating pool to 200 men.[7] Cautious but generally positive reviews of the app circulated around the gay blogosphere on sites like Queerty[8] and Joe My God[9]. As of August 2009, there were a total of 200,000 users on the Grindr network.[7] By March 2010 there were 500,000.[10]

For the first anniversary on March 25, 2010, Grindr released the app for BlackBerry devices.[10]

In January 2011, Grindr won the iDate Award for Best Mobile Dating App.[11]

On March 7, 2011, Grindr launched the app for Android devices. In addition to a free version, users could pay $4.97 for a premium version called Grindr XTRA, which included no banner ads, more profiles to choose from, more “favorites,” and push notifications of received messages while the app ran in the background became.[ 12]

In May 2011, Vanity Fair called Grindr the “world’s biggest, scariest gay bar.”[13]

In January 2012, a vulnerability in the app’s security software allowed hackers to change the profile picture of a small number of mainly Australian Grindr users to explicit images. Grindr then took legal action and made software changes that blocked the responsible party.[14]

In January 2012, Grindr won TechCrunch’s Crunchies Award for Best Location Application and two iDate Awards for Best Mobile Dating App and Best New Technology.[15][16] In April 2012, Grindr won the About.com Readers’ Choice Award for Best Dating App after 74 percent of readers voted Grindr over Zoosk, SKOUT, Tagged, Tingle, and Are You Interested. In May 2012, Grindr was recognized as an official winner in the Social (Handheld Devices) category at the 2012 Webby Awards.[17] Less than 15% of entries submitted to the Webby Awards committee this year received the Official Honoree, which recognizes the best Internet content, services and businesses.[18]

On June 18, 2012, Grindr announced that it had officially reached 4 million registered users in 192 countries around the world.[19]

On July 22, 2012, after Grindr experienced a technical outage, British tabloid The People (now The Sunday People) reported that Grindr’s crash was due to the volume of usage upon the arrival of Olympic athletes in London for the 2012 Summer Olympics, the were looking for hooks -ups.[20] The report sparked rumors about the athletes’ potentially scandalous sexual behavior. Grindr denied the rumors the next day, blaming technical issues unrelated to server demand for the outage.[21]

In August 2013, Grindr released an updated version of the app that required users to verify their accounts by providing a valid email address. According to Grindr, this was done to reduce spam and improve portability. Critics argued it robbed the app of its anonymity.[22]

On September 30, 2013, Grindr introduced Grindr Tribes, which allows users to identify with a niche group and filter their search to better find their type. Grindr Tribes include: Bear, Clean-Cut, Daddy, Discreet, Geek, Jock, Leather, Otter, Poz, Rugged, Trans, and Twink. In addition to Tribes, Grindr users could now filter by “Looking For”.[23]

As of Grindr’s fifth anniversary on March 25, 2014, the app averaged more than 5 million monthly active users worldwide.[24]

After acquisition (2016–present) [ edit ]

In January 2016, Grindr announced that it had sold a 60% stake in the company to a Chinese video game development company, Kunlun Tech Co Ltd (formerly Beijing Kunlun Tech Co Ltd) for US$93 million. In January 2018, Kunlun bought the rest of the company for US$152 million.[28]

In March 2018, Grindr introduced a new feature that, if activated, would remind the user to take an HIV test every three to six months.[29]

In August 2018, Kunlun’s board of directors approved Grindr’s IPO.[28] In March 2019, Kunlun began looking for a buyer for Grindr after the Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS) told Kunlun that the app’s ownership by a Chinese company posed a national security risk.[30] This also led to Kunlun halting its plans for a Grindr IPO.[31]

In July 2019, Grindr released Grindr Unlimited, a new premium version of the app that allows subscribers to unsend messages, go incognito, view unlimited profiles in the cascade, see who viewed them, tip status to see and use all premium features of Grindr XTRA.[32] In November 2019, Grindr launched Grindr Web, a free desktop version of the app designed for users who prefer to chat from their computer or laptop. It was designed for “quick and discreet” office chats, uses a generic email interface, and mimics computer file folders instead of user profiles.[33] This service has since been discontinued.

In March 2020, Kunlun announced that it would sell its 98.59% stake in Grindr to US-based San Vicente Acquisition LLC for $608.5 million.[34] Grindr’s management and core employees would continue to own 1.41% of the company’s shares after the transaction.[35]

By the end of 2020, Grindr is expected to have around 13 million monthly users.[36]

In May 2022, Grindr announced that it would go public through SPAC.[37]

Original content[edit]

In March 2021, it was announced that Grindr would enter the “original scripted content space” with a debut web series entitled Bridesman.[38] Created by John Onieal and directed by Julian Buchanan, the series went into production that same month and had its world premiere at the Outfest Film Festival on August 14, 2021.[39]

The series consists of six episodes[40] and stars Jimmy Fowlie, Sydnee Washington and Shanon DeVido.[38] The show was co-written by John Onieal and Frank Spiro and produced by Jeremy Truong and Katie White under Truong’s Rubbertape company.

