My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me Because Of My Drinking? Top Answer Update

One of the biggest challenges many recovering alcoholics face is sexual intimacy with their partner. Many believe that once they get sober, their sex life will automatically resume, but that’s rarely the case. Unfortunately, addiction and recovery from addiction can take their toll, and sexual problems are common, especially in the early stages of recovery. Both the person in recovery and their partner may have issues with intimacy that can make lovemaking difficult. Below are some of the most common issues that can affect sexual intimacy during recovery.

hormones

Many male alcoholics lose interest in sex due to the fact that alcohol lowers testosterone levels. In addition, liver damage increases estrogen levels, which can lead to the development of female characteristics such as loss of body hair and breast enlargement. Male alcoholics often find that these symptoms persist during early recovery until the body returns to normal and estrogen levels drop. Sex drive often returns once these symptoms have disappeared.

Female alcoholics are also affected in terms of sex drive. As testosterone levels drop, so does their interest in sex.

Low self esteem

Many alcoholics suffer from low self-esteem, especially in the early days. They may feel unworthy and not good enough, which can affect their ability to be intimate with their partner. This low self-esteem can lead to erectile dysfunction in men and decrease sexual desire in both sexes.

Damaged nervous system

The nervous system is often damaged by alcohol, which means the nerves leading to and from the clitoris and penis become affected. As a result, many male and female alcoholics can have trouble reaching orgasm. The good news, however, is that blood vessels and nerve endings tend to repair themselves during recovery, and permanent damage is rarely a problem.

fear of failure

Recovering alcoholics who have suffered from sexual performance in the past may be reluctant to attempt recovery again for fear that the problems will return. They have had the opportunity to blame poor performance on alcoholism in the past, but now that alcohol is no longer a part of their lives, they may worry that their poor performance was not related to alcohol at all. However, the more they worry and the more afraid they are, the longer they will try without it and the worse the problem will become. It can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

resentment

A partner of a recovering alcoholic may find it difficult to become intimate again because of resentment. While the person in recovery may not have been aware of many of their actions while under the influence of alcohol, their partner has been aware of everything. He or she may not feel sexual desire for the partner who has caused so much pain for so long. This can be a big barrier that can take a long time to fix.

Bad memories

Sex during addiction may have been unsatisfactory for both partners. It may have been abusive and unfulfilling, and the memories of it may make both partners reluctant to try again. It may have been a painful experience that the alcoholic was rude or sloppy. This can make thoughts of sex unattractive.

improvement of the situation

The good news is that sexual intimacy doesn’t have to be compromised forever. Many of the problems will resolve themselves over time, but those that are more psychological than physical need to be addressed. It’s a good idea for both partners to discuss their issues, either with each other or with a qualified counselor.

Alcohol and its effect on relationships

Sometimes alcohol can be used as an excuse for bad behavior, but finding that you often fight with your partner when drunk could uncover underlying issues in your relationship.

If alcohol is affecting your relationship, the best time to bring it up is when you’re both sober.

If you’re both drinking, it’s helpful to support each other and say things like, “Why don’t we try to drink less together?” Then you can both motivate each other. You may also want to agree on how you will help each other with this, for example by making a pact that you will set a limit for yourself.

Remember that your drinking and arguments may affect others, e.g. B. Family members and especially children.

If only one of you drinks, then that person must accept that their drinking is causing a problem in the relationship before you can begin to address the problems it is causing.

Take our test to see if you’re drinking too much

While breakups are almost never easy, the pain experienced during and after a divorce or the breakdown of a long-term relationship can be as overwhelming and all-consuming as the grief. Society often tells us to put our makeup on and move on after a heartbreak, but emotionally and psychologically, the loss of a relationship can feel almost like the death of a loved one. Your whole life can be uprooted as you are forced to let go of the future you had envisioned with this person and deal with the financial and logistical aspects of severing ties. Many people turn to alcohol during this difficult time to manage their emotions and numb themselves, but drowning your heartache in this way will only slow the healing process and complicate an already stressful situation. A recent study found that divorced people are more likely to drink too much than married couples. This can be due to a variety of reasons, including depression, boredom, more time spent dating and socializing in bars, and a lack of constant accountability to another person. While alcohol use and depression are often linked, the relationship between the two is dangerous and unhealthy. Alcohol increases depressive symptoms over time, and finding temporary relief from intoxication prevents you from processing your emotions in a productive way. After a breakup, when you’re more likely to behave inconsiderately, alcohol can make you do and say things you’ll regret and wish you’d made choices that preserved your dignity. When children are involved in a separation or divorce, alcohol consumption can have serious ramifications when it comes to child custody disputes and your children’s emotional well-being. Developing a drinking problem not only discourages you from being around and engaging with your children, it also increases the likelihood that your children will turn to alcohol themselves during difficult times. Alcohol abuse can also be used in court to determine if you are a healthy parent during child custody hearings. When it comes to your children, numbing your pain in a way that puts you at risk of addiction and many other life-changing consequences is simply not worth it.

If you’ve been drinking to cope with the painful loss of a relationship, there are better, healthier ways to start healing. At Arbor Behavioral Healthcare, you will meet knowledgeable, compassionate professionals who understand addiction in all its forms. The Arbor uses an integrative and holistic approach to treating addiction and mental health issues. No treatment is one-size-fits-all, and at The Arbor, we have a team of experts prepared to create your customized treatment plan. We provide care for your body, mind and spirit so you can heal from the inside out and look forward to a life of sobriety and wellbeing. When you are ready to take the first step in your recovery, please call us at 844-413-2690.

Breakups are the worst, especially when you’re the one being broken up with.

But what all breakups have in common is the consumption of varying amounts of alcoholic beverages during, before, or after the breakup.

Since it’s so common, I thought, why not give you a list of different types of breakups and the alcoholic beverages that go with each one?

Let’s start.

The “It’s not me, it’s you” breakup

This separation is on your terms. In other words, they burn and you get flipped.

Often this happens when you’ve done everything you can to save your relationship and it still doesn’t work. Or you’ve found that you deserve better.

Either way, you’ve had enough and you’re done.

Your choice of drink: Red Bull Vodka

Red Bull gives you wings and let’s face it: you fly like hell!

You’re energized, you feel like yourself and nothing is going to stop you from getting out there and blowing off some steam.

Red Bull keeps you going, while the vodka makes it easier to announce that you’re single and ready to mingle.

The ghostly separation

We’ve all either been ghosted, have ghosted someone else, or know someone who has been ghosted.

This usually happens in a “friends with benefits” situation, when you’re dating someone who you only call when you’re drunk or lonely.

They like each other but not really enough to bond.

In other words, you like to keep your options open, but hey, you have needs.

Ghosting is the most common breakup in situations like this, and they’re never fun because a person is always thinking, “WTF? Why aren’t you answering my calls or texts?”

Drink of your choice: Adios Motherfucker

That has totally two meanings. But that’s the drink you order when you’re on a mission to waste yourself ridiculously.

You have one goal in mind and that is to get drunk AF and possibly make some bad decisions.

I mean I understand. Your ego is hurt and you need to feel better. So, why not say “YOLO” and jump back onto Tinder for an instant feel-good connection?

The mutual separation

Ah, the mutual separation. This is for mature people.

These types of breakups are their own breed. You did your best, but all was lost.

You’re hurt, they’re hurt, you feel like shit, and they feel like shit. It’s a pretty crappy situation overall.

However, you both know that it is for the best and that you will get over it in time.

Your choice of drink: red wine

It’s unfortunate, but you need to feel your feelings in order to process them, accept them, and move on.

Red wine can ease the pain, make you shed a few tears, and even help you admit that you knew it wasn’t going to work.

