How To Break The Stronghold Of Lust? Quick Answer

When you are in a relationship, especially in the early days, lust can consume your mind. If you are constantly distracted by sexual fantasies with your girlfriend, you may be wondering how to get your emotions back on solid ground. Some lust is healthy, but if you want to limit some of the downsides of infatuation and avoid getting too caught up in unwanted sexual thoughts, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s a guide on how to stop craving your girlfriend.

“Love versus Lust,” Ensign, Oct. 2016, pp. 58–63

As we better understand what lust really means, we can learn to avoid it and make choices that bring us closer to the Holy Spirit.

Image courtship and marriage

Desire.

It’s certainly an ugly word. Most of us don’t want to think about it, let alone learn about it. The term evokes a seedy feel, something dark – seductive yet wrong.

There are good reasons for it. If “the love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10), then surely lust is its secret ally. It’s mean and demeaning. Lust turns people, things, and even ideas into objects to possess or acquire to satisfy a craving. But if we already know that, why do we need to know more about it?

Because if we better understand what pleasure really means, we can learn to shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions in ways that allow us to avoid and overcome its manifestations. This will lead us to a closer connection with the Holy Spirit, who purifies our thoughts and intentions and strengthens us. And that will lead to a much happier, more peaceful and joyful life.

Defining Pleasure We tend to think of pleasure primarily as having inappropriate, intense feelings of physical attraction to another person, but it’s possible to lust or covet just about anything: money, property, objects, and of course other people (see Lust topic guide). Lust compels a person to acquire something contrary to God’s will. It includes any feeling or desire that causes one to focus on worldly possessions or selfish practices—personal interests, desires, passions, and lusts—instead of keeping the commandments of God. In other words, coveting things contrary to God’s will, or possessing things in a way contrary to God’s will, is lust and leads to unhappiness.1 Picture Cars

The Danger of Sexual Pleasure Although we have been warned against lust as a form of desire in general, lust in its sexual context is particularly dangerous. The Savior warned, “Whoever looks lustfully at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). The ancient apostles warned at length against lust in this sense. As just one example, the apostle John said, “For everything that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but of the world” (1 John 2 Cor :16; see also verse 17; Romans 13:14; 1 Peter 2:11). And the warnings continue to this day.2 Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explains: “Why is lust such a deadly sin? Well, in addition to the utterly mind-wrecking effect it has on our souls, I think it’s a sin because it defiles the highest and most sacred relationship that God gives us in mortality – the love that a man and a woman have having a wife for one another, and the desire that a couple must have to bring children into a family that is meant to last forever.”3 The root of many sinful acts has been the nurturing of lustful desires. What starts with a seemingly innocent look can turn into a dirty infidelity with all its devastating consequences. This is because lust drives out the Holy Spirit and leaves us vulnerable to other temptations and vices and the wiles of the adversary. King David’s tragic decisions are a sad example of how powerful and deadly this emotion can be. David happened to see Bathsheba bathing and was keen on her. The lust gave way to action, and he let her be brought to him, and he lay with her. Then, in a misguided attempt to hide his sin, David ordered Bathsheba’s husband to be stationed in battle where he would surely be killed (see 2 Samuel 11). As a result, David lost his exaltation (see D&C 132:38–39). David’s situation may seem extreme, but it certainly proves the point: lust is a powerful temptation. When we surrender to it, we can engage in things that no one in their right mind would do. The fact that it is so insidious, so easily excited, and so effective at enticing us to turn away from the Holy Spirit and submit our will to something forbidden makes it all the more dangerous. It can be triggered by viewing pornography, listening to explicit texts, or engaging in inappropriate intimacy. At the same time, lustful feelings can prompt a person to seek out pornography. This cyclical relationship is extremely powerful and dangerous.4 Sexual lust degrades and weakens all relationships, not least the personal relationship with God. “And verily I tell you, as I said before, whoever looks at a woman to lust after her, or if anyone commits adultery in his heart, he will not have the spirit, but will deny the faith and fear” ( D&C 63:16). Elder Richard G. Scott (1928–2015) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “Sexual immorality creates a barrier to the influence of the Holy Ghost in all its uplifting, illuminating, and empowering abilities. It causes a strong physical and emotional stimulation. Over time, this creates an insatiable appetite that drives the offender to ever more serious sins.”5

What Isn’t Pleasure Image of couple walking on beach with son Once you’ve considered what pleasure is, it’s also important to understand what it isn’t and to be careful not to label appropriate thoughts, feelings, and desires as pleasure . Lust is a kind of desire, but there are righteous desires as well. For example, we can desire good and proper things that will help accomplish the Lord’s work. Think about: The desire to have money. In and of itself, the desire for money is not evil. Paul didn’t say that money is the root of all evil. He said: “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10; emphasis added). Jacob’s teachings add an additional clarification: “Before you seek riches, seek the kingdom of God. And having obtained a hope in Christ, you shall obtain riches as you seek; and you shall seek them to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to free the captives, and to give aid to the sick and afflicted” (Jacob 2:18,19).

Having appropriate sexual feelings towards your spouse. These God-given feelings help strengthen, strengthen, and unite a marriage. But it is possible to have inappropriate feelings towards a spouse. If we seek fulfillment just for our own sake, or just to satisfy our own desires or feelings, we may slip into lustful desires, and this can be detrimental to a marriage. The key to seeking and maintaining appropriate physical intimacy in a marriage is pure and loving intention. The important principle is to seek things for the right purpose – to build up God’s kingdom and increase the good in the world. In contrast, lust encourages us to transcend appropriate boundaries, where our desires can demean God, objectify people, and turn objects, wealth, and even power into monstrosities that distort our sensibilities and damage our relationships.

Why We Often Give Into Lust Given how harmful and dangerous lust is, why is it so alluring and so widespread? Why do we let it overwhelm us so often? On the surface, it may appear that selfishness or lack of self-control are at the heart of lust. Those are contributing factors, but the deep root of lust is often emptiness. People can succumb to lust in a vain attempt to fill a void in their lives. Lust is a false emotion, a poor substitute for real love, true worth, and enduring discipleship. Proper emotional control is, in a sense, a state of the heart. “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Wherever we place our mental and spiritual focus, over time it becomes the driving force behind our thoughts, feelings and actions. Whenever we feel tempted to lust, we need to replace that temptation with something more appropriate. Idleness can also evoke lustful thoughts. When there is not enough going on in our lives, we tend to be more susceptible to evil influences. As we actively seek to be diligently involved in good causes (see D&C 58:27) and strive to use our time productively, we become less susceptible to lustful thoughts or other negative influences. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained, the desires we know about affect not only our actions but also who we eventually become: “Desires guide our priorities, priorities guide our decisions , and decisions determine our actions . The desires we act upon determine our change, our attainment, and our becoming.”6 In other words, we must protect not only the emotions we engage in, but also the thoughts that evoke or from those feelings caused. If our thoughts are impure, “our thoughts also will condemn us” (Alma 12:14).

Understanding the difference between love and lust can be quite difficult, especially since lust is usually the first stage in most romantic relationships. It can last up to two years.

Lust is often the first phase of “love,” but lust doesn’t always evolve into a loving romantic relationship.

However, when you’re in a relationship and can’t tell the difference between love and lust, it can be difficult to tell if the relationship has the potential to last.

Read on to learn more about lust and love. Use this to find out how and why your relationship (or your sex life) seems to change as you transition from lust to love.

What is love?

Love is an emotional bond with someone that has inspired countless songs and films.

It’s a powerful feeling when you are fully connected with another person and want to share your life. It builds over time and gets stronger as you learn to deal with difficult situations together.

Love involves a perspective in which you see your life and your lover’s life intertwined. You don’t see your life and your lover’s life separately.

Love involves a companionship that you can count on emotionally, sexually, and socially.

5 signs of love

Love is a magical feeling that many people crave. But the signs of love are sometimes confusing for people to decipher.

If you are overwhelmed by your emotions, you may not realize it when you start falling for someone. But how do you know it’s love?

Here are some obvious signs of love that are easy to spot:

1. You feel emotionally connected

Unlike lust, love brings together both the passion and compassion you feel for your lover.

You feel emotionally attached to what the other person is feeling. You care about how they feel.

Research shows that emotional intimacy is an integral part of all loving relationships. In addition to sexual satisfaction, when you love someone, you strive to build intimacy and affection.

2. They make plans for the future

Love is an enduring emotion that makes you envision a future together.

From planning trips to growing old together, you can make plans for a future that includes your partner. It’s an indicator that you see them as part of your future.

3. You can be emotionally vulnerable

Love offers not only sexual fulfillment but also emotional satisfaction. A big part of that is the feeling of security and safety that love ideally provides.

Love gives you the opportunity to be who you are and conveniently express your weaknesses and flaws. And studies show that embracing emotional vulnerability positively can improve a relationship.

You fear no rejection or judgment when you are truly in love with your lover and they love you back.

4. You are invested in her life

Love makes you see you and your lover as bonded in every way. Your pain, problems, happiness, and choices affect how you feel.

They care about what happens in their personal and professional lives.

5. It builds up over time

Unlike lust and infatuation, love builds over time and has depth and breadth.

Love becomes more robust and lasting when you and the person you love can face challenging situations together.

Just like the other two feelings, love can be powerful and overwhelming. But it’s not as unstable or transient as lust.

It’s harder to deal with breaking up with a partner when you’re in love than when you just want them because you’re emotionally more invested.

What is lust?

Lust is based on the sexual attraction that draws you to another person. It is often described as a raw, primal feeling that is primarily physical.

Sexual attraction, arousal, and fulfillment are the components of pleasure.

It is a temporary sensation that is intense and overwhelming at times. It can make you act in irrational ways.

5 signs of lust

When you’re under the spell of lust, your hormones and sexual desire can overwhelm you. You may not notice all the signs of lust because you are caught up in your emotions.

However, here are some signs you will notice when you desire someone:

Related Reading: 6 Signs of Physical Attraction and Why It’s So Important in a Relationship

1. Overwhelmed by thoughts of sex

When you desire someone, thoughts of sexual fulfillment and physical intimacy consume your mind. It can become obsessive and consuming for you.

Your attraction to someone else becomes an important aspect of your life. Your desire for them determines your behavior towards them.

