How To Talk To Anyone Torrent? The 80 Top Answers

Think about the last conversation you had with someone you didn’t know. Did certain moments feel awkward? Did you find the other person interesting? Did the other person find you interesting? Were you glad you had the conversation?

Research by a group of social psychologists suggests that the answer to all of these questions is yes.

The researchers conducted a workshop for individuals in the community to learn how to speak better with strangers, and surveyed participants about those conversations—both before and after them.

The results showed that both before and after the conversation, people thought they would find their partners interesting, explains study author Gillian Sandstrom, PhD, Senior Lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex. But they don’t think their partner will find them that interesting in return, she tells NBC News BETTER. “And almost everyone says the talks actually went a lot better than they thought.”

The findings were published in the journal Psychological Science in the fall and presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual meeting in February.

Participants chose to attend the event, so the sample was a somewhat unique group because they were motivated from the start to get better at conversations, notes Sandstrom.

But the data suggests that even when conversations feel awkward, they’re probably going better than you think, she says. Maybe we can also get much better at connecting with people we don’t know, whether it’s a new colleague, a friend of a friend, or the cashier at the grocery store.

Here’s what Sandstrom and others want you to know about speaking to people you don’t know — and why it can actually do you a lot of good.

It’s difficult to talk to new people because there are so many unknowns

Talking to someone you don’t know is new territory. Compared to talking to your partner, your best friend, or your mother, the unknowns make it challenging and potentially intimidating, Sandstrom says. “We go into conversations thinking that all these terrible things can happen.”

The other person may be talking too much. We might talk too much. You could close. We might get bored. You might get bored. There could be an awkward silence. You could try to turn me on. They might try to hurt me in some way (which might be the reaction, which Sandstrom says is a relic of our evolutionary past).

Context matters too, says Georgie Nightingall, conversation coach and founder of Trigger Conversations, a London-based organization dedicated to teaching people how to have better, more meaningful conversations, to NBC BETTER. In every context, there are unwritten social norms that we would like to follow but may not always be sure of. Will we appear more believable or likable if we reveal a certain fact about ourselves? Will being too brave impress or put anyone off?

“We want to be liked or at least accepted by others,” she says. “In order not to break these norms, we sometimes pretend to step on eggshells.”

We are social beings. Even unpleasant conversations are good for our well-being.

But despite the awkward pauses, the missteps, and the uncertain footing, it’s good for us to talk to new people (even complete strangers we probably won’t see again). Studies show that even minimal social interactions (e.g. chatting with that stranger on the train) improve mood.

In one study, researchers randomly recruited people entering a crowded downtown Vancouver coffee shop and instructed some to try to strike up a conversation with the barista and others to be as efficient as possible when getting coffee. The former group reported leaving the cafe in a better mood and with a better sense of belonging to their community than the efficient group. (The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2013.)

It’s impossible to tell from the data how this mood-boosting strategy compares to other methods or how long the effects would last, says study co-author Elizabeth Dunn, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia ( Sandstrom was the other co-author). Author). “But it’s a low-hanging fruit.” The talks, Dunn adds, “They’re value assets.”

Anxiety is a type of disorder that prevents you from living your life the way you want to. One of the symptoms of anxiety is difficulty speaking normally. Because of the physical and psychological effects of anxiety, this disorder can make it incredibly difficult for you to get your words out in a comfortable and coherent way. Read on to find out more.

This difficulty in speaking normally can also cause problems of its own—problems that can increase your anxiety in the future. We will examine why these language difficulties arise and how you can effectively overcome them.

What it’s like to have trouble speaking

Difficulty speaking is both a psychological problem that makes you afraid to speak up in social situations; and a physical problem where it feels like your mouth can’t move properly or your tongue is too big. These symptoms appear in different types of anxiety.

The best way to understand this phenomenon is to go through possible reasons you are having trouble speaking. These include:

Fear of being judged Fear of being judged is an example of a mental and emotional difficulty that can make it difficult to speak naturally in front of others. This is very common in social anxiety disorder, but it can affect anyone with anxiety to some degree. Many people experience this anxiety where they feel like people are looking down on them when they talk.

Fear of being judged is an example of a mental and emotional difficulty that can make it difficult to speak naturally in front of others. This is very common in social anxiety disorder, but it can affect anyone with anxiety to some degree. Many people experience this anxiety where they feel like people are looking down on them when they talk. Overthinking Some people have trouble speaking because they think too much about how they say, how they feel, etc. The more they think about it, the harder it is to put the words into sentences and say them out loud. At some point they often lose track and suddenly the moment is over and they feel like they can no longer speak.