Never underestimate the power of red wine. It is known to bring about revelations in heartbroken people.

The first love breakup

This one hurts and it hurts.

You don’t know how to deal with your feelings, your world is over and absolutely NOBODY understands you.

For many of us, this happens before we are of legal drinking age. So most likely you asked an older cousin, friend or someone else in that category to buy you alcohol while you were deciding what chaser you would drink with it.

Drink of your choice: A glass of vodka or a liqueur of your personal choice

Most of the time, this alcohol handle is gross because it’s so cheap.

But you’re young, you don’t have any money and frankly you don’t care. All you want to do is forget and numb the pain that is your broken heart because you will never love again.

The Ultimate Separation

Whoop, that’s a dork.

This is kind of a make-it-or-break-it decision, and guess what? you broke it

You gave them an ultimatum and were not selected. Your world is collapsing.

I mean how could they not choose you? Don’t you know what’s missing? How could they?

Let it all out honey

Your choice of drink: Fireball or Whiskey

You need something strong! You must be able to feel that burn in your chest when you take that shot because you’re pissed!

This betrayal hurts, and the burning simulates the hell you’re about to invoke.

They cheated so the breakup is over

you have been scammed You have been cheated on the ultimate level.

You gave everything and they had the courage to get lost.

Drink of choice: shots of tequila — lots of it

To summarize this picture, your name is Lil Jon and you’re yelling, “Shots!” in the middle of the club while they give zero fucks.

You have been burned at the highest level and you drink to forget. Pretty soon the tequila starts to take effect.

Before you know it, gunshots turn into body shots and you have that handsome thing in the corner buying your next round.

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Every breakup is a terrifying (but inevitable) experience.

It doesn’t matter if the relationship ended well or badly, nor does it make much of a difference if you are the person in charge or the one who is left.

Breakups are a loss of connection that inevitably affects both parties.

Contrary to what we might think, breakups can be hard on men too, and not in the way we usually expect it to be.

We often think that guys don’t feel so bad about a breakup because they don’t show intense emotions about it.

In some cases, they don’t respond to the breakup until several weeks or months later.

This is because they might think the breakup is only temporary.

Since men and women have very different ways of expressing their feelings, it’s also possible that we misunderstand their breakup habits.

How exactly do guys behave after a breakup?

Here are 17 things he can do:

1) It goes to sleep on its own.

We often associate “hibernation” with animals that are preparing for winter. bears hide in their dens; Squirrels pile on nuts before the snow begins to fall.

When men go through a breakup, they tend to self-isolate in the same way.

Instead of burying themselves in a log, the boys go and stock up on junk food, video games, and movies while figuring out how to deal with their broken hearts.

Perhaps, like women, they find solace in curling up on a couch with some ice cream.

A breakup often leads to depression and lack of energy, so don’t be too surprised if they sleep a lot.

The hibernation tactic is a defense mechanism against the pain.

Unlike women, men prefer to be alone even after the breakup. Between binge-watching and napping, they might take some time to process what happened.

They may wonder what they could have done to fix the relationship before the breakup.

If he’s the one who did the dumping, he might reconsider his choice.

And if he’s the one who got fired, he might be wondering if the reasons for the breakup are valid.

In any case, hibernation allows them to distract themselves and take care of themselves.

2) He’s into self-destructive behavior.

This is one of the most enduring myths about breakups.

Men experience pain of varying degrees and degrees after the breakup, especially if they were emotionally invested in the relationship or seriously attached to their partner.

We don’t see that because men are trained to put on a tough exterior, so they don’t allow themselves to grieve their loss properly. They are afraid of being judged for being too teary or girly.

Without an outlet for these emotions, it’s not uncommon for self-destructive tendencies to surface after a breakup.

Excessive drinking, smoking, and other addictions are usually the habits that a heartbroken man would turn to.

Breakup can even make an existing addiction worse.

In situations where a man quits substance abuse at the urging of his ex-partner, he could actually relapse and return to addiction with a vengeance.

The psychology behind this behavior is that men think self-destruction is a way of getting back at their partner. It’s like a guy wanted to show his ex how she ruined his life.

Some men even take this idea of ​​revenge to the next level. After a breakup, they feel unfairly treated; Your pride is hurt.

However, since it’s not considered manly to cry about it or ask a friend to listen to them, they might lash out at their ex-partner to “protect” themselves.

He can say something cruel to his ex or leak their personal chats, pictures and videos. If the situation escalates, he might even stalk or physically harm his ex-partner.

3) He is trying to get back together with his ex.

Do men miss their ex after the breakup? Of course they do. They are human after all.

However, some men have a habit of calling their ex-partner at some point after the breakup and asking if they can get back together.

They may even go out of their way to make grand gestures or convince their ex’s friends that he wants to start the relationship over again.

Men crave intimacy just as much as women do.

Even though a man enjoys the fun single life, they also enjoy being in a relationship.

Guys like to protect girls they care about and be the person they rely on.

The thing is, they often don’t get their ex back because they don’t know how to go about it. Trying to convince your ex through logical thinking will never work.

It’s human nature to always come up with a counter-argument, especially on such emotional issues.

What you need is an action plan based on solid human psychology. And relationship expert Brad Browning has one for you.

Brad is nicknamed “the relationship freak” for a reason. He is a bestselling author and provides advice on his hugely popular YouTube channel.

In this simple and genuine video, he shows you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you back.

No matter what your situation — or how badly you’ve screwed it up since the breakup — Brad Browning will give you a set of useful tips you can apply right away.

Here is a link to his free video again.

4) He looks for rebound relationships.

Sometimes when a man goes through a breakup, he becomes something of a playboy.

He goes from one casual fling to the next and has a series of rebound relationships that don’t last very long.

Although we mostly see this character in movies and TV, this guy also exists in real life.

Men tend to go through rebound relationships for a variety of reasons:

He wants to avoid dealing with his feelings.

He doesn’t want to be alone.

He’s not comfortable with the loss.

He wants to boost his self-esteem after a rejection.

He must feel wanted.

He wants to prove something to his ex (and himself).

He feels the need to “catch up” on missed opportunities.

According to psychology, rebound relationships are a man’s way of regaining his pride after a breakup — especially if he was the one left.

As fleeting and hollow as these relationships are, they serve as validation to replenish his self-esteem. Having a string of successful rebound conquests reassures a guy that he’s good enough; that he’s still attractive to women or that his ex was the real problem.

For men, it’s also a way to save face. Jumping into another relationship “proves” that he wasn’t in pain and that the breakup wasn’t that big of a deal.

As for the unfortunate rebound, it often only serves as a temporary distraction.

Even if the relationship gets semi-serious, it’s doomed from the start because the guy hasn’t properly processed his feelings about the breakup.

Striving for rebounds and flings can be detrimental to men in the long run.

It’s unhealthy behavior because it makes guys ignore the sting of rejection and doesn’t speak out to them.

So when his next serious relationship rolls around, so does the unsolved baggage.

What about women who also have rebound relationships?

It’s less common, but it happens. Most women are also equipped with the emotional tools they need to process the negative feelings brought on by the breakup.

5) He talks less.

A strange phenomenon that occurs in men after a breakup is that they go through a robotic state of silence.

In everyday life, they speak little and only react passively to what is happening.

And while they’re still keeping up with their responsibilities, they’re not really fulfilling them at the same level as before.

They may also neglect to socialize, pursue hobbies, or participate in events and activities that they once found worthwhile.

If you ask them what’s going on or what’s on their mind, they might just answer “nothing.”

This odd behavior can look frighteningly like the signs of depression, but it’s not always the case.

Guys say and do nothing because they use the time to relax or sort things out. It is unlikely because they are deeply sad and unable to function.