2. Lack of curiosity about their lives

You are interested in the physical attributes and sexual desires of the person you are interested in. But everything else is something you don’t feel too interested in.

You don’t have to get to know this person by talking to them about various topics. You are more egocentric when you have lustful feelings as it is your sexual satisfaction that matters most to you.

3. Live in the present

Lust in a relationship can make you hyper-focused on the present and what you need right now.

The difference between love and lust is obvious when you are not actively imagining a future together. Lust focuses on instant sexual gratification where you don’t think about being in a long-term relationship with them.

4. Undisturbed by different values

Lust is all about sexual compatibility and nothing else.

First, you don’t feel the need to find out how the other person thinks about different things, what their values ​​are, and what’s important to them. And second, if you find that they are opposing views, you are unaffected.

You don’t spend time trying to change the mind of the person you are dealing with because you feel it makes no difference in your life.

5. More private time than public or social time

Physical signs of lust include the amount of time you’re willing to spend in the bedroom with them rather than around people.

Lust brings with it a desire for constant sexual fulfillment, which causes you to spend most of your time in the bedroom. They don’t feel the need to go on dates, meet up as a couple, or get to know each other outside of the bedroom.

Related Reading: 8 Ways Social Media Ruins Relationships

How long does lust last in a relationship?

The main difference between love and lust is that love lasts much longer than lust.

How long the lust lasts depends on each couple and their circumstances?

For some couples, the lust phase can last well over a year, for others it can last several months.

However, couples can increase this time by keeping things sharp in the bedroom and constantly trying new things.

Is it lust or love?

When understanding love and lust, recognize that these are different emotions, but it can be difficult to distinguish between them at times.

Sexual desire is usually a part of lust and love, making it difficult to distinguish between the two.

Lust can so overwhelm your senses that you feel like it’s love. You may be attracted to someone because of a sexual desire, but you can assume that the attraction you feel is because of love.

To avoid being confused between love and lust, try to give the relationship more time as things will eventually become clearer. You can also read the difference between the two and judge your relationship based on it.

Watch this video to learn more about signs you’ve never been in love:

5 differences between love and lust

Certain feelings are common to both love and lust, which can make you confused as to whether you love someone or whether you’re just being lustful toward them.

Here are some ways to tell the difference between love and lust.

1. Feelings

The feelings associated with genuine love and lust in marriage vary widely. Love is an intense feeling of care and affection for another person. It is so intense that when a person experiences love, they often form a secure emotional bond with the person they love.

Lust is more of a raw sexual desire and attraction that is often based on physical attraction. This can either fizzle out or turn into love.

Love usually arises when a couple discovers each other’s personalities and develops trust and understanding. That’s the difference between lust and love.

Another difference is that love is not a selfish feeling. They want the best for others and are motivated and full of energy to become a better person themselves.

2. Schedules

In general, when comparing love to lust, most people will say they understand that love takes time to grow (unless they advocate love at first sight). But lust can happen instantly.

However, it can sometimes take time for lust to develop between two people. The pleasurable feeling can increase over time as you spend more time with a person.

Also, you may experience an intense lust that can temporarily cloud your judgment. So you can give yourself a chance to decide if love will have a chance to grow out of lust.

Research shows that love makes you look and imagine the future, while lust makes you focus on the present.

Love is a long-lasting and fulfilling emotion that takes time to develop. And it gets better with age, just like fine wine.

Over time, the lust will calm down and be replaced with a deeper feeling of love instead. At this point, some couples may not understand that this is the time to make an effort to keep your sex life fun and exciting.

3. Time spent together

When you’re in the lust phase of a relationship, you’ll likely spend more time enjoying sex than investing time in deeply emotional conversation. But the difference between love and lust becomes clear when you compare this to love.

Over time, and as you begin to fall in love, you’ll find that you spend just as much time learning from each other and discussing your emotional attachment to one another.

4. Future Engagement

In the lusty phase of your relationship, you may not have an immediate desire for commitment. But when you reach the love stage, you will become invested and committed emotionally and physically.

When you are in love, you want to plan your future together and learn more about your partner. If you don’t develop that desire, you probably don’t want to turn that particular relationship into a loving one!

When it comes to love vs lust, you want to think about your loving future together, but that may not be the case with lust.

5. Relationship Dynamics

When you are in a lust phase, you may be lovers, but not necessarily friends. However, if you are in love, you will also be friends. You probably won’t stop thinking about your partner and want to know as much about them as possible.

In addition, you have a more balanced view of your partner and accept them, imperfections and all.

Instead of building an idealized image of them, you are open to their flaws and still love them. You’re also comfortable being yourself and your differences don’t get in your way.

In a relationship transitioning from lust to love, you may not be friends at first, but over time you will develop deeper feelings and a stronger bond between the two of you. There is always friendship between love and lust, but not necessarily in lust.

Related reading: What Makes Healthy Relationship Dynamics

Is love stronger than lust?

Simply put, love is indeed stronger than lust.

Lust is an intoxicating and addictive experience that can wreak havoc on your emotions. It can seem more intense and consuming when it’s at its peak. However, it is not durable.

Unless you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember that lust is a temporary emotion. It’s an important aspect of love vs. lust.

Healthy relationships are rarely built on lust alone, especially when you’re looking for a deeper connection.

Unlike in love, you don’t seek to develop a deep emotional connection with the other person when it comes to lust. They just want their touch and physical energy.

When the object of your lust is your partner, you can use lustful emotions to increase your sexual intimacy and thereby improve your relationship. But the lust alone fizzles out over time.

Final Thoughts

Some relationships will make it to the love stage while others were never meant to get there. Love vs. Lust, either way, an incredible journey of self-discovery awaits you, and one day, the right relationship will transform from lust to true love.

By now you would have understood the difference between love and lust. Now you can see where your relationship actually stands.

Parable taught by Jesus of Nazareth according to Christian gospels

The parable of the strong man (also known as the parable of the burglar and the parable of the mighty man) is a parable told by Jesus in the New Testament and found in Matthew 12:29, Mark 3:27, and Luke 11: 21–22 and also in the non-canonical Gospel of Thomas where it is known as Logion 35 [1]

lyrics [edit]

In Matthew chapter 12 the parable reads as follows:

Or how can anyone enter a strong man’s house and plunder his belongings unless he first binds the strong man? Then he may well plunder his house. Matthew 12:29 Standard English Version

In Mark chapter 3 the parable reads as follows:

No one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his belongings unless he first binds the strong man. And then he will plunder his house. Mark 3:27 New King James Version

In Luke chapter 11 the parable reads as follows:

When the strong man, fully armed, guards his own dwelling, his goods are safe. But if a stronger one attacks and overwhelms him, he takes all the armor he trusted in and shares his spoils. Luke 11:21-22, English World Bible

interpretation [edit]

In the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, this parable is part of the Beelzebul controversy, in which Jesus is accused by his opponents of gaining his power to cast out demons by being in league with Satan. In a common interpretation, the strongman represents Satan and the attacker represents Jesus. Satan is in control of the earth (the house), but Jesus defeats Satan with his earthly ministry (by binding Satan).[2][3][4]

However, others prefer a different translation. In Matthew 12:22-29, where they brought Jesus a demon-possessed man, the demon is the one who “binds” the strong man before possessing him. The strong man is the demon’s victim. The demon had blinded the strong man (to the truth) and could not speak because of the possession. Many interpret this to mean that Jesus is the one who binds the strongman, but another interpretation is that it is the demon who binds the strongman before he possessed him (his now-possessed, illogical mind, like many people, including many Christians and theologians, have).[citation needed]

Jesus therefore says that he could not perform exorcisms (represented by stealing the strongman’s possessions) unless he was against Satan (represented by binding the strongman)—and had defeated him.[5][6 ][7] Craig S. Keener suggests that the parable refers to the common wisdom that “no man plunders a strong man,”[8] while R. T. France and others see the parable as echoing the book of Isaiah:[9][10]

Can loot be taken from warriors

or captives rescued from the savage?

But thus says the LORD:

“Yes, prisoners are taken from the warriors,

and spoils recovered from the savages;

I will fight with those who fight with you

and I will save your children. (Isaiah 49:24-25, NIV)

It has been suggested that “Beelzebul” means “House of Ba’al” and that the image of the strongman’s house was originally a pun on it.[10]

In the non-canonical Gospel of Thomas, unrelated to the Beelzebul controversy, the parable has been interpreted as merely suggesting that “the strong man must be free to protect his house and possessions. The thief must understand this situation in order to achieve his goal of looting. Jesus does not appear to oppose or condemn this person”.[11] A key difference is that the hands of the strongman are to be bound

What is lust?

Lust is a feeling that changes the chemicals in our brain. Hormones like testosterone, pheromones, and androgens all affect how pleasure can be experienced. This is also part of our natural biological processes and the human reproductive drive.

When we see someone we are attracted to, we may feel lust and desire to have sexual intercourse with them to continue our species.

Lust Lust is a feeling of having a strong sexual desire for another person. It’s the initial driving force that draws us to a potential partner, and it helps keep passion alive in a long-term relationship.

People can feel pleasure when meeting someone new or in a committed relationship.

This article examines what lust is and isn’t, how it compares to love, signs you’re experiencing lust, how to express it healthily, and the potential pitfalls of lust.

Lust vs Love

You may feel an undeniable connection with someone and think it’s love at first sight. However, it is important to note that there is a clear difference between lust and love.

Ultimately, lust is based solely on sexual attraction while love is based on emotional desire. Verywell asked Erica F. Zajac, LCSW (they/them/none/he/she), a sex-positive and trauma specialist, to explore this distinction further.

Says Zajac, “These two concepts are very different, and a lot of people tend to confuse love with lust.” are ‘in lust’.”

If you think you’re experiencing love at first sight, chances are what you’re feeling is actually lust and not love. So how can you tell the difference?

Erica F. Zajac, LCSW The best indicator is that feelings of love come from an emotional place. This means sex doesn’t have to be the reason you hang out with someone. — Erica F. Zajac, LCSW

When you’re experiencing love, you’ll want to spend time with that person in non-physical ways, including bonding time, going out to eat, having conversations about long-term goals, or doing other things that aren’t sexual in nature.