Grindr for Equality[ edit ]

In February 2012, Grindr founded Grindr for Equality (G4E), a geo-targeted political service dedicated to raising awareness of LGBT equality issues. Prior to the 2012 US election, it encouraged users to register to vote and provided information on pro-LGBT candidates in their areas.[41]

G4E has since grown into an international LGBTQ health and human rights program. In November 2019, she awarded a total of $100,000 to organizations and activists that provide direct service and advocacy to the LGBTQ communities in the Middle East and North Africa.[42]

censorship [edit]

No Grindr security measures or government restrictions have been put in place. Only Grindr security measures have been taken. Government restrictions have been enforced (can be circumvented with VPN). Full regulatory restrictions No data

Grindr is not available (and VPN cannot be used) in the following areas due to government restrictions: Iran, Crimea, Syria, North Korea, Pakistan, Cuba and Sudan. In addition, there are also full or partial restrictions in these countries: China, Indonesia, Turkey, Lebanon, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates, but VPN can be used in this case.[43]

In December 2019, Grindr took action to protect users in countries where they may be at risk of being LGBT, introducing new safety features for them and automatically disabling their removal feature.[44][45]

criticism [edit]

Offensive speech and actions[ edit ]

Grindr has been criticized for not taking enough action to mitigate the display of offensive, racist, and homophobic language by some of its users.[46] When asked about hate speech on Grindr in June 2014, the app’s creator, Joel Simkhai, said in an interview with the Israeli newspaper Haaretz that he “didn’t like it,” but he “[is] not a sixth grade teacher.” and it “[is not his] job to monitor such things.”[47]

The app has been criticized in the past for allowing users to sort users by ethnicity, as well as users’ age, height and weight, which some found discriminatory. This was removed in June 2020 following complaints on social media.[48][49][50]

User location triangulation[ edit ]

In August 2014, it was reported that Grindr’s relative distance measurements could facilitate triangulation and thereby determine the near-precise location of individual users.[51] A proof of concept was published and more than 2 million detections were made within a few days.[52] Authorities in Egypt allegedly used the app to track down and arrest gay men.[53][54] Grindr responded by temporarily disabling distance display globally.[55]

In May 2016, a group of computer scientists from Kyoto University demonstrated how location tracking in the app is possible even if a user hides their distance from public display.[56] By exploiting a novel attack model called Colluding-Trilateration, locating a targeted user becomes a very easy and inexpensive task without using any special hacking technique. The attack model works with any location-based service app that displays profiles of nearby users in order of proximity, not just Grindr.[57]

In May 2022, it was reported that Grindr’s user location data had been collected and sold through a digital advertising network since 2017, before Grindr restricted data sharing with its advertising partners in 2020. Historical data from this period may still be available.[58]

User privacy [ edit ]

In April 2018, a Norwegian non-profit research organization reported that Grindr data packages sold to third-party companies could potentially contain users’ sensitive personal information such as HIV status and HIV test data. The discovery prompted an extensive review of Grindr’s privacy practices. In response, Grindr released a statement, stating, “Grindr has never, and will never, sell any personally identifiable user information — particularly information related to HIV status or last test date — to third parties or advertisers. As an industry standard, Grindr works with reputable [software] vendors to test and optimize our platform. These providers are subject to strict contractual terms that ensure the highest level of confidentiality, data security and user privacy.”[59][60][61]

On January 14, 2020, a report was released by the Norwegian Consumer Council alleging that Grindr has breached the European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR). The council claimed that Grindr sent user data to at least 135 advertisers.[62][63] The main concerns of the allegations were the sharing of personal data, including users’ locations and information about their device. These details could potentially indicate a user’s sexual orientation without their consent.[64] After review by the Norwegian Data Protection Authority, Grindr was found to have breached the GDPR and fined €10 million.[65]

In October 2020, a security researcher discovered a vulnerability in the password reset process. Anyone could take over an account with just the email address.[66]

Danger for minors[ edit ]

Research has found that half of sexually active gay and bisexual youth use applications like Grindr.[67]

In popular culture[edit]

television [edit]

Talk shows [ edit ]

On 28 June 2009 (three months after Grindr’s launch), British actor and techie Stephen Fry appeared on the BBC motorsport show Top Gear and enthusiastically explained the intricacies of Grindr to host Jeremy Clarkson and attempted to convince another Grindr user in the studio audience to find. Grindr founder Joel Simkhai later told a media outlet, “The impact [of Stephen Fry’s mention] was immediate. We had about 10,000 downloads overnight and increased our base by 50 percent. Within a week we were at 40,000. Someone once asked me if we paid Stephen Fry to mention us, but we didn’t. Apparently one of the guys he works with is gay and he showed it to him the week of his release.”[68] London became Grindr’s most active city in the world, and remained so until at least late 2012.[69] In February 2013, journalist Jaime Woo called the mention of Top Gear one of the warmest mentions of Grindr in the media.

