If Dumper Never Contacts You? All Answers

Are you looking for an answer to the topic “if dumper never contacts you“? We answer all your questions at the website https://chewathai27.com/ppa in category: https://chewathai27.com/ppa/blog. You will find the answer right below.

Table of Contents

What if the dumper goes no contact?

The psychology of no contact on dumper is a coping mechanism to help you think hard about what went wrong and how you could be a better person and a potentially better partner to the next person who will come along. Instead of thinking about your ex, you have to focus on self-improvement and healing.

Should Dumpee ever contact dumper?

Today we’re going to talk about if the dumpee should ever contact the dumper after a breakup. The quick and short answer: Yes, in fact I’d encourage it but only if a certain set of criteria is met. And that’s what this article is about, showing you the criteria in which the dumpee should contact the dumper.

Does no contact work for the dumpee?

Below are the following situations where you can break no contact as the dumpee, You are in a limited no contact rule. A legitimate emergency occurs. An ex wants to rekindle things.

How long does it take for a dumper to regret?

The timeframe of these stages varies from person to person, and odds are, your ex may need months before they arrive at the final one in which they start to miss you so much that they reach out. Nevertheless, here’s what you can expect in each stage of dumpers remorse.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Dumpers regret is the rest of love. It’s an emotion your ex feels when they break up with you but later regrets it. And even though your ex feels that emotion, you increase your chances of getting it back, but it doesn’t guarantee it will happen.

Another important aspect of dumper regret is that it doesn’t carry the same characteristics as a typical emotion. Unlike anger or sadness, it doesn’t show up right away. Instead, it slips subtly and gradually into a person’s consciousness – in stages.

And while these stages, let’s call them the regret stages, don’t develop the same way in every situation because every breakup is different, they do follow a somewhat predictable pattern that I see over and over again.

Below, I present this pattern by describing each stage of a dumper’s regret and answering some of the most pressing questions on the subject. But consider the psychology of dumper regret first, because understanding it can help you avoid making unnecessary mistakes that could sabotage your chances of getting your ex back.

The Psychology of Dumper Remorse

If your ex just left you, you need to understand that you’re probably on completely different sides of the interest spectrum: your interest is at an all-time low and yours is at an all-time high. In other words, you want them back and they don’t want to be around you.

Sure, if they feel even a bit of pangs of conscience, they can side with you on the interest rate scale. But until that happens, you have to give them what they want: space.

The worst mistake you can make at any stage of a dumper’s regret is not giving your ex space — aka chasing after them. Chasing can resemble many behaviors, but most commonly it boils down to initiating some form of contact, whether through a text message, a phone call, or in real life.

As a rule, avoid hunting-like behavior at all costs. You will only make your ex more hostile, angry, and bitter toward you, and prevent him from ever reaching the final stage of regret — the stage where he begins to miss you.

Persecutive behaviors make it so difficult to get your ex back because they subcommunicate that you have little worth and have nothing but a desire to rekindle a dead relationship in your life.

I’m sorry, but no one wants to date people like that. They also don’t want a partner whose life revolves around their relationship. They want them to have friends, hobbies, a purpose, a damn life.

You probably couldn’t respect someone who lives their life differently. And that’s your ex’s dilemma when you’re chasing him: the more you do it, the less he respects you.

If you overdo it with chasing, you might even think things like, “I can just call my ex and come back with him,” or “I’m thrilled to be dating all these wonderful people, but I can also have my ex whenever I can.” want. Great, I can have my cake and eat it too!”

You don’t want your ex to get these trains of thought because they will only make him lose even more respect for you. And when their respect for you is completely exhausted, they will never reach the final stage of dumper’s remorse. Instead, they will get over you, and at that point getting them back becomes impossible.

And if that’s not a good reason to leave your ex alone, consider this: your ex probably dumped you because you kept chasing after him – that’s the unfortunate case for most of my readers. So how will doing more of the same shit lead to a different result?

Spoiler alert: it won’t.

No matter what stage of regret your ex is in, give them space (see: the no contact rule). Let him feel his emotions without unnecessary and irritating interference. Let her start missing you and regret her decision on her own terms. Let them come back to you at their own pace.

The Stages of Dumper Remorse

So this will probably suck. The time frame of these stages varies from person to person, and chances are it may take your ex months to get to the last one where they miss you so much that they reach out. However, here’s what to expect at each stage of the dumpers’ regret.

Level 1: Certainty

At first, your ex is sure that he left you and therefore feels little to no remorse. This certainty is caused and reinforced by many different factors, but for the most part the most influential are: relationship length, relationship type, the number of mistakes you’ve made after the breakup, and your level of maturity.

Relationship Length: Was your relationship serious and long or was it an affair? Example: It’s easier to feel little to no regret and a lot of certainty about your decision when leaving someone you’ve been with for three weeks than it is with someone you’ve been with for more than 10 years.

Relationship Type: Was your relationship fraught with abuse, manipulation, lies, cheating (see: Toxic Relationships), or was it healthy and filled with honesty, trust, and respect? Example: It’s easier to feel little to no regret and a lot of certainty about your decision when you dump someone who fucked your best friend and lied about it than someone who just wanted a little too much attention occasionally.

Post Breakup Mistakes: Have you made many post breakup mistakes or not? Example: It’s easier to feel little to no regret and a lot of certainty about your decision when you leave someone who’s been stalking you and begging you to come back than someone who accidentally liked one of your 2015 Instagram photos.

Maturity Level: Are you an independent, self-sufficient, mentally resilient, and emotionally healthy person with a life outside of your relationships, with clear goals and ambitions? Example: It’s easier to feel little to no regret and a lot of certainty about your decision when leaving someone who is a slacker, doesn’t speak up and is a failure in life than someone who is the opposite.

Stage 2: Relief

Regardless of what happened in your relationship, the main motivation behind your ex moving on is because he was too stressed and unhappy about it – he was too stressed and unhappy with you.

So it’s only natural that they now feel relieved that they are out of this relationship. In fact, they often feel so relieved that they become completely unrecognizable.

A quiet and holy ex might just happen to become the biggest slut in town, bouncing from one sweaty orgy to another. A sinful ex might accidentally decide to double down on their purpose in life, let go of their old fuckboy life, and mature into a more rounded and stable individual.

Generally speaking, the more outlandish and unexpected behavior your ex engages in, the more relieved he is likely to be that he broke up with you. Therefore, the dumpers feel less remorse.

And to be fair, it’s not like your ex was keen on breaking up; They just felt like they had to do it — especially when they were avoidant, for whom independence, freedom, and space are like air, and closeness and intimacy are like plugging a tail into a socket.

Stage 3: Enthusiasm

After the relief comes the high spirits or “finally free” feeling. Your ex is happy and feels like they can do whatever they want, whenever they want without consequences. And if you’ve been a controlling and obsessive partner, you may feel even more high than usual and, as a result, have even more new experiences.

Your ex can go to strange places that he has never been interested in before. You can date people from social groups and subcultures radically different from your own. You can experiment with new styles of clothes and haircuts. You can try unusual hobbies that you have never heard of. The list goes on and on.

There are many similarities in your ex’s behavior during the exhilaration and relief phase of dumper regret (some experts even consider it a phase.) All of these behaviors point to one thing: rediscovery. Your ex essentially finds himself again.

During this phase of dumper regret, be sure to remain as realistic as possible and not take your ex’s behavior too seriously. They don’t necessarily mean they’re having a great time. Nor do they think that they are still suffering.

Most of the time the truth is buried somewhere in the middle. Your ex may feel at peace but at the same time still nurture some level of regret and other feelings of love towards you.

Stage 4: Comparison

After your ex’s crush, comes the comparison. During this phase of dumper remorse, they will begin to compare you to their dates and affairs, leading them to behave in various ways that convey interest.

For example, they might start reviewing your social media activity, blocking and unblocking you, and generally thinking about you more. You can also start revisiting places you’ve been together as a couple and reminiscing about all the good times you’ve shared – partly to remember the past, partly to grieve.

The reason why your ex starts exhibiting such behaviors is because he gets curious. And if you’ve given them plenty of room to be curious, they’ll eventually become even more realistic about your relationship. They will figure out where they went wrong, where you went wrong, and slowly start to lose their anger and resentment towards you.

For example, you might think, “My ex was really insecure when I was away, but he also worked with a therapist on these issues. I shouldn’t tease him so much.” Or, “My ex was usually too anal when it came to having a spotless apartment, but she was also understanding and compassionate when I left her in the mess.” I shouldn’t be so mad at her.”

Stage 5: Nostalgia

After your ex has reveled in heartwarming memories, compared you to the people he’s dating, and maybe decided you’re not as bad a partner as he initially thought, he’ll start feeling nostalgic about himself feel.

As a result, they focus less on the negative aspects of your relationship and more on the positive ones. Think of it as a mild version of “pink glasses syndrome.” (1)

Her nostalgia will even make her feel more connected to you. Finally, nostalgia is defined as an emotion that unites us and connects us to others. (2) (3)

Well, the rate at which your ex feels nostalgic varies. For lack of a better term, they usually start feeling it late in the dumper’s repentance process. And even then, this nostalgia only sets in in short spurts.

But if you give your ex a lot of space, those flare-ups will eventually become more persistent. And after even more time and space, they’ll drive her into the final stages of the dumpers’ regret – regret.

Level 6: Regret

At this stage, a sense of dumper regret will begin to take over your ex’s mind. So it’s only a matter of time before they build enough of it to communicate their newfound interest.

At first they might just react to your social media posts or check out one of your Instagram stories, but later they might send you an unexpected text message or even call you.

However, when they do reach out, they probably won’t be outright saying, “Let’s get back together,” “I still love you,” or “Can I see you this week?” After all, that’s terrifying. They don’t know if you’re angry or disappointed in them and don’t want to risk rejection and embarrassment.

Your ex’s attempts to reconnect will be more nuanced and indirect. They might come out and say something like, “This movie reminded me of the time we…” or “How’s it going? I thought I’d text you.” or “Do you remember the name of the restaurant we ate at on our first date… It was so magical…”

In such cases, learn to read between the lines: your ex makes excuses for you. They’re just looking for a reason to contact you without saying something that’s too emotionally difficult. That’s fine. Don’t hold grudges about it.

Just make sure you ask your ex out after they get in touch. You should make the transition from texting and calling to meeting as quickly (but still naturally) as possible. This greatly increases your chances of getting back together.

Increase your chances of going back to the motherf*cking moon permanently with your ex. With my Radical Re-Attraction course, you’ll learn how to get your ex back in the easiest, most mature, and honest way possible. Including everything it takes to keep them… forever. learn more

(Optional) Dumpers Regret Top Questions 1. How do I create Dumpers Regret? Not you. That’s called emotional manipulation, and only lowlife dipshits do that. You don’t want to be lowlife dipshit, do you? Still, I understand. It’s a fairly popular and enticing idea, obsessively talked about in certain — toxic, in my opinion — forms of ex-back advice. But I want you to act like an adult here. Yes, you could get your ex back faster by creating fake dumper regrets. But keeping them in this case would be a lot harder than getting them back through honesty. And the amount of guilt you would feel after realizing that your revived relationship is a product of sheer manipulation will undoubtedly affect your sanity. 2. Are there signs of remorse from dumpers? Yes, and they are often identical to signs that your ex still loves you. For example, a few characteristic signs of regret look like your ex’s: Giving you an unexpected, random, or drunk text/call.

Responding to one of your social media posts (comment, share, like, etc.).

Asking mutual friends about you (how are you, how is your job going, what is your dating life like, etc.).

Showing signs of jealousy when dating other people.

Apologize to you for what they did.

Bringing up the past hurts.

Constantly hover in your orbit, making it easy to start a conversation. 3. When does dumper remorse set in? You can’t possibly know the answer, and neither can I or anyone else. However, here’s a better idea: instead of trying to pinpoint exactly when your ex’s regrets will set them off, get a life. You know…friends, hobbies, commitments, tacos, sex slaves…stuff like that. Like I said before, the more space you give your ex, the better your chances that he feels enough regret to reach out and get back with you. And there’s nothing better for creating that space than rebuilding a life so full of meaning you forget all about it. 4. Is there an accurate and proven time frame for the dumper’s remorse? There are only estimates, one of them is this article. And I’m not surprised. It would be impossible to create an accurate and proven time frame for the dumper’s remorse, given that the length of each phase of the dumper’s remorse varies from person to person and from relationship to relationship. In general, some dumpers regret their decision to disband just weeks after the incident. It takes other dumpers years to feel this way. And some don’t even reach the final stage of dumper remorse. Instead, they switch to someone else – be it a rebound or not. 5. I feel regret after my rebound. How to get ahead If you got into a rebound relationship and still feel severe regret toward your ex, it’s probably a sign that your rebound is unhealthy and that you haven’t met anyone better than your ex. So, consider to end the relationship. Not to run back to your ex, of course. But to create a new way to meet someone better than your ex — someone who won’t make you feel regrets about being with them.

