Is It Bad To Shower Before A Funeral? The 199 New Answer

Death is an experience that every living being faces, but struggling with it makes people deeply uncomfortable. Talking about death and supporting someone who is grieving can make us nervous and awkward, repeating the same weary platitudes and potentially – unconsciously – making our friends and loved ones feel even more isolated. “It’s natural for us humans to want to avoid pain,” says Zainib Abdullah, psychotherapist and co-founder of WellNest Psychotherapy Services.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have the best of intentions. Usually, we don’t want to upset someone more than they already are, and we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Andrea Warnick, a psychotherapist and one of the developers of Canadian Virtual Hospice’s MyGrief.ca, says that people generally have good intentions, but they also don’t want to make it harder for the grieving person. “So by default they say nothing at all. Or sometimes they do or say things that might not be particularly helpful.”

It is inevitable that at some point we will be tasked with showing up for someone and assisting them in dealing with a death in their life. While the experience of death and loss is relative to each individual, we spoke to Warnick and Abdullah to gather some common best practices on what to say and not say to someone who is grieving.

What not to say to someone dealing with death

Don’t fall into the fix-it trap

“This is where people get really stuck sometimes, [they] think it’s their job to fix it,” says Warnick. “I want to remind people that your job as a supporter is not to fix the problem. Your job is to guide them through it.” The fix-it trap manifests itself in many ways. This includes trying to offer the grieving person a silver lining, or offering anything that begins with “at least.”

“‘At least he’s not in pain, at least it didn’t happen another time of year.’ I say, just throw that out the window. Stop talking, nothing was ‘at least’.” However, Warnick says if the grieving person uses that type of language, that’s fine. But we shouldn’t use it as a backer. For Abdullah, “at the very least” is a standard response to draw attention to the less egregious aspects of the situation, but it should be avoided as we shouldn’t try to change the way a person thinks about their own loss .

Don’t give solutions and don’t advise people

Anything that starts with “You should” – “You should go out and walk” or “You should try to keep yourself busy” – isn’t particularly helpful and also involves implicit judgment on your part.

The widespread “be strong” is also a no-go. Abdullah says it implies that various expressions of grief are negative. “People being in pain isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s just the experience of life.” Telling someone to be strong might seem like you’re telling them that what they’re feeling right now isn’t that should be what he feels and that he should feel something else that is not “weak”.

Don’t tell people they’re “strong.”

Much like advising people to be strong, praising their strength usually means you are praising them for their emotional containment. “That is often really well intentioned, but misguided,” says Warnick. “Many of my clients have told me that it really does feel like people usually say [they are strong] when their emotions are under control. The flip side of that is if they’re feeling very vulnerable or raw, then they feel weak.” She says she spends a lot of time with clients to help them reframe the idea that it’s actually a strength allowing yourself to feel your biggest and hardest feelings related to grief. “It’s one of the bravest things we can do.”

Don’t try to understand

“Everything happens for a reason” is something most of us have heard or said at some point in our lives, but applying that phrase to someone dealing with death is unhelpful. Again, if the grieving party uses it, that’s perfectly fine. But telling someone, “You’re not getting more than you can take,” should generally be avoided unless your person has addressed it themselves. “We shouldn’t try to make someone better,” says Warnick. “The goal is to be present and to help them feel less alone in the situation because we’re with them.”

Don’t try to increase her pain

We’ve probably all come across this reaction – someone who responds to you sharing a tough time you’re going through by sharing their own even tougher time. “It usually comes from a place of concern and wants to make the person feel like their situation is less difficult,” says Warnick. “Well intentioned but utterly misguided.” By trying to ease someone’s grief, you take away the support you need to give them. It looks like you’re minimizing what they’re experiencing right now.

Don’t use “loved one” when referring to the person who died

“I never use ‘mistress’ because that’s a big assumption,” says Warnick. They don’t always know the type of relationship that existed with the deceased person.

Another important consideration: death does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. As a psychotherapist, Warnick has clients write letters to the deceased and encourages them to deal with the hard feelings. “I think we have this tendency that someone dies and we feel like we need to put them on a pedestal and just talk about the good things.” In more complex relationships like these, it can help to have someone who is able to help people through difficult relationships after someone has died. But as a supporter, being present and allowing them to speak out without judgment is crucial. “We never want to judge people’s grieving process.”

How to support someone who is grieving

Address your own grief and acknowledge your discomfort as a supporter

“When we’re struggling to say the right thing [as a supporter], acknowledging this for ourselves can be helpful because it helps us regulate our discomfort and pain in that moment of experiencing pain. We are human,” says Abdullah. “Our neurobiology is designed by nature to feel someone’s pain, and that’s natural. Sometimes that would make it easier to just say, “I don’t know what to say right now, but I’m here for you. Or that I love you.’”

Warnick adds that one of the most important things we can do as supporters is nurture our grief, whether it’s about the current situation or something that happened in the past. “Often the most challenging aspect of witnessing is witnessing to our own pain and sorrows.” As a society, we often tend to preoccupy ourselves to avoid thinking about what’s bothering us. “One of the profound lessons I’ve learned about grief is that we have to actually chew it and process it and feel everything to work our way through it. The best way we can be there for others is to also take care of our own grief,” says Warnick, acknowledging that this process might be different for everyone.

Be present

You don’t necessarily have to have the right words, but being willing to talk about the person who has passed is crucial. Abdullah says that rather than trying to make someone feel better, it’s more effective to actually be there and allow them to feel pain. “To let them know that whatever they’re feeling is okay and makes sense, because when people process grief, they have many different experiences. [That is] any reaction or expression of an emotion — or a lack of expression or emotion, because some people may not express their grief outwardly or in the traditional ways that we think of grief as sadness. So keep your distance and remind them that what they are feeling is okay.

Use the name of the deceased

“I think people feel like we don’t want to talk about the person who died, but when you’re grieving, you want to know that the person isn’t forgotten,” says Abdullah. It can be helpful to share stories and memories of the person who died, or things you loved about them, or things that reminded you of them. While Warnick acknowledges that there are of course exceptions and nothing she says will be true for 100 percent of people across the board, she notes that the vast majority of people do not want the person who died forgotten, and welcomes the opportunity to talk about them – even if they may not want to take the lead.

“When my father died, one of my colleagues said to me, ‘Andrea, I’ve never met your father, I wish I had, but I’d like to hear about him. I would like to know something about him. If you ever want to tell stories about him, I’d love to do that. ‘ And I think that was probably one of the most helpful things I’ve been told,” says Warnick. She notes that it might be easier to stay in touch with the deceased when the person is older and you can recall moments and memories. But when one is dealing with the death of a baby, the same energy of not forgetting should be applied. “A friend of mine, her baby died when she was about 21 days [old] … They make sure their other children who have been born since know them, know they have a big sister, [they] about.” they talk [and] have pictures of her.”

Use intentional language

Because of our discomfort with death, we might feel uncomfortable saying directly that someone has died. Warnick encourages people to use the actual language of death and dying and to avoid euphemisms like “deceased” or “passed on”. “It shows that as a supporter I like to talk about it, I won’t bypass it. I work a lot with grieving children [and] there’s a lot of research and literature that makes it very clear that it’s very important to use the right language with children and not use euphemisms because it confuses them like hell. But even for adults, she says, using the right language can have some therapeutic benefit by acknowledging the reality of what happened. For example, when she writes a sympathy card, she writes, “I was really sad to hear that your sister passed away.”

Offer concrete, useful ways you can help

A common phrase thrown in the way of anyone going through a tough time is, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” But Abdullah says that generally, when people are grieving a death and everything already feels heavy, too much to carry. It might just be another burden to put on the grieving person the burden of making a list of things they need. Relief might look like offering specific things, like meal trains, where a group of people take turns cooking and providing food, or childcare. The key is to offer specific things—even if the person refuses you.