Lust Based on sexual attraction

Similar to chemistry

Physical or superficial connection

Disinterest in getting to know the person you long for Love Emotional in nature

Similar to compatibility

Deeper, more intimate connection

Interested in forming a stronger connection than a sexual one

Although love and lust can be different, can the two feelings coexist? Yes, you can. Zajac says that every time we date someone new, we experience “new relationship energy” (or NRE), which is usually based on sexual desire (or lust).

Over time, however, love can develop once a deeper, more emotional connection has been made. At this point, both lust and love can be present in a relationship.

sign of desire

What are some signs that you are feeling lust and not love? You can feel lust when referring to any of the following traits:

When your feelings are only sexual in nature

When someone becomes less attractive after realizing their flaws

When you don’t feel like building a deeper connection with the person you feel like

The relationship is short-lived

You want to become intimate with the person who triggered the feelings in you

You are extremely attracted to someone on a physical level

Your heart rate increases

Your palms may sweat

You experience butterflies around someone

You want to touch the person frequently

You want to leave someone after sex instead of staying to spend time with them

If you want to experience a stronger connection with someone and form a deeper bond, then it’s possible that you’re developing feelings of love instead of lust.

Is lust a healthy emotion?

Is lust a healthy emotion? The short answer is yes. It may be. According to Zajac, lust in and of itself isn’t exactly “healthy” or “unhealthy.” Rather, “how a person expresses pleasure can be healthy or unhealthy,” she clarifies.

To figure out whether you’re experiencing pleasure in a healthy or unhealthy way, she suggests thinking about the downsides of responding to it, rather than focusing on whether or not the emotion itself is healthy. “Is there anything negative associated with it? It may be, but that’s mostly based on the behavior, not the actual feeling itself.”

How to express lust in a healthy way

How can people experience pleasure without responding to it, but still express or honor it in a healthy way?

Always seek consent first before initiating any physical or sexual behavior with another person. Communicate your desires openly with partners and potential partners to avoid misunderstandings or incompatibilities.

When starting the conversation about lust with a partner, prioritize honesty and transparency over your feelings. Conversation is crucial when you’re feeling attraction to someone outside of your relationship because it allows you to address the underlying reasons or whether your partner would be okay with you responding to that attraction.

To reduce the likelihood of conflict or infidelity, Zajac recommends not just asking your partner if you can have a sexual relationship with someone else, but instead letting them know that you’re attracted to someone else.

If they don’t respect your feelings, it’s up to you to decide how you want the conversation and/or the relationship to progress. (Again, honesty is key.)

If you want to act out your lustful feelings with your partner or potential partner, it is entirely possible without causing any problems. Here are some healthy ways to express lust to your partner or potential partner:

Give your partner sexy comments that aren’t disrespectful (e.g., “You’re so hot” or “I can’t wait to see you”).

Use facial expressions or your eyes to signal to your partner that you desire them

Sending a dirty letter, email, or text saying what you want to do with them (with their consent)

Sending sensual but not explicit photos (with their consent)

Talking dirty in the ear or texting (note: this is only appropriate if consent is already in a relationship)

How not to express lust

Although lust is a natural emotion that most people experience at some point, it’s important to pay attention to how you respond to it.

When pleasure is not expressed in a healthy or respectful way, instances of discomfort, abuse, or other problems can arise. Follow these tips to be mindful of how and when to dislike someone:

To someone other than your partner if you are in a committed, non-monogamous relationship

If you lack the verbal consent of all parties involved

If a person’s consent and/or boundaries would be violated

When you don’t make decisions based on logic

If you are not sober and in an intoxicated state from the use of alcohol, drugs and/or substances

When trust between partners can be broken

If anyone might feel uncomfortable

When a person is disrespectful to you (e.g. treats you like an object)

When the immediate gratification of lust outweighs the long-term benefits

If you are acting out of desperation, addiction, compulsion or obsession

possible dangers

Depending on the situation, pursuing lust can have small to serious consequences. When you indulge in lust in an “unhealthy” way, you may experience one or more of the following emotions or situations:

fear

jealousy

obsession

sadness

A seperation

impulsiveness

Despair

“It’s important to stop, take a step back, and try to look objectively at how you’re feeling (which is very difficult but necessary),” says Zajac. In order to avoid undesirable and undesirable outcomes, you should take a slower pace in your sexual and romantic relationships.

Journaling and self-reflection can also help you understand your emotions and whether or not you are actively experiencing lust or something else.

A word from Verywell

Lust is a common, natural biological response that can provide many benefits. “When acted with respect, lust can be fun, deepen a connection in a relationship, and even help fix problems within a relationship,” adds Zajac. Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, responding to desire in healthy ways can transform your relationship, depending on how you manage it.

If you still feel like acting out your feelings of pleasure when the opportunity is potentially destructive or damaging, consider seeking the help of a relationship therapist or psychologist. This person can help you understand where these feelings are coming from and what you can do to express them in a healthy way as you move forward.

human emotions

This article is about carnal desires. For other uses, see Lust (disambiguation)

Lust is a psychological force that produces an intense desire for something or circumstance while already having a substantial amount of the desired object. Lust can take any form, such as lust for sex (see Libido), money, or power. It can take such mundane forms as a craving for food (see Gluttony), as distinct from a need for food or a craving for spice when one craves a particular smell that evokes memories. It is similar to passion but differs in that passion drives the individual to achieve benevolent goals while lust does not.

In religion[edit]

Religions tend to distinguish between passion and lust, further categorizing lust as immoral desire and passion as morally acceptable.

Lust is defined as immoral because its object or act of affection is misaligned under natural law and/or the appetite for the particular object (e.g., sexual desire) governs the person’s intellect and will, rather than the intellect and will of the person Appetite determine this object.

While passion, regardless of its strength, is considered something God-given and moral because the purpose, actions and intentions behind it are benevolent and directed toward creation, while also being governed by the intellect and will of the person. A fundamental school of thought on this is Thomism, which talks about intellect, will and appetite and draws on principles defined by Aristotle. However, the exact definitions of what is morally definitive and ordered to creation depend on religion. For example, differences between religions based on pantheism and theism, which is moral, differ according to the nature of the “god” recognized or worshiped.

Abrahamic religions[edit]

Judaism [edit]

In Judaism, all evil inclinations and lusts of the flesh are denoted by Yetzer hara (Hebrew, יצר הרע, the evil inclination). Yetzer Hara is not a demonic force; rather, it is the abuse of the things the physical body needs to survive, and is often contrasted with Yetzer Hatov (Hebrew, יצר הטוב, the positive desire).

Yetzer HaRa is often identified with Satan and the Angel of Death,[1] and there is sometimes a tendency to give the Yetzer a personality and separate activity. Because the Yetzer, like Satan, misleads people in this world and testifies against them in the world to come. The Yetzer, however, is clearly distinguished from Satan and on other occasions placed squarely with sin. The Torah is considered the great antidote to this power. However, like all things created by God, the Yetzer Hara (evil tendency) can be manipulated to do good: for without it man would never marry, father a child, build a house or engage in any trade.

Christianity [edit]

New Testament[edit]

In many New Testament translations, the word “lust” translates the Greek Koine word ἐπιθυμέω (epithūméō),[2] particularly at Matthew 5:27-28:

Ye have heard it said of them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

In English-speaking countries, the term “lust” is often associated with sexual desire, probably because of this verse. However, just as the English word was originally a general term for “desire,” so the Greek word ἐπιθυμέω was a general term for desire. The LSJ lexicon suggests “putting one’s heart on something, yearning, craving, coveting” as glosses for ἐπιθυμέω, which is used in verses that clearly have nothing to do with sexual desire. In the Septuagint, ἐπιθυμέω is the word used in the command not to covet:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife; You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, or his field, or his male or female slave, or his ox, or his beast of burden, or any animal of his, or anything that is your neighbor’s. – Exodus 20:17, New English translation of the Septuagint

While lust for the neighbor’s wife may involve sexual desire, lust for a neighbor’s house or field is unlikely to be sexual in nature. And in most New Testament usages, the same Greek word, ἐπιθυμέω, has no clear sexual connotation. For example, the American Standard Version uses the same word with no sexual connotation:

Matthew 13:17 For truly I say unto you, many prophets and righteous wished to see what ye see, and saw not; and to hear what you hear, and hear them not. Luke 22:15-16: And he said unto them: I have longed with longing to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; for I tell you, I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God. Acts 20:33 I coveted no one’s silver or gold or clothing. You yourselves know that these hands served my needs and those who were with me. Luke 15:14-16: And when he had spent all, there was a great famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined one of the citizens of that land; and he sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. And he would have liked to fill his belly with the shells that the pigs ate: and no one gave him.

Catholicism[ edit ]

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, a Christian’s heart is lustful when “sexual gratification is sought either outside of marriage, or at any rate in a manner contrary to the laws governing conjugal intercourse.”[3] Pope John Paul II said that lust devalues ​​the eternal attraction of man and woman and reduces the personal wealth of the opposite sex to an object of sexual gratification.[4]

Lust is viewed by Catholicism as a disordered craving for sexual pleasure in which sexual pleasure “is sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and associative purposes”.[5] In Catholicism, sexual desire is good in itself and is considered part of God’s plan for mankind. However, when sexual desire is separated from God’s love, it becomes disordered and selfish. This is considered lust.

Saint Thomas Aquinas distinguishes between sexual intercourse within marriage, which is considered meritorious in doing justice to the spouse, and sins of lust, which in turn can be distinguished to the extent of immorality according to intent and action. For example, in the Summa Theologica II-II, Aquinas says q. 154, ibid. 12 I answer: In every species, the worst is the corruption of the principle on which the rest depend. Now the principles of reason are those things which conform to nature, because reason presupposes things as determined by nature before it disposes of other things as they should.” Using St. Augustine as his source, he writes: “Augustine says that ‘of all these’, viz., the sins pertaining to lust, ‘that which is against nature is the worst.'” What St. Thomas makes clear means that they are greater than sins against Justice in relation to the species of pleasure, such as rape or incest, in his statement “Answer to Objection 3: The nature of the species is more intimate with each individual than any other individual. Therefore, sins against specific nature are worse.” Thus St. Thomas indicates the magnitude of the lustful acts: “Most serious is the sin of bestiality, because the use of the proper species is disregarded… (Then) the sin of bestiality, because the use of the right sex is disregarded. .. (Then) the sin of ignoring the proper mode of copulation (or the unnatural act or masturbation)… (Then) Incest…contradicts the natural respect we owe to those close to us… Then it is a greater injustice to associate with a woman who is under foreign authority in the act of procreation than merely in her guardianship. Therefore, adultery is more serious than seduction. And both are aggravated by the use of force.” [6 ]

The Latin word for extravagance (Latin: luxuria) was used by St. Jerome to translate a variety of biblical sins, including drunkenness and sexual licentiousness.[7] Gregory the Great classified luxury as one of the seven cardinal sins (it is often considered the least serious of the seven deadly sins) and restricted its scope to disorderly desires,[8] and in this sense the Middle Ages generally embraced luxury, (although the Old French cognate was adopted into English in the 14th century as a luxury without its sexual connotation [citation needed]).