On the July 17, 2014 episode of American late-night talk show Conan, host Conan O’Brien and guest Dave Franco create Tinder profiles and O’Brien jokes, “Anytime you don’t see me on TV, I’m on Grindr . “[71]

On February 3, 2015, American actress Mila Kunis appeared on the American late night talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live and announced that she had been using Grindr at the request of her husband Ashton Kutcher due to his growing interest in tech investing.[72]

On the February 24, 2015 episode of Conan, host Conan O’Brien and guest Billy Eichner created a Grindr profile for O’Brien. Together they searched many profiles and sent messages before finally asking a man to meet in person. They drove off in O’Brien’s Cher and Liza Minnelli-style “Grindr-Van” and met O’Brien’s match in a public place. O’Brien closed the segment by thanking Grindr for the new friendship.

In a July 2015 interview, American actor Rob Lowe was asked if he was concerned that people would confuse his upcoming starring role in the legal comedy television series The Grinder with the Grindr app. Lowe replied, “It could be a good thing! I’m very current. I’m culturally significant. I could be on the Grindr app.”[74]

In November 2015, Lowe appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and promoted the Grindr app as “a nice networking app that allows people who love The Grinder to meet up with other guys in their area who also love The Grinder.” See so they can meet up to watch The Grinder together!” He explained, “You just open the app and scroll through hundreds of nearby men who share your passion for gritty network comedy.” Lowe quickly found a match on the app and announced, “Oh, that guy is DTF. Me too! Definite TV fanatic,” he clarifies.When his new acquaintance arrives in a leather vest and leather shorts, lubed with lube and a banana, it’s clear that the two have very different intentions for their relationship “So,” says Lowe, “if you like The Grinder, download the app today and you too can make a new friend.”[75]

Scripted shows[ edit ]

On the March 21, 2013 episode of the American music television series Glee entitled “Guilty Pleasures”, the main character Santana mentions Grindr as the main character Kurt after he says he ordered a “boyfriend pillow” online.

In January 2014, HBO debuted Looking, an American comedy-drama television series that follows the professional and personal lives of three openly gay close friends living in San Francisco, California. The series name is based on a term used by online platforms like Grindr to show off or ask if you’re looking for a connection. Grindr was frequently referenced in the series, which ran for two seasons until its finale on March 22, 2015. In September 2019, The Guardian ranked Looking among the “100 Greatest TV Shows of the 21st Century”.

On the October 23, 2014 episode of the American legal thriller television series How to Get Away with Murder, the main character Connor (an openly gay intern at a high-profile law firm) uses a gay hookup app called “Humpr” (a sly nod to real Grindr), to get a juror to admit he’s pro-cop, to remove him from the jury on a case he’s trying.[79]

In February 2016, an episode of the American animated sitcom Family Guy featured main character Peter Griffin joining Grindr to bond with guys feeding him grinder sandwiches through glory holes in the bathroom.[80]

In October 2016, two separate episodes of How to Get Away with Murder reference Grindr. Connor, the show’s openly gay lead character, offers a scathing critique of the racism, body shaming, and anti-femme rhetoric prevalent in “Humpr,” the series’ stand-in for Grindr.[81] In the next episode, Connor has thrown himself wholeheartedly into humpr, which he shamelessly exploits in the presence of his friend.[82] While his colleagues investigate a case they’re working on, Connor leaves home to meet two young men. He checks their IDs to ensure they are of legal age before having sex.[83]

On the October 26, 2017 episode of How to Get Away with Murder, Connor approaches Humpr looking for a connection after his friend dumped him by making him work overtime.[84] Journalist Anthony Gilét wrote of the scene: “Having dropped out of law school, lost his job, been disowned by his father for his same-sex relationship, and is now disappointed at the romantic date he painstakingly arranged for his love, had to cross out , Connor naturally feels a little lost—before he turns to this accessible little app on his phone. Not only does this show how instant sex can be another form of self-destruction, but also how we use sex as a coping mechanism (and effectively, how easy it is to cheat on your boyfriend after a small argument).” Humpr’s UI will displayed on screen and looks almost identical to Grindr’s. Connor chats with a man on the app about the size of his penis and minutes later they meet up for sex.[85]