Warnick mentioned that some of her clients had brought friends together to help cover hospital parking fees, which can get expensive. The offer of spending time with people, watching films or going for walks with them can relieve them – without them having to ask. “Keep the person involved for the long haul. It may be that you invite the person over and they don’t want to come. You’ve said ‘no’ 99 times, but still asked 100 times. Don’t take it personally,” Warnick says.

Remember that there is nothing you can say that will bring the person back and often nothing that you can say to make the situation better. But Warnick says that witnessing is very powerful. “While we might think we’re doing nothing, your presence alone is so much for someone who is grieving.”

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Crying is an emotional response that is not always easy to control. Crying at a funeral is a normal part of the process, especially if you were close to the deceased. However, there are many times when crying at a funeral might not feel right. Perhaps you need to stay strong to support a family member, or you may be speaking at a funeral and need to keep your cool.

Jump to these sections:

No matter the situation, sometimes you just don’t want to cry at a funeral. Fortunately, it’s possible to try and stay in control of your emotions.

If you want to avoid the dreaded waterworks during a funeral service, read on. And if you would like additional guidance through the entire process of losing a loved one, check out our post-loss checklist.

How to speak at a funeral without crying

When you speak at a funeral, you probably want to present the best version of yourself. Speaking in front of others isn’t always easy, and it’s even harder when you’re trying to keep your emotions in check.

Follow these steps below if you’re worried about crying during a eulogy.

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Practice creates masters

The first step is to practice your speech. If you are writing a eulogy or other memorial, practice saying it out loud to yourself or a trusted friend. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become with the speech.

It’s important to express your feelings while giving a speech. However, you don’t want those emotions to get in the way of your message. Practice really does make perfect in this situation. The more often you say your speech, the less it will affect your emotions.

Control your breathing

It’s normal to feel stage fright before speaking at a funeral. The emotions are already high. You also don’t want to let your breathing get out of control.

Focus on your breathing to bring your movements back to a reasonable level. If you’re having trouble staying in control, count to 10. Take time to relax your body before taking the stage to give your speech.

look up

This trick will help if you notice tears forming when you get on stage. To stifle crying, look up over the crowd.

First, it distracts you from the crying faces of your loved ones. Seeing those sad faces in the crowd might bring your tears. But looking up also prevents tears that have already formed from running down your face.

take your time

Finally take your time. Your speech should come from the heart. Don’t feel pressured to rush it, especially if you feel emotions surging. Take time to read or recite your eulogy slowly to keep your emotions under control.

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How to keep from crying during worship or visitation

Aside from giving a speech, sometimes you want to avoid crying during the funeral service. You may feel that your friends and family can count on you to be emotionally stable. Here are tips to keep yourself from crying during the ceremony.

Breathe evenly

Check your breathing again. Breathing exercises are something you can do during worship and visitation. Instead of letting your breathing patterns spiral out of control, count with yourself.

If counting to ten isn’t enough, count to 20, 50, or even 100. It’s okay to focus on your breathing during the service.

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Blink quickly

Another way to stop yourself from crying is to blink quickly. This is one way to get rid of tears, but it doesn’t just stop them from rolling down your face. They will also prevent them from forming.

If you can’t blink fast, try blinking slowly. If you open your eyes wide, you can stop the tears from flowing before they start. This may feel weird at first, but it’s a good tip to keep on hand.

pinch your nose

Your tears come from your tear ducts. Tears are stored near the corners of the eyes and the sides of the nose. Pinching the bridge of your nose can stop tear production. It’s best to do this when you feel the waterworks come first, not after.

Think of something nice

It’s hard to think happy thoughts when you’re at a funeral, especially if you were close to the deceased. However, taking a moment to focus on something pleasant is a welcome distraction.

Think of a happy day, person or memory. Your goal here is to get yourself out of this sad moment. Sometimes, giving yourself a little break is all you need to stop those tears in their tracks.

drink water

Have you ever felt that lump in your throat when you felt tears coming? This lump is a normal bodily reaction. It’s actually powered by the muscles at the back of your throat, which open up to help you breathe — and a physical process that’s beyond your control.

To relieve this feeling and distract yourself, drink water slowly. Drinking sips gets rid of the dreaded feeling of a lump in your throat. It’s also a way to divert your physical response away from crying.

look away

When you’re at a funeral or wake, looking away from the coffin or speaker brings you back to the present. Focus on something everyday, like a wall or a common object. That brief respite might be all you need to calm down.

While it’s polite to focus on an item close to the speaker, you can focus on something nearby as well. Your purse, jewelry, clothing, or even someone else nearby can all be good options for preventing crying.

Know what to expect

Finally, knowing what to expect at a funeral can also ease your feelings. If it’s your first funeral or you’re unfamiliar with certain traditions, then find out what to expect. Having an idea of ​​what’s going to happen, whether there will be an open coffin, and so on, is the best way to prepare.

How do you know what to expect? Find out about burial customs, cultural practices, and religious traditions. Aside from that, you can also ask the family hosting the funeral what the service will be like. There is usually a service program for the burial.

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It’s OK to Cry: How to Embrace Crying and Your Emotions

Finally, remember that crying at a funeral is a natural part of the grieving process. You are allowed to show your feelings, even if it feels strange at first. In fact, in some cultures, crying is part of waking etiquette. Weeping for the deceased is often seen as a sign of respect for the person and family. If you need help embracing your feelings, try these steps.

Bring tissues or a handkerchief

Crying isn’t always nice. It’s totally fine and you shouldn’t worry about how you look when you’re feeling a strong emotion. However, bringing tissues or tissues with you will help you better control your appearance when you’re fighting back tears.

Find your support

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Funerals are an opportunity to lean on one another and grow closer. If you find it difficult to cry at a funeral, surround yourself with those you trust. A healthy support group makes it easier to process these emotions.

Remember the grieving process

Finally, remember that crying is a natural part of the grieving process. When we cry, we express how we feel physically. Yes, it can feel awkward at times, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Everyone expresses grief differently. Even if you don’t see others cry at a funeral, that doesn’t mean they aren’t mourning too. The most important part of the grieving process is time. If you have to shed a few (or more) tears during the funeral, don’t feel down.

In fact, crying can be beneficial. According to psychology, it can both reduce your stress and lift your spirits. Crying itself lowers your manganese levels and actually helps you feel better. So, allowing yourself to freely express your feelings can be a way to overcome sadness and grief. You don’t have to be ashamed of that.

Prepare for your next funeral

Funerals are emotional affairs. Whether you’re attending or speaking at a funeral, it’s common to wish you had more control over your emotions. We all know the stereotype of the overly emotional family member who yells during a funeral. In reality, crying during a funeral is a sensible way to mourn a loved one.

However, if you’re trying to stop yourself from crying, there are steps you can take. From sipping water to controlling your breathing, these small steps keep tears from flowing freely. If you prevent these waterworks, make sure you have a way to express sadness or grief that could be the result of the death of a loved one.

These feelings should not be crammed into oneself. Finding a healthy way to express your feelings, whether you do it publicly or privately, is a big part of attending a funeral.

Sources

What should you do if you find a dead body?

Finding a dead body is a shocking and emotionally draining experience, and attempting to touch or move the dead body can put your health and safety at risk. A deceased person’s body can harbor potentially infectious bacteria that can infect those who come into contact with it. So what should you do when you find a dead body? Follow these five steps to stay safe and follow proper protocol.