In Romanesque art, Luxuria personified is generally female,[9] often represented by a siren or a naked breasted woman being bitten by snakes. Prudentius described in his Psychomachia or ‘Battle of the Soul'[10]

Luxury, lavish from her ruined fame, Loose hair, wild eyes, her voice a dying autumn, Lost in rapture….

For Dante, Luxuria was both the first of the circles of incontinence (or licentiousness) in the descent into Hell, and the last of the cornices of purgatory, representing the excessive (disorderly) love of individuals;[11] while for Edmund Spenser, was luxury a synonym for the power of desire.[12]

For Gregory and subsequent Thomists, the “daughters” (by-products) of Luxuria included mental blindness, self-love, haste, and over-attachment to the present.[13] Marianne Dashwood is thought to embody such qualities for a later age – as the daughter of Luxuria.[14]

The Catholic Church defines lust as the deification of sexual pleasure in all its forms: contraception, masturbation, adultery, premarital relationships, relationships between persons of the same sex, etc., which enhances the human capacity to love, d person, to surrender oneself to God and to others.

Protestantism[ edit ]

Evangelical Melvin Tinker states, “The principle is clear, isn’t it, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’? How does the Pharisee use the minimum requirement method? He says, ‘We’re okay with sex outside of marriage because neither of us are actually married. I don’t sleep with another man’s wife, so it’s not adultery, she’s my girlfriend.” Or it’s not adultery because “I didn’t have sex with that woman.” to quote President Clinton’s plea in the Monica Lewinski saga: he could abuse his position as president by messing with a girl not much younger than his daughter, engaging in all sorts of sexual activities with her , but because he’s technically not having intercourse, he can hold up his hands and say, “I didn’t have sex with that woman.” That’s a Pharisee speaking.

“But the maximum application method says adultery happens not only in intercourse, but in the heart. However, the mistranslation at this point is unfortunate. The Greek says: ‘If anyone looks at a woman to lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ That’s an important distinction to point out because sexual arousal, sexual interest, sexual attraction are essential to the survival of the human species… It’s about seeking pleasure. The striptease show, the dirty movie or video, the internet pornography, that’s becoming a real problem… And if that’s a problem for you, talk about it privately with someone, you see, it’s the intention to look to get that excitement Jesus is aiming for.”[15]

Islam [edit]

In Islam, lust is viewed as one of the primitive states of self called nafs. Muslims are encouraged to overcome their baser instincts and intentionally lascivious looks are forbidden. Lascivious thoughts are disliked as they are the first step to adultery, rape and other antisocial behaviors. Prophet Muhammad also emphasized the greatness of the “second look,” for while the first look at an attractive member of the opposite sex might just be casual or observational, the second look might be the gateway to lustful thinking.[16]

Indian religions[edit]

Hinduism [edit]

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna, an avatar of Vishnu, explains in chapter 16 verse 21 that lust is one of the gates to Naraka or Hell.

Arjuna said: O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one driven to sinful deeds, even reluctantly, as if engaged in violence? Then Krishna said: It is only lust, Arjuna, which arises from contact with the material mode of passion and later turns into anger, and which is the all-consuming sinful enemy of this world. As fire is covered by smoke, as a mirror is covered by dust, or as the embryo is covered by the womb, the living entity is similarly covered by different degrees of this lust. Thus the pure consciousness of the wise being is covered by its eternal enemy in the form of lust that is never satisfied and that burns like fire. The senses, the mind and the intelligence are the seats of this lust. Through them, lust obscures and confuses the real knowledge of the living entity. Therefore, O Arjuna, best of the Bharatas, subdue this great symbol of sin – (lust) at the very beginning by regulating the senses, and slay this destroyer of knowledge and self-realization. The working senses are superior to dull matter; the mind is higher than the senses; Intelligence is still higher than reason; and it [the soul] is even higher than intelligence. Therefore, knowing that one is transcendental to the material senses, mind and intelligence, O mighty-armed Arjuna, one should stabilize the mind through conscious spiritual intelligence and thus—through spiritual strength—conquer that insatiable enemy known as lust . (Bhagavad Gita, 3.36-43)

In this ancient manuscript, the idea behind the word “lust” is best understood as the psychological force called “wanting.”

Buddhism[ edit ]

Lust occupies a critical position in the philosophical underpinning of Buddhist reality. It is mentioned in the second of the Four Noble Truths, which are

Suffering (dukkha) is inherent in all life. Suffering is caused by desire. There is a natural way to eliminate all suffering from your life. The cessation of craving eliminates all suffering from a person’s life.

Lust is the attachment to, identification with, and passionate desire for certain things in existence, all related to the form, sensation, perception, mentality, and consciousness that certain combinations of these things evoke in us. Lust is thus the ultimate cause of general imperfection and the most proximate root cause of a particular affliction.

The passionate desire for either non-existence or freedom from lust is a common misconception. For example, the mindless pursuit of lust (or some other “mortal sin”) in order to fulfill a death wish is followed by reincarnation, accompanied by a self-fulfilling karma, resulting in an endless wheel of life until the right path is found live , the right world view, is somehow discovered and practiced. Viewing an endless knot symbolically puts one in the position of the one with the right worldview who represents the person attaining freedom from desire.

There are four types of things that evoke clinging: rituals, beliefs, pleasures, and the self. The way to eliminate lust is to learn from its unintended effects and pursue righteousness in terms of worldview, intention, language, behavior, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and focus where lust used to be.

Sikhism[ edit ]

In Sikhism, lust is counted among the five cardinal sins or sinful tendencies, the others being anger, ego, greed and attachment. Uncontrollable expressions of sexual pleasure, as in rape or sexual addiction, are evils.

Indian spirituality[ edit ]

Brahma Kumaris[edit]

According to the Brahma Kumaris, a spiritual organization based on karmic philosophy, sexual lust is the greatest enemy of all mankind.[17] [18]

For this reason, followers do not eat onions, garlic, eggs, or non-vegetarian foods, as the “sulfur” they contain can arouse sexual desire in the body otherwise bound to celibacy.

The physical act of intercourse is “unclean,” leading to body conscious and other crimes. This contamination “poisons” the body and the air we breathe.[19][20] Ads to many types of “diseases”.

The Brahma Kumaris teaches that sexuality is poking around in a dark sewer. Students at the Spiritual University must conquer lust to prevent sin and be closer to God.[21]

They describe the differences between lust and love:

“In lust there is a reliance on the sense object and consequent spiritual subordination of the soul to it, but love brings the soul into a direct and coordinated relationship with the reality that lies behind the form. That is why lust is experienced as heavy and love is experienced as light In lust there is a narrowing of life and in love there is an expansion of being… When you love the whole world you live vicariously in the whole world but in of lust there is a fading decline of life and a general sense of hopeless dependence on one form seen as another. So in lust there is an emphasis on separateness and suffering, but in love there is a sense of unity and joy…”

Paganism [ edit ]

Few ancient pagan religions actually considered lust a vice. However, this activity was soon abolished by the Roman Senate in 186 BC. in the decree Senatus Consultum de Bacchanalibus. However, the practice of sacred prostitution continued to be an activity commonly practiced by the Dionysians.

In culture[edit]

Medieval prostitutes[ edit ]

Medieval prostitutes lived in officially sanctioned “red light districts”. In Ruth Mazo Karras’ book Common Women, the author discusses the importance of prostitution and how people thought the proper use of prostitutes by unmarried men helped curb male lust. Prostitution has been credited with beneficial effects in reducing sexual frustration in the community.[22]

In art[edit]

literature [edit]

From Ovid to the works of les poètes maudits, characters have repeatedly been confronted with scenes of lust, and lust has long been a common motif in world literature. Many writers such as Georges Bataille, Casanova and Prosper Mérimée have written works in which scenes are set in brothels and other unseemly places.

Baudelaire, author of Les fleurs du mal, once remarked about the artist:

The more a man cultivates the arts, the less horny he gets… Only the brutal is good at pairing, and copulation is the lyricism of the masses. To copulate means to enter into each other – and the artist never comes out of himself.

The most notable work touching on the sin of lust and all seven deadly sins is Dante’s Divine Comedy. Dante’s criterion for lust was an “excessive love of others” in that an excessive love of man would make one’s love of God secondary. In the first canto of the Divine Comedy – the Inferno – the lustful are punished by being constantly whirled around by a hurricane, symbolizing their passions. The damned, guilty of lust, like the two famous lovers Paolo and Francesca, obtain in their mortal life what they desired, their passions never giving them rest for all eternity. In Purgatorio, the same work, the penitents choose to pass through flames to purify themselves of their lustful tendencies.

In philosophy[edit]

The connection between love and lust has always been a problematic issue in philosophy.

Schopenhauer[ edit ]

Schopenhauer notes the misery that results from sexual relations. In his opinion, this directly explains the feelings of shame and sadness that tend to follow the act of intercourse; for, he says, the only power that reigns is the inextinguishable desire to face at all costs the blind love present in human existence, regardless of the outcome. He estimates that a genius of his kind is an industrial being who only wants to produce and only wants to think. The theme of lust, then, for Schopenhauer is the contemplation of the horrors that will almost certainly follow the climax of lust.