Rather, it’s more of an emotional shutdown until they’re ready to face it. In terms of robots, it’s like a reboot phase that happens from time to time.

Why does this phenomenon occur?

Well, for one thing, men aren’t usually good at talking about their feelings.

They are expected to stay strong, so they struggle to deal with all of their raw emotions. It’s possible that their brains will shut down for a while just for them to deal with.

6) He plays the blame game.

Men tend to have two negative reactions: blaming themselves for the breakup or blaming their ex.

The first, self-blame, is less common. The guy repeats his mistakes in the relationship and suffers from them.

He becomes mentally or emotionally unhealthy because he takes on everything that went wrong, even if it’s out of his control.

The far more common answer is the opposite. Guys blame their exes and accuse them of being the real reason the relationship ended.

For example, the couple breaks up because the girl caught her boyfriend cheating on her with another girl.

In return, the guy flips the situation by saying it’s the girl’s fault for not spending enough time with him or giving him the attention he wants.

This form of gaslighting is incredibly damaging to the exes involved.

Blame is a way of gaining false control over the situation.

It’s a cycle of negativity that can become a pattern for a man’s future relationships because he doesn’t quite learn the lesson that relationships are two-way streets.

If he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his share of breakup failures, he’s doomed to face the same problems in his next relationship.

7) Would you like advice specific to your situation?

While this article examines the most important things to know about a man after a breakup, it can be helpful to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences…

Relationship Hero is a website where highly qualified relationship coaches help people in complicated and difficult love situations, e.g. B. whether you should get back to your ex or move on. They are a very popular resource for people facing this type of challenge.

how should i know

Well, I turned to Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a rough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in thought for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it going again.

My coach was experienced, empathetic and really helpful.

In just minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation.

Click here to start.

8) He pretends not to care.

Men experience certain emotions during a breakup, much like women do.

You are faced with feelings of extreme pain, anger, confusion, failure, sadness, and emotional numbness, in no particular order.

Unlike women, they are usually unable to cope with this flood of emotions. They put on emotional bandages and “walk away” from the situation, but the memories come back to haunt them.

To distract and ignore these feelings, they feign indifference. This is especially evident when they run into their ex and are forced into a conversation.

Most likely, the guys would talk about the breakup boringly and monotonously, devoid of any feelings.

They hide their sadness because they think they are weak or unmanly. Instead of showing how they feel, they try to smile and move on with their lives as before.

This type of male behavior can be really counterproductive because they end up prolonging their pain by hiding it.

The best way for a man to overcome the pain of a breakup is to let the feelings flow.

Instead of using energy to make yourself look and feel better, it’s better to cry or break something or even sleep it off.

It’s natural to feel crappy after a breakup anyway, so men should embrace the healing process.

9) He spends more time with friends.

For many men (and even women), post-breakup feels like spending time with friends you trust.

Men particularly enjoy private drinking sessions with male friends because they can vent their emotions, albeit in a drunken manner.

Engaging in such social activities is not always as destructive as it first appears. In fact, spending more time with friends helps men:

Take your mind off the first few days after the breakup, which are the hardest

Overcome feelings of loneliness and worthlessness

Help them cope with their social situation as a new single person

Reconnect with friends who may have neglected you throughout the relationship

Remind yourself that there are people who love you and care about you

On the other hand, damming up feelings and avoiding friends can only amplify their negative emotions — potentially leading to a mental health issue.

When a man talks at length about a relationship with his friends, he’s probably on a better path to recovering from heartbreak than most.

10) He takes up a new hobby.

It’s an often-overlooked behavior, but men turn to new hobbies to help them cope with a breakup.

They use the extra time of their new single life as a chance to catch up on hobbies, activities, or other opportunities that they may have sacrificed while in a relationship.

Common choices include learning to cook, playing an instrument, or playing sports.

Other productive activities include hiking, camping, mountaineering, and other nature-related, healing hobbies.

Men try new hobbies to remind themselves that they don’t actually have to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled.

Hobbies are also a fun way to distract yourself while you learn new skills.

Aside from hobbies, some people also choose to travel when their work allows it and they have money to spare.

It’s a way to physically distance herself from her exes and realign her perspective.

11) He twists the truth.

It can be too painful to admit the real reason behind a breakup, which is probably why men tend to distort the truth as a post-breakup strategy.

When he confides in his friends about the breakup, he might say something like:

“Oh, it was a joint decision.”

“She was too needy and clingy.”

“I didn’t really like her.”

“I was planning to break up with her anyway.”

While these statements aren’t necessarily true, guys do it to reinforce the message that they’re resilient to injury.

He wants to show people that he’s strong, that he’s the bigger one.

And deep down, he also wants to use his words as a weapon against his ex; he tries to convey that she didn’t mean that much to him.

Brad Browning taught me that. Hands down, he’s my favorite “get your ex back” expert.

If you want to learn his simple “reverse psychology” technique to make your ex want you back then watch this very short video here.

Brad reveals how this very effective method actually works.

12) He tries new experiences and lifestyles.

When men go through a breakup, they like to try something new. Sometimes it can be simple changes to their routines and habits.

Other times, guys venture out to meet new people while volunteering, traveling, or attending fun classes. In more extreme cases, they can even experiment with their entire lifestyle and upgrade their home or personal style.

Trying new experiences allows men to reconfigure and reconnect to a world that no longer revolves around their ex.

Men’s behavior changes after facing a painful situation because they don’t express their pain to anyone. Instead, they choose to let go of other things in their lives and hope something stays.

13) He tries to erase old memories.

Women are known collectors when it comes to relationships. They keep everything that seems important to them even after a breakup, such as letters, movie tickets, boxes of chocolates and other mementos from the time. On the other hand, guys are the complete opposite. Unless it’s something unique, men are more likely to destroy all keepsakes soon after a breakup to relax their mind.

Aside from physical objects, guys also establish a no-contact rule. He avoids being friends with his ex-partner right after the breakup.

This includes blocking them on social media, deleting their cell phone number and deleting their photos on all devices.

Men would also avoid physical spaces associated with his ex.

Whether the place has a significant memory or there is a high probability of meeting his ex, guys will not enter certain clubs, restaurants or cafes.

All of these strategies help speed a man’s healing process as he isn’t constantly bombarded with memories of what he just lost.

14) He blocks his ex on social media.

Women tend to make the mistake of thinking that getting blocked on social media by their ex-partner is a minor move, or something that suggests he didn’t care about them at all.

However, reducing exposure to social media is a preferred method of men and is indeed a recommended step.

Blocking an ex on social media isn’t out of spite; Most men do it because they don’t want to deal with negative emotions.

Looking at their ex girlfriend’s social media might make them feel sad or even stalker because he would know exactly what his ex is up to.

Staying away from social media is actually more of a self-preservation tactic against insecure feelings and bad thoughts.

15) He dedicates more time to his tasks.

You’ve probably seen a guy recover from a breakup like it was nothing

Suddenly he is a model employee who spends his weekends with his family or does voluntary work on the side.

He’s suddenly more responsible and proactive instead of being silly or distracted. It’s a sudden change, but it seems to be working.

After a breakup, some men choose to escape from work, family commitments, or social concerns. After all, it seems to be more productive than drinking, smoking, partying, or sleeping around.

However, what if a man could channel that determination into his relationships (even with his ex-girlfriend)?

The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology and gets to the heart of what a man really wants in a woman.

He wants to stand up for her and offer her something that no other man can. In other words, he wants to be her everyday hero.

The thing is, male desires aren’t complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior, and this is especially true when it comes to how men approach their relationships.

The hero instinct is probably the best kept secret in relationships and knowing it can give women an unfair advantage in love.