5 things to do when you find a dead body

Wondering what to do with a body? It is important to be reasonable, calm and orderly. Keeping these five things in mind can help:

don’t touch anything . This could be a situation where a crime has taken place. Evidence cannot be compromised. Bodies can also start decomposing very quickly. Do not touch skin or body fluids as the body may contain bloodborne pathogens that can infect you and others. Call 911. Law enforcement officials and paramedics can determine if the person is indeed deceased and make informed decisions about next steps. Take care of your safety. You don’t know whether the dead person died through violence, no matter how it may appear at first. If it appears that the person has been the victim of violence, share this when calling for help. If you feel you are in danger, remove yourself from the site and call 911 from elsewhere. Cooperation with medical professionals and the police . Since you found the body, you could be questioned by law enforcement. Be cooperative and try to remember how you found the scene as best you can. If you are responsible for cleaning up, be sure to consider professional help. Sometimes a body is found by a friend or relative in the home, in which case the cleanup is the responsibility of the family or property owner. If you are assigned to clean up after removing a corpse, it is recommended that you seek professional help from a bioremediation company rather than attempting the cleanup yourself.

Aftermath is a professional crime scene and trauma cleanup company. For almost twenty years we have been helping families by cleaning up and disinfecting the home or property after a death. Should you find a body and need help cleaning it up, contact us online or call us at (877) 872-4339.

Funerals vary depending on where you are in the world and the religious needs and desires of the deceased and their family. However, it is not uncommon in the United States to see an open coffin for loved ones to say their final goodbyes. But why do they always cover their legs when contemplating this?

They cover the legs in a coffin because in many cases the deceased does not wear shoes because it is difficult to put them on on stiff feet. Funeral directors may also recommend it to save money, for religious reasons, in case of trauma, for easier transportation, or for large bodies.

In most cases, people follow traditional customs when planning a funeral, and this includes covering the deceased’s legs during viewing. However, if you’re not sure what’s best, read on. This article details why feet are usually covered so that you can make the most appropriate choice when the time comes.

Shoes often no longer fit properly after death

One of the most common reasons they cover the legs in a coffin is that the body often does not wear shoes. This is because the shape of the feet can change dramatically after a person dies.

First, the body experiences rigor mortis as the muscles in the body stiffen. When the blood stops flowing, it is common for fingers and toes to deform and change shape. Rigor mortis can last from a few hours to a few days.

The body then relaxes and becomes flexible again.

In preparation for the funeral, the body is massaged and brought into a condition suitable for embalming. Embalming is done to keep the body firm and preserved, and the focus is mostly on the face.

While they can ensure feet are straight, adding shoes to a stiff foot can be very difficult. Because when we put on our shoes, we twist and push our soft feet into place, which is not possible with an embalmed foot.

For this reason, bodies are often left shoeless for burial and burial.

Religious or cultural reasons for covering the legs in a coffin

Like many other traditions, religion and culture play a large role in deciding whether or not to cover the legs of the deceased in a coffin.

For example, in Judaism it is appropriate to cover the legs of the deceased to honor modesty and show respect to the deceased.

While religion can play a part in the decision, sometimes it’s just a matter of culture or proximity. In fact, it can be more common than you think, as many people seek intimacy when experiencing loss.

Sometimes the decision is made based on what is customary in the area. Families or churches often pass on burial traditions. Or if someone was at a funeral where the deceased’s legs were covered, they may choose to do the same when the time comes.

Cover legs to save money

If the funeral home needs to pay more attention to the whole body (not just the face and hands), they have to spend more time and resources, which often costs more.

After all, the legs and feet not only need to be cared for and dressed, but they also need to be placed in such a way that they look presentable and are cared for during transport.

So, covering the deceased’s legs can save time as the embalmer or undertaker can focus on making sure the deceased is presentable on top.

Although budget isn’t an issue for some when it comes to the loss of a loved one, it’s worth considering given how expensive funerals can be. In fact, the average cost of a US funeral without cremation is over $7,000 as of 2021, according to the NFDA.

If you want to know how to save some money on a coffin, visit this page on my website.

As such, some inexpensive options may need to come into play for those who may be struggling to afford a funeral.

This allows mourners to focus on the face of the deceased

One of the focal points of an embalmer and funeral home is the face of the deceased.

Family and friends often want to see the face of their loved ones to find closure and peace after their death. With legs covered, it is easier to focus attention on the face so loved ones can begin healing.

This is not the only reason why it is important to emphasize the face of the deceased. There are many studies like this one from OMEGA – The Journal Of Death And Dying that suggest that the face of a deceased person can evoke a strong emotional response in others.

This study suggests that the facial expressions left by the deceased during the funeral influence the course of the grieving process. So if they appear happy, peaceful, and calm, it can help loved ones grieve faster and healthier because they believe their loved one is at peace.

Covering the legs in a coffin is recommended by Funeral Home

Sometimes the decision to cover a deceased loved one’s legs comes down to the recommendation of a funeral home.

You can recommend this for many different reasons, including the ones mentioned above. But let’s talk about some other possible reasons a funeral home might recommend this.

In case of lower body trauma

If your loved one has suffered trauma to the lower half of their body, the funeral home may recommend covering that part completely.

Whether it was a tragic accident or simply something that happened earlier in their lives, it will rarely be ideal for drawing attention to the deceased’s imperfections.

If your loved one’s legs or feet need to be removed at any point in their life, a funeral home will likely recommend half a couch coffin so the main focus can remain on the upper half of the body.

Drawing attention to lost or damaged limbs can be a painful reminder of what the loved one has been through. Therefore, families and directors often avoid it.

Allow flowers on the coffin

Another reason a funeral home might recommend covering the deceased’s legs is to provide a place for flowers or tokens of love.

You probably don’t want every flower that is present at the funeral to be buried with your loved one, and it is common practice in many places to bring flowers and wreaths to pay tribute to you.

When the coffin is fully opened, people can put flowers and gifts in the coffin near their legs so as not to cover their face. On this page of my website you will find more information about burial in an open coffin.

To prevent this, half-couch coffins can provide space for loved ones to give those items without touching the body or overcrowding the coffin. Then, when the service is over, the gifts can be easily removed from the top of the coffin and given to the family of the deceased.

To help the deceased fit the coffin

The funeral director may also recommend keeping your legs covered if they have difficulty placing your loved one in the coffin they have chosen.

Of course, the undertaker and embalmer will never injure or twist your loved one’s body to fit in a coffin, but it’s not always a perfect fit. For example, sometimes the knees need to be bent slightly to ensure they fit properly.

In this case, it is better to keep your legs covered so as not to attract unwanted attention. It’s even possible that some people take bent legs as a sign that the deceased is uncomfortable and upset.

So instead of flaunting bent knees, most funeral homes recommend keeping them covered.

Easy transportation

Finally, funeral directors might recommend covering the deceased’s legs, as this makes the body easier to handle during transport and services.

The last thing the director wants is for the body to move or still in a way that doesn’t look comfortable or natural, and legs and feet can be difficult to hold during the service.

As such, they may recommend covering their legs to make their job easier and prevent them from having to adjust the body in front of friends and family in case something goes wrong.

How do funeral homes fit large bodies in a coffin?

Funeral directors fit large bodies into a coffin by slightly bending the knees of oversized bodies. However, this is not always possible, in this case the family will have to order a longer coffin. Many companies offer larger coffins for people who are too tall to fit in an ordinary coffin.

One of the biggest concerns of people with large family members is whether or not they will fit in a coffin when the time comes.

Fortunately, most funeral homes are experienced enough to know when to recommend a larger coffin for larger bodies. However, they don’t always get it right, so family members are concerned they might cut or distort bodies to fit them.