St Thomas Aquinas[ edit ]

Saint Thomas Aquinas defines the sin of lust in questions 153 and 154 of his Summa Theologica. Thomas Aquinas says the sin of lust is “lustful emotion,” pointing out that sexual pleasure “looses the human spirit” and overrides right reason (p. 191). Thomas Aquinas limits the subject of lust to physical desires that arise specifically from sexual acts, but he does not assume that all sexual acts are sinful. Sex is not a sin in marriage because sex is the only way for humans to procreate. When sex is used naturally and the end purpose is procreation, there is no sin. Thomas Aquinas says, “When the end is good and what is done is well timed for it, then there is no sin” (p. 193). Sex for pleasure, however, is pleasurable and therefore a sin. A man who uses his body for horniness is wronging the Lord.

Sex may have the qualities of being sinless; However, when a person seeks sex for pleasure, he or she sins with lust. Lust is best defined by its specific attributes, such as rape, adultery, wet dreams, seduction, unnatural vice, and simple fornication.

Wet Dreams: Saint Thomas Aquinas defined and discussed the issue of the nocturnal emission that occurs when dreaming of physical pleasure. Aquinas argues that those who say that wet dreams are a sin and are comparable to the actual experience of sex are wrong. Aquinas believes that such an act is sinless since a dream is not under the control or free judgment of a person. Having a “night orgasm” is not a sin, but it can lead to sin (p. 227). Aquinas says that wet dreams have a physical cause of inappropriate imagery in your mind, a psychological cause of thinking about sex while you’re falling asleep, and a demonic cause of demons acting on the sleeper’s body and “the Capturing the sleeper’s imagination to evoke an orgasm” (p. 225). In the end, however, dreaming about lustful acts is not a sin. The “awareness of the mind is less impeded” because the sleeper lacks proper reason; hence a person cannot be responsible for what he dreams while sleeping (p. 227).

Adultery: One of the main forms of lust common in the Middle Ages was the sin of adultery. The sin of adultery occurs when a person is unfaithful to their spouse, hence “breaking into someone else’s bed” (p. 235). Adultery is a special kind of ugliness and many troubles arise from it. For a man to enter the bed of a married woman is not only a sin, but “spoils the offspring” because the woman is now questioning the legitimacy of children (p. 235). If a woman has committed adultery before, her husband will ask if all his wife’s children are his offspring.

Simple Fornication: Simple fornication is having sex with spouse for pleasure instead of bearing children. Fornication is also sex between two unmarried people, which is also a mortal sin. Thomas Aquinas says that “fornication is a deadly crime” (p. 213). Fornication is a mortal sin, but as Aquinas states, “Pope Gregory treated the sins of the flesh as less serious than those of the spirit” (p. 217). Fornication was a grave sin like that against property. Fornication, however, is not as serious as a sin directly against God and human life; therefore murder is far worse than fornication. Property in this case means that a daughter is her father’s property, and to wrong her is to wrong him; Therefore, the seduction of a virgin, or the pursuit of pleasure in an unmarried woman, is an encroachment upon a father’s property.

Seduction: Seduction is a type of lust because seduction is a sexual act that seduces a Virgo. Lust is a sin of sexual activity and “…a special quality of wrong which occurs when a handmaid, still under her father’s care, indulges” (p. 229). Seduction involves a discussion of property since an unmarried girl is her father’s property. A virgin, while freed from the bond of marriage, is not freed from the bond of her family. If a virgin is abused without promises of engagement, she will be prevented from having an honorable marriage, which is a shame for her and her family. A man who engages in sexual acts with a virgin must “endow and wife her,” and if the father in charge of her says no, a man must pay a dowry to compensate for her loss of virginity and future compensate chance of marriage. (Page 229)

Unnatural Vice: Unnatural vice is the worst kind of lust because it is unnatural in action and purpose. There are many kinds of unnatural vices; Aquinas provides several examples, including bestiality, or intercourse with a “thing of another species” (e.g., an animal), incest, sodomy, and “ignoring the proper manner of copulation.”[23]

In psychoanalysis and psychology

Pleasure is often treated in the field of psychoanalysis and psychology as a case of “increased libido”.

See also[edit]

References[ edit ]

Anyone dating right now has to ask themselves the question… Am I in love or am I lusting? Whatever you do, don’t screw up this question or you’ll find yourself in a world of hurt.

Reasons why lust is destructive

Lust literally means excessive desire. It’s when you take something good, twist it, and add craving so that you’re consumed until you’re satisfied. When we speak of lust when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined like this – when you care a lot more about a person’s body than their soul.

Love is the foundation on which our families and our society are built. Lust is just a physical emotion that we respond to when we’re caught in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. For this reason, hurt and confusion can easily result when you or your partner confuse love and lust. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite based on masturbation that has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, “Lust is as different from love as night is from day.” For love is an act of will covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another human being. Lust wants to receive, love wants to give.

It’s easy to think, “So what’s the problem with lust?” After all, it’s all around us, in songs, movies, commercials, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that just wants to get.

Here are two serious problems with relationships built on lust:

1. It is based on extreme self-indulgence without caring about the other person. Someone once said, “Hate is the opposite of love.” That’s true, but such is complacency. Love can’t wait to give. Lust can’t wait to come. Lust turns people into liars, cheats, and manipulators. Your actions towards others are based on a desire to get. Just as a junkie will do anything to get his shot, someone steeped in lust will do anything to masturbate.

I received an incredible insightful comment from Sarah. She said: “I’ve dated one man after another who would only tell me they loved me when we were physical. That’s when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection.” In a way, Sarah was wrong. She said, “They loved me when we were physical.” She should have said, “They loved themselves when we were physical and I was the object of their gratification.” Lust is always ugly because it is rampant, and selfishness is never a beautiful thing.

2. It leaves the other person when it can no longer get what it wants. I can’t tell you how many times girls on my show have called me to tell me they’re pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they’re being left all alone. I call it sex and run. I hate hit-and-run accidents because the person running doesn’t show any responsibility to the person who hit them. Lust that causes sex-and-run is even worse. Once lust can no longer get what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs… leaving heartache in its wake. Sex-and-run is an ugly business full of selfishness and irresponsibility.

Samantha said, “I’ve been in this situation a few times. I dated a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body…that was all. I didn’t give it to him, so he cheated on me for a long time.” It amazes me how quickly people dissipate in lust when they find out their lust isn’t being satisfied.

Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment that I had never thought of. She said something like, “I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love,’ but you can always fall out of lust.” You’re right about the money, Aimee Rose. Lust dies instantly if not fed. In fact, lust can turn into anger when rejected.

Lisa M. said: “About 6 months ago I was dating this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things and did all the right things. I really thought I was in love, but it turned out that the relationship was nowhere near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn’t. Well he didn’t get what he wanted so he got up and left. For a long time I was dazed and confused, but eventually I got the idea that if it was love, he wouldn’t have cared about sleeping with me, he just would have enjoyed being around me.”

Lust not only attacks men, but also women. So always keep your eyes peeled so you can do everything you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.

We all want that long lasting meaningful relationship but tend to rush things. Read my blog to find out how to find that relationship.

It’s no secret: Loving someone you can’t have is painful. Whether they are in a relationship, not interested or not ready for something serious, unrequited love pangs. At the end of the day, they’re not available, and there’s nothing you can do about it—except overcome them. But to stop these feelings, you must first understand where they are coming from.

Deep, intense love usually happens in a committed relationship. So if you’re feeling these emotions without the relationship that goes with them, there are a few possible causes. “Sometimes we feel unrequited love because the potential mate seems so attractive and valuable to us…Sometimes we feel unrequited love because we believe an actual relationship might be possible even though it is not assured,” Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph. D., Doctor of Social and Personality Psychology, wrote for Psychology Today. Being in love with someone you can’t have may also have more to do with you than with your crush. “Maybe we feel unrequited love simply because we enjoy the feeling,” Nicholson added.

Just as there isn’t one way to fall in love with someone you can’t be with, there isn’t one way to move on that works for everyone (that would be too easy). But there are some expert-approved steps you can take to start the process and start feeling better.

stop talking to your crush (if possible)

Shutterstock

It is in your best interest to stop communicating with this person if you find that you cannot be together. Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. We often accept less than we deserve, even if it hurts us in the long run. dr LeslieBeth Wish, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, previously told Elite Daily, “It’s not a good decision to settle for ’emotional crumbs.'” Keep communicating with someone you love but can never have? This is a good example of a crumb that will never fulfill you. It might be tempting to keep talking, but Wish said that “crumbs can never make the cake of love,” so you’d better skip it.

And while you’re busy begging for crumbs and holding onto the same disappointing dynamic, you’re missing out on what else is out there. Nicole Richardson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, explains, “It’s so much harder to get over someone when you’re in regular contact with them. While it may not [or] be permanent, getting some time away from the out of touch person is a gift to yourself. It will allow you to close your heart to them.” With that person in your life and writing, you are making room for someone you could see a future with — and someone who could see a future with you.

Accept that your love for them will not go away overnight

At the same time, do not try to bury your feelings. “The more you try to push yourself away, the more those feelings dig in and pull you back. To get ahead, you must not try to create an artificial degree,” Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. The clinical psychologist and host of the Kurre and Klapow Show told Elite Daily: “Not being able to love someone you love is like a wound. It has to heal and scar over time.”

You have to allow your feelings – even if they are painful. Klapow suggests becoming aware of the love you have for that person without acting on it. You don’t have to confess it to the object of your affection either. Instead, talk to a psychologist, family member, or friend about your feelings. “Don’t let the feelings of love become something you hide but [something] you can talk about,” suggests Klapow. “You’ll find that, on average, if you can talk about how you’re feeling over time, they become less strong.”

Focus on other non-romantic parts of life

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Moving away from someone you love can be really difficult, especially when you’re constantly thinking about how to move on. (Spoilers: it actually makes it harder.) Instead of focusing your energy on getting over that loss (because yes, it is a loss), seek fulfillment in other parts of your life. Klapow says, “It’s important to find a fulfilling substitute that isn’t a substitute for the person, but rather a substitute for the lack of life fulfillment you may be feeling.”

Spending time with family and friends, taking up a hobby, engaging in physical activity—all of these things will enrich your life in different ways and help you advance. “The worst thing you can do is sit at home with a bottle of wine and the internet,” says Richardson. “Get out of the house and do as many fun things as possible. This is where your team can help by doing things with you to take your mind off the person you can’t be with.