If you want to know how to use your hero instinct to make your man fall hopelessly in love with you, watch this excellent free video.

16) He reevaluates himself and his relationships.

According to male psychology, men are most vulnerable during a breakup period.

They feel rejection, abandonment, and resentment, which can lead to behavior changes that go unnoticed. On the plus side, this time also gives them space for quiet introspection.

Men would reflect on their lives, the choices they’ve made, their flaws and virtues, or even what they really want in a partner.

Those existential moments are a good thing because they increasingly attune to who they are.

The experience may also nudge them in the right direction for the future.

Some guys may also pay attention to the relationships they have with friends and family.

Depending on how they react to the breakup, a man might cut ties with unhelpful people and strengthen his bonds with those who support him.

17) He seeks self-improvement.

A devastating breakup can be hard on both partners, leaving both people depressed and their worth questioned.

However, once the pity party is over, some guys take their fresh start as an opportunity to fix old mistakes.

These can be simple changes like active training or something more complex like pursuing their career goals.

What should you do now?

Breakups suck, but they don’t always have to be that bad.

Finding a silver lining in the experience can help you grow into a more mature person, ready to take future emotional challenges one step at a time.

The alternative is to get your ex back. True love is hard to find and some couples are just happier together than apart.

If you need help getting him back then you need to watch relationship expert Brad Browning’s excellent free video right now.

This video is not for everyone.

In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a woman who has experienced a breakup and rightly believes the breakup was a mistake.

Brad Browning has one goal: to help you get an ex back.

A certified relationship counselor and with decades of experience restoring broken relationships, Brad will give you a foolproof plan to get him back. He reveals the messages you can send and things to say to your ex to make him think, “Yeah, I made a big mistake!”.

Click here to watch his simple and authentic video.

Can a relationship coach help you too? If you want specific advice about your situation, speaking to a relationship coach can be very helpful. I know this from my own experience… I contacted Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a rough patch in my relationship. After being lost in thought for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it going again. If you’ve never heard of Relationship Hero, it’s a site where highly qualified relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. In just minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation. I was blown away by how nice, empathetic and really helpful my coach was. Click here to start.

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11 signs you are dating an alcoholic

You may suspect that your significant other is an alcoholic, but it can be difficult to determine for sure as alcohol use ranges from high-functioning alcoholism to alcohol abuse. Signs that you are dating an alcoholic include personality changes when they drink, not appearing drunk after drinking copiously, and a history of alcohol abuse in their family.

Here are eleven signs you may be dating an alcoholic:

They drink alone1 They drink to the point where most of their social life or hobbies involve alcohol3,4 Their alcohol consumption takes up a significant portion of their day1,5 They drink to the point where their behavior and personality changes change (e.g. loved one is generally calm and nice but becomes cruel and easily irritated the more they consume)3,4 They drink large amounts on a regular basis1,5 They don’t seem to get intoxicated to match the amount they drink3 ,4,5 They drink so much that it interferes with other important parts of their day, such as work, routine or self-care.1,4,5 They drink to the point where they are in trouble in various areas of their lives or on a legal level 1, 5 They find ways to access alcohol even if they don’t have enough money to pay the bills, let alone buy alcohol3,4,5 They struggle i limit their alcohol consumption and become increasingly restless when not drinking3,4,5 They have a history of alcohol use and abuse in their family This is evident at family gatherings, in interactions with their family members, or even in stories they tell about their tell family3

How Dating an Alcoholic Can Affect You

While you may see how alcohol affects your loved one, it’s important to remember that their alcohol consumption also affects you and your relationship. It is not uncommon for significant others of alcoholics to have difficulties themselves, especially if the significant other is also recovering from drug use.

Dating an alcoholic can have the following effects on you:

Feelings of fear, frustration, or “crazy” 6, 7

Difficulty or disturbance in sleeping 7

Social isolation or limited social engagement with your support system, especially long-term 7

Sacrificing or ignoring your physical or mental health 1, 4, 6, 7

Reduced commitment to your shared hobbies because your significant other no longer wants to pursue them instead of consuming alcohol 6

Emotional, physical, or sexual domestic violence or abuse 4, 6, 7, 8

Increased relationship stress due to a significant increase in disputes over your significant other’s drinking 6, 7, 8

Significantly increased or sole responsibility for household chores because your significant other drinks or has a hangover 6, 7

Financial stress or a tight budget because your significant other prioritizes alcohol over your bills 6, 7

Increased stress of being the main source of income if your significant other lost their job due to drinking 6, 7

Possible problems with alcohol consumption on your page 7

Unreasoned frustration and anger with children or animals in your household, especially on a long-term basis when you may be living with your significant other 7

Threats to your safety or the safety of your significant other 7

Suicidal thoughts, especially long-term7

10 tips for dealing with dating an alcoholic

If you suspect your significant other is an alcoholic, remember that you are not alone. There are several ways to deal with this type of situation, including sharing your concerns, stepping back, setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, sticking to a routine, attending a support group or therapy, and leaving if you feel feel insecure.

Here are ten tips for dealing with a relationship with an alcoholic:

1. Share your concerns

As someone’s significant other, you are an observer of their life. It may be helpful to share your observations and later concerns about his drinking while he is sober. It’s important to stay calm, state your concerns clearly, and give them time to process the conversation. Keep in mind that they may not address your concerns.1,2

2. Set clear boundaries

As you care for your significant other, it’s important to set boundaries that clarify your expectations, discourage you from allowing their drinking, and protect you both. Setting boundaries can sound like this: “It’s your choice whether you drink, but I won’t hide it from you and I won’t make excuses for you at events.” Setting and maintaining these boundaries can be difficult, especially for a loved one, but it can help you both.1,3

3. Give yourself space to step back and not blame yourself

People often blame themselves for their significant other’s drinking or become bogged down in coping with the problem. Remember, you are the only person who can make decisions about your drinking. Also, keep in mind that it may be related to mental health issues that are beyond your control. By stepping back, you maintain boundaries and protect both without activating their behavior.1,3

4. Take care of yourself by meeting your needs and sticking to a routine

When dating an alcoholic, it can be easy to lose track of your wants and needs. By allowing yourself to maintain your personal routine and work toward your own goals, you take care of yourself, maintain a sense of normalcy, and give yourself space to “be you,” so to speak. It’s important not to lose yourself in your significant other’s recovery process, even if you’re in a relationship with them.1,2

5. Learn coping skills to manage stress and negative emotions

Maintaining boundaries and stepping back can create or increase negative emotions such as anger, resentment, frustration, and fear. Stress can fuel these emotions significantly and you may not know how to deal with them. Learning coping skills to identify the trigger, become aware of your feelings, and calm down can help improve your emotional regulation and peace of mind. Coping skills include breathing exercises, journaling, listening to music, and affirmations.4,7,10

6. Contact a trusted friend or family member

Studies show that people who date alcoholics can experience separation from friends and family, especially in long-term partnerships or marriages.7 When you talk to someone about your situation and how you feel, you can distance yourself from a loved one or someone you trust person feel supported. It can also be helpful if you are planning to leave the relationship or need to make a plan if your alcohol use worsens.