Stop hoping your ex will feel remorse

Whether your ex feels so much regret that you manage to get back together or so little that you never hear from them again, things will get better.

Your peace of mind, confidence, pride, purpose, and hope can all be saved. You can always build a new you from the ashes of the old. you can be happy again As cheesy as it sounds, you already have everything you need within you.

But before you can do that, you need to stop hoping your ex will feel remorse. Actually stop reading about dumper regrets. Let this be your first step to getting her back and generally having a good life.

And no, you don’t have to “do more research”. It’s no longer research you’re doing anyway; it is intellectualization.

You are anxious and scared and worried about your future, so subconsciously you try to suppress those feelings and escape them by uncovering new information about dumper regrets, their stages, psychology and schedule through mindless research. (4)

You don’t have to do this. It’s time to stop. An article on the subject will suffice. Now just leave it. Your sanity – and your future self – will thank you.

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. With over 8 hours of video, 300 pages of text, and personalized 1-to-1 coaching, I will walk you through every step of the reattachment process from start to finish.

Are dumpers afraid to contact?

In short, I’m of the belief that most dumpers ARE NOT afraid to contact their exes. Instead, they’re simply falling victim to their natural avoidant tendencies which makes most people think they’re afraid of contacting them.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Today I’m putting together a complete guide to explain the ins and outs of dumpers being afraid to contact their exes.

In short, I believe most dumpers are NOT afraid to contact their ex-boyfriends. Instead, they simply fall prey to their natural avoidance tendencies, leading most people to believe they are afraid to contact them.

Now some may read this statement and think,

“But what about a situation where the garbage man just doesn’t want anything to do with his ex?”

I think even in these cases, understanding how avoidant attachment style plays a role can be instructive. Eventually, the dodgers will, well, dodge.

Let’s start!

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

Why Most People Think Dumpers Are Afraid of Contacting an Ex?

They broke up with you. It may have been a few months since the breakup event and in all that time your ex has not gotten back to you.

In fact you reached out a couple of times just trying to be nice and got no response.

It’s like you don’t exist You wonder if your time together meant anything to them.

(It did, don’t worry.)

So what’s going on here? Is your ex afraid of repeating the past?

Why aren’t they talking to you?

Coach Tyler and I recently had a really interesting interview where we discussed the dynamics of dismissive avoidance.

And he said something in the interview that really stuck in my mind.

“Immediately after the breakup, they happily cut off all contact with their ex-partners. You will find that they will completely disappear from the map. In other words, while you apply a no-contact rule to them, they apply one to you. On some rare occasions they will stop by once or twice to check on you and that will be it. You’re out.”

Why do they do that?

Well, it’s all from a core wound. According to the tenets of attachment theory, everyone has an attachment style, but those who have an insecure one are usually based on this core wound idea.

That’s a lot to swallow, so allow me to switch to matrix mode and slow it down for you.

This graphic illustrates the hierarchy of attachment styles.

Notice how all attachment styles fall into two clear categories.

Sure insecure

But actually, we’re looking at the unsafe category in depth here.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

There are three types of insecure attachment styles.

Fearful Repellent Avoidant Fearful Avoidant

I know the terminology gets a little confusing, but I’ll give you a pretty quick cheat sheet. Just by understanding the core wounds of each attachment style, you can learn a lot about their “M.O.”

Anxious Core Wound: Fear of being alone.

So, anxious people are often triggered during a breakup because their worst fear has just come true.

Repelling Avoidant Core Wound: Fear of losing their independence.

look at this graphic,

That pretty much sums up my entire theory about dismissive avoidance. They are caught between the paradox of desperately craving deep love and not wanting anyone to exploit their independence.

(Side note: I don’t want to get too deep into the core wounds of fear avoiders because it’s basically a combination of both.)

By understanding this basic principle about dismissive avoidants, you can learn a lot about why they are so distant after they break up with you.

In their minds, they just broke free from the relationship. They also have these preconceived notions about you and don’t want to rehash any of them.

So after they leave you, they end up finding it easier not to reach out to you at all.

Some may read this as fear and maybe that’s a little bit true, but I think for most avoidant dumpers it’s just more convenient not to talk to you because they don’t want more self-inflicted trauma.

Which brings me to my next point.

Why I Believe Avoidant Dumpers Will Eventually Be Overwhelmed by Nostalgia

I am a dismissive avoidant.

Take the test here to find out your attachment style.

Although I’m pretty confident, I definitely avoid things when I should just go head-on.

(IM working on it.)

But I’m getting off topic. I’ve found that most avoidances are eventually overcome by nostalgia. It’s a concept I talk about a lot in this video,

After stumbling across research and studying our success stories, I noticed an interesting trend.

When our clients moved away from their exes, the exes came back into the picture.

Doesn’t sound revolutionary, does it?

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

But what’s really interesting is that we know that pure avoidant exes tend to get overcome with nostalgia when they feel safe to crawl around their ex.

They usually don’t feel safe until a few things have happened.

You have completely left them behind. They have left you behind. A lot of time has passed

Avoidant people fall prey to phantom ex syndrome, something I’ve talked about a lot on this site.

The perfect setup for them is to covet a relationship with someone they literally don’t have to commit to.

Has this ever happened to me as a dismissive avoidant?

Why yes, it has.

My true life story of breakup nostalgia

I broke up with my ex after dating her for nine months. I would classify the relationship as similar to a shooting star.

Parts were filled with excitement and new experiences, but ultimately those memories were fleeting.

Most of the relationship consisted of arguments between the two of us. Eventually I had enough.

And that’s how I broke up with her. About text no less, pretty lame right?

Months go by and I literally didn’t even want to talk to her. Eventually, I associated them with nothing but pain.

Then something funny happened. nostalgia happened. Looking back, I totally fell victim to the peak-end rule.

If you’re unfamiliar, the peak-end rule is this psychological concept that studies memory. Essentially, it states that people remember experiences based on two distinct points.

The peak experiences The end of the experience

I started to remember those exciting moments of our time together. Sure, we may have argued a lot, but the way I felt at certain moments in the relationship was second to none. I started to fixate on it, and that’s when the nostalgia kicked in for me in a pretty intense way.

So much so that I decided to make a grand gesture to try and restart the relationship.

Here was my plan.

Wake up early

Drive to her college

Find her Talk to her

win her back

(A little context: During the relationship, I showed up early to spend extra time with her before she went to class.)

Of course, there were a few problems with my plan. Because I had no idea how to find her. I had no idea what her schedule was. We were separated for a long time. I knew she was still in school.

But I would find out everything out there. It was an impromptu plan.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

And remembers the interview I did with Coach Tyler. Here’s what he has to say about nostalgia:

Many ex-boyfriends we deal with seem to go through this aggressive rapprochement phase, where they get in touch with you seemingly out of the blue to reconsider things.

Often this happens because nostalgia takes over and you become anxious for a moment.

So what happened to me and my ex? Well, I basically made the exact plan.

I left very early and woke up at 5am. I got in my car, drove to college and waited for class to start.

I’ll wait there, look for her.

Hours pass and I start to feel like a creep. I haven’t found her and am just walking around aimlessly.

“What am I doing?” I finally said to myself and got in my car and drove away.

What you can take away from my story

There are two main morals in my story.

Avoidant individuals will eventually have a period of nostalgia

Sometimes that nostalgia can happen quickly and out of the blue.

I personally see this being a common occurrence when coaching individuals, especially avoidant ex-partners.

It just so happens that many ex-clients of our clients are avoidant by nature.

Let me know if you have any first hand experience with this in the comments below.

Until next time!

Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee?

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming. In all though, yes, there’s a high likelihood that the dumper will miss the ex at some point.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Play Podcast Episode Playing

Today I want to examine exactly when the dumper can start missing the dumpee.

And really, I think there are three specific things to address on this subject.

Answering if the dumper will miss their ex at all after a breakup Understanding how an avoidable self-fulfillment cycle comes into play Manage your expectations of when you can expect a dumper to miss you

So if you’re ready to understand the psychology of a dumper, then let’s just get started right away.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

Does the dumper even miss his ex?

It wouldn’t be a Chris Seiter article without me saying something controversial. So, let’s just get that out of the way.

If you give your ex enough space, in most cases he will miss you at some point.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you.

For some, the “missing feeling” can be fleeting. For others, everything is complicated.

All in all, yes, there is a high possibility that the dumper will miss the ex at some point.

Is there ever a scenario where a dumper doesn’t miss an ex?

This is where things can get a little complicated, because again, the answer is yes.

A few weeks ago I did an interview with one of the ex-recovery coaches, Dr. Tyler Ramsey, and we talked about the main stages a Meidemann will go through after a breakup.

He said something incredibly revealing.

He essentially argued that as long as the dumper isn’t overwhelmed by his fearful side, if he gives enough room for a fearful evasive maneuver, he’s likely to be hit with those bouts of nostalgia.

If you are unfamiliar with the concept of avoidant nostalgia, I highly recommend reading this article and watching this video.

In short, the video argues that nostalgia overwhelms all avoiders when they feel that their ex-partner has walked away from them.

Only then do they feel safe enough to “miss” them.

Of course, what if the dumpee never gives the dumper that space?

What if the dumpee tries to “fix” the relationship to the point of becoming overbearing for the dumper?

In this case, the dumper is then thrown back into the trauma of the breakup and ultimately wants to avoid you.

So, oddly enough, if you can’t gain emotional control, YOU can be responsible for your ex not missing you after a breakup.

Crazy, right?

But there’s another complication that I think is important to bring to the fore, and that concerns gender differences in dealing with breakups.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

Understand the different ways men and women deal with breakups

I’m only bringing this up because over 90% of our clients are female and many of them have a disconnect when it comes to understanding what’s going on in the minds of their exes.

Well you can be a man reading this and that’s fine. Still, I encourage you to listen carefully because it will help you educate yourself about the biggest misconception most people have about breakups.

Ok, our Head Coach Anna Gonowon wrote this really amazing post on our Facebook group where she basically analyzes how men and women deal with breakups.

The general stereotypes are what you would expect.

Women “are all broken about it”.

Men seem fine.

BUT what does the research say?

Well, oddly enough, they kind of support that. According to coach Anna,

However, men feel depressed and express it. In the same study, men reported more feelings of anger and tended to engage in more self-destructive behavior than women. In comparison, women tend to feel more depressed and engage in more social, relational behaviors than men. Women’s behavior could be viewed as more constructive strategies due to their tendency to maintain the relationship, while men choose destructive strategies to maintain their own self-esteem.

But here’s the thing. There’s more to it than you think. I quote again Anna,

So maybe the real story should go like this:

Boy and girl meet.

Boy tells girl he loves her.

There is nobody but her.

But at some point the boy says: “It’s not you, it’s me. Let’s be friends.”

The boy changed his Facebook status to “single” and filled his Instagram feed with photos of himself partying with women he’d never seen before.

Meanwhile, the girl breaks down and tells her friends how unfair it is that he’s already out of the relationship while she’s busy analyzing every little thing that she could have been doing wrong for months, maybe even years.

But the boy is falling apart too – he just doesn’t show or tell anyone. It sucks for both boys and girls, just in different ways.

And it’s probably worse for him, but he’ll never tell you because he’s not allowed to.

So what does all this have to do with a dumper missing you?

Well, assuming your dumper is a male, it’s entirely possible that there’s an internal struggle going on that you’re not even aware of because they’ve become so adept at covering it up.

They read their silences as if they weren’t at all broken about the breakup as the inferno within them consumes them.

And I think it’s all rooted in attachment styles.

Understand the cycle of avoidable self-fulfilment

I know I say this in pretty much every article I write these days, but that’s only because it’s so relevant to most of our customers.

Statistically, most of our clients go through breakups with exes who are avoidant.

What does that mean?