On the October 25, 2017 episode of the American teen drama television series Riverdale, openly gay protagonist Kevin is caught having sex in the woods by two of his friends, Betty and Moose. Betty yells at him that he should have “more respect” for himself and shames him for his risky lifestyle. Kevin yells back, “You act like we have the same options!” and complains that he has no way of expressing his sexual desires. Betty asks, “Can’t you use grind ’em like all the other gay guys?” (refers to the real Grindr app), and Kevin replies that he hates using grind ’em because people in person never look like they do online.[86] Moose, the school’s popular hot jock and closeted bisexual who used to date Kevin, says quietly, “People like us don’t have a lot of options in a town like Riverdale. So even if something bad could happen, we’ll do it. Because what if we are not alone for 10 minutes or maybe just two minutes? Journalist Anthony Gilét called the scene “deep” and wrote: “This really shows how many men in the gay community feel. Loneliness is so incredibly common that it’s no wonder we meet up with strangers for a quick re-enactment of intimacy. And it even highlights why many of us aren’t as careful as we should be — especially at the height of Grindr crime — because we’re spurred on by the fear of loneliness/need for affection.”[85] The Scene ends with Betty’s solution to telling Kevin’s father (the town sheriff) about Kevin’s cruise, thereby ending their friendship.

Reality shows[edit]

The June 30, 2014 episode of the American reality show Judge Judy involved a case between a 47-year-old plaintiff and a 23-year-old defendant who met through Grindr. Judge Judy dismissed the lawsuit, ruling that the money given to the defendant was a gift rather than a loan.[88]

In the September 2014 MTV television special Being Tyler Posey, American actor Tyler Posey jokes that he has a Grindr account.[89]

On the April 21, 2015 episode of the American reality television series The Real Housewives of New York City, cast member Luann de Lessep’s colleague Ramona Singer informs that Singer’s estranged husband is active on dating sites. Singer says she doesn’t mind, but asks Luann, “What’s the name of the gay site?” Luann replies, “Grindr?” Singer then claims, “Maybe that would bother me if he was on Grindr.”[90][91] Bravo, the TV network that airs the series, teased viewers with a clip of the exchange to entice them to tune in to the episode .[92]

In a June 2017 interview, openly gay former actor Milan Christopher of American reality television series Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood said he’s met guys who use Grindr.[93]

On the December 18, 2017 episode of the American reality television series Love & Hip Hop: New York, cast member Jonathan creates a Catfish Grindr account to catch his boyfriend cheating.

From April to August 2018, a recurring storyline in the third season of the American reality television series The Real Housewives of Potomac involved a cast member’s husband’s alleged extramarital affair with a young man on Grindr.

Movies [edit]

In the November 2013 Netflix original comedy Aziz Ansari: Buried Alive, American comedian Aziz Ansari jokes that Grindr’s user-friendly design makes casual sex so accessible for gay men, but using the same mechanism for straight people would result in themselves Women would feel too insecure to work. He says that Grindr “is possibly the most incredible technology that has come out of [his] life.”[98][99]

In the July 2015 American romantic comedy Trainwreck, directed by Judd Apatow and written by Amy Schumer, actor John Cena plays a closeted bisexual character who mentions his use of Grindr when he gets into a verbal altercation with a man at a movie theater . After shouting several comedic gay references at the man, Cena yells, “Fuck you, Tone Loc! Do you want to drive it to the parking lot? Well! If you can’t find me, I’m closest on Grindr!” and then storms out of the theater.[100]

In the February 2019 American romantic comedy What Men Want, directed by Adam Shankman, actress Taraji P. Henson plays a character who accidentally gains the psychic powers to hear the inner thoughts of men. Working as the only woman in an otherwise all-male sports marketing company, she is particularly using her newfound power to advance her career. In one scene, one of her stereotypical “male” colleagues debates whether she should join Tinder or Grindr.[101]

music [edit]

American singer Madonna partnered with Grindr in 2015 to promote her thirteenth studio album Rebel Heart. A competition was held and five of the app’s users were selected for an exclusive interview with the artist. The contest required recreating the artwork for Rebel Heart and posting it as a Grindr profile picture. Other winners received autographed copies of the album.[102] Joe Stone of The Guardian felt this was a “savvy” method of publicity, allowing Madonna to engage directly with her gay audience.

In a December 2016 interview, American rapper Eminem joked that he met people from Grindr for dates.[104]

On January 24, 2020, Eminem took to the social media #DollyPartonChallenge and shared a semi-nude photo of himself as his Grindr profile photo. Heterosexual participants in the challenge commonly shared their Tinder profile photo.[105]

On March 30, 2021, transgender singer Amina Banks released a track entitled “Grindr”.[106]

books [edit]

Several books have been published focusing on a variety of topics related to Grindr; These include the app’s impact on society and how the app is navigated and used.[107][108][109]

sports [edit]

Grindr is the official sponsor of top 14 French rugby club Biarritz Olympique.