Some people have trouble speaking because they think too much about how to say it, how they feel, etc. The more they think about it, the harder it is to put the words into sentences and say them out loud. At some point they often lose track and suddenly the moment is over and they feel like they can no longer speak. Rushing Thoughts Like excessive thinking, a person can also have rushing thoughts—thoughts that are quick, difficult to decipher, jump from one thing to the next, and often (though not always) relate to stressful topics. Frantic thoughts make speaking difficult because you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and find it difficult to coherently plan what you want to say and how you want to say it.

As with overthinking, a person can also have rushed thoughts — thoughts that are quick, difficult to decipher, jump from one thing to the next, and often (though not always) relate to stressful topics. Frantic thoughts make speaking difficult because you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and find it difficult to coherently plan what you want to say and how you want to say it. Mouth movements Anxiety can also affect your physical function. For example, it can affect your coordination and make it difficult for you to move your mouth muscles. When you’re anxious, physical tasks that would normally come naturally can be challenging – speaking is one of them.

These are just a few of many possible examples to explain how anxiety can make it so much more difficult to speak naturally.

intensification of fear

Unfortunately, difficulty speaking can increase the anxiety that keeps you from speaking in the first place. For example, if you suffer from social anxiety disorder, you may find that your anxiety prevents you from taking on the challenge of public speaking.

By avoiding challenging your fear, you increase your fear of it. This is called “negative reinforcement”. If you had stood up there and spoken, you could have proved to yourself that you could do it. This might have lessened your anxiety next time. But because you avoided speaking out, it increased your initial fear and also made it more likely that you’ll turn down the challenge next time.

When you feel like your muscles aren’t cooperating with you, or you can’t physically get the words out, it can feel similarly unsettling, as if something is wrong with your muscles or your brain. Of course, there’s nothing wrong—that fear just adds to that feeling—but it can feel like something must be terribly wrong for you to suffer from these issues.

How to Stop Difficulty Speaking Out of Fear

Your ability to be comfortable speaking is an important part of normal living. You don’t want to live inside your head, and you certainly don’t want to suffer from so much anxiety that you can’t interact with others.

Physical symptoms of anxiety are difficult to cure. The only successful way to prevent them is to reduce your anxiety so that it no longer feels overwhelming. The key is to distract your mind from focusing too much on how you feel in your body so your automatic processes (like speaking) can remain automatic. The more you think about how they feel, the more you will continue to have problems with your mouth movements.

If your own fear is preventing you from speaking in front of others, there are several strategies you can try:

Intentionally Embarrass Yourself If possible, you need to reduce the problems that frighten you. One thing to consider is intentionally embarrassing yourself easily. This is pretty easy to do in social situations. Consider wearing an outfit that seems a bit unusual. Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know. Tell a joke you know won’t be funny. This type of exercise can be very challenging for someone with high levels of social anxiety. However, if you’re able to try these, you’ll likely become more and more comfortable speaking in social situations.

If possible, you need to reduce the problems that scare you. One thing to consider is intentionally embarrassing yourself easily. This is pretty easy to do in social situations. Consider wearing an outfit that seems a bit unusual. Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know. Tell a joke you know won’t be funny. This type of exercise can be very challenging for someone with high levels of social anxiety. However, if you’re able to try these, you’ll likely become more and more comfortable speaking in social situations. Get closer to your friends Work with your closest friends to become comfortable speaking and start finding ways to get closer to them as you do so. Close friendships help a lot with confidence, and the more you can adapt to forming closer friendships with people and practicing speaking to them, the easier it will be for you to talk to others.

Work with your closest friends to get comfortable talking and start finding ways to get closer to them. Close friendships help a lot with confidence, and the more you can adapt to forming closer friendships with people and practicing speaking to them, the easier it will be for you to talk to others. Exercise Exercise doesn’t seem to be related to speaking, but it can actually have some pretty significant effects. When you exercise, your body releases neurotransmitters that improve mood and make it easier to feel comfortable when speaking. Exercise also appears to improve self-confidence, which can also have a pretty big impact on your ability to meet and bond with others. Start training today and you will find that speaking becomes much easier.

These are just a few tips and techniques that can help you overcome difficulty speaking. Of course, if your problems speaking in public are caused by your anxiety, the solution is to heal your anxiety, otherwise you still run the risk of it happening again.

This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Masters of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-year postgraduate certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland and certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 240,034 times.

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If you want to feel comfortable talking to someone, smile and make eye contact when you greet them. Greet the person in a friendly and open manner, e.g. B. “Hello, it’s so nice to see you!” or “How are you?” When the person speaks to you, try to match their tone and avoid questions or comments that might make the person uncomfortable, such as comments about their body or questions about their political or religious beliefs. Instead, stick to light-hearted topics like pets, hobbies, movies, and sports. Scroll down to find some common mistakes to avoid in conversations like: B. to surpass someone.