Desecration of the deceased is a crime

If you have a large loved one who has recently passed away, you can have peace of mind knowing that there are laws to protect the integrity of their bodies. For example, embalmers and undertakers are not allowed to make physical changes to a body that the family does not agree with.

Otherwise, they face criminal charges and up to 10 years in prison for dismembering or desecrating a corpse (depending on state law).

Check your individual state laws to see how you and your loved ones are protected.

You bend your knees

With that peace of mind, let’s talk about what they actually do when your loved one is too big for a coffin.

First, the undertaker will bend the deceased’s knees slightly to save space.

Bending your knees without distorting or damaging your body is a great workaround for larger bodies. Caskets are typically two feet wide, allowing for decent flexing without breaking or damaging the body.

Funeral directors can save a few inches of height with this simple action.

They will suggest a larger coffin

If the above doesn’t work, you will need to purchase a larger coffin, which the undertaker will tactfully suggest when the time comes.

Not much more can be done at this point if you are trying to save on the expense without damaging, destroying or breaking the body of the deceased. For most people, this is something they don’t even want to consider. A new coffin may therefore be required.

At this point, you can purchase a new, oversized coffin to accommodate your loved one. Unfortunately, there are currently no other ways to fit a body into a regular-sized coffin if it’s too big.

With this in mind, you need to choose the coffin very carefully.

cremation

If your loved one does not fit in the casket you have chosen, consider cremation as a last resort.

There are many factors to consider when cremation, such as: B. the wishes of the deceased and relevant religious reasons. But the increasing popularity of cremation has proven that it is a valid option, and possibly for your loved ones too.

The number of cremations has doubled in the last 15 years, and with good reason:

It’s cheaper than a traditional burial.

It is easier to transport a loved one in an urn if necessary.

The coffin is often rented, which means you don’t have to worry as much about finding the perfect option.

Final Thoughts

Covering the legs of the deceased is a common funeral custom in various places around the world. Although there are many valid reasons for this, in the end the decision is often left to the family of the deceased.

The most common reason for this is that the corpse is not wearing shoes at the funeral. But it can also be a matter of religious preferences or a money-saving method.

If you need guidance on what is best for you, contact the funeral home. They can help you make the best decision for your loved one.

Sources

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Here at How To Adult, we want you to be armed with the knowledge of both the positive and negative experiences you will encounter in adulthood. That being said, there will definitely be instances where you will suffer losses. This article focuses specifically on the loss of family and friends.

There are many cultural and religious practices that we may not be aware of, so here are the most common ones in Singapore. We would like to point out that this is not a complete guide, but we hope that it will still be useful to you. As we aim to be as accurate as possible, please let us know if we’ve forgotten anything important.

As guests, we should always strive to be respectful of the family of the deceased. A general tip is to always dress simply and use neutral or dark colors. Do not attend a funeral in skimpy or sloppy clothing as this could be seen as disrespectful to the deceased and their family. This tip can and should be applied to a funeral for any race or religion in Singapore.

This guide mainly consists of 3 questions:

What happens at a funeral?

What should you do at a funeral?

When is the best time/day to visit?

Muslim funeral

What happens at the funeral?

When someone dies in a Muslim family, the deceased is usually taken home and buried within 24 hours. This is to ensure that the decomposition process is not visible on the body. The deceased is bathed and wrapped in white towels by selected relatives and in their own home. After that, prayers begin either at home or in a mosque. The deceased are then carried in a coffin by close family and friends and taken to Pusara Aman (the Muslim cemetery) where they are buried.

How are you?

Once you’ve arrived, look for family members you may know and introduce yourself – but don’t get in the way as they may be busy preparing for the funeral and mourning the loss of the deceased. Muslim guests usually join the prayers, while non-Muslim guests can wait outside or sit and listen.

monetary contribution

You can also make a financial contribution to the family of the deceased. There is no set amount as it should be a gift – so give whatever seems enough and give from the heart. An amount of $10 is perfectly acceptable and usually depends on your relationship with family. Place your contributions in an envelope and leave the envelope with a family member of the deceased.

You are not expected to stay all the time. Once you have paid your respects to the deceased and met the family, you can say goodbye. As the family usually charter a private bus to bring relatives and friends of the deceased to Pusara Aman, you can also choose to follow them.

When is the best time to visit?

WhatsApp and SMS are usually the media through which friends and relatives spread the news of the death. We recommend paying respect to the deceased and visiting him in the house and at the time indicated in the messages.

Additional information:

It is important to note that you should not shake hands with someone of the opposite sex, be respectful, and not speak too loudly or laugh, especially if you are in the home of the grieving family. The loss of an individual also extends to the entire Muslim community – which is why you may encounter strangers or even passers-by at the funeral. So don’t panic if you notice someone joining in as the prayers go on.

Buddhist, Taoist, Christian and Catholic funerals

Unlike our Malay friends, the Chinese can have multiple religions in one household. Therefore, there may be some overlap in cultural terms.

What happens at the funeral?

Typically, the family holds a wake for the deceased, lasting 3, 5, or 7 days. An odd number of days is a norm as even numbers are usually symbols of happy occasions. Wakes are held in the homes of the deceased, on empty decks, or in funeral homes.

When held on the Void deck, a Buddhist or Taoist wake can be identified on the yellow tentage, while a Christian or Catholic wake can be identified on a white tentage.

For Christians or Catholics, a funeral mass or service is held on the day of the cremation, which takes place after the wake. This is usually only attended by family members.

How are you?

Upon arrival, you can greet the family and let them know you want to pay your respects to the deceased. You can see the coffin if it’s an open one. At a Buddhist or Taoist wake, you can light a single incense stick and bow to the deceased. It is also acceptable to bow three times without the incense stick. At a Christian or Catholic wake, you can say a short prayer or a few words of farewell to the deceased.

Visitors who do not share the faith or close ties to the bereaved are not required to follow the wake rituals. Your presence is the best gift for the bereaved, regardless of religious differences.

Monetary donation (bái jīn) and condolence gifts

This applies to all religions – it is common practice for family and friends to make cash contributions to help the bereaved with funeral expenses. A donation box is often provided, if not you can give it to a family representative or gift it in a white envelope. Be sure to write your name and donation amount in a notebook next to the donation box or give it to the family member.

Keeping a record of donations is intended to help the family stay accountable for the money raised. Unlike Chinese weddings, there is no pressure on the amount you give. It really depends on how close you are to the family and their financial ability. Friends could also give away funeral wreaths and blankets to express their condolences.

It is believed that in an event like death there is nothing to be thankful for. So family members will let you know they appreciate the donation without saying “thank you.”

Loosely tie red thread around your finger and have it stripped off after exiting the wake

You will often notice a plate of candy, peanuts, melon seeds, and red thread on the table. The common thread is a respectful gesture by the grieving family member to ward off the possible “bad luck” that attending the wake may bring. Before leaving the wake, loosely tie the red thread around one of your fingers and let it slide off your finger before you get home.

When is the best time to visit?

Due to work commitments, friends usually visit on weekday evenings, but it is ideal to contact bereaved family before your visit. Relatives must keep vigil throughout the night during the burial period. If you are a close friend of the bereaved, you will be doing them a great service by staying late to keep them company and awake.

Additional information:

It is acceptable to laugh and chat

Be careful and tactful when speaking to the bereaved. Stay away from questions that cause emotional pain. It’s acceptable to laugh at the wake or talk about anything else that takes your mind off the pain of losing a family member.

Depending on the family, card games or mahjong are also acceptable wake-up calls, but be sure to keep the volume down for neighbors after 10:30pm.

Avoid saying “bye” or zài jiàn

Visitors should walk calmly and not say goodbye when exiting the wake. It is believed that “zai jian” (goodbye) could be taken as an invitation to the deceased to look for you.