See also[edit]

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How can I find an international boyfriend?

17 Gay Dating Tips: Texting, App Advice, Red Flags, & More

Here’s What I Did to Obtain a Boyfriend.. | Gay Guy’s Advice on Dating for a Long-term Relationship

Here’s What I Did to Obtain a Boyfriend.. | Gay Guy’s Advice on Dating for a Long-term Relationship

Here’s What I Did to Obtain a Boyfriend.. | Gay Guy’s Advice on Dating for a Long-term Relationship

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Gay Single Men Looking for a Long Term Relationship.

Gays looking for a relationship coming together in one group. #LTR #GAYLTR #LGBTQ #OneLove This is a private group for gay guys from around the world to…

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Where do gay men find their long-term partners? Grindr …

Dating for everybody has changed. A majority of all couples meet online. Gay men are about the same. I met my husband on MySpace.

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17 Best Gay Dating Sites for Serious Relationships (2022)

Best Overall Best Gay Dating Sites for Serious Relationships · 1. Match · 2. Elite Singles · 3. eharmony · 4. Zoosk · 5. BlackPeopleMeet · 6. OkCup.

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How to Find a Boyfriend When You Are Gay: 5 Useful Tips for Getting With a Decent Guy

How to make a boyfriend when you’re gay: 5 useful tips for dating a decent guy

Jorge is a bisexual guy who has mentored other LGBT people over the years. He likes to share his experiences with others.

One of the perks of being gay is that dating is pretty easy. Sometimes the hard part can be finding someone who wants to cultivate some depth.

The dating scene can already be tough when you’re straight, but when you’re gay it introduces a whole new level of complications! Finding a boyfriend when you’re gay can be challenging because you can’t easily approach a guy and hit on him in public and know for sure that he’ll be gay too.

Also, even if you’re dating a guy (which is extremely easy compared to our straight peers, I have to admit), it’s a whole different ball game when you’re talking about a steady friend you’re going out with on a decent date can span of time.

The problem is that many of us in the LGBT community are looking for relationships in all the wrong places! So if you want to spend more than just a sweaty night of debauchery (perhaps multiple sweaty nights?) with someone, check out these tips on how to find a boyfriend if you’re gay.

Tips for finding a gay friend

Stop looking for friends at the club. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Consider looking for a friend in a spiritual community, such as a church. Consider giving up dating apps. Volunteer at your local LGBT community center.

1. Stop looking for friends at the club

Gay bars and nightclubs can be great places to connect if you’re into one night stands, but they’re not the best places to find a boyfriend. The mindset of someone in a club is… short-sighted, to say the least.

Yes, you might find someone there interested in something “real”, but these people’s ratio to drunken revelers will be very low. You have to do a lot of filtering, and that’s just inefficient when you can search in greener pastures, so to speak.

However, I know people who have met their significant others at the club (with mixed results). Gay clubs are one of the few places you can go where you know that if you hit on a guy (even if he’s straight), he’s not likely to get aroused. However, there are other, higher quality places to check out, especially if you’re not the kind of person interested in partying until 3am. Don’t force yourself to go dating at the club just because you think it’s your only option.

Gay clubs may be fun – and you can even get lucky there – but they’re not the best places to find the love of your life.

2. Don’t pretend to be something you are not

Another common problem I see in this community is the tendency to shame a person for their relative femininity or masculinity.

I’ve seen female gay guys trying to act “more butchy” to attract guys who only want to date manly men, and I’ve seen a lot of guys shaming feminine gay men and implying that they’re acting feminine “. (as if it weren’t self-evident).

On the flip side, I’ve also seen male guys easily shamed and assumed to be “faking it” (like gay guys are inherently female or something and coming across as straight or male is automatically wrong ).

Needless to say, that’s all BS. There is nothing wrong with being male or female, whatever your orientation may be. Still, these shenanigans often trick people into putting up a facade to conform.

Resist the urge to adapt! You have something to offer the world as your unique self, and no one can ever see that unless you hide it. It doesn’t just boil down to acting “in disguise” when, for example, you’re not. Even the little things matter. If you have odd tastes and hobbies, be open about them. If you have unpopular opinions, voice them.

This is how you find someone who really suits you.

Don’t compromise on who you are. If that means wearing toenail polish with pride, then so be it. If that means being “masc”, then so be it.

3. Consider finding a friend in a spiritual community such as B. a church

What? Finding a friend at church if you’re gay? What nonsense is this?

Believe it or not, there are many gay friendly churches or just gay churches. Your local Unitarian Universalist Church is a good choice and they cover basically every religion.