Many fear public speaking — and that can extend to one-on-one conversations.

But skipping the small talk and asking for their opinion or recommendation can get the ball rolling.

Use what you know about her to start a conversation or ask about her interests.

Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

LinkedIn influencer Bernard Marr originally published this post on LinkedIn.

Did you know that public speaking is often ranked as people’s greatest fear?

But while standing up on a stage in front of an audience can definitely be nerve-wracking, many people find starting a private conversation just as intimidating.

Maybe it’s the CEO of your company, a new colleague, the guy in the mail room, the IT girl, or a stranger on the street.

Whoever you want to talk to, there’s a way to start a conversation. And the best news is that it gets easier with practice.

Try these conversation starters to talk to absolutely anyone:

Through networking with prominent figures, Leah Gervais has made connections, found mentors and gained helpful perspectives.

The New York City-based business coach chronicled her own career path on her blog, Urban 20 Something. Connecting with high-profile people has helped her build her brand, she said.

“Starting a podcast allowed me to reach out to high-profile people that I’d developed relationships with over the years,” she said. “Having these notable names in my early interviews helped my podcast take off quickly and helped position my podcast in the market.”

Networking with celebrities can have many benefits, but it can also be intimidating. These tips can make it easier.

Do your homework. Before reaching out to a celebrity, think about what you hope the interaction will bring, said Kelly Hoey, a New York City-based networking expert and author of Build Your Dream Network: Forging Powerful Relationships In A Hyper-Connected World . Then do some research.

High profile people are often busy. Before you send a cold email or make a phone call, read the person’s bio if it’s available on their company’s website. Hoey suggested asking a thoughtful question based on what you’re learning.

“People really want to share information, but they’re going to get frustrated right away if you ask a question that you could have found the answer to somewhere else,” she said.

Reading about someone before reaching out can also help you find common ground. Hoey offered an example: Let’s say the person majored in marketing in college, and you did the same. In such a situation, you might ask how they applied these studies to their careers in accounting.

Be yourself. Networking at events can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re hoping to connect with a prominent figure in your company or field. In these situations, Dalton Sweaney, CPA, a partner at GSA, LLP, a full-service accounting firm in Claremont, California, recommended staying away from technical accounting issues.

If you ask the other person for technical advice, “it’s probably going to be a very short conversation,” he said.

Sweaney, who coaches college football, often brings up sports or asks people about their families to find common ground. The goal is to connect while keeping things professional.

“Even the most senior or well-known people still have interests and hobbies, just like everyone else,” he said.

Contact us via email. Gervais said she’s had good luck using cold emails to connect with prominent people. She recommends keeping such emails friendly. When she first reaches out to someone, Gervais emails them with a sentence explaining how she found them or knows them. She also adds a compliment and a clear request that’s easy for her to oblige — for example, she could ask if the person has 20 minutes for a Zoom call, she said.

Don’t ask in the subject line, she said. “I personally use ‘hope for connection’ and it works well,” she said.

Look for opportunities to network in the office. If you’re hoping to develop a relationship with someone in your organization, pay attention to their behavior, Hoey suggested. For example, if they come earlier, schedule the same. It gives you a better chance of talking to them organically.

“If you’re trying to reach a busy person, think about their life and their schedule,” Hoey said.

If your company participates in organized community projects or offers resource groups for employees, you should consider getting involved, Hoey said. It can be an easy way to meet high-level employees that you don’t normally associate with.

Let them take the lead. Inviting someone over for coffee may sound like a safe bet, but when it comes to networking with high-profile people, it’s better to let them call the shots, Hoey said. When you’re hoping to connect with someone, you don’t want to stress out their day by asking them to leave the office and go to the coffee shop when they already have a hectic schedule.

Join a professional organization. Sweaney is active in the California CPA Society. He would encourage anyone to get involved in a similar organization in their own state, he said.

“I can guarantee they’ll get more out of it than they put into it,” he said.

Professional organizations often offer networking events. Sweaney said his involvement with the California Society of CPAs (CalCPA) and the AICPA Leadership Academy has also boosted his confidence, making it easier to present and network with prominent people.

Try social media. Gervais has found success in reaching high profile people on social media platforms like Instagram and Twitter. She suggested tweeting (don’t forget to tag) articles or quotes from the person you want to connect with, as well as other content that might catch their attention.

Stay tuned, but don’t feel like you have to offer anything in return. Sweaney, Hoey, and Gervais all agreed: networking isn’t always give and take. When you reach out to a more established person, you don’t necessarily have to offer them anything in return for their guidance.