TBH, we’re not too sure about that, but “bye bye” is definitely something to avoid at a funeral, too.

Hindu funeral

What happens at the funeral?

The body of the deceased is taken for embalming and returned home or to the funeral home. The body rests 2-3 days before the actual burial, which never takes place on Friday or Saturday due to superstitions surrounding those days.

Buses are usually chartered to the crematorium for those who wish to follow.

How are you?

A Hindu funeral consists of several parts. The first would be the open coffin in the house. This usually happens 2-3 days before the crematorium process. When you arrive, you must first inspect the deceased. Hindus now consider them sacred and will touch their feet in blessing and offer flowers. Offering the flowers is definitely more of a cultural thing – one could even offer them without reciting prayers. However, if you do not share the same beliefs, you can pay your respects without the ritual.

After paying your respects, you should offer your condolences to the family of the deceased.

On the day of the cremation, the deceased will be taken to the empty deck or common area. This is mainly to allow more family and friends to visit the deceased for the last time. Some of the religious rituals are also held here. Strangers may even attend the funeral after hearing their personal stories on the news or via social media. During the funeral procession, allow family and close friends of the deceased to be closer to the body.

After that, you have the choice to follow the family to the crematorium. Buses are usually chartered for those wishing to follow.

monetary contribution

There really is no hard and fast rule as to how much to donate – as long as you donate with the intention of helping the family cover the cost of the funeral. It is best to put the money in an envelope with condolences to the family and your name. Since family takes a huge toll, you could even team up with co-workers or friends to donate a larger amount.

You can give the envelope directly to any family member you know or find someone who is obviously in charge of the funeral. You should note that giving money on the day of the funeral itself is usually difficult as they may be busy with the funeral processions or simply not have a bag with them.

When is the best time to visit?

You can contact the immediate family member or keep an eye out in the newspapers – as an obituary will be published with the date and time of the wake. It will also state the estimated time the hearse will leave for the crematorium, so it’s good to arrive 2 to 3 hours beforehand. As it will be very busy then it is advisable to go a day or two before to offer your condolences to the family – and come back on the last day as well.

If you cannot make it to the funeral, you can also visit the deceased family a week or two after the funeral. Even after the funeral, the relatives are usually prepared for visitors.

Additional information:

Avoid saying goodbye

Similar to the Chinese cultured funeral, one is not supposed to say “bye”. It’s better to just leave with a hug. Hindus see it as a way of saying “bye” to let them know you’ll be back for another funeral.

We understand that the talk of death can be overwhelming for some, but a local guide to funeral etiquette is definitely long overdue. If you have a takeaway, just remember to always be respectful and dress appropriately. Again, if we’ve missed any important information, please excuse us – and let us know if you want us to include it in this article.

“How-Tos” for supporting loved ones in their time of grief

Do you have questions about clothing for a funeral or memorial service? Or are you wondering what to say to someone who just lost a loved one? The following information can help you cope with unfamiliar circumstances.

What to wear to a funeral or memorial service

Appropriate attire for a funeral or memorial service is simple: dress to show respect for the person whose life you are remembering. That means choosing clothes that are more conservative, not flashy or garishly colored. Darker dresses, suits, trousers, jackets and sweaters are appropriate. Flip flops, tank tops, shorts, sundresses, casual tennis shoes and cleavage are not appropriate. While the service may be a celebration of life, many in attendance will grieve. Your goal is to blend in, not stand out.

A special note for teenagers or young adults: They live in a very casual world where jeans and casual shirts are appropriate in most situations. A funeral is not one of them. If this is your first time attending church, talk to your parents or a trusted friend to help you choose your clothes. It’s the nicest way to show family that you care.

What to expect at a funeral or memorial service

Today’s services vary greatly depending on the location of the service and the wishes of the family. Regardless, there are some general guidelines you should know:

A guest book is available for you outside of the service. Please sign it and make your signature legible – the family will appreciate verifying the names of participants and this will be the best way for them to remember your presence. Be on time or early. It is impolite to enter a service after it has started. If you’re late, enter from one side and sit as inconspicuously as possible. As the family processes, wait for them to finish and reach their seats, then enter after them. Seating: The family has a designated seating area, usually at the front or side of the room. This area is marked, so look out for “Reserved” signs and avoid sitting in these seats. If an usher is present, you will be guided to a seat. If an usher is not present, it is polite to enter a row from an aisle to avoid stepping over people who are already seated. As with any event, the seating plan is first come, first served. So if you want a “good” seat, get there early and don’t expect people to move for you. The aisle seats are the most preferred. Enter the room and sit quietly. Turn off your cell phone and put it away. Your behavior should allow those around you to grieve without distraction. There may be an open coffin. At most services, you will be asked to go forward before the service to pay your respects at the coffin. Do not touch the body or surrounding objects or flowers. However, it is not mandatory to proceed if you do not want to. When the family enters, they are instructed to stand until they have entered and taken their seats. Then you will sit. When the service ends, you will be instructed to stand while the family leaves. This recession varies depending on the service and the presence of an open vs. closed coffin. After the service, participants can be led out by walking past an open coffin. It is most polite to follow the group. If you’d rather not see the open coffin, just walk by without looking. If you are not escorted past the coffin, listen for instructions on exiting the service: row by row at will or by escort. If you are going to the funeral and driving, form a line behind the vehicles carrying the coffin and family members. Turn on your lights and follow the car in front of you. When your group is escorted to the cemetery, follow the instructions of the officers; You will generally be waved through traffic lights and stop signs, and as a courtesy, other drivers may stop to let you pass. At the burial site, keep your distance from the burial site so that the family can be seated before approaching. Then gather closer so you can hear the short service. After the funeral, you are free to leave as you please. The family often lingers to speak to guests and they will be your clue as to whether or not you should approach to express your condolences.

How do you express compassion after death?

One of the most common questions we hear is, “What do I say to someone who has just lost a loved one?” There may be special circumstances surrounding the death – an accident, a suicide, an unexpected death during surgery – , which make the question even more difficult to answer. Here are some simple suggestions:

Please speak to the family. You will hear eloquent messages and bumpy messages. But the most important thing is that their grief is acknowledged. If you knew the person fleetingly or only slightly, stick with a short statement: “I am so sorry for your loss.” If you have something positive to add, make the statement a little longer: “I am so sorry for your loss. John was the best teacher I’ve ever had.” If you don’t see family, send a card or note. The same message you would say in person can be written on the card. Make a donation in memory of the person. Most people designate a place of worship, charity, or other organization that has been important to them. The recipient notifies the family of your donation (but not the amount donated). Offer specific help: a guest room for the family who attends church, does grocery shopping, or does other errands, even staying in the family home during church so the home isn’t unattended. Check in later when the frenzy of attention has passed and the days of grief can be long and lonely. A simple phone call that says “Thinking of you” can mean so many things. Share stories that reflect the goodness of the life you remember. Listen. And listen a little more.

What NOT to say after a death

Most families can tell head-shaking tales of inappropriate comments following a death — many well-intentioned but offensive. You should avoid the following:

Your brain is one of the first parts of your body to break down. Within minutes of death, its cells collapse and release water. Then other energy-guzzling organs follow.

That night, microbes eat their way through your gut and escape to the rest of your body. They release toxic gases that make your body bloated and smelly.

Most of your tissues will likely liquefy. But thin skin, like on your eyelids, could dry out and mummify, while oily areas of your body can turn into a soapy substance called gravewax.

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A transcript of the video follows.

Your body is made up of over 200 bones, a few trillion microbes and up to 37 trillion cells. And while death is often seen as the end of the road for yourself, your body still has a long way to go.