Well, I’m just referring you to the definition from my world’s favorite attachment site, Free To Attach,

People with avoidant attachment tend to distance themselves emotionally from their partner.

They generally distance themselves emotionally from their partners when they feel they are losing their independence.

And that goes back to something that our own Dr. Ramsey calls the Core Wound.

According to him, every attachment style has a core wound. Those with an avoidant style usually have a core wound centered around the loss of independence.

They are afraid to commit because they feel like they are losing their independence in a relationship.

We can spend all day talking about trigger points and things like that, but I want to get straight to the point.

What does the avoidant attachment style have to do with missing a fool?

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

Well, believe it or not, understanding the stages an avoidant partner goes through during a relationship cycle can help you understand when they’re going to miss you.

And for that, we need to revisit a personal concept I’ve developed that I like to call the avoidant self-fulfillment cycle.

Dig deeper into the avoidance cycle of self-fulfilment

Look at this graphic.

That’s what I like about the avoidant self-fulfillment cycle, and before you ask me if it’s true of “all avoidances,” I’ll say it’s not.

No “cookie cutter” can ever encompass everything perfectly, but in general I’ve seen this continue to impact all avoidant attachment styles as a whole.

Yes, that means if your ex is a fearful or dismissive avoidant, they can go through these phases.

After all, the whole point of the avoidant self-fulfilment cycle concept is that the avoidant is caught in this cycle that goes from relationship to relationship.

How no contact affects your ex?

Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone’s ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Breakups can be one of life’s toughest experiences, especially when you’re the person being left. It can really register in one’s mind as a loss that can bring a lot of heartache. If you’ve experienced a breakup, you may feel urges to harbor feelings of betrayal or disregard. A breakup can challenge a lot of things for most people, things like their worth, attractiveness, and overall self-image. It is important that this loss is not internalized or projected as it is your fault, although it was probably not your fault. By adhering to the no contact rule, a person could manifest their ex back without having to go through the various stages of grief.

Sometimes people break up with their significant other simply out of frustration. It may not even be that they don’t want you anymore. They honestly couldn’t know how to deal with overwhelming emotions. Therefore, escaping seems like the easier option for them. Nevertheless, this is not yet acceptable. A person who claims to appreciate you should be able to communicate their feelings effectively, or at least ask for time to gather their thoughts.

In other scenarios, a person may not yet realize your worth. Or they feel like you will always be an option for them to go back to. This is essentially the point of the no contact rule. Some people may be wondering, “No contact working?”. Although every ex is different, the no contact rule increases the likelihood that your ex will miss you and want to come back. Essentially, it will show them that you are not available to them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live. This independence will likely ignite a fire among them and make them want you even more.

How does no contact work?

The 30-day no contact rule requires you to stay out of contact with your ex. This means that you cannot answer or send text calls or phone calls to your ex. This disconnect and radio silence can last anywhere from 30 days, 60 days, or a few weeks without contact with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. If you are away from your ex for a long time, they will miss your presence and long to hear your voice. If an ex contacts you before the 30-day no-contact rule is up, you should still not break the no-contact cold turkey. This could give them the impression that you are always available, even if they decide to leave you. By not being in a hurry to communicate with them, it sends a clear message that you are choosing to spend time doing other things and that you are your top priority.

Should I call my ex?

no As much as it hurts not to communicate with your ex, it’s important not to break this no-contact rule. As time goes by when you don’t talk to your ex, you might feel a little discouraged about whether it’s working or not. You may be thinking in your head, “No contact working?”. However, you should not harbor these doubts. Your ex will probably wonder why you haven’t reached out to them yet and may start to regret their decision. So be strong and hold on while you can.

How to deal with:

Going without contact with an ex can add to the pain of dealing with the initial breakup. Every morsel of your being can be convinced that you should reach or reply to a message or take that call. However, the no-contact rule is all about making a statement. This statement and precedent being set shows others that you value yourself very much. Despite this, it’s still natural to crave attention and lust after your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. To make this process a little bit easier, limit yourself to any interaction with your ex. This includes not obsessing over them. Some people have a habit of stalking their ex’s social media page to see what they’re up to. This secret surveillance can only add to your sense of missing her and also add to resentment. So it’s probably best for you to take a break from social media. Seeing pictures of them online could probably trigger old emotions and nostalgia.

You can also delete pictures you have of them to stop you scrolling through the “good old days”. It’s like opening an old wound while it tries to heal. Therefore, it is best for you to focus only on yourself during this process. This might be easier for those in long distance relationships as they are very unlikely to meet their ex. For those whose ex lives in their neighborhood, you should probably find other businesses to visit to avoid meeting your ex. This gives you the opportunity to broaden your horizons, visit new places and meet new people.

Speaking of new people, another way to deal with this is to date someone new. Just because things aren’t working out with someone else doesn’t mean you’re not wanted. You don’t have to date with the intention of entering into another relationship. However, they meet to simply enjoy someone else’s company and have fun! You still owe it to yourself to live your life. That’s why it’s a perfect time to pursue new hobbies and focus on your personal goals. The more you focus on yourself, the easier it becomes to successfully break the no contact rule.

Does no contact work after a breakup?

Does No Contact Work After You and Your Ex Breakup? Well, the answer is that this varies from person to person. However, it shows the other party that you are not ready to be the pursuer in this scenario. This can frustrate the other person, who may have been expecting you to chase them, to the point where they start chasing you. It may take a little longer for the person to come right back after a breakup if they have high hopes that you’ll be the first to reach out. Then it becomes a waiting game. However, you don’t have to attend or wait for them to contact you. You should intentionally give them more time before responding to them.

Does he miss me when there is no contact?

Your absence will speak volumes as your ex faces the reality of their decision to break up with you. Some people break up because they feel like you’re a convenience to them since you seem like they’re always available. If you’ve broken up with this person in the past, they may see a pattern in your willingness to accept them back. Some people subconsciously take love or forgiveness for granted. If you don’t communicate with your ex, they will miss you even more because it’s like going off the grid. Suddenly, they realize that they can’t come back into your life as easily as before, which will make them appreciate your presence and contribution to the relationship that much more. Unfortunately, some people don’t see what they have until it’s gone, or at least looks like it.

Signs that the 30-day no-contact rule is working

If you’re wondering whether or not the no contact rule is working, then there are some telltale signs to look out for. Your ex might start acting differently towards you, or you might find out from mutual friends that they miss you. Here are some things to look out for to know if the no contact rule is working and if your ex is missing you.

1.) Obsessive

You get dozens of text messages from your ex wondering what you’re up to and if the two of you can talk. They might send you a long paragraph expressing their deepest feelings and desires for you. Obsessive behavior can also occur online if you have a social media account. You may subscribe one day and find that they like all your recent pictures. Or you may also get frequent back-to-back calls from them, with voice messages insisting on working things out.

2.) Fear

They can be a bit more moderate in communication when they approach you. This shows that they get the message and value you more. If they seem to walk on eggshells when communicating, it’s because they don’t want to miss an opportunity with you and want to play it safe. They’re afraid of losing you again. Fear can also cause them to rush back to you as over time they can see you entertaining other suitors.

3.) Sincerity

Your ex will be more open about their feelings. You don’t have to strain yourself to get information out of them. They will be willing to let you get closer.

4.) Reciprocity

Because they value you more, they will make sure to reciprocate the time and energy you give them. You see that you are not co-dependent, nor are you willing to overwhelm yourself with them. So now they face the situation and make sure the relationship is give and take.

Do you need help with your ex? Contact me for one to one coaching or check out this online course The No Contact Contract.

Comments

What does the dumper go through?

The dumper and the dumpee, both go through pain, anxiety, fear of loss, jealousy, hate, and reconsideration through different stages. That’s why during the No contact the dumper and the dumpee swap the feelings interchangeably.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

During the no contact rule, have you ever wondered when exactly your absence and the breakup hit the trash can?

It depends on the person. How he or she will endure and respond to the breakup.

A dumper might go from being satisfied with their decision to feeling fear and loneliness, feeling angry, questioning their decision, not knowing what they want, and learning to deal with reality.

When does the split hit the tipper? Some may realize they want you back once they’ve been away from you for a period of time. While some accept the reality that you may have already moved on.

The best way to deal with this type of situation is to focus on yourself and wait for the right moment to react.

Let’s take a closer look at three main stages before a dumper goes through the stages of separation:

Pre-breakup phase: A dumper will at some point consider ending the relationship before breaking the news to you. It takes time for your ex to find the courage, the moment, and the reason to say it.

Your ex starts this because he or she has lost attraction, doesn’t feel for you anymore, or wasn’t happy with you at the time.

Because of this, your ex starts nagging and finds even the smallest thing mad at you.

When your ex decides to break up with you: That’s the point in your relationship when you start to feel like things aren’t going well.

Every little thing you do will upset your partner and then you find yourself in the middle of an argument.

Post Breakup: This is the moment when you both go through different things. You both feel and express things differently.

At first you are confused and overthinking things and your self-worth. If you choose No Contact, the tide will turn. You will redeem yourself while your ex will question their decision.

What’s more painful, being dumped or being the dumper?

Well, that’s a controversial subject. These two are two different approaches from each other. The dumper and the dumpe both go through different stages of pain, fear, fear of loss, jealousy, hate and overthinking.

Therefore, during the no-contact, the dumper and the dumpee take turns exchanging feelings.

The dumper goes from avoidant to fearful:

Usually, at first, a dumper is full of energy to move on, change things, and get you out of their life.

Therefore, the dumper tries to cut all ties with you and avoids you not having any advances at all.

Later, through the final stages, the dumper will switch from avoidant mode to fearful one.

As the dumpee transitions from fearful to avoidant:

The fool starts out feeling anxious, clingy, needy, desperate, confused, and worthless.

But when the dumpee starts using the no contact rule, he or she regains the strength to have a stable mindset and move out of that disconnect.

Then the dumpee won’t be so anxious during this process. Now the dumpee is avoidant and that is the moment when the dumpe knows he/she no longer has your attention.

Here are 8 emotional stages the dumper goes through during the no contact rule:

1. Wants to be left alone and feels like breaking up is the best decision

Both sexes are initially relieved and do not want to be begged or begged for. They want to enjoy the freedom that is given to them.

However, the difference between men and women comes down to women when they don’t want to be begged to come back but have that feminine urge deep in the first few weeks that feels like they still need to be pursued.

What to do at this stage: Don’t be overly clingy and needy because that will push your ex away. Try to focus on your needs and create a stable mindset by taking your mind off your ex.

You can do this by hanging out with your friends or family, choosing a new hobby, attending more games or other social activities, reading more, listening to music, and clearing your mind.

2. Now your ex is elevated to the “single” life

I know it’s hard to swallow this information if you’re the fool, but…

After asking to distance himself from you, the dumper is quite content with being single and doesn’t think about seeing other people. Right now, at this stage, you are not a part of his life and thoughts.

What to do at this stage: Avoid eating chocolate and crying! That is not accepted here.

You fool can continue the process of boosting your self-esteem by focusing on your job. Keep a journal and write down what your bad and good qualities are, how to fix those mistakes, and open your heart to new friends and family members.

3. Starts worrying and wondering what you’re up to

The part where the dumbass worries about why you’re so distant and no longer needy is that moment when the breakup is just starting to hit your ex.

It depends on the type of person and how the dumper reacts to their decisions and breakup. However, this stage usually occurs in the fourth week or after.

What to do at this stage:

During this phase, the dumper feels an urge to know what you’re doing and may ask your mutual friends to find out about you.

Now your ex feels left out, so that person is reconsidering to see what you’re up to.

Don’t be tempted, just proceed with contact blocking as you still need a little time to fix things.

4. Fear and loneliness become part of your ex’s life

This is where the effects of grief, loneliness and unwantedness hit the dumper.

This is what happens when the dumper remembers what kind of loving or strong relationship you had, how you made him a good person, maybe his recovery fails or he feels lonely for a moment.

This avoidant person is now feeling nostalgic, angry, and missing the bond they shared with you.

What to do at this stage: The dumper might start liking your photos, commenting on your posts, or even interacting with you on social media or via text.

But things are different for you at the moment. If you feel like things aren’t messed up for you now at this stage, then don’t feel pressured to connect yet.

5. Begins to question the decision to break up with you

The moment the dumper asks that this person made a big mistake by breaking up with you, he/she realizes that you can be alone and maybe move on.

Well, this creates some kind of confusion in your ex’s mind, but at the same time, as a fool, you’ve started to see your ex and the relationship from a different angle.