You can also visit a meditation center or similar. The point here is that you will be browsing a pool of people who are a little bit more in tune with their higher selves. You usually have access to men with a stronger sense of purpose and responsibility than, say, in a bar.

You don’t have to go here…but it’s not a bad idea.

4. Consider giving up dating apps

Dating apps are common these days so you might be able to find a boyfriend on one.

Straight or gay, however, dating apps tend to be superficial. You might find a diamond in the rough, but most of the guys there will be mostly interested in what you pack and if you have hard abs – and the rest of you will just be a nice bonus.

Whether your abs can cut glass or not, if you’re looking for something long-term, skip the superficial and just look for a friend in person, perhaps through your personal social network.

5. Volunteer at your local LGBT community center

Are you looking for a friend who is caring, compassionate, responsible and willing to do what he can for the community?

Be that person yourself! Volunteer at your local LGBT center or offer your help at a Pride event and you’ll meet all sorts of interesting people. You might even notice one of them.

Volunteer for LGBT community stuff and you’re bound to meet at least some interesting, responsible guys.

Finding a good friend doesn’t have to be difficult

If you’re gay and tired of playing games, then maybe it’s time to start looking for a boyfriend in all the right places. Contribute to your community or just keep an eye out for local gay events that don’t involve too much drunken revelry and you’ll likely find some decent prospects.

Your boyfriend experience

The places you were looking for

Answer questions

Question: What do I do if, as a small child, I want to swap genders at school and then end up being gay?

Answer: Do you mean that you want to change your gender and then be gay? For example, if you were assigned a female at birth, would you want to become male and then date other men and be gay?

Or do you mean that you want to swap the gender of your partners (e.g. switch from boys to girls) so that you are gay instead of straight?

If this is your first case, you would not be alone. Many trans people are gay, although they obviously don’t switch for that reason.

If it’s the second case, then again, a lot of people are trying to date both sexes at one point or another. Sometimes you have to try what makes you comfortable.

However, if you are very young, I would say don’t worry about it too much. Focus on learning about life (you’ll grow up sooner than you think) and building important friendships.

How the chance of breaking up changes the longer your relationship lasts

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Relationships that don’t work are bizarre things, miniature lives that burn out like stars. We all have our regrets – those that got away, those that never should have been. But how often do things fizzle out? How often do two people go their separate ways? And how do the odds of a breakup change over time?

These are some of the many questions posed by Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Stanford, as part of a longitudinal study he began in 2009.

“We know a lot more about the relationships that worked out than we do about the ones that didn’t,” Rosenfeld said. “The way censuses and other surveys collect data just doesn’t paint a very good picture. People don’t remember failed relationships very well either.”

Rosenfeld, which has tracked more than 3,000 people, is helping fix the issue. And the answers he’s found — at least the ones he’s gleaned so far (the study is ongoing) — are pretty telling.

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(He also uncovered some really interesting data on how people meet their partners, by the way.)

The chart below shows how the likelihood of a breakup changes over time for straight and gay couples, both married and unmarried.

Of course there are obvious patterns. Marriage, for example, is a powerful bond. Both heterosexual and gay couples separate far less frequently than their unmarried counterparts.

For same-sex couples, the breakup rate drops from about 8 percent for those who have been together for 5 years to less than 1 percent for those who have been together for at least 20 years. In the case of heterosexual couples, the rate fell from just over 3 percent to under 1 percent in the same period. (If you’re wondering why the breakup rate is so low given divorce rates, understand that these are cumulative—the percentages add up over the years, resulting in a higher overall likelihood).

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Unmarried couples, on the other hand, both straight and gay, have much higher rates of breakup — even if they’ve been together for more than twenty years.

There is little to surprise here. Marriage, after all, is a necessarily more binding arrangement. There are far more hurdles associated with having a marriage annulled.

Things get interesting when you focus on Rosenfeld’s data for unmarried couples, which offer a rare glimpse into the evolution of modern relationships.

Overall, time really does help reduce the likelihood of two people going their separate ways. And that pretty quickly. Notice how steep the curve is early on for both straight and gay couples.

60 percent of unmarried couples who had been together for less than 2 months during the first wave of Rosenfeld’s study were no longer together when he checked back in the following year. But once a relationship lasts a year, the likelihood of it ending begins to drop precipitously. For the first five years, the rate decreases by about 10 percentage points each year, reaching about 20 percent for both straight and gay couples. And the rate continues to decline until about 15 years later, when it levels off for both — at just over 10 percent for gay couples and about 5 percent for straight couples.

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Why? Well, it’s pretty simple. As Rosenfeld noted in 2014, “The longer a couple stays together, the more hurdles they overcome together, the more time and effort they put into the relationship together, and the more connected they become.”