It doesn’t take long before your body begins to lose what makes you you. Just a few minutes after death, one of the first things to go is your brain. You see, when your heart stops beating, it stops the flow of blood that’s supposed to carry oxygen to your organs and tissues. So without blood, the most active, oxygen-guzzling organs and tissues go first. And the results are… moist. Because the cells that make up these organs and tissues are 70% water. Without oxygen to keep them alive, the cells self-destruct, spilling all that liquid onto the bottom of the coffin.

That night, an even more disturbing process begins in the gut. Your dying immune system can no longer hold the trillions of hungry microbes that normally help digest the food you eat. So they escape. First, they travel from the lower gut through your tissues, veins, and arteries. Within hours, they reach your liver and gallbladder, which contain yellow-green bile meant to break down fat while you’re alive. But after the microbes eat those organs, that bile begins to flood the body, turning it yellow-green.

From about the second to fourth day, the microbes are everywhere. And they produce toxic gases like ammonia and hydrogen sulfide, which expand and not only make your body bloated, but also stink.

After three or four months, your yellow-green complexion has turned brownish-black because your blood vessels have deteriorated to the point where the iron they contain leaks out and becomes brownish-black through oxidation. Also around this time, the molecular structures that hold your cells together break down, causing your tissues to collapse into a watery mess.

And in just over a year, your cotton clothes will begin to disintegrate as acidic body fluids and toxins break them down. Only the nylon seams and waistband survive. Nothing dramatic happens at this point for a while. But after a decade, when the humidity is high enough, the humid, low-oxygen environment triggers a chemical reaction that turns the fat in your thighs and butt into a soapy substance called gravewax. On the other hand, drier conditions lead to mummification. Yes, of course you can mummify. No packaging, chemicals, or intimidating tools required. Because throughout this decomposition process, water evaporates through the thin skin on the ears, nose, and eyelids, causing them to dry out and turn black, also known as mummification.

After 50 years, your tissues will have liquefied and gone, leaving mummified skin and tendons. Eventually those too will crumble, and after 80 years in that coffin your bones will crack as the soft collagen within them crumbles away, leaving nothing but the brittle mineral framework. But even this shell won’t last forever.

A century later the last of your bones will have crumbled to dust. And only the most permanent part of your body, your teeth, remains. Teeth, grave wax and some nylon thread.

Did you know that a typical funeral in America costs an average of $7,360? The longer a body is kept by a funeral home, the higher the fees at the end of the bill.

Unfortunately, sometimes extenuating circumstances necessitate a delay in the funeral of the deceased. If you find yourself in this situation, you may be wondering how long funeral homes can keep the body before they have to legally bury it.

Since the matter varies from state to state, the answer can be complicated. Regardless, we will do our best to coach you through this difficult time.

What are some reasons someone might have to postpone the funeral?

There are a variety of reasons someone might need the funeral home to keep a body longer than usual.

One of the most popular reasons is when family members are delayed from the funeral.

For example, if someone is pregnant and traveling abroad, they may not be able to fly if they are about to give birth. However, more common reasons – such as an error in the documents – can also occur.

Or maybe the funeral will collide with a graduation or wedding event. In these cases, the body may need to be kept for a few weeks before the funeral service can take place. Another reason is that the body is involved in a criminal investigation.

In these cases, a corpse can be examined for up to a week. Funerals can also be postponed if the person chooses to donate their body to science or donate their organs after they die.

If you need to postpone a funeral, you may be concerned about the additional cost to your bill. Be sure to read our guide to funeral expenses to get an approximate figure. Contact your local funeral home for a more accurate estimate.

What is the Average Time a Funeral Home Holds a Body?

Between the time of death and the funeral service, most bodies remain at a funeral home for between 3 and 7 days.

However, there are many tasks that need to be completed in this time frame, so the service can be slightly delayed by extenuating circumstances.

Which documents have to be filled out?

Before a corpse can be removed from the location where it is being held, you must fill out a death notice.

After you’re done with that, you’ll need to make arrangements to transport the body to either a funeral home or the coroner’s office.

Families having a home funeral may wish to transport the family to their home. If the body is taken to a funeral home, the undertaker must fill out a death registration form.

For this form, the director requires family demographics and medical information about the cause of death. This form, along with a burial permit (if the burial is a burial), is then submitted to the county for approval.

How long does an embalmed body last?

Some people think that embalming completely stops the body from deteriorating, but this is not true.

If you are planning an open coffin burial, do not leave the embalmed body out for more than a week. Otherwise, the embalmed body can last another two weeks.

How long does a refrigerated display case last?

Refrigeration is an alternative method of body preservation that takes longer than embalming. Instead of preparing the body with chemicals, morticians store it in a refrigerator that keeps the body at two degrees Celsius.

However, as with embalming, it’s important to remember that this merely slows the decomposition process—it doesn’t stop it.

A heat sink lasts three to four weeks. Also keep in mind that some states, like North Dakota, don’t allow refrigeration.

Which states have special corporate laws?

There are no federal laws governing how long a funeral home can keep a body. However, most states have some form of law stating that a corpse must be either embalmed or chilled within 24 to 48 hours of the time of death.

Some state laws dictate how quickly a corpse must be preserved or preserved. In some cases, these laws only apply if the body has a communicable disease. We’ve listed the exceptions, but you can find a full list at the Home Funeral Alliance.

Connecticut

Disposal of the body in Connecticut must be made within a “reasonable time.”

Delaware

The body must be disposed of in Delaware within five days.

Washington, D.C

Disposal of the body in Washington DC must be completed within a week.

Indiana

Disposal of the body in Indiana must be completed within a “reasonable time”.

Montana

In Montana, a corpse dying from an infectious disease must be treated in a timely manner with as little handling as possible.

North Dakota

North Dakota requires immediate disposition under certain conditions and all dispositions must be made within 8 days. Also, refrigeration as a preservation method is not permitted in the state.

Ohio

In Ohio, bodies suffering from a communicable disease must be cremated or buried within 24 hours.

Oregon

In Oregon, if a funeral home keeps a body longer than 10 days, it must report it to the morgue.

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We hope this article has helped you learn how long a funeral home can keep a body. As you can see, most funeral homes can store a corpse indefinitely – but there will likely be storage fees.

So if you can, you should speed up the process by finding a reliable funeral home that can take care of the paperwork. If you’ve recently lost a loved one and need help planning a funeral, then look no further than Green Cremation.

We are the first eco-friendly funeral home to offer low-emission cremation and water cremation. To learn more about the two services, contact our company today and get in touch with one of our representatives.

An autopsy, also known as an autopsy, is the examination of a corpse after death. The aim of the autopsy is to determine the cause of death. Autopsies are performed by pathologists (doctors who specialize in understanding the nature and causes of disease). The Royal College of Pathologists and the Human Tissue Authority (HTA) set the standards by which pathologists work. Autopsies provide useful information about how, when, and why someone died. They enable pathologists to better understand the spread of diseases. Learning more about diseases and conditions also benefits patients as they receive more effective treatment in the future. If your child, partner or relative has died and a post-mortem is required, the hospital’s grief officers can offer you support and advice. They will also act as the main point of contact between you and the staff performing the autopsy.