7. Consider participating in support groups or group therapy

Support groups and group therapy, although different types of support, can be helpful. They can help you validate yourself, make you feel less alone, and strengthen your support system. They can also teach you how to manage and acknowledge difficult, negative emotions. In addition, support groups such as Al-Anon and group therapy offer opportunities to learn more about yourself, your communication style, and how you deal with alcohol.1,2,7,9,10

8. Consider meeting with a therapist or doctor

A therapist can help you with individual counseling to process the difficulties of your situation and to assess other psychological problems. In general, a family doctor or a psychiatrist with an M.D. make an assessment of whether you are interested in medication to relieve symptoms, especially if you have started to have more severe symptoms such as suicidal thoughts, severe anxiety, major depression, etc.1,2,7,10

9. Explore couples therapy

Couples therapy can help you communicate your needs, experiences, and concerns. It also explores the way you fight, how you express your feelings with each other, and more. Considering couples therapy could help you process your feelings about alcohol use, work toward harmony, and adopt healthier behaviors for yourself and each other.10

10. Don’t stay if you don’t feel safe

Research shows that individuals who consume/abuse alcohol are more likely to engage in domestic violence, particularly when intoxicated. In addition, some substance use programs indicate that when intoxicated, alcoholics are more likely to threaten their own lives or the safety of loved ones. If you don’t feel safe, whether because of a history of domestic violence, active abuse, or threats of abuse, leave the situation and relationship.2,6,7

When to get help for your significant other’s drinking problem

It can be difficult to know when your significant other has crossed the line from occasional drinking to alcohol abuse. If they are highly functional, it could be beneficial for them to seek treatment; However, a diagnosis of Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a definite sign.5

If you notice your significant other showing warning signs of alcoholism, consult a psychiatrist who is trained in drug use. Understand that if your significant other is emotionally, physically, sexually, or otherwise abusive, it is highly recommended that you leave the situation and relationship.

Where to get help

Finding support for your significant other can be confusing if you are unfamiliar with the resources. If they consume daily and throughout the day, they may experience physical withdrawal symptoms. This stage requires medical supervision as seizures, hallucinations, etc. can occur. Look for an alcohol rehabilitation center to help with detoxification. The center can then transfer you to inpatient or outpatient treatment.

If the person is not that heavy but consumes regularly, there are several options available. For those who have limited or no insight into how alcohol may be affecting their lives and health, an intervention with family and friends can sit with them and calmly process these concerns as a group.

If your significant other is interested in or agrees to treatment after the procedure, then finding a therapist in the area who has substance use training or is licensed is a good place to start. You can also visit a rehabilitation center that offers outpatient therapy. Medical support may be an option at some centers.

If your significant other isn’t quite comfortable seeing a therapist, going to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) can help. AA generally offers an online meeting finder site that mostly offers online and in-person meetings.11

Final Thoughts on Dating an Alcoholic

Dating and trying to help someone who is struggling with drinking can be overwhelming. Remember you are not alone. There are resources for you and your significant other. These resources include support groups, therapy (group therapy, family therapy, individual therapy), and more. If you feel insecure or are being abused in any way, leave the relationship and the situation.

Alcohol-related liver disease (ARLD) refers to liver damage caused by excessive alcohol consumption. There are several degrees of severity and a number of accompanying symptoms.

Symptoms of Alcohol-Related Liver Disease (ARLD) ARLD does not usually cause symptoms until the liver is severely damaged. If this occurs, the following symptoms may occur: Nausea

weight loss

loss of appetite

yellowing of the eyes and skin (jaundice)

Swelling in ankles and abdomen

confusion or drowsiness

Vomiting blood or blood in the stool This means that ARLD is often diagnosed during testing for other disorders or when the liver is at an advanced stage. If you regularly drink excessive amounts of alcohol, tell your GP so they can check to see if your liver is damaged.

Alcohol and the Liver With the exception of the brain, the liver is the most complex organ in the body. Its functions include: Filtering toxins from the blood

support of food digestion

Regulation of blood sugar and cholesterol levels

Helping Fight Infection and Disease The liver is very resilient and able to regenerate itself. Every time your liver filters alcohol, some of the liver cells die. The liver can develop new cells, but prolonged alcohol abuse (excessive drinking) over many years can impair its ability to regenerate. This can cause serious and permanent damage to your liver. ARLD is very common in the UK. The number of people with this condition has increased in recent decades due to increasing alcohol abuse. Read more about the causes of ARLD.

Stages of ARLD There are 3 main stages of ARLD, although there is often overlap between each stage. These stages are explained below. Alcoholic fatty liver Drinking a lot of alcohol, even for just a few days, can lead to fat buildup in the liver. This is called alcoholic fatty liver disease and is the first stage of ARLD. Fatty liver disease rarely causes any symptoms, but it is an important warning sign that you are drinking in a harmful amount. Fatty liver disease is reversible. If you stop drinking alcohol for 2 weeks, your liver should return to normal. Alcoholic hepatitis Alcoholic hepatitis, unrelated to infectious hepatitis, is a potentially serious condition that can be caused by prolonged alcohol abuse. If this develops, it may be the first time a person realizes that alcohol is damaging their liver. Alcoholic hepatitis can occur less frequently if you drink large amounts of alcohol in a short period of time (binge drinking). The liver damage associated with mild alcoholic hepatitis is usually reversible if you stop drinking permanently. However, severe alcoholic hepatitis is a serious and life-threatening condition. Many people die from this disease in the UK each year and some people do not realize they have liver damage until their condition reaches this stage. Cirrhosis Cirrhosis is a stage of ARLD in which the liver is extensively scarred. Even at this stage, there may be no obvious symptoms. It’s generally not reversible, but stopping alcohol consumption right away can prevent further damage and significantly increase your life expectancy. A person who has alcoholic cirrhosis and does not stop drinking has less than a 50% chance of living at least 5 years.

Treatment of Alcohol-Related Liver Disease (ARLD) There is currently no specific medical treatment for ARLD. The main treatment is to stop drinking, preferably for the rest of your life. This reduces the risk of further damage to your liver and gives it the best chance of healing. When a person is addicted to alcohol, it can be very difficult to stop drinking. However, support, advice and medical treatment may be available through local alcohol counseling services. A liver transplant may be needed in severe cases when the liver stops working and doesn’t improve when you stop drinking alcohol. You are only eligible for a liver transplant if you have had complications from cirrhosis of the liver even though you have stopped drinking. All liver transplant units require that a person refrain from drinking alcohol while awaiting transplantation and for the rest of their life.

Complications Death rates associated with ARLD have increased significantly over the past several decades. Alcohol abuse is one of the leading causes of death in Britain today, along with smoking and high blood pressure. Life-threatening complications of ARLD include: Internal (variceal) bleeding

Accumulation of toxins in the brain (encephalopathy)

Accumulation of fluid in the abdomen (ascites) with associated kidney failure

liver cancer

increased susceptibility to infection Read more about the complications of ARLD.

Prevention of Alcohol-Related Liver Disease (ARLD) The most effective prevention of ARLD is to stop drinking or to follow recommended limits: Men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 units per week on a regular basis

spread your alcohol consumption over 3 days or more if you drink up to 14 units per week. A unit of alcohol is approximately equivalent to half a pint of regular strength lager or a pub liter (25ml) of spirits. Even if you’ve been a heavy drinker for many years, reducing or eliminating your alcohol consumption has important short- and long-term benefits for your liver and overall health.

Visit our drinking and alcohol pages for more information and advice.

Video: Liver Disease In this video, consultant hepatologist Mark Wright explains liver disease and how stopping alcohol can help.

Recognizing that you or someone you know has a problem with alcohol can be difficult. We’re getting mixed messages about drinking. You’ve heard about the dangers of drinking and driving, binge drinking and alcohol poisoning. You may have heard about the benefits of moderate drinking. How do you know if you or someone you care about is in an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? Here are some warning signs that can help you determine if you’re drinking at an unhealthy level. Knowing the warning signs can help you seek the help you need or encourage loved ones to recognize the signs and seek help.

Signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship with alcohol include:

If you drink more than 4 drinks in a day or 14 a week (men)

If you drink more than 3 drinks in a day or 7 a week (women)

If you drive and drink under the influence of alcohol

If you are unable to meet your work, school or family responsibilities because of alcohol consumption

When you can’t remember what you did after getting drunk

If you have done something while drinking that you feel bad or embarrassed about

If you find yourself drinking more than you planned, or once you start you can’t stop

If you have been told by a family member or healthcare professional that they are concerned about your drinking

If you have alcohol-related illnesses

When you need a drink to get you going in the morning

If you feel a strong need or compulsion to drink

If you drink alone or hide your drinking

if you experience physical withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, sweating or tremors without alcohol. Withdrawal is a serious condition. Please consult a doctor immediately if you experience this symptom

​

Times to avoid alcohol consumption:

In certain situations, the risks of drinking alcohol may outweigh the potential benefits. For example when:

you are underage

You are pregnant or trying to get pregnant

You have been diagnosed with alcoholism or alcohol abuse, or have a strong family history of alcoholism

You have liver or pancreas disease

You have heart failure or have been told you have a weak heart

You are taking prescription or over-the-counter medications that may interact with alcohol

You had a hemorrhagic stroke

Access to the Community Health Network (ACCESS)

ACCESS’ medical and behavioral health teams are here to help with any concerns or questions you may have related to unhealthy alcohol use or abuse. We work with our patients to look for problems, educate them, and intervene and treat when necessary. If you think you or someone you care about needs help, take the first step and contact ACCESS to schedule an appointment today. Together we will help you determine your next steps towards a healthier life.

“But there’s nothing wrong with having something

A few drinks?”

That’s what we used to think! But here’s the thing…

Alcohol is a psychoactive drug that alters your cognition, cognition, behavior, and mood. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it causes a lot of your stress, anxiety, and irritability. Crazy hey?!

“But it helps me and makes me feel good…”

It may seem so, but that is a misunderstanding. We drink to feel better, but alcohol artificially stimulates your brain’s pleasure and reward centers. It tricks your brain into making you feel great, but at the same time alters other brain chemicals that increase feelings of depression. Because alcohol is a depressant, it cannot relax you or make you feel better. It will temporarily slow your thinking but won’t really relax you. Once the alcohol wears off, your stress and anxiety return, often more than before.

And that’s not the only mistake, there are many more:

Alcohol helps me sleep well? nope! Alcohol is one of the most misunderstood sleep aids out there… trust me, it won’t help you fall asleep. In fact, it does the complete opposite, disrupting your deep restorative sleep (REM) cycles, leaving you feeling tired and irritable. This affects your focus and energy levels and prevents you from being a high-performing person.

Wait. So my habit of drinking to make myself feel better is actually making me sad, anxious, tired, hurting my self esteem and preventing me from being on the cutting edge? YUP!

The risks of alcohol tolerance

Drinking patterns can change over time and you may find yourself drinking more than before. This could mean that your alcohol tolerance has increased. But drinking less can help you reverse your tolerance to alcohol and reduce your risk of serious health problems.

When you drink regularly, the receptors in your brain gradually adapt to the effects of alcohol. This means that the same amount of alcohol will have less of an effect on you in the short term. This causes you to drink more alcohol to get the same feeling.1

It’s really important to realize that tolerance for short-term effects doesn’t mean your health risks are less. In fact, you could be at greater risk because you may not realize how much you’re drinking.

Your body doesn’t build tolerance to the damage alcohol can do to your liver, heart, intestines, and other organs.

When it comes to relationships, opposites attract. Or at least they say so. From the little things like the “right” way to put the toilet paper on the TP roll to the bigger things like drinking habits, partners aren’t exact replicas of each other. Nor should we want it.

“When one member of a couple drinks more than the other, it really comes down to whether or not their drinking creates friction between them,” Dr. Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in addiction in trauma therapy, narrates Hectic. “If they’re both okay with each other’s drinking levels, [then] great!”

But, like Dr. Feinblatt says if that’s not the case, then it’s time to talk about it. “There needs to be healthy and clear communication between [the couple] on this issue,” says Dr. fine sheet. “Just like there has to be something else causing discord in the relationship.”

Because drinking is such a big part of our culture and can be dangerous, it’s not something to be taken lightly. This is even more true when one partner is in recovery and the other is not. For those who are sober and in recovery, alcohol can be a much bigger trigger than those who are not sober might understand.

“When you’re sober because you’re in recovery, alcohol can be a trigger, especially in early recovery,” MJ Gottlieb, co-founder and CEO of Loosid, a dating app for sober people, tells Bustle. “In this case, it’s extremely important that your partner understands your challenges so [they] take the necessary steps to avoid those triggers.”

For couples with mismatched drinking habits, here are seven tips to help.

1 Talk About It Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Like anything in a relationship that’s out of sync, you need to talk about the problem. Gottlieb has found that for people who are sober but not recovering, their partner’s ideas about having fun while drinking can be very different. “[It can] be a nuisance when your partner’s idea of ​​a good time is going to the bar for all-you-can-drink margaritas,” says Gottlieb. “This is where it’s best to exercise some common sense and compromise. After all, relationships are about compromise. Gottlieb suggests that if the partner who drinks more really needs to go out and drink all those margaritas, then let them go out on their own. You can do other things together.

2 But choose your words carefully When it comes to any kind of communication, especially in a relationship, you should never be accusatory. But you also want to be direct. dr Feinblatt suggests using “I” statements to communicate effectively on this topic. “[The couple] would need to practice expressing their needs and wants using ‘I’ statements and making sure they understand the other before responding,” says Dr. fine sheet. Although our society welcomes drinking with open arms and sometimes even laughs at intoxicated situations that should be a cause for concern, no one wants to be accused of having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. That is why it is necessary to tread lightly. “When it comes to alcohol, it can be difficult because people can become defensive if they think they’re being labeled a problem drinker,” says Dr. fine sheet. “So it’s good to enter these kinds of discussions without swearing or labeling things.” The more neutral the conversation is, the more productive it becomes.

3 Have a Social Events Schedule Hannah Burton for Bustle If you and your partner’s drinking habits are really at odds, it can be a good idea to have a social events schedule. “If excessive drinking is ever a problem, one way to deal with this challenge is for the couple to make a plan ahead of time and limit the number of drinks planned for the night,” says Zainy Pirbhai, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Los Angeles Family Therapy, says Bustle. “If excessive drinking isn’t a problem, one strategy a couple can employ when their drinking habits don’t match up is an alternative drink.” As Pirbhai explains, people sometimes drink decaffeinated coffee or tea when reducing caffeine intake. Anyone who drinks alcohol can also reduce it in their own way. “You can find an alternative that you enjoy drinking if your partner drinks alcohol,” says Pirbhai. Because who doesn’t love Shirley Temple?

4 Understanding Each Other’s Choices No matter how different your and your partner’s drinking habits are, there needs to be respect and understanding on both sides. People drink, don’t drink, drink heavily, or drink very little for so many different reasons. “There can be important causes of different beliefs and behaviors related to alcohol use,” Beth Irias, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in addiction and the president and founder of Clearly Clinical, tells Bustle. As Irias explains, if a partner grew up in a household where an alcohol use disorder was a problem for one or both parents, “drinking to a visible buzz can be scary for a partner.” Pirbhai expresses a similar opinion in Regarding the difference in alcohol consumption. “I think that why couples have different drinking habits may also play a role in how they deal with it,” says Pirbhai. “If one partner drinks less for health or family reasons, it can potentially create distress if the other partner drinks much or even more than the other.” The behaviors we have today and the people we are today, have everything to do with the past that formed us. Whether that past was early childhood or even something that happened just six months ago, we are affected. As Pirbhai Bustle says, by understanding the why and how of your partner’s behavior, you can “avoid misunderstanding or future resentment.” And if a partner wants to get sober for whatever reason, that’s another aspect to understand. “Sit down with your partner and try to understand why he or she wants to get sober,” says Gottlieb. “There is a saying: ‘No explanation is necessary for those of us, no explanation is possible for those who are not among us.’ That being said, I believe it’s still very important to try to get the best possible understanding to help your partner in their journey.” Despite what our culture would have us believe, not everyone enjoys drinking and not everyone is affected by alcohol in the same way.