“People are busy and offers to help them can be well intentioned, but in the end they come for more work or something new to consider and manage,” Gervais said. “Also, I think people understand that sometimes you just want to connect, and that’s okay.”

You don’t have to give an older person as much as they give you, Hoey said. It’s usually enough to simply send an email or handwritten note thanking them and explaining how you followed their advice, she said.

— Megan Hart is a freelance writer based in Wisconsin. To comment on this article or to suggest an idea for another article, contact Courtney Vien, a senior editor of JofA, at [email protected].

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

For entrepreneurs, knowing how to communicate clearly and effectively is crucial to running a business – and selling their business ideas. But the words you speak and hear are only a small part of getting your message across to your employees, customers and investors. It’s the way you speak and listen that makes all the difference in the world.

Consider these 12 steps to starting conversations that click and ultimately lead to more productive relationships:

Step 1: Relax. Stress creates irritability that leads to anger, and anger shuts down communication. Studies have shown that a one-minute relaxation exercise increases activity in the brain, which is essential for communication and decision-making. So before you get into a conversation, do this:

First, on a scale of one to 10 (1 = totally relaxed; 10 = extremely tense), notice which parts of your body are tense. Write it down. Breathe in slowly for 30 seconds for a count of five, then breathe out slowly for a count of five. Repeat this three times. Now yawn a few times and see if it relaxes you. Give it a number between one and ten and write it down. Now straighten your body, starting with the facial muscles, tighten them, and then straighten them out. Then gently move your head from side to side and front to back. Pull your shoulders up and then push them down. Next, tighten your arms and legs while counting to 10; then relax and shake it out. Take a few more deep breaths. Assign a number to your state of relaxation again and note the improvement.

See also: The Biggest Mistakes Small Businesses Make When Brainstorming

Step 2: Be present. When you focus on your breathing and relaxation, your attention is drawn into the present moment and inner speech stops, at least temporarily. When we bring this “present” into a conversation, we hear the subtle tones of voice that give emotional meaning to the speaker’s words. When you’re in the present moment, you can quickly spot when a conversation is starting to go astray.

Step 3: Become calm. The ability to remain silent helps you pay full attention to what others are saying. To improve this skill, try an exercise with this online bell. Press the button to “hit” it, then focus on the sound. When it fades, listen more closely. Ring the bell several times and listen more closely. That’s the attention you need when you’re listening to someone.

See also: How to Sell Your Startup’s Long-Term Vision

Step 4: Be positive. Take a mental inventory of your mood. Are you tired or awake, anxious or calm? Then ask yourself: Am I optimistic about this conversation? When there is doubt, fear or frustration – postpone it. If you can’t, at least rehearse the conversation mentally first, which will help you identify statements you might make that would undermine your goal.

Step 5: Confirm values. To keep a conversation balanced and fair, everyone needs to be clear about values, intentions, and goals. When your values ​​don’t match those of the person you want to do business with, problems are inevitable. So find out about the person’s values ​​as soon as possible. But beware: some people mask the non-verbal cues of deception and simply tell you exactly what you’re hoping to hear.

See also: Four rules for innovative leadership

Step 6: Bring back memories. Enter the conversation with an expression that expresses kindness, compassion, and interest. But you can’t fake it. So if you don’t feel it, fall back on a pleasant reminder of people you love and respect. It will soften the muscles around your eyes and evoke a gentle half-smile on your face that stimulates a sense of trust in the other person’s brain.

Step 7: Observe non-verbal cues. Keep an eye on the person you’re talking to, but don’t stare at them. Stay focused and don’t let your inner thoughts distract you. When a person tries to hide an emotion – out of embarrassment or a desire to deceive – it may only appear for a quarter of a second. But remember that microexpressions can only tell you that a true emotion is hidden, they don’t tell you why or if the person is intentionally hiding it.

Step 8: Be thankful. The first few words you speak set the tone for the conversation, so start with a compliment and end with another compliment that shows appreciation. Of course they have to be real. Ask yourself: what do I really appreciate about this person? Then ask yourself which of these qualities you respect the most. Also, keep that in mind when you speak and look for an opportunity to share it.

See also: A Secret of Creative Problem Solving

Step 9: Speak heartily. When you lower your voice and speak more slowly, the listener responds with more confidence. When we’re angry, excited, or scared, we increase the pitch and intensity of our voices, and they vary widely in speed and tone. On the other hand, a warm, supportive voice is the sign of leadership and generates more satisfaction, engagement, and collaboration among members of your team.