When autopsies are performed An autopsy will be performed when requested by: a coroner – because the cause of death is unknown or following a sudden, violent or unexpected death

a hospital doctor – to find out more about a disease or the cause of death, or to promote medical research and understanding. There are two different types of autopsies. Coroner’s Inquest A coroner is a law officer responsible for investigating deaths in specific situations. Forensic pathologists are usually lawyers or medical doctors with at least 5 years of experience. In most cases, a doctor or the police will refer a death to the coroner. A death may be referred to the coroner if: it is unexpected, such as B. the sudden death of a baby from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

it is violent, unnatural, or suspicious, such as B. a suicide or a drug overdose

it is the result of an accident or injury

it could have been caused by substances the person was exposed to at work (an occupational disease)

it occurred during or shortly after a hospital procedure, such as B. an operation on

the person was not seen by a doctor who can issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD), which is a document that allows the death to be registered, in the last 28 days before their death or at any time after their death

Cause of Death Unknown The main objective of a coroner-requested autopsy is to find out how someone died and to decide if an investigation is needed. An inquest is a legal inquiry into the circumstances of a person’s death. If a relative of yours has died and their death has been referred to a coroner, you will not be asked for your consent (permission) for an autopsy. This is because the coroner has a legal obligation to perform a post-mortem if a death is suspicious, sudden, or unnatural. A coroner may decide to conduct an investigation after a post-mortem has been completed. Samples of organs and tissues may need to be retained until the investigation is complete. If the death occurred under suspicious circumstances, samples may also need to be retained by the police for longer as evidence. In some cases samples have to be stored for several months or even years. The forensic medicine will discuss the situation with you if tissue samples need to be kept for a certain period of time after an examination. Hospital Autopsy Autopsies are sometimes requested by hospital doctors to provide more information about a disease, the cause of death, or to advance medical research. Sometimes the deceased’s partner or relative will request an autopsy at the hospital to find out more about the cause of death. Hospital autopsies may only be performed with consent. Sometimes a person gave their consent before they died. If this is not the case, a person close to the deceased can consent to the autopsy. Autopsies in the hospital can be limited to certain body regions such as the head, chest or abdomen. If you are asked for your consent, this will be discussed with you. During the autopsy, only the organs or tissues that you have consented to can be removed for examination. The HTA recommends that you have at least 24 hours to reconsider your autopsy decision. You should also be given the contact details of a person to contact if you change your mind.

What Happens During an Autopsy An autopsy is performed as soon as possible, usually within 2 to 3 working days of a person’s death. In some cases it may be possible for this to happen within 24 hours. Depending on when the exam is scheduled to take place, you may be able to see the body before the post-mortem. The autopsy takes place in an examination room that resembles an operating room. The exam room is approved and controlled by the HTA. During the procedure, the body of the deceased is opened and the organs are removed for examination. A diagnosis can sometimes be made by looking at the organs. Some organs need to be examined carefully during an autopsy. These examinations can take several weeks. The pathologist will return the organs to the body after the autopsy is complete. If you wish, you can usually inspect the corpse after the examination. Once the discharge papers have been issued, the funeral directors you have appointed may collect the body from the mortuary in preparation for burial.

What happens after an autopsy After an autopsy, the pathologist writes a report of the findings. If the autopsy was requested by the coroner, the coroner or coroner will tell you the cause of death determined by the pathologist. If you would like a full copy of the pathologist’s report, you can request one from the coroner’s office, but a fee may apply. In some cases, the report may be sent to a hospital doctor or GP to discuss with you. If the autopsy was requested by a hospital doctor, you must request the results from the hospital where the autopsy was performed. You may be charged a small fee for this. You can discuss the results with the treating doctor during your hospital stay (if applicable) or with your GP. Visit the HTA website for more information on what happens before, during and after the exam.

The Human Tissue Authority The Human Tissue Authority (HTA) ensures that human tissue is used safely, ethically and with appropriate consent. It regulates organizations that collect, store, and use tissues for research, medical treatment, autopsy, teaching, and public display. All premises where autopsies are performed must be licensed by the HTA.

Bereavement Counseling Many people find it helpful to understand the death of a loved one in order to cope with the loss. Talking to someone and sharing their feelings can also help. Some people find it best to rely on family and friends for support. Your GP can put you in touch with funeral services in your area. You can also contact the national Cruse hotline on 0808 808 1677 or your local Cruse centre. Read more about grieving after a bereavement or loss.

Image Source: White House Archives

Whether you’re attending your first funeral or your 50th, it’s often an uncomfortable situation. Every family is different, and what might be protocol at one funeral might not be the case at another. However, certain social guidelines are universal when it comes to etiquette at funerals and memorial services.

First rule of funeral etiquette: be on time

A funeral is not an event where you want to be fashionably late. If you arrive late, feel free to sit in the back for minimal disruption. If you have to leave early, sit in the back and try to get an aisle seat.

If you arrive on time and unsure where to sit, remember that the first few rows are usually reserved for immediate family members.

What to wear (or not)

Image source: Pixabay

While you don’t necessarily have to wear all black to a funeral, you probably want to avoid bright, bright colors. Think understated. When in doubt, go to the conservative side.

Business casual is a safe bet. That means no flip flops. No shorts. No sweats. No crop tops. No super short hems and no plunging necklines.

The exception to this would be where the deceased had previously requested that funeral guests wear a particular type of clothing. Some people ask friends and relatives in advance to forego somber moods and opt for a colorful funeral instead.

Some advice, literally

Family members often form a reception line to greet guests at the funeral or memorial service. When meeting family members, remember that they may not know you and your relationship with the deceased. Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Send your condolences and move on. Don’t monopolize the mourners. Give others the opportunity to share their support.

It’s obvious, but…

It goes without saying (but we’ll say it anyway) that if there’s ever a time and place to turn off your mobile device, it’s at a funeral. Do this out of respect for the deceased and their family.

Imagine your cell phone ringing during a heartfelt eulogy. The old saying “do to others” certainly applies here.

Photography/videotaping may be acceptable depending on religion. However, it boils down to the wishes of the family. Some families may want reminders of the occasion, while others prefer not to capture their raw emotions for posterity.

Open coffin services

Funeral etiquette does not require you to see the body at an open-coffin service. If this makes you uncomfortable or overly emotional, by all means keep your distance. In fact, an open coffin is forbidden at Jewish funerals.

Entry in the guest book

Image source: Wikimedia

You may feel tempted to write a condolence letter, but this is not the place to do so. Just write your name and, if you like, your relationship to the deceased.

What should I say (or not)

When expressing condolences to family and friends of the deceased, keep it simple. Acknowledge your own feelings of sadness and add a loving memory or loved trait of the deceased.

Don’t try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, as everyone deals with grief differently. For the same reason, avoid comparing the loss to something you have experienced yourself.

When the shoe is on the other foot…

Most of the advice you’ll see regarding funeral etiquette is aimed at guests. But the family of the deceased is also expected to abide by societal mores during this difficult time.

When preparing a eulogy, avoid anecdotes that would cast an unfavorable light on the deceased. That doesn’t mean you should give up humor. In fact, a little humor can ease the tension and also provide genuine insight into the life of the deceased. A eulogy should be between 2 and 10 minutes long.

After the funeral, you should send thank-you notes to everyone who sent a card, gift, or flowers. If you donate to a place of worship, do so separately from your thank-you letter to the clergy.

Whether you are grieving or have been invited to a funeral, know that proper funeral etiquette can also depend on the type of funeral. If in doubt, you can always contact the funeral home, an extended family member or a close friend of the deceased.

6 / 12 iStock/Zoran-Zeremski Encourage children to get involved As a general rule of funeral etiquette, children under the age of seven should not attend a funeral service. However, Cunningham recommends treating each individual case differently, depending on the child’s relationship to the deceased and their personality. A child who cries during the ceremony (especially an infant or toddler) should be kept at home with a babysitter, but older children can play a significant role in the service. “It’s a good thing to help kids fear death less and see what generosity is all about by getting involved in some way,” says Cunningham. Children are also welcome to sing during the service or even color a picture for the grieving family. When used purposefully, children can be a thoughtful, comforting presence at any funeral ceremony.