5 Recognize that someone’s decision to drink (or not) has nothing to do with you Hannah Burton for Bustle Even if you think that whether or not you and your partner drink the same amount affects you, it doesn’t. How much a person drinks has nothing to do with you or anyone else – unless of course it affects your harmony as a couple. “People care too much about why other people don’t drink,” says Gottlieb. “The truth is the other person is still drinking. You drink your drink, she drinks hers. She just doesn’t have alcohol in her drink.” At the end of the day, your life choices and the choices you make for yourself are your own. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you don’t drink as much as everyone else or not at all. Excessive drinking, on the other hand, should be investigated as a possible problem.

6 You both need to be aware of the situation If you’re not a heavy drinker and new to a relationship, you need to be honest first. That’s when you need to be mindful of your differences — that is, when you, the more sober one, are at a point where you can date someone who drinks. “When you first meet her, like on a date, it’s always best to be open,” says Gottlieb. “If the person can’t respect your decision not to drink, then that’s a good sign they’re not the right partner for you.” Our culture may be okay with drinking, but that doesn’t mean everyone is it says, and again, you don’t owe anyone explanations. Also, nobody owes you an explanation for why they like to go out every weekend. But if you’re trying to hook up with a drinker, let them know that certain things, like having alcohol around the home, can be triggering and tempting. It’s about being considerate and paying attention to each other’s differences. It is also this consideration and mindfulness that should be part of any equation where alcohol is involved.

7 Know Your Limits Andrew Zaeh for Bustle One of the questions I asked Gottlieb was if it’s okay to cut off someone who’s drinking more if they’re getting out of control. As he explains, it’s difficult – and in more ways than one. “If your partner needs to be cut off regularly, they most likely need to investigate their relationship with drinking,” says Gottlieb. “If it happens every now and then, OK, share a few laughs about it.” But as Gottlieb points out, “occasionally” can sometimes become a pattern, and that’s a problem. It’s not your job to watch your partner and take his alcohol away; At this point, it’s your job to step in and speak up for someone you love who may have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and can’t see it.

It’s not uncommon for my boyfriend to come home after work and have a beer or two. For me, the idea for this will always be exactly that: an idea. Having been sober for four years, it’s not part of my routine to have a drink when I get home from work.

When I first started sober, I couldn’t have imagined dating someone who was a casual drinker, but my boyfriend and I have been together for three years now and have had minimal conflict when it comes to alcohol. For the most part, we make it work.

Here are a few tips for dating someone who drinks in recovery.

1. Communicate with each other.

Of course, this helps in any relationship, but I’ve found it’s especially important when one person drinks and the other doesn’t. No matter how well you know each other, it is not possible to read another person’s mind. Because of this, I have to tell my boyfriend when I’m feeling nervous and don’t want to be around alcohol. On the other hand, I let him know if I’m okay with going out and hanging out with people who drink. Keeping communication open is crucial for someone in recovery.

2. Try to understand the other person’s point of view.

As someone who has never had a problem with alcohol, my boyfriend sometimes finds it difficult to understand what it’s like to be sober. On the other hand, I have a hard time understanding what it’s like to be someone who can have a healthy relationship with alcohol. We know that neither of us will ever fully understand each other’s side, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. There are times when we need to sit down and have a solid conversation about what the other person is feeling and thinking and try to express what our own experiences are with regard to alcohol.

3. Plan ahead.

When we go somewhere that has a drink, my friend likes to ask me if I need him to get some non-alcoholic beer, soda, or fizzy water. He knows I’m more comfortable around people who drink, as long as I have something nice to drink, too. I never said that to him specifically, just something he overheard himself. Somehow he recognizes that I feel left out when I’m around alcohol and he does what he has to do to make sure that doesn’t happen.

4. Be OK with doing your own thing sometimes.

There are times when I’m just not ready to go out and drink, but I know my boyfriend would love to. On such occasions I just tell him to go without me. While we enjoy spending time together, it’s still important to us to be our own people. If he wants to go out and drink with his buddies, I’m fine with that. I remind him to be safe and to call me if he needs a lift. I think being OK with this situation is crucial in relationships where one person is sober and the other is not. The sober person’s life choices should be respected and understood, but at the same time they should not dictate the other person’s social life. It’s about balance.

5. Try to learn from previous experiences.

Although my boyfriend and I mostly do well when it comes to our relationships with alcohol, there have been times when we’ve had arguments about it. My relationship with alcohol doesn’t always make sense to him and vice versa. I got angry sometimes when he got too drunk and he got angry when I’d rather spend another night at home than go out. Although there are still sometimes conflicts over these instances, we have learned from our past mistakes. On the rare occasions that he does get drunk, I now realize it has nothing to do with me. He doesn’t try to rub my sobriety in my face or make life harder for me. Chances are he just got a little carried away, like most people who drink do from time to time. The discussions about alcohol are like any other aspect of a relationship as it is important to learn from the past and move forward.

There is no manual when it comes to being sober and having a relationship with someone who still drinks. The reality is that the dynamics in such a situation will be different for everyone. You just have to take it as it comes and be patient while learning. The key to a successful relationship is openness, frankness and honesty.

Contact a treatment provider today for more information on treatment options.

Once you quit, can you stay with a partner who isn’t ready to get sober?

When one spouse drinks but the other does not

It takes two to tango, but you can’t get your partner to relax with you. If you’ve gotten sober but your significant other isn’t ready to quit, setting healthy boundaries and communicating clearly are keys to successfully staying sober.

In an ideal world, everyone around you would support your plans to stop or moderate your drinking, smoking, or drug use. Ideally, drugs and alcohol would disappear from this world once you decided to quit.

But we don’t live in an ideal world, we live in reality. And in reality, you’ve probably hung out with people who, like you, used drugs, drank, or smoked. And just because you’ve decided to change something doesn’t mean they will.

So how do we fit our sobriety into the real world? What if the people we love drink or take drugs in ways we no longer love?

When relationships hurt your sobriety

When a Spouse Gets Sober…

I dated a guy on and off for most of my young adult life. We got into a lot of trouble together. By the time I got home from rehab he had moved out of his own apartment, living in my apartment since he didn’t have a house of his own and growing weed there (and smoking it every night).

He did not support my recovery program and became jealous of my new friends. Despite my best intentions to stay sober, I started smoking weed with him at night and eventually reverted to my hard partying way (I didn’t even like weed!).

Cutting people out of your life isn’t easy, but when you’re newly sober and the people around you are heavily involved in unhealthy behaviors, how will maintaining a relationship with them while sober will help you?

And my story is not rare. When we use substances in unhealthy ways, we often use humans in the same way. We have unhealthy boundaries, and building healthy relationships in recovery takes time.

“When we consume substances in unhealthy ways, we often consume people in the same way.”

Understanding triggers: A crucial key to early sobriety

Triggers are internal feelings or emotions, or external people, places, or things that create cravings for drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. I still have songs that remind me of dancing high on drugs all night. If I take one look at an ad for a drink presented in a certain way, it will look good to me. Just for a second. These songs and alcohol ads are triggers.