What to do at this stage: It depends on how you ended things, but at this point the dumper might try to send direct or indirect messages to you to see if there’s still a chance. Now you are at the end of the recovery process.

It is up to you whether you feel like reconnecting with your ex or not.

6. Has a different opinion of you

The dumper is super duper curious about you.

Now that you’ve been completely distant with the dump truck and haven’t boosted their ego by pursuing them, this person will feel differently about you. The dumper finds you more attractive and interesting and wants to be close to you.

That doesn’t happen in a jiffy. It takes time. This may hit some dumpers after a month, but it takes longer for someone. That it depends on the bond and relationship you had also depends on the type of person.

What to do at this stage: If your ex reaches out to you at this stage and somehow reconnects with you, don’t resist. To find out if your ex has changed or if things might be different in your relationship now, you might say, I’m open to arguments, but I know things are different now.

7. Feigns acceptance: Tries to convince himself he’s already moved on

After meeting your resistance and silence, after a month or more, the fool will somehow lie to himself that that is all and now that person needs to move on.

The fool feels like you’re gone forever and that he doesn’t stand a chance with you.

What to do at this stage:

If you’re almost over that breakup, offer yourself a chance to meet new people when you’re ready. If not, keep focusing more on yourself and don’t make the same mistakes twice.

8. Face reality and decide to reach yourself or move on

If the relationship was serious and this break helped both the dumper and you feed each other, the dumpee will come back to you to start things over or to be friends.

But if the dumper hasn’t changed or created a new mindset, then maybe that person will come back to you for the occasional sex to boost their ego, fill their emptiness, or just decide not to come back at all.

What to do at this stage:

Don’t make up just because you think that’s for the best in the moment. If your ex is giving you false hope, you’ll realize it the moment you start talking to him again.

What is the dumper’s remorse? Does the dumper always regret his decision?

A dumper’s regret is a dumper who decided breaking up with you was a mistake. If the hauler feels remorse now, he’ll want to contact you.

This does not mean that the dumper always regrets his decision and that it cannot be forced.

The regret of their choices is not based on male or female psychology. It depends on the reason the breakup happened and the nature of the person.

What makes the hauler regret his decision is the realization that he/she didn’t appreciate your dedication and effort enough.

Here’s what a dumper does when he regrets his decision:

1. Looks for ways to get in touch with you: SMS or call you first;

2. interacts with you on social media;

3. Constantly asking about you (your mutual friends or family)

4. Your ex apologizes for the way you felt;

5. Tries to show you that the way they acted was immature and not based on good reason;

6. Your ex shows how much they appreciate you;

7. Asks to hang out;

8. Asks if there is anything he/she can do for you;

9. Remembers good memories;

10. Begins to compliment you and flirt easily;

How does the dumper feel as the dumpee keeps moving during the no contact?

A dumper’s reaction depends on two things: their personality and how they feel about you.

If he didn’t have very strong feelings for you and the relationship didn’t work out: The dumper will feel relieved and happy about you.

If the dumper was a toxic or controlling partner (whether they had strong or weak feelings for you), then that person will be angry and sad at the same time. This is because their low self-esteem will make them all jealous and greedy for no reason.

If the dumper was introverted and had trouble communicating their feelings, then that person will have mixed feelings: the dumper will be sad, regret their decision, and angry at you and at themselves.

If the dumper was emotionally strong and realized that there was no future for either of you, that person will be happy about your new future.

What to do if the dumper wants to be friends with you or rekindle the relationship?

If a fool wants to be friends with you, then check if you want the same thing and why your ex wants to stay that way.

Some ex-boyfriends want to stay friends because they need your presence as a friend and don’t see an opportunity to work on the relationship.

Others want to be friends with you for a chance to have a friend of advantage, or keep you as a plan b if they can’t find someone better.

1. If you think you still have feelings for your ex, more than just a friend, then don’t go into this deal. It will hurt you more and prevent you from moving on.

2. If the dumper has confirmed that he just sees you as a friend and wants to keep going and you feel the same way, do it. Don’t lose it if it could work as a good friendship.

3. If the dumper wants to call you back, see if your ex has rebuilt trust.

4. See if the two of you are ready to get back together, if it’s only partially then getting back together won’t work.

5. If you’re both clear now and see new ways in which your relationship will work, then give it a try.

FAQ: Will the dumper regret the decision to break up with me?

1. How long does it take for the dumper to overcome the separation?

It depends on the length of the relationship and the type of bond you had.

But usually the moment the dumper regrets his or her decision is when he or she realizes that she is no longer a part of your life. In most cases between one and six months during the contact ban.

2. How do fools feel when they bump into their ex weeks after the breakup?

Every dumper behaves differently. Because the cycle of grief can affect different men and women.

One may feel hurt, happy to see you again, can’t help but be around you, mad at you, jealous of you, “I’m hurt but glad I broke up with you”. Your ex thinks they’ve moved on now and are turning a new page!

3. Who goes faster? The dumper or the dumpee?

If the dumper is the one who initiated the breakup, that doesn’t mean a dumper will move on faster than a dumpee.

It all depends on why the breakup happened and what kind of attachment you have to the breakup. You could see it as a way to have a better partner in the future, you could see it that he or she might never find someone like him.

While the mood changes from day to day and others try to avoid the pain.

To wrap things up, how do guys and girls deal with the breakup when they’re the tipper?

The reaction is the same for men and women when dealing with a breakup.

The difference depends on the person and how they deal with the breakup and face the consequences.

Remember that in the end we are all human. Feelings, mistakes and emotions will haunt everyone the same!

Be yourself and don’t be afraid to open your heart again!

How long does no contact take to work on a dumper?

Some experts recommend you make the length of no contact 7 days, some suggest 21, some 30, some 60, and others insist on making it 90 days. And after the X-day mark is over, they encourage you to reach out to your ex.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

https://maxjancar.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/The-No-Contact-Rule.mp3 Click play to listen to this article.

The no contact rule, or in layman’s terms, cutting your ex out of your life, is the basic and most widely used breakup advice. Every blogger and their dog recommend it these days. And for good reasons.

It’s one of the most effective ways to recover from a breakup, grow as a person, take back control of your life, and ultimately put yourself in a position where you have the best chance of getting your ex back — even if you were desperate and needy, or if your ex is a damn stubborn nut.

But despite its blatant popularity, the no-contact rule is also one of the most misunderstood breakup advice. In this article I will shed some light into the darkness. By the end of the reading, you’ll know what the no contact rule is and isn’t, its benefits, intricacies, the psychology behind it, and how to apply it.

So go get some hot cocoa, pour in five shots of whiskey and let’s do this shit.

The no contact rule helps you disconnect from your ex emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It essentially means cutting them out of your life. From now on…

You no longer call, text, or engage in their social media activity (in fact, you silently unfriend and unfollow them).

They don’t go places where you would have a “chance” encounter with them.

You don’t wish them a happy birthday, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever.

They don’t even express their condolences when they lose a family member or dear friend.

You hide every memory of her that is within your control.

They avoid going to places that evoke (or possibly can evoke) painful memories.

You throw everything away or give it back (or at least lend these items/gifts to a friend until you move on).

After you break up, but before you make contact, you should tell your ex that you want him back. The medium through which you express yourself does not matter. You can do this via text, social media, a phone call, or in real life. It also doesn’t matter when your breakup happened or who the dumpee or the dumper is. The important thing is that you communicate your desire for improvement clearly, directly and authentically.

After you have expressed your interest, please note the following:

If your ex is showing any signs of interest, is receptive, or is directly or indirectly suggesting that they want to get back together, ask them out on a date. From there, start repairing your relationship. In this case, no contact is required (see this guide for more information on dating your ex).

If your ex shows little to no interest, isn’t outgoing, or has blocked, ghosted, ignored, or rejected you, end the conversation and start/continue without contact.

Many people confuse the no-contact rule with punishment, gameplay, technology/gimmick, or a magic bullet. The truth is, the no-contact rule is neither of those things. So let’s get that straight.

The no contact rule is not a punishment

You’re not punishing your ex, even if it sometimes feels like it. The only time no contact becomes punishment is when you do it with the aim of hurting or manipulating them into coming back.

A lot of people ask me at this point, “What if my ex gets mad because we don’t talk?” That’s good. It means they’re still emotionally invested in you — a.k.a., not over you. Just be careful: you won’t get very far with someone who is upset. It’s best if you wait for your ex to calm down before attempting to connect with them, even if they get in touch first.

The no contact rule is not gameplay or a technique/gimmick

Silent treatments, power plays, reverse psychology, etc. – no contact is none of these. Also, these things don’t really work, they’re just placebos to help you avoid emotional problems. In addition, they often do more harm than good to your relationships.

Likewise, no contact is no technology or gimmick. The best way to describe it is a positive, empowering, and self-affirming lifestyle you embody—one rooted in self-esteem, self-love, and vulnerability.

The no contact rule is not a magic bullet

Many gurus are promoting the idea of how no contact will solve all your ex back problems. “Just keep in touch and your ex will come crawling back,” they preach. Nonsense.

Here’s the reality: According to a survey I sent to my email subscribers (over 2500 of them) a few months ago, the success rate of the no contact rule is around 60-70% in terms of getting in touch of an ex. And even then, the overall chances of getting your ex back range from a meager 15 to 30 percent, although neither contact works great.

Some experts recommend that you set the no-contact period to 7 days, some suggest 21, some 30, some 60, and others insist on 90 days. And after the X-Day mark is over, they encourage you to reach out to your ex.

I call all these theories bullshit. I don’t believe in temporary contactlessness at all.

First, a temporary no-contact is just an incentive to act desperate and needy. You no longer focus on recovering and growing (the whole point of the no contact rule). You just focus on waiting for the proverbial timer to ring – waiting for those X days to pass so you can finally reach out to your ex.

Newsflash: Your despair will bleed through the interaction you initiated and your ex will be repelled by it.

Second, most people who wanted their ex back were abandoned because of their neediness, which I’ve seen always takes the form of excessive chasing. Well, why would your ex consider getting back together with you when you keep chasing him after the breakup? You are essentially doing the same thing that led to your breakup. They left you because they wanted less of you. So how will giving them more of you turn things around?

Spoilers: it won’t.

Third, it’s just annoying to know that if I leave and turn you down, you’ll be in touch in the next X days and try to get me back: a) it’s predictable (and predictability isn’t attractive), b) it implies you me on a pedestal (and that you think of yourself as less than I do), c) it communicates that you have no self-respect (otherwise why would you be chasing me trying to prove yourself) and d) it tells me that nothing else is going on in your life (and that’s just sad).

Again, these things are a massive turnoff. So here’s a better alternative to the temporary no-contact rule: the indefinite no-contact rule.

The indefinite no-contact rule is the equivalent of walking away and never looking back. That means once your relationship is over, dedicate yourself to personal growth and recovery and let your ex go. It sounds counterintuitive, but letting your ex go is really the most effective way to get him back. The best way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.

Sometimes the classic contact ban is not feasible. Maybe you have kids with your ex, maybe you live together or work in the same office. In these cases you have to resort to the so-called modified no-contact rule.

The difference between Classic and Modified is that in Modified you are “allowed” to contact your ex. However, this contact must be to the point, formal or almost factual, and focus only on the urgent issues.

If you need to discuss who will look after your child on the weekends, discuss it. If there is a housing situation that needs to be fixed, fix it. And if something comes up at work and you need to go through it together, do so. Keep it brief and end the conversation as soon as you reach a mutually beneficial agreement or decision.

The reason for this attitude is to limit your interactions with your ex, especially those that are rooted in emotions. The fewer interactions you have, be it digital or in real life, the faster you can heal, the less needy you become, and the more attractive you will seem.

Unfortunately, the modified no-contact rule has two glaring disadvantages. It requires a higher level of emotional self-control than its classic counterpart, and it’s not nearly as effective for breakup recovery as regular closeness with your ex always tends to reopen your breakup wounds.

But don’t let that stop you from using it. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice. Make the most of what you have.

According to numerous studies, love causes your body to release oxytocin, endorphin, serotonin and dopamine into your brain. Experts refer to these chemicals as The Love Chemicals.