Stay away from the dating apps

It may be tempting, but avoid trying to find the next “the one” right away. Instead, Klapow recommends turning the focus inward and asking yourself questions like: What do I need in my life besides another person? How can I feel loved and fulfilled just by myself? What do I bring with me to make me feel safe and secure? “These are key areas to focus on when coming out of a state of love,” says Klapow.

Loving someone you can’t have may feel like the end of the world, but there are ways to get over it and mend your broken heart in the process.

Experts:

Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., Doctor of Social and Personality Psychology

dr LeslieBeth Wish, Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist

Nicole Richardson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show

What is lust?

Lust is a feeling that changes the chemicals in our brain. Hormones like testosterone, pheromones, and androgens all affect how pleasure can be experienced. This is also part of our natural biological processes and the human reproductive drive.

When we see someone we are attracted to, we may feel lust and desire to have sexual intercourse with them to continue our species.

Lust Lust is a feeling of having a strong sexual desire for another person. It’s the initial driving force that draws us to a potential partner, and it helps keep passion alive in a long-term relationship.

People can feel pleasure when meeting someone new or in a committed relationship.

This article examines what lust is and isn’t, how it compares to love, signs you’re experiencing lust, how to express it healthily, and the potential pitfalls of lust.

Lust vs Love

You may feel an undeniable connection with someone and think it’s love at first sight. However, it is important to note that there is a clear difference between lust and love.

Ultimately, lust is based solely on sexual attraction while love is based on emotional desire. Verywell asked Erica F. Zajac, LCSW (they/them/none/he/she), a sex-positive and trauma specialist, to explore this distinction further.

Says Zajac, “These two concepts are very different, and a lot of people tend to confuse love with lust.” are ‘in lust’.”

If you think you’re experiencing love at first sight, chances are what you’re feeling is actually lust and not love. So how can you tell the difference?

Erica F. Zajac, LCSW The best indicator is that feelings of love come from an emotional place. This means sex doesn’t have to be the reason you hang out with someone. — Erica F. Zajac, LCSW

When you’re experiencing love, you’ll want to spend time with that person in non-physical ways, including bonding time, going out to eat, having conversations about long-term goals, or doing other things that aren’t sexual in nature.

Lust Based on sexual attraction

Similar to chemistry

Physical or superficial connection

Disinterest in getting to know the person you long for Love Emotional in nature

Similar to compatibility

Deeper, more intimate connection

Interested in forming a stronger connection than a sexual one

Although love and lust can be different, can the two feelings coexist? Yes, you can. Zajac says that every time we date someone new, we experience “new relationship energy” (or NRE), which is usually based on sexual desire (or lust).

Over time, however, love can develop once a deeper, more emotional connection has been made. At this point, both lust and love can be present in a relationship.

sign of desire

What are some signs that you are feeling lust and not love? You can feel lust when referring to any of the following traits:

When your feelings are only sexual in nature

When someone becomes less attractive after realizing their flaws

When you don’t feel like building a deeper connection with the person you feel like

The relationship is short-lived

You want to become intimate with the person who triggered the feelings in you

You are extremely attracted to someone on a physical level

Your heart rate increases

Your palms may sweat

You experience butterflies around someone

You want to touch the person frequently

You want to leave someone after sex instead of staying to spend time with them

If you want to experience a stronger connection with someone and form a deeper bond, then it’s possible that you’re developing feelings of love instead of lust.

Is lust a healthy emotion?

Is lust a healthy emotion? The short answer is yes. It may be. According to Zajac, lust in and of itself isn’t exactly “healthy” or “unhealthy.” Rather, “how a person expresses pleasure can be healthy or unhealthy,” she clarifies.

To figure out whether you’re experiencing pleasure in a healthy or unhealthy way, she suggests thinking about the downsides of responding to it, rather than focusing on whether or not the emotion itself is healthy. “Is there anything negative associated with it? It may be, but that’s mostly based on the behavior, not the actual feeling itself.”

How to express lust in a healthy way

How can people experience pleasure without responding to it, but still express or honor it in a healthy way?

Always seek consent first before initiating any physical or sexual behavior with another person. Communicate your desires openly with partners and potential partners to avoid misunderstandings or incompatibilities.

When starting the conversation about lust with a partner, prioritize honesty and transparency over your feelings. Conversation is crucial when you’re feeling attraction to someone outside of your relationship because it allows you to address the underlying reasons or whether your partner would be okay with you responding to that attraction.

To reduce the likelihood of conflict or infidelity, Zajac recommends not just asking your partner if you can have a sexual relationship with someone else, but instead letting them know that you’re attracted to someone else.

If they don’t respect your feelings, it’s up to you to decide how you want the conversation and/or the relationship to progress. (Again, honesty is key.)

If you want to act out your lustful feelings with your partner or potential partner, it is entirely possible without causing any problems. Here are some healthy ways to express lust to your partner or potential partner:

Give your partner sexy comments that aren’t disrespectful (e.g., “You’re so hot” or “I can’t wait to see you”).

Use facial expressions or your eyes to signal to your partner that you desire them

Sending a dirty letter, email, or text saying what you want to do with them (with their consent)

Sending sensual but not explicit photos (with their consent)

Talking dirty in the ear or texting (note: this is only appropriate if consent is already in a relationship)

How not to express lust

Although lust is a natural emotion that most people experience at some point, it’s important to pay attention to how you respond to it.

When pleasure is not expressed in a healthy or respectful way, instances of discomfort, abuse, or other problems can arise. Follow these tips to be mindful of how and when to dislike someone:

To someone other than your partner if you are in a committed, non-monogamous relationship

If you lack the verbal consent of all parties involved

If a person’s consent and/or boundaries would be violated

When you don’t make decisions based on logic

If you are not sober and in an intoxicated state from the use of alcohol, drugs and/or substances

When trust between partners can be broken

If anyone might feel uncomfortable

When a person is disrespectful to you (e.g. treats you like an object)

When the immediate gratification of lust outweighs the long-term benefits

If you are acting out of desperation, addiction, compulsion or obsession

possible dangers

Depending on the situation, pursuing lust can have small to serious consequences. When you indulge in lust in an “unhealthy” way, you may experience one or more of the following emotions or situations:

fear

jealousy

obsession

sadness

A seperation

impulsiveness

Despair

“It’s important to stop, take a step back, and try to look objectively at how you’re feeling (which is very difficult but necessary),” says Zajac. In order to avoid undesirable and undesirable outcomes, you should take a slower pace in your sexual and romantic relationships.

Journaling and self-reflection can also help you understand your emotions and whether or not you are actively experiencing lust or something else.

A word from Verywell

Lust is a common, natural biological response that can provide many benefits. “When acted with respect, lust can be fun, deepen a connection in a relationship, and even help fix problems within a relationship,” adds Zajac. Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, responding to desire in healthy ways can transform your relationship, depending on how you manage it.

If you still feel like acting out your feelings of pleasure when the opportunity is potentially destructive or damaging, consider seeking the help of a relationship therapist or psychologist. This person can help you understand where these feelings are coming from and what you can do to express them in a healthy way as you move forward.

When it comes to lust and love, most people have experienced at least one thing or the other. However, some people might agree that it’s pretty rare to experience both in a relationship.

Whether you’ve always viewed your relationship in terms of one or the other, or just wondering how to tell the difference between the two, there are some important things to know about these two feelings.

Verywell Mind spoke to Sherry Benton, PhD, a practicing therapist and founder of the mental health digital platform TAO Connect, to learn more about these two feelings and their importance in our personal lives.

What is lust?

Lust is a completely normal biological feeling, but very different from love.

“Lust is the pure desire for sexual contact,” says Dr. Benton. “That’s largely selfish with little thought or consideration for the well-being of the other person.”

Just because you long for someone doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t love them. Because it denotes physical attraction and sexual desire, you can truly experience the feeling of lust in or out of a relationship. However, when people talk about love at first sight, they are probably mostly talking about lust.

“Lust exists on a continuum – you can certainly have [an] initial attraction to people you don’t know,” explains Dr. Benton. “Sometimes we have a little attraction, sometimes more. Sometimes the attraction is immediate, sometimes it builds after we’ve met someone.”

But what about infatuation?

Aside from the feelings of lust and love, Dr. Benton added the word “infatuation,” which occurs early in a relationship and is sometimes referred to as the “velcro stage.”

“When you’re in love, you tend to idealize the other person and become very caught up in a superficial understanding of the other person,” says Dr. Benton. “Infatuation can bring people together, but it rarely keeps people together.”

Basically, infatuation is that weird in-between phase between lust and love that most people experience as the fun phase of relationships before life begins and hard truths are realised.

What is love?

Psychologists have long attempted to measure and define love in a variety of ways, examining couples with different backgrounds, attachment styles, and other personal characteristics.

However, psychologist Zick Rubin found that there are three components to romantic love: attachment, caring, and intimacy. Put simply, these three words mean wanting or needing to be with someone, looking after their happiness, and sharing personal thoughts and concerns with them.

dr Benton confirms these results. “Love comes when a relationship has developed into mutual caring and understanding,” says Dr. Benton. “In love, people focus on promoting each other’s well-being and nurturing the relationship. It can be less exciting than lust or infatuation, but it lasts.”

dr Benton also states that “love is not so much an emotional high as infatuation.” Unfortunately, this lack of an emotional high can be difficult for some people to reconcile, especially in long-term relationships.

In other words, it can mean that you feel like you desire the other person less than you used to, or that the relationship has become less passionate. However, this is normal as you become more comfortable in your relationship. Similar to the infatuation phase, passionate love mostly exists in the early stages of a relationship.

“In any good relationship, sexual desire ebbs and flows from day to day,” says Dr. Benton. “It’s actually a good thing when infatuation wears off and is replaced with sincere, realistic love and caring for the other person.”

Can you feel lust and love at the same time?

You may not necessarily be able to cultivate lust, but it is possible to build on intimacy. As sexual desire ebbs and flows in long-term relationships, it’s more important to focus on keeping the relationship alive in other ways.

For this, Dr. Benton suggested taking time alone as a couple. The beginnings of relationships are fun because you get to know all this new information about a person.

While you may not be constantly learning new facts about your partner in a long-term relationship, you can continually cultivate a deeper level of intimacy.

The goal is to continue to be open and honest so that you continue to build your bond on a basis of trust. There will be new excitement in exploring a deeper connection with someone and it certainly leads to something more lasting.