7 / 12 iStock/Ondine32 Offer to take photos Taking a few photos at the service could bring back positive memories if done tastefully. Although you should never, if ever, photograph the deceased during the ceremony, “I’m not against the funeral selfie,” says Cunningham. The Emily Post Institute recommends finding a time before or after the service (and away from the mourners) to snap a quick photo with relatives or friends reunited for the event. And if you have the opportunity to take some respectful photos of the flowers or the place of worship, make sure you offer your photos to the family as well. “The grieving family doesn’t have time to fret about it during the ceremony,” says Cunningham. “If you can document something that triggers positive memories, I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.” Otherwise, proper funeral etiquette is to leave your smartphone off and in your pocket or purse until you get home. Here’s what you need to know about proper etiquette when dealing with social media deaths.

Posted September 15, 2021 by Bevis Funeral Home under Funeral Etiquette onbyunder

When people get together for a funeral, it can almost feel like a family reunion. However, unlike at a class reunion, wedding or other event, different rules of conduct apply at the funeral service. This is especially true when it comes to photography. Most people have a smartphone-shaped camera in the palm of their hand at all times, but the constant snapping of photos at a funeral can be inappropriate, disruptive, or even hurtful. Here are some guidelines to follow when it comes to taking photos at a funeral.

As a general rule, no photos inside

Unless specifically requested by the family of the deceased, it is not appropriate to take pictures at a funeral service or at a gravesite. People attending the funeral may grieve or even cry, and taking photos is an invasion of privacy.

This is especially true when it comes to taking photos of the deceased. Never take photos of an open coffin, or even with the coffin in the background, unless specifically asked to do so. Whether you intend to be frivolous or not, it is disrespectful to the deceased and those who mourn them.

when it may be appropriate

While it’s disrespectful to take photos of yourself at a funeral, many people still want to document their loved one’s day and gathering. It is more appropriate to take photos outside of the venue, or even in a completely different location, either before or after the service. Consider asking the close family of the deceased if they are okay with you doing this.

When taking photos, keep a sober and respectful tone and try not to disturb those around you. Keep it short and sweet and avoid taking selfies. You should take photos with the intention of preserving family memories, not to make yourself look good.

Share photos online

For many people, sharing photos online hardly warrants a second thought. When sharing photos at a funeral, however, you need to consider the feelings and wishes of the grieving family. Even if you asked permission to take the photos yourself, you must ask permission again before sharing them.

Don’t share the photos immediately after the service, or worse, during the service itself. Try to wait at least a day before posting anything about the ministry online. Your focus on the day should be on the deceased and the grieving loved ones, not on sharing photos. When you post them, pick one or two rather than creating an entire album about the funeral. Click here for more information on appropriate use of social media after a death.

If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of ​​sharing memorial service photos online, there are many other ways to share and preserve memories. Share the photos you take with your loved ones via SMS or email, or print them out for a personal photo album. The bereaved family will appreciate your consideration and sensitivity at this difficult time.

The bottom line: be considerate

When it comes to funeral etiquette, it’s a good idea not to be entirely tied to your phone. Cell phones, while great for bringing people together, can be a distraction at what should be a sacred time of mourning. You want grieving family and friends to know that you are there to support them and honor the deceased, not to spoil their day.

When deciding whether to take photos at a funeral, consider the service you will be attending and the people who will be present. It may be appropriate to take a group photo at one funeral and totally inappropriate at another. Funeral etiquette is less about a specific set of rules and more about being considerate of others in word and deed.

Bevis Funeral Home is here to help you through tough times. Our bereavement support resources are always available to help.

As with many other things in life, it is important to know proper funeral etiquette. There is a specific protocol that must be followed before, during and after the funeral and burial, especially if the deceased person is of a particular culture or religion.

Pre-Funeral Etiquette After receiving the news that a loved one has died, take a moment to offer your condolences to the family. If the deceased is a close family member or friend, a quick phone call to express your condolences is fine. Express to the bereaved that you are sorry for their loss and offer to help plan the funeral or memorial service. If you plan to visit in person, make sure you don’t stay too long – maybe 15 minutes at most – long enough to express your sympathy. Related Articles How to Create an Obituary in 11 Steps

Family Constellation for a Funeral: Proper Order and Etiquette

Funeral etiquette for relatives of the deceased

Proper pre-funeral etiquette Other proper pre-funeral etiquette includes: Sending a condolence card or message.

Sending a small condolence gift or floral arrangement to the home of a surviving family member.

Make some oven-ready dinners.

Offer to look after children or pets in the household.

Offer to help clean the house or take care of any grocery or yard chores that may need to be done.

Etiquette at the Funeral Home, Church, or Cemetery Attending a wake, funeral, or funeral is never easy. There are many things to consider before you go.

Children at Funerals Unless the deceased was an immediate family member or very close friend, young children, especially babies and young children, should not attend as it is very difficult for them to remain quiet during the service or funeral stay and be busy. Older children should be encouraged to attend as it is important for them to understand death and what burial etiquette is expected. Ultimately, parents decide whether or not their children should attend a funeral. However, if you decide to bring a child to a church service, be sure to leave the room if they become loud or disruptive.

Proper Funeral Attire While black formal attire is not always required at the funeral, smart casual attire is acceptable. You should dress in attire that shows respect for family and includes: Smart jeans

evening shoes

Men’s collared shirt

Women’s dress, skirt or dress pants You should not wear: Shorts

Flip-flops or torn, worn-out tennis shoes

Swimsuits or halter-style tops

Too short mini skirts

t shirts

Sheer, torn, or revealing clothing

Clothing with vulgar or inappropriate logos, words or images

Etiquette for Wearing Sunglasses at a Funeral When it comes to wearing sunglasses at a funeral, there are no set rules of etiquette. Decades ago, women wore veils to a funeral to hide their faces and emotions. Since veils have gone out of fashion, women are now using sunglasses for the same purpose. It is acceptable to wear sunglasses to a funeral, but remember: the sunglasses should be classic in style with no embellishments. The simpler the better.

Sunglasses are perfectly appropriate for outdoor funerals.

It is perfectly acceptable for a man to wear sunglasses even to a funeral.

With eyes watering, swollen and red, people will understand if you keep your sunglasses on indoors.

If possible, remove your sunglasses when conversing with someone. Eye contact is so important in communication.

When it’s dark inside the church or when it’s getting dark outside, it may be best to remove your sunglasses so you don’t trip or fall.

Funeral Seating Funeral etiquette involves where people sit at the wake, funeral, or burial. Most of the time, any seating is acceptable except for the first rows of pews or chairs, which are usually reserved for immediate family members. If you are unsure of the correct seating arrangement, contact the funeral home for information.

Funeral Donations or Gifts In such cases, simple is best. Simple floral arrangements or plants can be gifted or mailed to the funeral home. Often, in lieu of flowers or other condolence gifts, families will ask for monetary donations to a preferred charity. It would not be proper funeral etiquette to resist these wishes.

Post Funeral Etiquette Depending on the culture and religion of the deceased and their family, most funerals end with a customary breakfast or lunch, either in a restaurant, hall/box, or at the family home. It is proper funeral etiquette to attend this gathering; However, keep a close eye on the clock and do not exceed your reception. This gathering is usually more light-hearted and informal, and in most cases children of all ages are welcome.

Funeral Etiquette Goes Beyond the Burial Even after the funeral and burial are over, the family’s grief will continue for an uncertain amount of time. Etiquette at the funeral afterwards includes: Checking in with the family regularly to see how things are going.

Send a card or a short note expressing your concern about how they are doing.

Give the name of the deceased when visiting family.

Setting up a memorial in the name of the deceased.

On holidays, anniversaries and birthdays in memory of the family.