Step 10: Slow down. Slowing down your speech actually helps people understand what you’re saying and deepens their respect for you. It’s not as intuitive as it might seem, and as children we naturally speak fast. But you can teach a child to speak slower by speaking slowly yourself because it suits you. A slow voice has a calming effect on a person who is feeling anxious, while a loud, fast voice evokes excitement, anger, or fear.

Related video: The Esquire Guy’s rules for small talk

Step 11: Be brief. Limit your speaking to 30 seconds or less. Our consciousness stores only a tiny bit of information. If you have something important to share, break it down into even smaller chunks — a sentence or two — and then wait for the person to confirm they get it. If the person is silent, say another sentence or two, and then pause again. It also helps to write down important points before the interview.

Step 12: Listen carefully. Concentrate on the person speaking: their words, tone of voice, gestures, facial features – everything. When they pause, you must respond to what they just said. If they keep going, just study them and watch how your own inner language reacts without worrying about what you might remember or forget. You will actually be practicing a form of meditation that is neurologically enhanced and emotionally relaxing – a far cry from what we typically feel when we are bored of someone speaking.

Adapted excerpt from Words Can Change Your Brain by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman (Hudson Street Press, Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 2012).

We need real human connection now more than ever.

I remember maybe 9 months ago just crying. I felt so lonely (did I mention I live with my husband and 2 sons?) – there’s nothing quite like feeling lonely when you’re not really alone.

For me, I missed girlfriends and casual acquaintances that I would rely on at the gym, in the break room, on my team at work. People who knew me (or didn’t), who had common interests or cared for me in a different way when my family asked (with love) about the next meal.

While it may seem like we’re always connected thanks to social media and our smartphones, that notion couldn’t be further from the truth. A recent poll found that over 3 in 5 Americans are lonely. To make matters worse, this sense of isolation has increased significantly since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Loneliness occurs when there is a lack of genuine human connection with other people. But what does human connection really mean?

Let’s look at the definition of human connections, why the power of human connections matters in our lives, and how to form meaningful relationships with others.

What is human connection?

Human connection is a deep bond that forms between people when they feel seen and valued. In an authentic human connection, people exchange positive energy and build trust.

The human connection makes you feel heard and understood and gives you a sense of belonging.

Why is human connection so important?

Humans are social creatures, wired to connect.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love and belonging are the most important needs we must meet, along with food, water and security. This includes our desire for interpersonal relationships, intimacy, contact with others and integration into a group. When these needs are met, our overall well-being improves and we live more fulfilling lives.

The 2021 World Happiness Report found that people who experienced increases in connectedness with others during the pandemic:

A strong support system helps people overcome challenges more easily and maintain a state of psychological well-being.

The human connection also reduces health risks and improves physical well-being and longevity. Strong social connections boost the immune system and increase your chances of living longer by 50%.

What is loneliness and how does it feel?

Loneliness does not necessarily mean being alone.

Loneliness is a state of mind that occurs when there is a disconnect between the desire for human connection and the actual level of connection. In other words, when our longing for human relationships goes unfulfilled.

Loneliness can be found anywhere. Someone may have many social interactions but feel lonely because they lack a real connection with those around them. Others have close relationships with friends and family but long for an intimate connection with a partner.

While everyone can experience loneliness differently, it often manifests itself as social isolation, a feeling of being left out, unheard, or not belonging. If left unchecked, it can also have serious effects on your emotional well-being and physical health.

According to psychologist Amy Sullivan, PsyD, when you’re lonely, your levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, rise. Chronic stress can lead to many health problems, including heart disease and cancer. Because of the many health risks, recent studies compare loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

How to deal with loneliness

Dealing with loneliness is not easy. For one thing, it builds on itself. Loneliness accumulates and we convince ourselves that it is huge and insurmountable. It makes you feel weird and off-putting, even to yourself. It can be embarrassing, as an otherwise functioning adult, to admit, even to yourself, that you’re lonely. In our empowered, hectic, made-for-IG world, admitting loneliness feels like a failure.

It can feel hard, almost impossible, to break out of a state of loneliness, but it’s a state that’s surprisingly easy to overcome. Loneliness is very action-prone. Here are some ways you can combat loneliness and strengthen your connection to society.

talk to someone

The stigma of asking for support has lessened since the pandemic began. This is thanks to increased awareness of mental health. Seeking help is one of the bravest and most helpful steps you can take to overcome loneliness and the feelings that come with it.

A mental health counselor can provide helpful advice and guide and support you in building healthy relationships and meeting new people. Talking to a professional will also equip you with the coping skills you need to manage and overcome feelings of chronic loneliness.

take initiative

It may sound obvious, but solitude thrives in solitude. Loneliness can make you feel unwanted and isolated from those around you. To break out of this negative mindset, you need to take the initiative and put yourself out there.