Because of these chemicals, you feel like everything is honeycombs and rainbows when you’ve met someone. And because of them, you feel debilitating pain and agony when you are out of contact. (1)

In fact, if you’re out of touch, The Love Chemicals will cut off your brain, causing you to panic. Now, during your panic moments, you’re dealing with a literal addiction—an ex-addiction. Here are just a few of the behavioral, psychological, and physiological effects: (2) (3) (4)

Burning desire for reconciliation.

possessiveness.

rumination.

Frequent mood swings.

Heavy sweating.

Shaking hands.

pounding heart

emotional dependency.

Inflated sexual desire.

Crippling pain and agony.

Whether or not you are struggling with the consequences of ex addiction listed above, the psychological enemy is always difficult to grasp and overcome. But that difficulty hovers between high and low depending on which side of the breakup you ended up on.

The Psychology of No Contact on the Dumpee

Dumpees will be destroyed in this case. The psychology behind the no-contact rule for them is eerily similar to the psychology of drug addiction.

For starters, they feel more overwhelmed, worried, and anxious when their ex cuts communication with them than dumpers, on average, mostly because they’re rarely prepared for the breakup. Most don’t even see it coming.

They are also the ones who usually (consciously or unconsciously) want to continue talking to, dating, or at least maintaining a friendship with their ex. Unfortunately, their wishes are rarely fulfilled. At worst, her need for closeness makes her ex take advantage of her.

The psychology of contactlessness on the dumper

Dumpers have it easier without contact than dumpes – they move through the separation stages much faster, for starters. Still, there are also many similarities when comparing the experiences of the two.

Dumpers might want their ex back too. They may also be looking for signs that they still have a chance. They may even be okay with starting a “friends with benefits” type relationship, or using a casual friendship as a backdoor into a new, committed relationship.

The only noticeable difference in how dumpers feel when out of touch is that they aren’t typically overwhelmed with emotion like dumpes. But don’t get me wrong, they still suffer.

Do men and women react differently to no contact?

There’s a lot of fanfare about the differences in how no contact affects female and male psychology. But here’s the thing: It’s all a marketing ploy. let me explain.

Many (dishonest) online entrepreneurs tend to create artificial complexity around every problem they solve on purpose in order to address their (potential) customers’ prejudices and frustrations and help them make more money. Here is the cheat code.

Complicate an inherently simple problem + sell a product/service that promises to remove the artificial complexity = profit.

Out of this kind of artificial complexity arises the question “female/male psychology without contact”. In fact, there are no significant differences in how men and women respond to no contact.

Sure, women are more emotional on average, and the lack of contact is a bit more turbulent and chaotic for them, especially at the beginning. And men are, on average, more withdrawn, which means they suffer a lot more than women after a breakup. But that’s really where the differences end.

In fact, from a broader perspective, the similarities that men and women share far outweigh their differences. Or, as I wrote in a previous article, sexual polarity is overrated.

When your ex broke up with you, he’s telling you two things: a) my attraction to you has decreased and b) I don’t want you in my life anymore, at least not in the same capacity as you want me. These things are usually the result of chasing, pleading, and showing a lack of self-esteem. So the dynamic in this case is: your ex has all the power; You do not have.

The no contact rule helps to balance this out. It stops you from chasing, chasing, and pleading — a.k.a. making more unattractive, disrespectful mistakes. And it piques your ex’s curiosity and gives them the freedom to re-choice you at their own pace, making them more likely to miss you and reach out.

Studies show that 40-60% of ex-boyfriends stay in touch after their breakup, and 90% of the time, they get in touch within the first few months afterward. Still, don’t confuse this seemingly positive statistic with the odds of getting back with an ex. They’re still damn low. (7) (8) (9)

Consequently, if your ex contacts you at any point during the non-contact period, the relationship dynamic will shift. At this point, how you proceed is your choice.

Just remember that no contact will help get your ex interested and back in your arms, but it won’t help you keep them, especially in cases where a) your relationship is toxic or b) you are not compatible. That’s what self-improvement is for. And that’s why, for best results, you should always couple contact with self-improvement.

While there are many reasons, below are four that I find to be the most common and important.

No contact reduces intrusive thoughts

But there’s a catch: not touching increases the number of intrusive thoughts your ex has in the short term and only decreases them in the long term. While not having contact can hurt now, it will save you a lot of unnecessary suffering in the future. Nevertheless, it is of course worth it.

No contact reduces negative feelings and attachment

Psychological studies show that when you break off contact with your ex, the frequency and intensity of negative thoughts about your breakup and the sadness and emotional attachment you have to your ex decrease linearly over time. (5) (6)

No contact makes it easier to “find yourself”

The lack of contact makes it much easier to rebuild a shattered identity after a breakup. This makes it easier for you, for example, to reflect on the essentials in your life. And it allows you to make better, and most importantly, clearer choices about what new personal values, beliefs, and sources of meaning to try on, possess, or repress.

No contact helps you see the big picture

First, it allows you to view your loss more soberly and not as a life-ending event. Second, it allows you to see that you don’t need your ex to be happy. You didn’t need them before they came into your life, so you don’t need them now. Third, it makes it easier to improve your self-esteem (which also helps boost self-esteem and reduce stress).

Below is a rough timeline of what you can feel during no contact and when it starts to work so you know what to expect at every step. And while not everyone goes through this exact timeline, I see it again and again with my readers.

After 1-3 weeks without contact

Your feelings are going crazy. You feel shock, shame, fear, anger, sadness, fear and devastation all at the same time.

You also hit on others, contemplating revenge, feeling unworthy, finding it impossible to move on, missing and obsessing over your ex, and struggling with several intense urges to keep in touch.

After a month of no contact

Here it gets easier. Sure, you’re still blaming yourself, criticizing and demeaning yourself and feeling like shit. And you keep coming up with futile ideas to break off contact.

But at least a) you’ll get better at managing your drives and emotions, b) your drives and emotions will decrease and you’ll be able to manage them more easily, or c) a little bit of both.

After two months of no contact

You rarely feel the urge to cut ties, you don’t check your phone every damn second after your ex texts, and you’re open to finding a new partner or a new date. However, it’s still normal to want your ex back at this point, especially if you’ve had a long and serious relationship with them.

In general, the first 30 to 60 days without contact will be a wild ride. But once you do, things get exponentially easier.

After three months without contact

Your confidence and mojo will come back if they haven’t already, and most of your urges to keep in touch will subside. This is also usually the time of rediscovery—a time when your focus shifts from your ex to you (although it’s still normal to want your ex back at this point).

After 4-12 months without contact

This is an acceptance period. Meanwhile, your chances of recovery are pretty damn high. But don’t get me wrong: recovery doesn’t necessarily mean getting over an ex or losing the desire to get back together. It simply means that you are fine and feel like yourself despite being apart.

warning

Your mind will try to fool you if you don’t initiate contact. Not only will it fill you with the urge to cut ties and pull a prank on you, but it will also try to lure you with thoughts like “a message won’t hurt”, “maybe I should just check Instagram posts”, “What if they switch to someone else” or “I still have my ex’s old shirt, maybe I can approach them and see where I stand.”

The aspects of your psyche that affect how fast or slow you move through the non-contact timeline above are as follows.

self worth/worth. If you have low self esteem or self esteem if you don’t start dating it will be a bitch to stick with. To counter the enemy, work to rebuild them. Therapy goes a long way here.

Lifestyle. Ease of staying disconnected is inversely proportional to the quality of your lifestyle. The better your lifestyle, the less emotionally draining no contact will be. The worse your lifestyle, the more emotionally draining no contact will be.

resilience. You can either take your breakup badly, keep rethinking it and judge and persecute yourself for it, or you can counter feelings of rejection and disappointment. The better you take action against it, the easier it will be to have no contact.

Relationship status. If yours was particularly traumatic — for example, you’ve been in an abusive relationship — no contact will be much more difficult, as you’ll also have to deal with healing your trauma during the process.

relationship duration. An obvious one. The longer and more serious your relationship was, the more difficult it becomes to let it go – the longer you have to consciously remain without contact.

previous breakups. No contact will be more difficult and it may take longer to get over a breakup in general if it’s mentally reviving a previous one – or a series of them.

Unforeseen Circumstances. Some examples: separation from a friend or family member, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the bankruptcy of your business.

There are many signs that the no-contact policy is working as it should. Below are the six most noticeable.

Do not report a contact works #1: Your ex contacts you. Whether their contact is in the form of an obnoxious “I miss you and can’t live without you” or the subtle “This thing reminded me of you” is a good indicator that they’re interested again. The only exception is when your ex tries to talk about logistics like kids, shared possessions, housing arrangements, work projects, etc.

Sign no contact works #2: Your ex becomes more responsive after no contact. This is easy to spot. When they don’t take much time to reply to your messages or calls, when they don’t think twice about meeting up with you, or when they unblock you from social media.

No contact sign works #3: Your ex responds quickly and enthusiastically. If you get a series of quick and enthusiastic replies from your ex, it means that probably no contact is working. But this sign is difficult to interpret, since “a series of quick and enthusiastic reactions” is different for everyone. Be careful.

Do not report a contact works #4: Your ex is asking for you. Especially your friends, family and mutual friends. Another sign of piggybacking is when your ex sends their friends to gather information about you through people you know.

Don’t sign a contact works #5: Meeting your ex doesn’t make you anxious. Instead, you are overwhelmed with relaxation and the feeling that you no longer have anything to prove to them, no validation you would expect from them, or any expectations of the encounter.

Don’t sign a contact works #6: Your ex is sharing, directly or indirectly, that he still has feelings for you. That is, they invite you in, accompany you wherever you go, place themselves in your orbit, talk about your future, or tell you openly how they miss you, love you, or want to get back together.

Whether you just haven’t started dating or you’re months old, there are certain things you should never do. Not only will these things prevent you from recovering and growing as a person, but they will sabotage your attempts at recovery. Here you are.

repression/suppression

Suppressing and repressing your emotions means holding them down rather than feeling them fully. The only difference between the two is that when we are suppressing our emotions, we are unconsciously suppressing them, and when we are suppressing them, we are consciously suppressing them.

In either case, the more you do it, the worse you’ll feel and the more mood swings, tantrums, and general irritability you’ll experience while trying to stay out of touch.

escapism

Escapism is when you avoid facing painful feelings and overcome them by indulging in various trivial pursuits or distractions. This could be binge gaming or watching movies, exercising, drinking, shopping, etc. Don’t get me wrong, the occasional distraction isn’t a bad thing, but it’s bad when it happens frequently.

For example, it’s healthy to play video games for a few hours every night to distract yourself. But a two-week, 24/7 video game binge to keep you busy isn’t.

overexpression

Overexpression is another word for lousy emotional management. And god, lousy emotional management shows up in those first few months without contact. It happens to almost everyone. The plot essentially involves venting your negativity and frustration to the point where it becomes suffocating and annoying to the person or people you are interacting with.

seek validation

Seeking validation is essentially seeking validation of something. In your case, this is usually the answer to whether or not your ex still has feelings for you. Well, seeking validation is counterintuitive to not making contact. How are you supposed to cut ties, take care of yourself, mourn your relationship, start healing, and ultimately get your ex back when you’re still nagging them and wanting to get something out of them? It’s a recipe for disaster.

And here’s the worst part: even if you do get some validation, you’ll likely find it falls short of what you expected it to feel like. This is because the validation you actually need now that you are no longer in contact is the validation you receive from you and you alone.

High expectations

Do not expect anything. Pretend your ex doesn’t know until proven otherwise (until he contacts you). Also, don’t fool yourself into thinking that no contact will be easy. It will hurt and sometimes drive you insane. expect it Prepare yourself mentally by imagining the worst-case scenarios and what you would do if one happened.

obsession

Many people obsess over their ex while they are out of touch. It’s safe to say that this is probably the worst thing you can do. It only increases frustration, stress, worry, and anxiety by acting as a catalyst for neediness and self-sabotaging tendencies.

If you find yourself obsessing over your ex (hint: you’ve read at least five other articles on how to get an ex back), remind yourself that it’s bad for your mental health. Remember not to keep in touch. Distract yourself with something else that can pique your interest and keep you engaged—but not to the point where it becomes an escapism, of course.

Immature use of social media

For one, don’t delete social media pictures of you and your ex. This will only leave a bad taste in her mouth and make her see you in a more negative light. And you don’t want that. Instead, pair no contact with a social media detox. At its simplest, this means unfollowing and moving away from your ex and all relatives.