How to express those feelings to someone

If you are in a position where you want to tell someone you are in love with them and in the words of Dr. Benton “if the relationship is appropriate and possible,” then do it. Although fear of rejection and rejection are real concerns themselves, expressing your feelings is also important.

If you want to express pleasurable feelings to someone, prioritize honesty. Once you’ve told the person that’s how you’re attracted to them, proceed to prioritize approval.

Alternatively, if you’re in a relationship and longing for someone else, tell your partner the truth if possible, so you can both decide together how comfortable you feel about acting on it.

A word from Verywell

While both lust and love can cause stress, it’s important to remember that these emotions are normal and everyone learns to manage them.

Although sometimes it’s not easy to tell someone how you really feel about them, try to prioritize honesty even if your attraction to someone is primarily physical.

Also, remember that it’s okay not to constantly experience the butterflies that are typically associated with the early stages of a relationship. Getting to the point of love takes work. To reach the love stage, you have to take the time to connect with someone. While it doesn’t always feel like a rush, deeper levels of intimacy are always rewarding.

human emotions

This article is about carnal desires. For other uses, see Lust (disambiguation)

Lust is a psychological force that produces an intense desire for something or circumstance while already having a substantial amount of the desired object. Lust can take any form, such as lust for sex (see Libido), money, or power. It can take such mundane forms as a craving for food (see Gluttony), as distinct from a need for food or a craving for spice when one craves a particular smell that evokes memories. It is similar to passion but differs in that passion drives the individual to achieve benevolent goals while lust does not.

In religion[edit]

Religions tend to distinguish between passion and lust, further categorizing lust as immoral desire and passion as morally acceptable.

Lust is defined as immoral because its object or act of affection is misaligned under natural law and/or the appetite for the particular object (e.g., sexual desire) governs the person’s intellect and will, rather than the intellect and will of the person Appetite determine this object.

While passion, regardless of its strength, is considered something God-given and moral because the purpose, actions and intentions behind it are benevolent and directed toward creation, while also being governed by the intellect and will of the person. A fundamental school of thought on this is Thomism, which talks about intellect, will and appetite and draws on principles defined by Aristotle. However, the exact definitions of what is morally definitive and ordered to creation depend on religion. For example, differences between religions based on pantheism and theism, which is moral, differ according to the nature of the “god” recognized or worshiped.

Abrahamic religions[edit]

Judaism [edit]

In Judaism, all evil inclinations and lusts of the flesh are denoted by Yetzer hara (Hebrew, יצר הרע, the evil inclination). Yetzer Hara is not a demonic force; rather, it is the abuse of the things the physical body needs to survive, and is often contrasted with Yetzer Hatov (Hebrew, יצר הטוב, the positive desire).

Yetzer HaRa is often identified with Satan and the Angel of Death,[1] and there is sometimes a tendency to give the Yetzer a personality and separate activity. Because the Yetzer, like Satan, misleads people in this world and testifies against them in the world to come. The Yetzer, however, is clearly distinguished from Satan and on other occasions placed squarely with sin. The Torah is considered the great antidote to this power. However, like all things created by God, the Yetzer Hara (evil tendency) can be manipulated to do good: for without it man would never marry, father a child, build a house or engage in any trade.

Christianity [edit]

New Testament[edit]

In many New Testament translations, the word “lust” translates the Greek Koine word ἐπιθυμέω (epithūméō),[2] particularly at Matthew 5:27-28:

Ye have heard it said of them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

In English-speaking countries, the term “lust” is often associated with sexual desire, probably because of this verse. However, just as the English word was originally a general term for “desire,” so the Greek word ἐπιθυμέω was a general term for desire. The LSJ lexicon suggests “putting one’s heart on something, yearning, craving, coveting” as glosses for ἐπιθυμέω, which is used in verses that clearly have nothing to do with sexual desire. In the Septuagint, ἐπιθυμέω is the word used in the command not to covet:

You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife; You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, or his field, or his male or female slave, or his ox, or his beast of burden, or any animal of his, or anything that is your neighbor’s. – Exodus 20:17, New English translation of the Septuagint

While lust for the neighbor’s wife may involve sexual desire, lust for a neighbor’s house or field is unlikely to be sexual in nature. And in most New Testament usages, the same Greek word, ἐπιθυμέω, has no clear sexual connotation. For example, the American Standard Version uses the same word with no sexual connotation:

Matthew 13:17 For truly I say unto you, many prophets and righteous wished to see what ye see, and saw not; and to hear what you hear, and hear them not. Luke 22:15-16: And he said unto them: I have longed with longing to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; for I tell you, I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God. Acts 20:33 I coveted no one’s silver or gold or clothing. You yourselves know that these hands served my needs and those who were with me. Luke 15:14-16: And when he had spent all, there was a great famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined one of the citizens of that land; and he sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. And he would have liked to fill his belly with the shells that the pigs ate: and no one gave him.

Catholicism[ edit ]

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, a Christian’s heart is lustful when “sexual gratification is sought either outside of marriage, or at any rate in a manner contrary to the laws governing conjugal intercourse.”[3] Pope John Paul II said that lust devalues ​​the eternal attraction of man and woman and reduces the personal wealth of the opposite sex to an object of sexual gratification.[4]

Lust is viewed by Catholicism as a disordered craving for sexual pleasure in which sexual pleasure “is sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and associative purposes”.[5] In Catholicism, sexual desire is good in itself and is considered part of God’s plan for mankind. However, when sexual desire is separated from God’s love, it becomes disordered and selfish. This is considered lust.

Saint Thomas Aquinas distinguishes between sexual intercourse within marriage, which is considered meritorious in doing justice to the spouse, and sins of lust, which in turn can be distinguished to the extent of immorality according to intent and action. For example, in the Summa Theologica II-II, Aquinas says q. 154, ibid. 12 I answer: In every species, the worst is the corruption of the principle on which the rest depend. Now the principles of reason are those things which conform to nature, because reason presupposes things as determined by nature before it disposes of other things as they should.” Using St. Augustine as his source, he writes: “Augustine says that ‘of all these’, viz., the sins pertaining to lust, ‘that which is against nature is the worst.'” What St. Thomas makes clear means that they are greater than sins against Justice in relation to the species of pleasure, such as rape or incest, in his statement “Answer to Objection 3: The nature of the species is more intimate with each individual than any other individual. Therefore, sins against specific nature are worse.” Thus St. Thomas indicates the magnitude of the lustful acts: “Most serious is the sin of bestiality, because the use of the proper species is disregarded… (Then) the sin of bestiality, because the use of the right sex is disregarded. .. (Then) the sin of ignoring the proper mode of copulation (or the unnatural act or masturbation)… (Then) Incest…contradicts the natural respect we owe to those close to us… Then it is a greater injustice to associate with a woman who is under foreign authority in the act of procreation than merely in her guardianship. Therefore, adultery is more serious than seduction. And both are aggravated by the use of force.” [6 ]

The Latin word for extravagance (Latin: luxuria) was used by St. Jerome to translate a variety of biblical sins, including drunkenness and sexual licentiousness.[7] Gregory the Great classified luxury as one of the seven cardinal sins (it is often considered the least serious of the seven deadly sins) and restricted its scope to disorderly desires,[8] and in this sense the Middle Ages generally embraced luxury, (although the Old French cognate was adopted into English in the 14th century as a luxury without its sexual connotation [citation needed]).

In Romanesque art, Luxuria personified is generally female,[9] often represented by a siren or a naked breasted woman being bitten by snakes. Prudentius described in his Psychomachia or ‘Battle of the Soul'[10]

Luxury, lavish from her ruined fame, Loose hair, wild eyes, her voice a dying autumn, Lost in rapture….

For Dante, Luxuria was both the first of the circles of incontinence (or licentiousness) in the descent into Hell, and the last of the cornices of purgatory, representing the excessive (disorderly) love of individuals;[11] while for Edmund Spenser, was luxury a synonym for the power of desire.[12]

For Gregory and subsequent Thomists, the “daughters” (by-products) of Luxuria included mental blindness, self-love, haste, and over-attachment to the present.[13] Marianne Dashwood is thought to embody such qualities for a later age – as the daughter of Luxuria.[14]

The Catholic Church defines lust as the deification of sexual pleasure in all its forms: contraception, masturbation, adultery, premarital relationships, relationships between persons of the same sex, etc., which enhances the human capacity to love, d person, to surrender oneself to God and to others.

Protestantism[ edit ]

Evangelical Melvin Tinker states, “The principle is clear, isn’t it, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’? How does the Pharisee use the minimum requirement method? He says, ‘We’re okay with sex outside of marriage because neither of us are actually married. I don’t sleep with another man’s wife, so it’s not adultery, she’s my girlfriend.” Or it’s not adultery because “I didn’t have sex with that woman.” to quote President Clinton’s plea in the Monica Lewinski saga: he could abuse his position as president by messing with a girl not much younger than his daughter, engaging in all sorts of sexual activities with her , but because he’s technically not having intercourse, he can hold up his hands and say, “I didn’t have sex with that woman.” That’s a Pharisee speaking.

“But the maximum application method says adultery happens not only in intercourse, but in the heart. However, the mistranslation at this point is unfortunate. The Greek says: ‘If anyone looks at a woman to lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ That’s an important distinction to point out because sexual arousal, sexual interest, sexual attraction are essential to the survival of the human species… It’s about seeking pleasure. The striptease show, the dirty movie or video, the internet pornography, that’s becoming a real problem… And if that’s a problem for you, talk about it privately with someone, you see, it’s the intention to look to get that excitement Jesus is aiming for.”[15]

Islam [edit]

In Islam, lust is viewed as one of the primitive states of self called nafs. Muslims are encouraged to overcome their baser instincts and intentionally lascivious looks are forbidden. Lascivious thoughts are disliked as they are the first step to adultery, rape and other antisocial behaviors. Prophet Muhammad also emphasized the greatness of the “second look,” for while the first look at an attractive member of the opposite sex might just be casual or observational, the second look might be the gateway to lustful thinking.[16]

Indian religions[edit]

Hinduism [edit]

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna, an avatar of Vishnu, explains in chapter 16 verse 21 that lust is one of the gates to Naraka or Hell.