Be proactive and reconnect with friends and family or build new relationships. Call an old friend, join a club or invite your colleagues over for a drink. Make your well-being a priority and try new activities to build fulfilling human connections.

Giving back to others

Volunteering is a meaningful way to connect with others, make friends, and find meaning in your life. Giving back to those in need also increases your sense of gratitude and well-being.

In a recent survey of more than 10,000 people in the UK, 2 in 3 said volunteering had helped them feel less isolated. Through volunteering, you will meet a new group of people with similar goals and values. It also gives you a sense of purpose that is often lost when you lack human connections.

How do you establish interpersonal relationships? 6 ways to feel more connected

To make human connections, sometimes you have to be bold and take risks. For example, starting a conversation with someone new can be intimidating, especially if you’re shy. It requires you to get out of your comfort zone, even though you are nervous.

Ultimately, the rewarding feeling of building interpersonal relationships far outweighs any initial anxiety you may feel as you set out on your journey. Let’s look at six simple ways you can integrate into society.

1. Surround yourself with people who have common interests

It’s easy to connect with people who have the same interests and hobbies as you.

If you enjoy reading, joining a book club can be a great way to socialize and make new friends with people who share your love of books.

If you’re a runner who likes to stay active, joining a local running club could be an opportunity to meet new people.

2. Overcome your resistance

Relationship building is often intimidating due to the natural fear of rejection. But to make these connections, we must overcome our resistance to change and embrace situations outside of our comfort zone.

3. Smile (occasionally) and try a positive attitude

The first impression counts. Trying to have an overall positive demeanor and genuine smile will naturally draw people to you. That doesn’t mean you have to be positive or blindly optimistic all the time. But it helps to do a gratitude exercise and spend a few minutes noticing what’s good in your life before spending time with others. Research shows that people are more attracted to positive emotions than negative ones when it comes to making social connections.

So if you want to maximize your chances of being a crowd puller, show your best side.

4. Open up to others

If you want to make friends more easily, allow yourself to be more vulnerable to others. That doesn’t mean dropping all filters or borders. Too much too soon can turn others off and make you feel lonelier. But you don’t have to be a curated version of yourself either.

People can sense if someone is real or not, so let them see the most authentic version of you. Her vulnerability will also make her feel comfortable around you and connect with you on a deeper level.

5. Don’t hide in your phone

It’s easy to retreat to our smartphones when we’re uncomfortable in a social situation. However, this can affect our ability to make connections to real life.

For example, if you’re on the phone at a party or while networking, you’ll seem less approachable. Whenever you are out, focus on being present and connecting with the people around you.

6. Keep in touch

The human connection needs to be nurtured. For example, if you have found a new friend, keep in touch with them and grow your friendship. At the same time, work to maintain your existing relationships with close friends, family members, or team members.

Regular contact deepens your connections with others and ensures you stay in touch with those you value most.

How to build a lasting human connection

If you have ever felt lonely, you are not alone. Many people experience or have experienced a lack of human connection at some point in their lives.

The key to overcoming loneliness and living a fuller, happier life is to challenge yourself and look for opportunities to make real connections with the people around you.

It can be anything from joining a club to reconnecting with an old friend to volunteering for a cause you believe in.

If you’re having trouble getting connected, BetterUp’s personalized support can help.

You’re probably not as good at starting conversations as you think you are.

And if after reading this statement you think, Nuh-uh! I rock at starting conversations! It’s even more likely that you need the advice in this article.

Last night I went to a blues concert with my boyfriend. After the concert we met two of his acquaintances. The first, Mindy, came up to us and said hello, but then stood passively waiting for someone else to say something. The second, Lisa, flapped in like leaves in a storm and babbled on about herself for twenty minutes, until we found an excuse to leave.

Here’s a tip: Want to make sure your texts always look good? Grammar can save you from spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, punctuation mistakes and other writing problems on all your favorite websites.

None of the people in this scenario were good at starting, let alone leading, an interesting conversation. I bet you’ve had similar experiences, from the person who stands by and waits for you to take the lead, to the person who starts talking and won’t shut up.

The trick to joining an interesting conversation is simple — stop trying to be interesting. Instead, take an interest in the other person. Here are seven ways to start a conversation that doesn’t burden the other party with having to take the lead or struggling to find a way to break free.

1 Note that you are “in this together”.

When circumstances aren’t ideal, acknowledging a shared experience can soften the heat and get a conversation going. It is likely that you use this approach all the time without even realizing it. At the supermarket, you tell the other person that the queues always seem to be longest during the lunch break. Of course, this leads to a short conversation.