As Rosenfeld continues his study, more gaps in his data are likely to be filled in. There is currently insufficient data for same-sex couples married less than 5 years (which is why this line starts later than the others). The sample size is also too small for same-sex couples who have been together for more than 35 years. He hopes to fix that too. And it might very well mimic what he’s observed for their straight counterparts rising after three decades (as a result of some sort of mid- or late-life crisis, one might imagine).

Still, it was a fascinating dive into the intricacies of human relationships. “One of the things I’ve learned from interviewing people in person about their romantic history is how complicated the stories can be.”

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17 Gay Dating Tips: Texting, App Advice, Red Flags, & More

Share on Pinterest Hinterhaus Productions/Getty Images The truth is, dating a gay, bi+, or pansexual man can be as messy, unfulfilling, and complicated as Queer As Folk makes it out to be. But it doesn’t have to be. These tips can help!

You must define dating for yourself. There is no single, agreed upon definition of dating. And the level of seriousness and commitment implied by the term “dating” varies depending on who you ask. Some people use the term loosely, applying it to sex-laden situations, casual boners, and FWBs. Others reserve it for dynamics with more intimacy or commitment. Finding out what dating means to you can help you determine if dating — or something else entirely — is what you want.

Next, find out what you want when dating new york city. Some questions to ask yourself: What is my preferred relationship structure? How is my relationship orientation?

What level of commitment, time, and energy am I willing to put into this dynamic now?

What are my current priorities?

Do my goals and dreams involve another person or persons? To what extent am I willing to work towards this now? It can also be helpful to understand what feels like negotiable and non-negotiable in a partner. “When you’re able to identify what’s negotiable and what’s non-negotiable, you can continue to be flexible and allow what you’re looking for to evolve and be more specific to the relationship—while going with your wants and needs.” stay connected,” they say. Here are some pointers to help you figure out your negotiable and non-negotiable items: Close your eyes and imagine where you see your life in 5 years. What do you see?

Make a list of your own company values

If you could create your dream self, what would you be like?

If you could create your soul mate, what would they look like?

… But don’t just date one “type” of person. There’s a fine line between dating within your bargaining chip and over-limiting your dating pool. Often people only date people of a certain “type,” which keeps them from exploring a greater variety of partners and relationship dynamics, says Brian Ackerman, a psychotherapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. “By only dating one type of person, you limit the range of insights you can gain about yourself, your needs, and desired qualities in potential partners,” he says. Plus, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Dating a variety of people can be helpful, precisely because it gives you a chance to learn more about your own likes and dislikes — and maybe even know your next boo learn… Remember: “Types” is a Myth “No two people are exactly alike . So even if you have a certain “type,” you can still target people with those similar core traits for a variety of different traits,” says Ackerman.

If you want to start dating as soon as possible, use the apps. Whether you love them or hate them, if you want to start dating like yesterday, the apps are tops. Find Out Which Apps Work Best For You No two dating apps are the same, which is why Zachary Zane, a sex expert, the founder of BoySlut and a columnist for “Sexplain It,” suggests understanding the purpose of the apps available before you use them. While there are exceptions to every generalization, Grindr and Scruff are best suited for connections. (They’re basically seamless for sex.) Which one you choose will depend on your current (if any) gender preference. Grindr typically has greater gender and sexuality diversity compared to Scruff. Profiles of non-binary people and straight men who are attracted to trans women, for example, are more common on Grindr. For a relationship, Zane recommends Chappy or Bumble. If you live somewhere in the country or suburbs, or have time to swipe, you can choose apps with more users (aka potential dates) like Tinder or Hinge. If you’re interested in a threesome, throuple, or polyamorous dating structure, consider Feeld, suggests Daniel Saynt, founder of NSFW, a private members’ club for sex, kink, and cannabis-positive millennials. #Open is also a decent choice. Tailor profiles to what (err, who!) you’re looking for. If you’re omnisexual, bisexual, or pansexual, Zane recommends listing that on your profile. Because of the ubiquitous biphobia in our culture, fewer people will agree with you, he says. “But those who do will be open to meeting someone who’s bi or pan.” Using the Apps Having the app downloaded isn’t enough. You must actually use them! And no, replying to messages once or twice a day is not enough. Dedicate the time you spend searching for dates as you would for that date. In other words: 20+ minutes a day. Consider FaceTiming before you meet Some daters swear by FaceTime for getting to know each other before the date. As Zane puts it, “Sometimes you go on a date and realize within seconds that you’re not into the person. A quick FaceTime beforehand can help solve this problem.” If you’re comfortable video meeting someone from an app, or if you’re very concerned about “wasting” time on a bad date, this strategy is one worth trying.