Arjuna said: O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one driven to sinful deeds, even reluctantly, as if engaged in violence? Then Krishna said: It is only lust, Arjuna, which arises from contact with the material mode of passion and later turns into anger, and which is the all-consuming sinful enemy of this world. As fire is covered by smoke, as a mirror is covered by dust, or as the embryo is covered by the womb, the living entity is similarly covered by different degrees of this lust. Thus the pure consciousness of the wise being is covered by its eternal enemy in the form of lust that is never satisfied and that burns like fire. The senses, the mind and the intelligence are the seats of this lust. Through them, lust obscures and confuses the real knowledge of the living entity. Therefore, O Arjuna, best of the Bharatas, subdue this great symbol of sin – (lust) at the very beginning by regulating the senses, and slay this destroyer of knowledge and self-realization. The working senses are superior to dull matter; the mind is higher than the senses; Intelligence is still higher than reason; and it [the soul] is even higher than intelligence. Therefore, knowing that one is transcendental to the material senses, mind and intelligence, O mighty-armed Arjuna, one should stabilize the mind through conscious spiritual intelligence and thus—through spiritual strength—conquer that insatiable enemy known as lust . (Bhagavad Gita, 3.36-43)

In this ancient manuscript, the idea behind the word “lust” is best understood as the psychological force called “wanting.”

Buddhism[ edit ]

Lust occupies a critical position in the philosophical underpinning of Buddhist reality. It is mentioned in the second of the Four Noble Truths, which are

Suffering (dukkha) is inherent in all life. Suffering is caused by desire. There is a natural way to eliminate all suffering from your life. The cessation of craving eliminates all suffering from a person’s life.

Lust is the attachment to, identification with, and passionate desire for certain things in existence, all related to the form, sensation, perception, mentality, and consciousness that certain combinations of these things evoke in us. Lust is thus the ultimate cause of general imperfection and the most proximate root cause of a particular affliction.

The passionate desire for either non-existence or freedom from lust is a common misconception. For example, the mindless pursuit of lust (or some other “mortal sin”) in order to fulfill a death wish is followed by reincarnation, accompanied by a self-fulfilling karma, resulting in an endless wheel of life until the right path is found live , the right world view, is somehow discovered and practiced. Viewing an endless knot symbolically puts one in the position of the one with the right worldview who represents the person attaining freedom from desire.

There are four types of things that evoke clinging: rituals, beliefs, pleasures, and the self. The way to eliminate lust is to learn from its unintended effects and pursue righteousness in terms of worldview, intention, language, behavior, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and focus where lust used to be.

Sikhism[ edit ]

In Sikhism, lust is counted among the five cardinal sins or sinful tendencies, the others being anger, ego, greed and attachment. Uncontrollable expressions of sexual pleasure, as in rape or sexual addiction, are evils.

Indian spirituality[ edit ]

Brahma Kumaris[edit]

According to the Brahma Kumaris, a spiritual organization based on karmic philosophy, sexual lust is the greatest enemy of all mankind.[17] [18]

For this reason, followers do not eat onions, garlic, eggs, or non-vegetarian foods, as the “sulfur” they contain can arouse sexual desire in the body otherwise bound to celibacy.

The physical act of intercourse is “unclean,” leading to body conscious and other crimes. This contamination “poisons” the body and the air we breathe.[19][20] Ads to many types of “diseases”.

The Brahma Kumaris teaches that sexuality is poking around in a dark sewer. Students at the Spiritual University must conquer lust to prevent sin and be closer to God.[21]

They describe the differences between lust and love:

“In lust there is a reliance on the sense object and consequent spiritual subordination of the soul to it, but love brings the soul into a direct and coordinated relationship with the reality that lies behind the form. That is why lust is experienced as heavy and love is experienced as light In lust there is a narrowing of life and in love there is an expansion of being… When you love the whole world you live vicariously in the whole world but in of lust there is a fading decline of life and a general sense of hopeless dependence on one form seen as another. So in lust there is an emphasis on separateness and suffering, but in love there is a sense of unity and joy…”

Paganism [ edit ]

Few ancient pagan religions actually considered lust a vice. However, this activity was soon abolished by the Roman Senate in 186 BC. in the decree Senatus Consultum de Bacchanalibus. However, the practice of sacred prostitution continued to be an activity commonly practiced by the Dionysians.

In culture[edit]

Medieval prostitutes[ edit ]

Medieval prostitutes lived in officially sanctioned “red light districts”. In Ruth Mazo Karras’ book Common Women, the author discusses the importance of prostitution and how people thought the proper use of prostitutes by unmarried men helped curb male lust. Prostitution has been credited with beneficial effects in reducing sexual frustration in the community.[22]

In art[edit]

literature [edit]

From Ovid to the works of les poètes maudits, characters have repeatedly been confronted with scenes of lust, and lust has long been a common motif in world literature. Many writers such as Georges Bataille, Casanova and Prosper Mérimée have written works in which scenes are set in brothels and other unseemly places.

Baudelaire, author of Les fleurs du mal, once remarked about the artist:

The more a man cultivates the arts, the less horny he gets… Only the brutal is good at pairing, and copulation is the lyricism of the masses. To copulate means to enter into each other – and the artist never comes out of himself.

The most notable work touching on the sin of lust and all seven deadly sins is Dante’s Divine Comedy. Dante’s criterion for lust was an “excessive love of others” in that an excessive love of man would make one’s love of God secondary. In the first canto of the Divine Comedy – the Inferno – the lustful are punished by being constantly whirled around by a hurricane, symbolizing their passions. The damned, guilty of lust, like the two famous lovers Paolo and Francesca, obtain in their mortal life what they desired, their passions never giving them rest for all eternity. In Purgatorio, the same work, the penitents choose to pass through flames to purify themselves of their lustful tendencies.

In philosophy[edit]

The connection between love and lust has always been a problematic issue in philosophy.

Schopenhauer[ edit ]

Schopenhauer notes the misery that results from sexual relations. In his opinion, this directly explains the feelings of shame and sadness that tend to follow the act of intercourse; for, he says, the only power that reigns is the inextinguishable desire to face at all costs the blind love present in human existence, regardless of the outcome. He estimates that a genius of his kind is an industrial being who only wants to produce and only wants to think. The theme of lust, then, for Schopenhauer is the contemplation of the horrors that will almost certainly follow the climax of lust.

St Thomas Aquinas[ edit ]

Saint Thomas Aquinas defines the sin of lust in questions 153 and 154 of his Summa Theologica. Thomas Aquinas says the sin of lust is “lustful emotion,” pointing out that sexual pleasure “looses the human spirit” and overrides right reason (p. 191). Thomas Aquinas limits the subject of lust to physical desires that arise specifically from sexual acts, but he does not assume that all sexual acts are sinful. Sex is not a sin in marriage because sex is the only way for humans to procreate. When sex is used naturally and the end purpose is procreation, there is no sin. Thomas Aquinas says, “When the end is good and what is done is well timed for it, then there is no sin” (p. 193). Sex for pleasure, however, is pleasurable and therefore a sin. A man who uses his body for horniness is wronging the Lord.

Sex may have the qualities of being sinless; However, when a person seeks sex for pleasure, he or she sins with lust. Lust is best defined by its specific attributes, such as rape, adultery, wet dreams, seduction, unnatural vice, and simple fornication.

Wet Dreams: Saint Thomas Aquinas defined and discussed the issue of the nocturnal emission that occurs when dreaming of physical pleasure. Aquinas argues that those who say that wet dreams are a sin and are comparable to the actual experience of sex are wrong. Aquinas believes that such an act is sinless since a dream is not under the control or free judgment of a person. Having a “night orgasm” is not a sin, but it can lead to sin (p. 227). Aquinas says that wet dreams have a physical cause of inappropriate imagery in your mind, a psychological cause of thinking about sex while you’re falling asleep, and a demonic cause of demons acting on the sleeper’s body and “the Capturing the sleeper’s imagination to evoke an orgasm” (p. 225). In the end, however, dreaming about lustful acts is not a sin. The “awareness of the mind is less impeded” because the sleeper lacks proper reason; hence a person cannot be responsible for what he dreams while sleeping (p. 227).

Adultery: One of the main forms of lust common in the Middle Ages was the sin of adultery. The sin of adultery occurs when a person is unfaithful to their spouse, hence “breaking into someone else’s bed” (p. 235). Adultery is a special kind of ugliness and many troubles arise from it. For a man to enter the bed of a married woman is not only a sin, but “spoils the offspring” because the woman is now questioning the legitimacy of children (p. 235). If a woman has committed adultery before, her husband will ask if all his wife’s children are his offspring.

Simple Fornication: Simple fornication is having sex with spouse for pleasure instead of bearing children. Fornication is also sex between two unmarried people, which is also a mortal sin. Thomas Aquinas says that “fornication is a deadly crime” (p. 213). Fornication is a mortal sin, but as Aquinas states, “Pope Gregory treated the sins of the flesh as less serious than those of the spirit” (p. 217). Fornication was a grave sin like that against property. Fornication, however, is not as serious as a sin directly against God and human life; therefore murder is far worse than fornication. Property in this case means that a daughter is her father’s property, and to wrong her is to wrong him; Therefore, the seduction of a virgin, or the pursuit of pleasure in an unmarried woman, is an encroachment upon a father’s property.

Seduction: Seduction is a type of lust because seduction is a sexual act that seduces a Virgo. Lust is a sin of sexual activity and “…a special quality of wrong which occurs when a handmaid, still under her father’s care, indulges” (p. 229). Seduction involves a discussion of property since an unmarried girl is her father’s property. A virgin, while freed from the bond of marriage, is not freed from the bond of her family. If a virgin is abused without promises of engagement, she will be prevented from having an honorable marriage, which is a shame for her and her family. A man who engages in sexual acts with a virgin must “endow and wife her,” and if the father in charge of her says no, a man must pay a dowry to compensate for her loss of virginity and future compensate chance of marriage. (Page 229)

Unnatural Vice: Unnatural vice is the worst kind of lust because it is unnatural in action and purpose. There are many kinds of unnatural vices; Aquinas provides several examples, including bestiality, or intercourse with a “thing of another species” (e.g., an animal), incest, sodomy, and “ignoring the proper manner of copulation.”[23]

In psychoanalysis and psychology

Pleasure is often treated in the field of psychoanalysis and psychology as a case of “increased libido”.

See also[edit]

References[ edit ]