The same technique also works when the stakes are higher — say, networking at a party where everyone is a little concerned about making a good impression.

“These parties are always so awkward, aren’t they? Everyone should network – no pressure!”

Be careful with this technique. Do your best to remain neutral. A comment like “These networking events are so boring!” could end up working against you if it turns out the person you’re speaking with planned the event or is friends with the person who did it.

2 Notice something beautiful.

The opposite of the “We’re in this” conversation starter is noticing something pleasant. A positive approach can get a conversation started on the right foot. We tend to like happy people who draw our attention to good things.

“Did you go to the social media workshop? It was great!”

3 Give a compliment.

This technique can be a great icebreaker. Who doesn’t love hearing a sincere compliment? You don’t have to flatter the other party to make a difference, either — success is as simple as noticing something you like and mentioning it.

“That’s a nice shirt. The color suits you!”

“You did a great job with your presentation. I like how you arranged everything in a way that was easy to understand.”

One caveat – with the possible exception of hairstyles, don’t comment on physical things. Complimenting a new haircut is one thing, but saying “Your skin is so clear” is a hard detour into spooky territory.

4 Ask for an opinion.

We all want to feel that our opinion matters. Asking someone for their opinion shows that you care about them and their thoughts.

“How did you like the keynote presentation?”

“I thought about going to the next session of this workshop. Would you recommend it?”

Stick to topics that are immediately relevant. It’s a little weird walking up to someone and asking, “So what do you think of the current political climate in the US?” Not to mention the fact that you might not want to go down that particular rabbit hole with a stranger.

5 offer help.

There’s no better way to show you’re a nice, approachable person than to be helpful. If you find yourself in a situation where you can help, do it.

“You seem a bit lost. Can I help you find something?”

“Looks like you have a lot to carry. Do you need help?”

6 Look for similarities.

This is easiest when you know you’re attending an event where everyone is likely to have a similar background. When you bring up what you have in common, you immediately make a connection that leads to more topics of conversation.

“When did you go to school here?”

“How long have you been in marketing?

7 Ask for help or information.

Similar to asking for an opinion, asking for a little help or guidance can be a great way to make someone feel useful. Just make sure what you’re asking for is something the other party can offer without incriminating yourself.

“Do you know where I could get a workshop plan?”

“Do you know if this hotel offers an airport shuttle?”

Excellent! After you start the conversation, follow the Small Talk 101 rules to keep it going for a while. Just remember to be interested in the other person, find common ground, and ask follow-up questions.

But please don’t do what talkative Lisa did and make assumptions. When my friend managed to speak up last night, he mentioned that he knew Mindy from studying psychology at a local university. The one follow-up question Lisa asked was, “Oh, was your rehab successful?”

That’s where he did his internship.

We all dread the awkward silence when we’re expected to make small talk with a stranger. Maybe it’s at a business dinner and you’re sitting next to a new colleague. Maybe you’re at a wedding and you’re meeting a friend of a friend of a friend. How do you get beyond the initial introductions? How about if you find yourself in a high stakes situation such as E.g. at a job interview where you are expected to outperform the competition? Then there is always the blind date. How can you make this the start of something big (assuming you want to)?

Everyone has a different style of conversation. If you have an extrovert personality, you can probably be planted in any social situation and at least start small talk without feeling too much pain. However, if you’re on the introverted side, these situations can make you cringe. All you can think about is how badly you want to escape. Most people are somewhere in the middle of the introversion-extroversion dimension, but everyone has moments of greatness and everyone has moments of utter failure when the pressure to shine is great.

Success in small talk is very similar to success in other social situations, including online chat, job interviews, and social networking. The basic premise is that you find common ground with the people you communicate with, using the right level of self-disclosure, empathy, and tact.

I’ve found that Carl Rogers’ person-centered approach to therapy is perhaps the most useful guide to the small talk realm. In the 1970s, Rogers made tremendous contributions to counseling and clinical psychology, teaching therapists how best to listen, reflect on their clients’ feelings, and transform those reflections into insights that drive change.

Obviously you will not engage in psychotherapy in your chats with random social companions. But you can use Rogers’ insights to smooth out the rough patches in your chats with strangers. Add a little social psychology to these pearls of wisdom, and you have a perfect formula for success no matter who you talk to or how much you dislike or dislike meeting strangers.

Enough small talk; Let’s get to these 10 tips!

1. Listen.

Too often when we get to know someone, we try to fill the dead moments with gossip about ourselves. It is far better to listen first and then speak. Of course, someone has to start the conversation, but if you and your companion really listen to each other and don’t worry about what to say next, things will flow more naturally.