A few other reasons why you should go on a social media detox are if you a) don’t stalk your ex, b) start posting spasmodic, depressing and sad quotes, or c) try to make your ex jealous by posting pictures of attractive people of the opposite sex on your timelines. None of these things end well.

Talk bad about your ex

Simply put, don’t talk about your ex with your friends – especially not with mutual ones. I know you’re emotional right now, but you need to avoid slipping.

No matter how many times friends promise they won’t tell your ex what you said, there’s always a bad actor or two who will. And if or when they do, you can kiss your chances of getting them back goodbye.

avoidance of self-improvement

If you don’t want to take full advantage of a contact, you’ll have to throw self-improvement on top. You can’t just wait and mope for your ex to call. Well, there are many ways to improve yourself. And while I’ve written many articles about it, here are a few pointers.

Meditate and write diary. overcome your fear Increase your self-esteem and self-worth. Develop the courage to be vulnerable. Get good at setting boundaries. Take responsibility for your breakup. Let yourself validate you, not your ex. Respect and love yourself because no one else will do it for you.

Im Allgemeinen ist es am besten, wenn Sie nicht mit Ihrem Ex sprechen und einfach bei keinem Kontakt (modifiziert oder klassisch) bleiben, unabhängig von den Umständen. Aber was ist in besonderen Fällen wie dringenden Ereignissen, Notfällen oder Zwischenfällen? Bedeutet das Ausstrecken dann, dass Sie keinen Kontakt abgebrochen haben oder nicht?

Nun, um herauszufinden, ob eine bestimmte Handlung gegen die Kontaktverbotsregel verstößt, verfeinern Sie Ihre Absichten – waren sie bedürftig oder nicht bedürftig?

Wenn Ihr Ex Ihnen zum Beispiel zum Geburtstag gratuliert hat und Sie sich mit einem Dankeschön geantwortet haben – weil es einfach eine nette Geste ist – haben Sie den Kontakt nicht abgebrochen. Hinter Ihrer Aktion stand eine nicht bedürftige Absicht, und sie hat höchstwahrscheinlich nicht den Fortschritt bei der Wiederanziehung beeinflusst, den Sie bis jetzt gemacht haben.

Wenn Ihr Ex Ihnen jedoch alles Gute zum Geburtstag gewünscht hat und Sie dies als Gelegenheit genutzt haben, um verzweifelt zu versuchen, ihn zu zwingen, zu schmeicheln, zu manipulieren oder zu überzeugen, Ihnen eine weitere Chance zu geben, haben Sie keinen Kontakt abgebrochen. Hinter Ihrer Aktion stand eine bedürftige Absicht, und sie hat höchstwahrscheinlich Ihren Fortschritt bei der Wiederanziehung beeinflusst.

Wenn Sie jemals keinen Kontakt abbrechen, machen Sie kein Aufhebens darum. Einfach neu starten. Sicher, es ist scheiße, dass du deine Serie verloren hast und jetzt eine neue beginnst, aber was auch immer du getan hast, bevor du den Kontakt abgebrochen hast, ist keine Verschwendung.

Wir alle geraten in den Bullshit, etwas perfekt zu machen. Doch so entfaltet sich die Realität in 99 % der Fälle einfach nicht. Sie werden Fehler machen, manche größer, manche kleiner. Akzeptiere das. Und anstatt sich darüber aufzuregen, solltest du in Betracht ziehen, von ihnen zu lernen.

Versuchen Sie, die Dinge zu erkennen, die dazu beigetragen haben, dass Sie keinen Kontakt abgebrochen haben, und schränken Sie sie möglicherweise in Zukunft ein.

Wenn Sie zum Beispiel ein kitschiger Post über Liebe auf Facebook dazu gebracht hat, keinen Kontakt abzubrechen, löschen Sie die App von Ihrem Telefon. Oder wenn es dieser eine Freund war, der zufällig das Thema Ihrer Trennung angesprochen hat, sagen Sie ihm, dass er es nicht ansprechen soll, bis Sie sich besser fühlen.

Seien Sie bei der Identifizierung dessen, was Sie dazu gebracht hat, den Kontakt abzubrechen, brutal ehrlich zu sich selbst, was genau passiert ist und warum.

Einige Leute verbringen viel zu viel Zeit damit, sich darüber Gedanken zu machen, dass ihr Ex sie während des Nichtkontakts erreicht und wie sie reagieren sollen, wenn sie es tun. Und viele Trennungsratschläge verkomplizieren dieses im Grunde einfache Problem. So gehe ich vor.

Wie Sie Ihrem Ex antworten, wenn Sie ihn zurückbekommen wollen

Wenn sich dein Ex irgendwann gemeldet hat, hat er wahrscheinlich immer noch Gefühle für dich. Ja, auch wenn ihr Text oder Telefonanruf nichts mit deiner Trennung oder Wiedervereinigung zu tun hatte. Die Tatsache, dass sie die Hand ausgestreckt haben, ist ein großer Indikator für die Anziehungskraft.

An diesem Punkt müssen Sie sich nur auf ein 2-3 Nachrichten langes Gespräch (oder einen 5-minütigen Anruf) einlassen. Menschlich sein. Lade sie dann so bald wie möglich zu einem Date ein. Sage so etwas wie: „Schön, von dir zu hören. Sag dir was, ich würde dich gerne sehen. Wann können Sie sich treffen.“ Akzeptiere dann jede Antwort, die sie dir geben – einschließlich Schweigen.

(Wenn Sie tiefer in die Verabredung mit Ihrem Ex einsteigen möchten, lesen Sie diesen Artikel).

Wie Sie Ihrem Ex antworten, wenn Sie weitermachen wollen

Wenn Sie entscheiden, dass Sie Ihren Ex nicht mehr zurückhaben wollen, nachdem Sie keinen Kontakt mehr hatten, er sich aber meldet, würde ich so etwas sagen wie: „Hey, ich heile immer noch von unserer Trennung. Es würde mir viel bedeuten, wenn Sie sich zu diesem Zeitpunkt nicht mit mir in Verbindung setzen würden.“

Davon abgesehen, haben Sie nicht das Gefühl, dass Sie vor anderen Optionen zurückschrecken müssen. Du kannst deinem Ex sagen, dass er sich verpissen soll (nicht empfohlen). Sie können sie blockieren. Du kannst sie Ghosten. Oder Sie können sich auf ein kurzes Gespräch mit 2-3 Nachrichten (oder einen 5-minütigen Anruf) einlassen und dann sagen, dass Sie gehen müssen. Es ist Ihr Anruf. Dann weiter ohne Kontakt.

So reagieren Sie auf Ihren Ex, wenn er giftig ist

Wenn Ihr Ex giftig ist, sollten Sie nicht versuchen, ihn zurückzubekommen, da ein solcher Ex wahrscheinlich versuchen wird, Sie auf irgendeine Weise zu verletzen, wenn Sie keinen Kontakt haben. Sei es durch SMS, Anrufe oder einen unerwarteten Besuch. Trotzdem ist es immer eine gute Idee, sich mental auf ihre verzweifelten, bedürftigen, wütenden oder schuldbewussten Annäherungsversuche vorzubereiten. Hier sind ein paar gängige Verhaltensweisen, die man von einem toxischen Ex erwarten kann:

Sie posten Fotos mit attraktiven Menschen des anderen Geschlechts in den sozialen Medien, um dich neidisch zu machen.

Sie werden dir Streiche spielen und umgekehrte Psychologie anwenden, um dich zurückzubekommen.

Sie werden Sie übermäßig anrufen/texten.

Sie werden Ihre Familie und enge Freunde übermäßig anrufen/texten – auf Gegenseitigkeit oder nicht.

Sie werden lügen, weil sie dich zurückhaben wollen, und dir falsche Hoffnungen machen, nur um dir wieder das Herz zu brechen.

In any of these cases (and similar ones), resist caving in or starting a fight with your ex. But, also be aware that just because you still care for them doesn’t mean you can’t call them out on their bullshit when they’re, say, trying to guilt-trip you. Or that just because they show up at your doorstep doesn’t mean you can’t tell them to go away. Or that just because they contact you doesn’t mean you even have to respond to their contact.

If there’s one key piece of advice that you should take away from this article, it’s this: don’t commit to no contact to win your ex back. Commit to no contact to win yourself back.

That’s what the no contact rule is really for. That’s what it was always for. Raising your ex’s attraction and getting them back due to it is just one of its sexy side effects.

So close your eyes, take a deep breath and cut ties with your ex. Jump out the old, into the new. Don’t think. Don’t linger. Just do it. Let yourself get engulfed in the celestial firestorm of uncertainty, wonder, and change.

This is a new beginning. Make it count. Whether you get your ex back or not, you’ll be a better person when you reach the other side of recovery.

My Re-Attraction Cheat Sheet: a guide with quick information about every step of getting an ex back: how to reach out, become irresistibly attractive, handle no contact and dating, transition into and maintain a healthy relationship, and more.

My Youtube Channel: I publish video tutorials and other fun shit every week.

My Radical Re-Attraction Course: an interactive video course that teaches you how to permanently get your ex back without tricks, games, or looking desperate. It has an entire module dedicated to the no contact rule.

How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?

It should take a guy about two to three weeks to realize how much they miss you with the no contact rule. This can vary depending on the severity of the problem that caused the breakup. Another downside is that he might miss you but refrain from establishing communication.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Breaking up with someone is a painful experience, especially when you still love that person. If they broke up with you, then it’s even harder to deal with the reality that they don’t want you.

This is where the no-contact rule comes into play. It’s only right to avoid him and let him live your life, you can’t force love, can you? Well that is the plan if you want to get your ex back then respect the no contact rule maybe just get back together.

This article answers the question, “How long does it take for an ex to miss you without contact?” with tips on how to make her want you back.

11 tips to make your ex miss you more

How long does it take for an ex to miss you without contact? It should take two to four weeks depending on how you set the no-contact rule. If done right, your ex will start missing you in no time. If executed poorly, your ex may not miss you at all.

The no contact rule is a period of time when you intentionally refuse to reply or contact your ex in any way. The length of this process drives the question, “How long will it be before my ex misses me?” Sometimes when you give someone space, they realize how much they miss you.

The most important aspect of the no-contact rule is to prevent yourself from acting impulsively. You want to reach a stage where you are accountable for every single action you take with no regrets.

Yes, you will miss him, but stay focused on the task at hand; Maintain the no contact rule until he contacts you.

However, not every single breakup may require the no-contact rule. It depends on how the relationship ended. If there was a mutual understanding, the two parties can choose to remain friends. On the other hand, if you want them to miss you, you still need to establish the no contact rule.

2. Appear intermittently

If your ex-spouse has gotten used to the two of you not speaking to each other and is silently missing you, this is the perfect time to break the blues. The goal here is to get your ex’s mind wanting to work to change things.

It could be exciting to see your ex again and you can’t resist talking to them and finding out how they’re doing. However, no matter how you are feeling at that moment, it is best to only be seen by your ex occasionally and not often.

It’s also important that communication is limited, but they know you’re available now. This increases the desire to get you back. For example, you may decide to take a break from social media right after the breakup. After about two weeks without contact, you can start appearing on social media again.

Your ex-spouse might come across these images and possibly bring back old memories. They could try to reach you, but remember the no contact rule is not ready yet, so you must limit your communication with them even if you feel like contacting them.

3. Don’t think of it as a competition

It’s easy to win this guy back with a contest. If your ex broke up with you, you might want to prove something to him by winning him over. You may also be trying to prove something to yourself by trying to make her miss you in every way. So if you win her over, you might finally be able to regain your self-esteem.

The truth is, if you’re trying to reunite with your ex for any reason other than wanting to rebuild a real relationship with them, then it’s not a healthy move. If your motives are not right, the relationship could fall apart the second time around. If you don’t want to have the back and forth of getting back together and breaking up again, you need to have clear and honest motives.

It would help if you accepted the fact that at the end of the day your ex might not want to reunite with you, and that’s okay. If you feel getting her back is something you must achieve at all costs, then you would jeopardize your happiness for something that might fail.

Rebuild your self-esteem and understand that your self-esteem has nothing to do with whether or not your ex-partner wants you back.

4. Work on yourself

Being single isn’t as fun as being in a relationship, but most of the time being single is necessary if it keeps you from being in an unhealthy relationship. With every breakup, there is a lesson that both parties must learn from. You need to assess where exactly the problem was and what caused the breakup.

It would be best if you also identify where you made some mistakes and how you contributed to the failed relationship. It gives people some time to work on themselves, to accept that they are happy and comfortable when they are alone before they take care of the needs of others.