Play the long game by putting yourself in positions to meet potential partners. The name of the (long) game here is to hit as many people as possible, says Saynt. “The more people you meet, the better your chances of getting together.” Go to a bar or café More specifically: a bar or café that you really like. Why? Because chances are that you and the other patrons are drawn to a similar energy and you might have something in common. “Dating within a community could be key to finding partners who steer away from apps and focus more on real-world connections,” says Saynt. So while you’re there, consider introducing yourself to someone you’re attracted to — or someone you see there regularly. Here are some lines to try: “Hey, I’ve seen you here a few times and wanted to introduce myself.”

“I don’t know if you’d be interested, but I’d like to give you my number if you ever want to have a cup of coffee together.”

“Would you like to sit down together? I’m new to the area and trying to get to know people better.”

“We always run into each other by chance here. I’d like to give you my number so we can try at some point on purpose.” If you’re specifically interested in dating other men and non-binary people, check out gay- and queer-specific drinking rooms. To find some near you, click Google. For example, try searching for “gay bar near me” or “queer hangout Chicago.” Join a Club or Other Community Project Thanks to Meetup, Bumble BFF, and local Facebook groups, there are “bisexual baker meetings,” “gay dodgeball teams,” “pansexual pride marches,” and “queer eye” watch parties. “If you find group activities in your neighborhood and shift your focus to community-style activities and meetings, you’ll meet more people who have similar interests as you,” says Saynt. Your move: think about how you want to spend your free time. Then join groups! If you’re sexually adventurous, try a sex party or other sex-positive place. The more people get vaccinated, the more sex-positive spaces open up. Sex-positive spaces, sex parties and orgies are moving back into IRL after last year’s plus URL or OOO, says Saynt. “Check online what’s closest to you.” You can also ask the educators at your local sex shops for tips on where to find them.

There are no rules for when to talk about (potential) seriousness. The good news: “There is no right or wrong way or time to be serious,” says Ackerman. The bad news: that means there’s no schedule to follow. Some men feel comfortable sharing what they’re looking for on or before the first date, he says. “It’s important for them to be up front so they don’t put time or energy into dating that isn’t moving in that direction.” You might say, “Before we make any plans, I just want to clarify that I’m after something serious seek.”

“For the sake of transparency, I practice hierarchical polyamory and am ultimately looking for a principal partner.” Others may feel more comfortable letting their feelings develop over several weeks or months and then sharing them as they feel increasingly confident that they are ready to get more serious, adds Ackerman.

No, these tips don’t change if you’re not out “If you’re not out, take your time! It’s an individual process with individual timelines,” says Ackerman. “There’s plenty of room for exploring how you identify before you come out.” That said, when it comes to dating, how “out” (or not) you are will likely impact how you date, as well as your dating experience. When you’re not traveling, it’s important to be clear to yourself and whoever you’re dating about what information you’re happy to share or have shared. “That clarity allows you to honor where you stand while being transparent with the people you’re dating,” he says. It’s also important to realize that people you choose to date will have their own reactions to what you’re willing to share. For example, if you’re not out with your friends and family and therefore avoid using photos of your face on your dating profiles, that decision may result in fewer matches. As Zane says, “Most guys don’t want to date someone who’s DL (downlow) and whose face you can’t see.” But if someone won’t date you because your face isn’t showing or you’re not out, Isn’t he the best partner for you? After all, when you’re not traveling, you need to date someone who’s okay with you *not* traveling.

What to do if you’re in a relationship but want to add a third Ultimately, it depends on whether you’re looking for a purely sexual relationship with the third or an ongoing sexual and romantic fling (aka throuple). For the former, Zane recommends using Scruff or Grindr. “My boyfriend and I use that,” he says. For the latter, Saynt says you need to give it some time to bear fruit. (Because, no, friends are not sold in the grocery store). “It’s important that your life together is fulfilling before you attempt to expand your experience with a third partner,” he says. “You can open the conversation by discussing fantasies and desires, asking your partner about theirs, and sharing yours.” Hopefully you’re with a partner who’s already looking to explore with others. This should make planning a future threesome a lot easier. If you’re reading this, you’re single, and you know you want a threesome down the line, Saynt says it’s okay to say you want a more serious threesome when you start seeing someone. “Don’t be ashamed of wanting intimacy and connection,” he says. “Many men hide these feelings for fear of appearing weak or too needy in a relationship. Communicate early and often to build a relationship where your partner feels comfortable doing the same.”

If You Start Feeling Grumpy, Take a Dating Break Dating fatigue is REAL. When you stop having the energy to show up for yourself on dates or constantly interact with potential partners, take a breather. “If you’re not able to give your all or aren’t open to dating people, it’s just a waste of time for you and your date(s),” says Zane. In fact, Saynt recommends being proactive in combating dating fatigue by taking a break if your past dates have been less than stellar or if you’re feeling drained from your past relationship.

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