2. Use empathic reflection skills.

The next level of Rogerian communication is to repeat what you have heard, or at least what you think you have heard. This shows that you have been listening and also allows the person you are speaking to to clarify whether you are in fact far off the mark in your assessment of what you thought you were hearing.

3. Turn on your nonverbal detectors.

Rogers was known for his ability to read his clients’ body language. This is easiest to do when you shift your attention from your inner feelings to how you think the other person is feeling based on that person’s non-verbal cues. If the person seems uncomfortable with where the conversation is going, change gears. Although some people enjoy discussing politics, religion, and sex, others prefer to keep things light. Learn how to measure the impact of what you say by reading physical cues like posture, eye contact, and hand movements.

4. Avoid snap judgments.

If you follow steps 1 through 3 above, you’re less likely to misjudge the person you’re talking to, but we all suffer from the temptation to jump to conclusions about others based on superficial clues. Things aren’t always what they seem when you first meet someone. If you’ve been listening carefully, thinking about what you’re hearing, and keeping your non-verbal channel open, you’re less likely to make false judgments based on outside cues.

5. Be an online detective or behavior profiler.

You can help your case even further if you have the opportunity to find out in advance who you will be meeting with, along with a little bit of their story. Then you’ll be prepared to ask questions that are relevant to the people you’re meeting. If you don’t have the opportunity, practice your behavioral profiling using the visual cues at your disposal (think Sherlock Holmes, who might infer the profession by looking at someone’s hands).

6. Don’t assume people will agree with you.

Research shows that many of us cling to the “assumed similarity bias.” It is not safe to conclude that the person you are speaking to is also because you are opposed to one political party or another. Debates can lead to pleasant conversations. However, if you assume that everyone feels the same way you do, chances are you’ll start off on the wrong foot and end up with it in your mouth.

7. Try to learn from every interaction with a new person.

A person you have never met before may have been in places and done things that you have not done. People from other places, including countries other than your own, can open up new perspectives for you. They will only be opened if you show interest. You can expand your knowledge of other regions, cultures and nations, which ultimately also makes you a more interesting conversationalist.

8. Stay up to date.

Being familiar with current events is absolutely the best way to have enough topics to bring up in any conversation. The topics do not have to be heavyweight or in-depth specialist knowledge. Even knowing what the number one box office hit is or what the hottest song or video is is better than not knowing what’s going on in the world around you.

9. Know when not to talk.

Some people prefer not to have any conversations at all, especially in crowded situations like public transport. Maybe you think it’s great to while away the boring hours on a long flight by chatting with the person seated next to you. However, if you get hints to the contrary from that passenger (or others around you), then take the hint that your silence will be considered golden. If you find yourself doing this all the time wherever you go (and getting negative feedback), make sure you don’t get bored by bringing something to read or do to enjoy yourself.

10. Don’t share too much.

You may have heard that it’s okay to tell strangers your most private secrets. After all, you never see her again. Right? There are three flaws in this reasoning:

You might see that person again, or that person might know someone you know. In the world of six degrees of separation that we live in, it’s amazing how quickly your personal secrets can spread. People feel uncomfortable hearing a stranger’s deepest secrets. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel if you heard someone you barely know tell you about their love affairs, health condition, or family quarrels? Oversharing can bore you. While we can choose not to read the boring, everyday babble of our Facebook friends, it’s a little harder to do so in person. Going back to tip #3, you should be able to gauge when you are about to commit the sin of TMI (too much information).

Meeting new people and making small talk isn’t everyone’s favorite activity, but if you follow these simple tips, you might find that you enjoy some of the “extras” to balance your inner introvert.

Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. 2011

Facebook image: fizkes/Shutterstock

This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a relationship expert and the founder and executive coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting firm, founded in 2017 and based in New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating system: authenticity, clarity and meaningfulness. He is also a dating coach at dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine and Today. This article has been viewed 451,855 times.

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Talking to your crush can be nerve-wracking, but you can help yourself relax by taking a few deep breaths, standing up straight as if you’re confident, and thinking about your best qualities to remind yourself that you are a catch Keep in mind that your crush will probably be a bit nervous too, and it’s completely normal if you feel a little uncomfortable at first. Your crush might actually find it cute. When you see your crush in person, don’t be afraid to say hello and ask how their day is going. Compliment them or ask them a question to keep the conversation going. When you text your crush, ask how their day was and occasionally send emojis and funny pictures to keep things light and fun. Just don’t send too many messages at once before they reply, or you might seem desperate. When things are going well with your crush, ask him if he would like to meet up sometime. You can ask them out for dinner or see a movie, or you can keep things casual and invite them to hang out with you and your friends. For more tips on how to let your crush know you like them, read on!