If the only reason you want to get back together with this guy is because you hate feeling lonely, then you wouldn’t be ready to handle the relationship when it came down to it.

It would be best to make a conscious effort to work on yourself, be genuinely happy and correct some of your mistakes before embracing the idea of reuniting with this guy. Strive to make the future relationship even better than before by making a conscious effort to avoid past mistakes.

5. Be honest with yourself

You probably miss that like you and this guy did when you were still in a relationship. But no matter how hard you try to comply with the no-contact rule, stay true to yourself. How did it end? Have you broken up more than once?

This is your chance to reevaluate the relationship, yes you might miss him but is this guy really good for you? Or does he even want you back? The circumstances of the breakup will give you more insight into that; was anyone else in the picture?

Were there any serious problems? Even if not, are you sure that coming back with that person is the best choice? If not, it’s time to move on. If you can compromise, the relationship is bound to get better. Whatever the situation, stay honest with yourself about the facts.

6. Get help from others

You obeyed the no-contact rule, you didn’t check his social media pages, you even started yoga classes to (maybe) calm you down. What’s next? Well, you might need a few extra hands if you want this guy to rush back to you.

Frustrated that he’s not paying you as much attention as he used to?

This is one of the most common problems faced by our female readers.

The #1 factor that makes men behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can tell him today. Check out this free video (click the link to watch) my friend recorded that explains how you can become his priority!

They could be mutual friends or someone you can trust to complete the task. You would need someone who can get close enough to your partner and give you some information about them. does he miss you Has he mentioned your name since the breakup? stuff like this.

On the other hand, this person could also help tell the boy something about you. How well you are, how good you looked when they saw you just to get his interest. This process could make them want you more, so it’s important to establish it well. You don’t want the situation to look staged; Otherwise, it would be a total departure from your ex-partner.

You just want to make them understand that you are doing better than expected. The friend you choose must introduce the topic subtly and not overshadow the entire conversation with stories of your exploits. The discussion also needs to be light and chatty to allow things to happen naturally.

7. Plan an unexpected meeting

The next part of the plan is to host an unexpected meeting. You’d have to meet your ex-partner to show them in person what they’ve been missing. To do this, you need to remember certain habits of your partner, for example, shopping habits. You have to get the timing right and maybe go with someone else.

Note that you are not trying to make him jealous, the person should be more of a support system or wing woman making sure you don’t do anything stupid. If he’s at the supermarket, you need to be there at the right time and act cool, calm, and collected. When you finally meet him, keep the conversation short and friendly.

Act like old friends who just got back together but still keep your distance, you could compliment him and then tell him it was nice to meet him. You don’t want to pretend you don’t know him, that would be fake. Remember, be casual, don’t flirt, and keep the conversation short.

If he had real feelings for you, he would probably miss you even more. This gives you the advantage to step in and get your ex partner back.

8. Keep your cool

Your ex may want to know about your new life without her and as a result may be asking people about you. Because of this, it is important not to involve too many people in the plans to get your ex back. It’s important not to talk to anyone about your ex except to help you.

If your ex ever asked around, they would find out that you’ve been in the background for a while. If they find out you didn’t ask about him, your apparent disinterest will make your ex want you even more.

When your ex eventually contacts you, which is entirely possible with this step, it’s important to maintain a balance between interest and disinterest. You want this guy to start missing you enough to regret breaking up with you, so you don’t want to come across as needy.

Because of this, it’s important to keep your cool throughout the process. Ask how they are and don’t get too involved. Chances are, it won’t be long before your ex crawls back into your arms.

9. Back in the game

After staying cool for a while and giving the impression that you’ve stayed cool, the next thing to do is liven things up. If you were more open-minded before the breakup, you need to get back in the game. At this point, most of the work would be done, so all you have to do is wait.

In the meantime, there’s no harm in having fun. Post more often on social media, make new friends, and generally be optimistic about your life. However, be careful not to shadow your ex-partner. It’s only normal to feel hurt after the breakup, you might even want to post negative things on your social media about the downsides of relationships – don’t do it!

Look within to find positive motivation for your actions. You want your ex back because you miss him and the relationship you had with each other. Therefore, try to keep these positive thoughts without giving the wrong impression on the internet.

The process of respecting and applying the no contact rule is for your ex to respond and want you back. However, it may take a while, so it is advisable to make yourself comfortable. Go out more often and try to forget the waiting time.

10. The actual meeting should be informal

Your ex might contact you a few weeks after the breakup. It’s only normal that after all the distance between the two of you, he would want to see you in person. Sooner or later, they won’t be able to deny the fact that they miss you. Just because your ex wants to meet up doesn’t necessarily mean they want to see each other again, they may be trying to build a friendship, which is a good place to start.

Don’t rush him, it’s even better to listen more and talk less, don’t make suggestions. Don’t hide your feelings though, he might suggest something you don’t agree with, don’t go along with it just because you feel it’s what he wants.

For example, if he affirms that he doesn’t want the relationship anymore but is willing to be friends with him, let him know your thoughts on the matter. This might be the last time you guys hang out like this, so let him know that you still have feelings for him, but you’re willing to give him the space he needs.

He may feel the same, but ego and pride often get in his way. However, it doesn’t matter who says it first, it doesn’t even matter if they return those feelings. What matters is that you are honest and you get the degree you need.

11. Address the situation head-on

The worst thing you can do is completely ignore the real issue when dating your ex. You might want to start something brand new, but it’s pretty obvious that you’ll both be pondering what caused the breakup in the first place. If you choose not to resolve the dispute immediately, you are both carrying the baggage to a later part of the relationship.

Another mistake you might be tempted to make is to cheer up the moment with too many compliments. You want your ex-spouse to be comfortable, so you could say they’re handsome, have a ridiculous smile, and appear charming. The truth is, your ex already knows you, so it’s best to get to the point and identify the problem.

All points that need clarification should be clarified before the start of the friendship. This will give you both healthy ground to build a profitable relationship.

frequently asked Questions

The no-contact rule is essential after a breakup, the two parties need space to clear their heads and reassess the issue. If there is space, your ex will see all the right things that come with being with you, and he will inevitably miss you. How long does it take for an ex to get back? If no contact is handled correctly, it should be two to three weeks before your ex-spouse makes another attempt to contact you. At that point, they would have seen the benefits of being a couple. However, this can vary depending on what a person feels best about themselves. The ban on contact should apply for at least four weeks. At that point, both parties would know what they really think about themselves and would not be forced to act spontaneously. However, anything outside the four to eight week limit may be considered too long. How long does it take for a man to realize he misses me? It should take a man about two to three weeks to realize how much he misses you with the no contact rule. This can vary depending on the severity of the issue that caused the breakup. Another downside is that he may miss you but fails to establish communication. In most cases, it’s hard to forget an ex-partner. The no contact rule just gives your ex some leeway to decide whether or not they want you back. If he decides against it, it’s only wise to give him more space. If he likes you, he won’t hesitate to come back.

Conclude

Did you enjoy reading this article? Don’t get too fixated on the aftermath of your breakup or get depressed if you follow the no-contact rule. Instead, focus on being genuinely happy and things would turn out fine. Please leave a comment if you liked this article and share it with friends.

Do dumpers come back after months?

About 90% of those success story videos are from the perspective of the dumpee or someone who was dumped by an ex so if you’re wondering whether dumpers come back after a breakup the answer is a resounding YES.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Today we’re going to talk about whether dumpers come back after a breakup.

The truth is that truly mutual breakups are incredibly rare, which leaves us with two options:

The Dumper The Dumpee

If you’re the dumpee, read on to learn how to get your dumper back and exactly how to increase your chances of success.

But most importantly, we’re going to look at how often dumpers can potentially come back.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

Do dumpers come back after a breakup?

Yes, they absolutely can come back.

Now that you’re feeling relieved, let’s talk a little bit about why I’m so confident in saying this.

Honestly, I feel like I’m one of the most qualified people to answer this question since about 80% of my entire audience (including our websites, YouTube channel, and podcasts) are people who have been dumped.

I’ve been doing this for almost a decade now, so obviously there’s a reason: our success stories. We’ve helped a lot of fools get their ex-boyfriends back, and in fact you can hop over to my YouTube channel and scroll through my success stories playlist for inspiration.

The playlist features approximately an hour long interviews with our success stories where I ask them exactly what they did to get their exes back.

I never go into these interviews to seek validation for my practice, it’s more of a general learning opportunity for me.

About 90% of these success story videos are from the perspective of the fool or someone who got dumped by an ex. So if you’re wondering whether dumpers come back after a breakup, the answer is a resounding YES.

What is the general average time they come back?

We’ve already established that dumpers can come back after a breakup, but it’s probably more helpful to understand what the average odds are for that to happen.

Unfortunately, there is very little serious research on how ex-boyfriends get back together, but over the past decade I’ve been able to find a few different studies that are trustworthy, and here’s what I’ve learned:

When you add up all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and the chances of getting your ex back, there is about a 43.5% chance that your ex will come back without doing anything.

Those aren’t exactly betting odds.

This means that six times out of ten, you probably won’t get your ex back.

But does that mean those are the overall odds of success if you do things the right way? It’s not, especially if you follow our advice/program.

This year Coach Anna and I have coached hundreds of people and we have had a 70% success rate!

So 70% of our clients got their ex back.

It doesn’t necessarily mean they stayed together long-term, just that they eventually got back together.

This isn’t necessarily a fair comparison as these are people who pay us to give them our undivided attention. So if you look at the ex-boyfriend recovery success rate as a whole, it’s probably a lot lower than that mark.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

But either way, for people who are seriously trying to get their exes back this year, about 7 out of 10 have been successful.

This varies each year, but your average chances of getting your ex back together will always be higher if you put in some dedicated effort rather than doing nothing.

Yet even among people who are trying to do the right thing, some succeed and some don’t.

Why is that?

What distinguishes successful people from unsuccessful people?

After speaking to many of these different success stories and understanding what they do and don’t do, we’ve found three clear patterns that can help you dramatically improve your chances of success.

However, before we dive into these three patterns, I want to give a quick disclaimer: The average of 7 out of 10 for people who get their ex back is not normal.

In fact, there is no “normal” as every situation is different so we cannot guarantee you will get your ex back.

All we can do is arm you with proven techniques so you can play the perfect chess match.

Sometimes you just play against a chess grandmaster and you can’t win, but at the end of the day it’s all about doing YOUR best.

That being said, here are the three patterns we’ve noticed in our success stories:

Pattern #1: People who have successfully won their ex back let go

Now what do I mean by let go? Well, ultimately it means seeing your ex as flawed and working on you rather than putting them on a pedestal.

Most people who get fired put their ex on a pedestal because they feel rejected and give their exes unnecessary power.

The more you crave your ex’s approval, the harder it is to let go.

On the other hand, even successful people go through that depressive phase when they break up, but eventually they get to a point where they stop caring about them.

They become so confident in themselves and the work they’ve done that they eventually let go.

Lo and behold, that’s when her ex comes crawling back.

It’s the classic “people want what they can’t have” dynamic where your ex starts paying attention to you when they stop asking for it.

Pattern #2: They rewire the way they look at problems

Here’s something obvious that shouldn’t shock you:

If you’re trying to get back someone who dumped you, you’ll encounter some roadblocks and obstacles along the way.

Things won’t always go your way and it’s something you should anticipate and prepare for. We can almost guarantee that something will go wrong, and how you deal with these potential obstacles or problems will determine your overall chances of success.

The successful people tend not to view these roadblocks as doomsday events, they actually view them as fun problems to solve. For them, it’s not about success, it’s about having fun and doing the best job possible in solving that particular problem.

Well, that’s an extremely difficult mindset when you’re feeling super emotional after a rejection. It’s okay to feel hurt, but successful people can channel those feelings to restate any issues that come their way.

What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back? take the quiz

For example, let’s say your ex blocks you.

An unsuccessful person would just sulk and act like it’s all over since they can’t reach their ex anymore. On the other hand, a successful person will say, “Okay, it sucks that they blocked me. How can I get them to unblock me?”

Your brain immediately sees it as an opportunity to experiment and figure out this problem because they see it as a temporary setback that they must climb over on their path to success.

Pattern #3: You achieve a state of flow in the no-contact rule

I always talk about the no contact rule and how effective ignoring your ex can be, but we don’t talk nearly enough about why it works so well.

The key aspect of the no-contact rule that makes it so effective is the work you do on yourself. It shifts the focus from your ex to yourself.

Once you get the momentum to live your life for yourself, you become a whole different person whose world doesn’t revolve around your ex. Interestingly, it also makes you more attractive to your ex.

But what exactly do I mean when I say I get into a flow state or momentum in the no contact rule?

Well, we’ve all heard of or seen athletes when they’ve been in the “zone.”

They are so hyper focused on something that nothing can faze them.

Their self-doubt disappears and in that moment they almost feel one with the universe. For them, time flies faster and they end up almost confused because they totally lost track of time, how much fun they had and how satisfied they were!

Your goal should be to make yourself feel this way during lockdown. Successful people tend to see no contact that way, focusing on specific tasks to get them into that flow state where they just flow from one thing to the next. They feel they can do no wrong and excel in anything they set out to do. Your ex is the least of their worries as they are likely focused on a certain aspect of their Holy Trinity.

Your holy trinity is the concept of the three most important categories in your life – health, wealth and relationships.

A successful person will throw themselves fully into things like improving their physique or getting a big promotion at work. Everything they do will revolve around achieving a single goal, and usually that goal will give them the strength and confidence to strengthen other aspects of their Holy Trinity as well. It’s almost exhilarating how they feel after the lockdown is over.

So much so that sometimes we have a hard time getting them to even try contacting their exes again because they let go. They focus too much on improving themselves in this flow state of self-improvement. And guess what? All of that self-improvement is bound to attract others, especially an ex.

Conclusion:

Dumpers can definitely come back after a breakup, as so many of our success stories can attest to. Here’s a quick summary of the three traits of fools who successfully get their exes back:

Do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back?

To put it briefly, people who are only temporarily emotionally unavailable do come back. Remember that alone time and space can do wonders as they can reflect on their own feelings. Encouraging them to get help can also help them understand themselves and their behavior.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Emotional intelligence can be difficult to find in partners. Everything seems fine in the beginning, especially when you are in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. But once they withdraw, become emotionally unavailable, and then dump you, things can get confusing.

But do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back after a breakup? In order to talk about what might happen after a breakup, it’s important to understand who emotionally unavailable people are and how this can affect a relationship.

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

Before we answer the big question, emotionally unavailable men or women come back, let’s address what it means to be emotionally unavailable.

Emotional availability is how much capacity an adult has to engage emotionally in their relationships, whether it’s a parenting relationship with their children or a romantic relationship with their partner.

When we say she is an emotionally unavailable woman or man, we are talking about how capable he or she is of giving and receiving emotional care, affection, support, and love. Often people are emotionally unavailable for one or more of these actions.

Where does emotional unavailability come from?

Many studies have made connections to a person’s emotional availability and attachment styles to their parents. Children who had a secure attachment style to their parents usually grew up emotionally available and healthy.

Children who had an avoidant or insecure attachment to their parents typically had issues with emotional unavailability once they became adults. Because they’re not good at having deep connections with their loved ones, it’s no wonder the heartbreak of meeting an emotionally unavailable guy or girl is pretty common.

Based on that, can we answer, “Are emotionally unavailable men or women coming back?” If you’ve noticed that they have an avoidant attitude towards your relationship and are doing their best not to be vulnerable, then chances are they come back, not too good.

Can an emotionally unavailable person fall in love?

People often wonder, “Can an emotionally unavailable man or woman change or even fall in love?” The answer is a resounding yes. Everyone needs love and affection.

While it’s still a little fuzzy to answer whether emotionally unavailable dumpers will come back, there’s no reason why love should be left out of the equation.

Humans are considered social animals. When we spend a lot of time with another person, it’s only natural to develop deep affection or love for another person. This is one of the answers to the question, “Why are dumpers coming back?” There are many ways to learn how to overcome emotional unavailability.

How exactly do emotionally unavailable men or women fall in love? The reason why it is difficult to recognize emotionally unavailable men or women because at the beginning of a relationship they act like any other date.

Emotionally unavailable people treat you to attention, buy you gifts, and make you feel special. They don’t hold anything back in the bedroom either.

However, once things get serious, they realize that they start to develop deep feelings for you. Other people start to lose interest. The former type can be referred to as “temporary emotional unavailability” and the latter as “long-term emotional unavailability”.

Do emotionally unavailable dumpers come back after a breakup?

So how often do dumpers come back? There’s a good chance they won’t get invested if they’re only in it for the short-term. However, there’s a good chance they’re only temporarily emotional, in which case they might come back.

If you just broke up with your ex, you may feel very lonely and vulnerable. However, some emotionally unavailable people can be very manipulative when treating their partner. Not looking for a long-term relationship, they tend to treat their partners as mere objects of fun.

If you’re not sure what emotional manipulation looks like, then here’s a short video to give you a quick overview of what to look out for:

Temporary emotional unavailability

You could say, “Insecure men or women broke up with me out of the blue” when they’re temporarily emotionally unavailable.

Some men or women usually leave their partners because they are too scared to be emotionally intimate with their partners, so they break up with their partner saying “they are not ready for a relationship”.

Temporary emotional unavailability means that they are only unavailable for a short period of time and that this is not a standard and stable personality trait. One of the reasons people are temporarily emotionally unavailable could be past trauma.

The trauma could be the loss of a loved one or a nasty breakup. Studies show that they feel like they can’t trust anyone emotionally. In such cases, an emotionally unavailable man or woman surprisingly comes back because there is no contact.

Some red flags to look out for are if they constantly shy away from doing anything meaningful with you. Another warning sign to look out for is if you had many short-term affairs prior to your relationship.

Related Reading: 30 Red Flags in a Relationship You Should Never Ignore

Long-term emotional unavailability

Men with long-term emotional unavailability are usually not open to serious relationships. These are the types of people who are just looking for a casual relationship where the focus is on sex and short-term fun and companionship.

If you’ve been dumped by someone who fits that description lately and you’re wondering, “Will my emotionally unavailable ex come back,” hold your breath because you’re just looking for a quick, no-strings-attached relationship.

Most of the time, contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman does not work because it gives them the space and time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Oftentimes, dumpers come back because they’ve had time to reflect on their actions and feelings.

No contact means at least one temporarily unavailable man or woman has the time to think about the relationship and what might be keeping them from connecting or being emotionally intimate with you.

During this time, they might seek help from a therapist to become more emotionally available. This will help you on your way to learning how to win back an emotionally unavailable man.

Often no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings.

During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists, or by talking to your close friends and family. For this reason, no contact is often the reason why dumpers return to the exes.

Emotionally unavailable people often ask to be separated for long periods of time or willingly push their partner away. Giving them this no-contact time is very healthy and beneficial to the relationship.

How do you get your emotionally unavailable ex back?

Why no contact works well with emotionally unavailable women or men? Learning how to make an emotionally unavailable man or woman miss you means showing them the love and support they get from you and what they are missing out on when they are not with you.

An excellent way to help them appreciate what they have with you right now is to encourage them to think about their lives before they meet you. Were they happy on their own or did they have a lot of emotional support when they got together with you?

If you really think you and your ex can work things out, reach out to them and tell them you still care about them after the breakup. Being reassured in this way can help them realize that they can be intimate with you and will make them feel more secure in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

The answer to the question of whether emotionally unavailable dumpers are coming back is a lot more complicated than meets the eye. In short, people who are only temporarily emotionally unavailable come back. Remember that time and space alone can work wonders as they can reflect their own feelings.

Encouraging them to get help can also help them understand themselves and their behavior. Psychologists can help them develop healthy emotional habits that make it easy for them to be available again.

If you think going back is the best option for both of you, make every effort to help them see the potential too!

How do you know if a dumper regrets?

17 Signs Your Ex Regrets Dumping You

He calls you when he’s drunk. …
He texts you during the holidays. …
He’s doing too much or too little. …
He’s obviously been upset. …
He’s suddenly more considerate and generous. …
He is shocked when he meets you. …
He’s playing sad songs. …
He acts like he’s your boyfriend again.

Why The Dumpee Should Contact The Dumper After A Breakup

Are you thinking about a man who broke up with you?

Do you think he might regret ending the relationship?

A breakup is always difficult, especially when the other partner initiated it.

Of course you’re wondering if he’s having a hard time, too, and in fact he might very well think he made a mistake.

There are some clear signs he’s regretting losing you, especially when he feels like you’re “the one who got away.”

Here are some signs of Dumpers remorse.

17 Signs Your Ex Regrets Leaving You

If your boyfriend broke up with you and you’re wondering if he regrets it and feels just as bad as you, if not worse, wonder no more. Here are some of the most common signs of dumper regret:

1. He calls you when he’s drunk.

Has anyone ever apologized for doing something stupid because they were drunk? Have you ever heard something like, “It’s the alcohol, it’s not me talking”?

Well, your ex seems to think that calling you drunk is a good excuse. In reality, he’s doing it on purpose and wants you to feel sorry for him while he can dismiss what happened.

Then he can claim that he forgot what he said and didn’t know what he was doing. It’s the perfect cover-up. Recognize this as one of the signs of the dumper’s remorse.

2. He texts you during the holidays.

They generally expect an ex to move on after a breakup, including forgetting about their former partners on birthdays and other holidays.

One of the signs of dumper regret is when your ex texts you with the special day as an apology while on vacation. You don’t want him to be a part of your life anymore, so what’s up?

He’s obviously thinking of you and the holidays are bringing up memories he doesn’t have with anyone else. It’s one of the signs that he regrets losing you because he knows he won’t be able to celebrate those celebrations with you again.

3. He does too much or too little.

Either your ex is unusually sober and calm, or he’s partying like a maniac. Regardless, he reacts badly to the breakup and such behavior is one of the signs that he regrets losing you. Change is his way of coping, albeit negatively.

Whether he’s staying away, not posting on social media, or behaving recklessly, he’s processing some negative emotions.

This is one of the signs that he’s sorry for hurting you, and it’s not normal behavior for him. After all, you knew what he was like when you both started dating and when you settled into a romantic relationship.

4. He was obviously upset.

Boys should be stoic right? They cannot easily show their feelings, especially in public places.

There are a few different signs that he’s sorry for hurting you, including emotions you wouldn’t expect. This includes body language like avoiding eye contact, appearing remorseful, or appearing like he was secretly crying.

You might even see a recent picture of him crying, with a pathetic or vague caption, or even no caption. Anyway, he makes a point of not hiding how he feels about breaking up with you.

5. He’s suddenly more considerate and generous.

The breakup has the opposite effect on him if one of the signs he regrets losing you is that he’s suddenly nicer to you. He is more sensitive to your feelings, caring and generous than when he was your boyfriend.

One has to wonder why he is acting like this out of nowhere. Even if he doesn’t say it, his demeanor says he feels terrible and is probably changing for the better. On the other hand, he might act like this to get you back.

6. He’s shocked when he meets you.

Maybe you happen to live in a small town and visit the same places, or you two happen to meet in public.

He may even purposely visit places he knows you visit so he can be near you, or visit mutual friends more often to have a higher chance of meeting you. At least that’s his excuse. And if you make eye contact, he’ll act shocked or embarrassed at the effect the breakup had on him.

7. He plays sad songs.

Whether he’s sharing sad songs on social media or you catch him playing heartbreaking songs in person on his headset, one of the signs he’s sorry for hurting you is his new music choices.

The partners who are at the end of a breakup usually play sad songs while thinking about their ex. But in your ex’s case, he’s showing one of the signs of dumper regret. He may even hear music that is unusual for him or that he doesn’t normally like.

8. He’s pretending to be your boyfriend again.

After a breakup, both partners tend to go their own way and move on. They leave each other alone and become strangers as much as possible to allow each other to process the breakup, deal with being single, and reassess their needs before entering into a new relationship.

But in the case of your ex, he’s showing one of the signs of dumper remorse by jumping right back into a friend’s behavior. This includes protecting yourself from men he doesn’t like, holding your hand, or sending you gifts.

9. He texts you.

One of the things people usually do after a breakup is to stop texting each other to get used to not being together anymore. However, your ex keeps sending you text messages telling you their regrets, missing you, apologizing, reminding you he exists, interrogating you, or even asking to meet you.

He very much insists that you listen to him and is especially looking forward to your reply. He hopes that you will see how badly he feels about breaking up with you, so you will feel sympathy for him.

Will a dumper ever come back?