It’s very likely that if you’re an ex-smoker, being around cigarette smoke and people smoking will be a trigger for you. If you’ve been an opiate user, seeing people snorting pills or injecting heroin could be a trigger. If it doesn’t trigger for you, another possibility? It could really, really annoy you.

This is why boundaries are particularly important in early sobriety. Know your triggers, but also know that you may not yet understand everything that triggers you. Be smart, set healthy boundaries, and set yourself up for success.

Do you want to learn more about your external triggers, like the people around you? Check out this Workit exercise unlocked just for you from the Workit program: Homies, Haunts and Habits.

Clear communication: Ask your partner what you need

In early sobriety, it’s difficult to know exactly what you need from other people. Why? Because it’s hard to know what you need from yourself. For this reason, dating is often discouraged when you’ve just gotten sober. It takes time to figure out who you are and what you need without chasing a constant buzz.

But what if you are already in a relationship? The best thing you can do is communicate honestly what you need without expecting them to change their behavior. Use “I” statements and set clear boundaries. Once you set those limits, stick to them.

Don’t simmer in silent resentment while your partner is drinking as usual or getting high because you’re not sure if you should say something. You may have no idea it’s affecting you or making you uncomfortable. It’s the same as always for her.

“Your partner may have no idea it’s affecting you or making you uncomfortable. It’s business as usual for them.”

Questions to Consider: How is your relationship with your partner now that you are in recovery?

Can you bond with your partner now that you are recovering? Or did you need alcohol or drugs to feel butterflies?

Does your partner put you at physical risk or engage in criminal activities? When it does, it directly impacts your ability to stay safe, happy, and healthy.

Do you and your partner enjoy doing things together other than drinking or using drugs?

Can you make yourself understood sober?

Could any of you be struggling with other mental health issues? Many people who struggle with addiction also struggle with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

Think about these questions. There are no right or wrong answers. Talk to a trusted coach, advisor, sponsor, friend, or family member (other than the partner themselves) if you need a second opinion on what’s going on. You can go to a 12-step meeting or an online support group and share the situation. People have been there and will be able to relate to it.

Resolution Strategies: Ways to deal with a partner who is still drinking, using, or smoking after you’ve quit

I don’t drink, but my partner does

If your spouse has trouble drinking and is either unable or unwilling to stop drinking, they may be battling an alcohol use disorder. Alcohol addiction is a serious problem that hampers many people across the country. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that over seven percent of American adults have a problem with alcohol, totaling nearly 14 million Americans. In order to understand how to deal with a husband who drinks too much, it is important to educate yourself about the problems that alcohol addiction causes.

Alcohol addiction is a deadly disease that affects millions every year. If you think your husband may be suffering from alcohol abuse, getting help earlier can make all the difference. Contact our 24/7 hotline at 855-281-5588.

How much alcohol is too much?

Questioning alcohol consumption and limits will always be different for each person. How much alcohol did you drink last week? It’s a simple question, but it can still prove difficult to answer. Research from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) highlights patterns of alcohol use, emphasizing that the reality is that routine drinking has ups and downs for everyone. That is, there are often periods of low consumption interspersed with episodes of heavy drinking. During the holiday season, for example, people’s alcohol consumption tends to increase. However, when alcohol consumption does not follow usual trends, it can raise many difficult questions. Why is my husband drinking so much? How should I deal with alcohol abuse?

While everyone’s relationship with alcohol is different, it is clear that drinking too much alcohol can be detrimental to a person’s overall health and well-being. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), excessive alcohol consumption is responsible for 88,000 deaths in the United States each year, including 1 in 10 deaths among working-age adults ages 20 to 64.

The Mayo Clinic defines heavy or heavy drinking as drinking more than three drinks per day or more than seven drinks per week for men over 65. For men under 65, heavy drinking or heavy drinking is defined as drinking more than four drinks per day or more than fourteen drinks per week. Learning how to deal with a husband who drinks too much first means identifying a problem with alcohol use.

Why is Alcohol Addiction a Health Problem?

The CDC provides a list of criteria that highlight how much alcohol is considered too much. In addition, family members need to consider basic health concerns as new information and research becomes available about the harmful effects of alcohol abuse.

Alcohol addiction doesn’t always appear in the same way. In fact, there are varying degrees of alcohol abuse, and the consequences can vary drastically from person to person. Alcohol dependence occurs when a person’s need to drink requires larger amounts to achieve the same effect. In many ways, the person may no longer be aware of the adverse effects of continued alcohol use. The reasons for alcohol abuse are not always clear. What is clear, however, is that alcohol addiction can lead to behavioral problems and major health problems.

Be aware that long-term alcohol abuse or binge drinking can lead to health problems, including:

Breast cancer, mouth, throat, esophagus and liver cancer

pancreatitis

Cardiovascular muscle damage and heart failure

Stroke

hypertension

liver disease

Suicide

accidental injury or death

brain damage

Fetal alcohol syndrome (in pregnancies)

alcohol withdrawal syndrome

No one wants to become an alcoholic, but regular, heavy drinking can lead to alcohol dependence and alcoholism. If you’re trying to figure out how to deal with a husband who drinks too much, explaining these potential negative effects can be a good place to start.

How Alcohol Abuse Affects Family Relationships

Alcohol abuse is not just an individual problem. It often destroys marriages and disrupts relationships between family members, friends, and even work colleagues. American addiction centers warn of marital and family problems linked to heavy drinking.

People who drink heavily have a 60 to 70 percent higher rate of spousal abuse and neglect. They often experience financial difficulties caused by excessive spending on alcohol, absenteeism, lack of work productivity, and mismanagement of the family budget.

Alcohol often leads to fights. Because it affects family health and happiness, other family members, such as spouses and children, may also show signs of growing mental health problems. Often family members develop symptoms of codependency. Children of alcoholics are often:

Scared

Depressed

Stressed

Difficulty forming healthy relationships

Additionally, children are more than three times more likely than adults to abuse alcohol when witnessing and experiencing the effects of alcohol abuse in a given household. Finding a way to protect children while learning how to deal with a husband who drinks too much is a monumental task. Fortunately, there are many sources of alcohol for spouses and other family members looking for a break from the cycle of alcohol abuse.

signs of alcohol abuse

Carol Galbicsek pointed out that there are warning signs for excessive drinking in the Alcohol Rehab Guide.

She suggests that the spouse ask the following questions:

Does your spouse have temporary power outages?

Does he show short term memory loss?

Is he frequently irritable, distracted, angry, and/or impatient?

Does he have extreme mood swings?

Does he find excuses for his drinking, such as a need to relax or relieve stress?

Has he started ignoring family responsibilities and duties?

Has he isolated or socially distanced himself from family, friends and co-workers?

Does he drink alone?

Has he started hiding the extent of his drinking?

Does he complain of headaches and other hangover symptoms even when he doesn’t drink?

Has his appearance and personal hygiene deteriorated?

Have you noticed any changes in his circle of acquaintances?

How to deal with a husband who drinks too much

Dealing with someone who drinks too much is no easy feat. Depending on how alcohol affects an individual, it is important to understand that unsafe drinking habits can lead to unsafe situations within a given household. Dealing with a husband who drinks too much can feel almost impossible, and many spouses can suffer from anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

When seeking support, it’s important to find outside help, especially from people experienced in dealing with substance abuse. If you’re unsure how to address alcohol abuse, the following tips may help provide some clarity. When emotional or physical abuse occurs, the first priority is to keep family members safe and removed from situations where the abuse can escalate. Finding helpful resources can be a top priority for people whose husbands are struggling with alcohol abuse.

In addition, specialists in alcohol recovery offer the following suggestions:

Keep the lines of communication open

Express your concerns calmly and lovingly. It’s important to choose a time when your spouse is sober and approachable. A clear mind usually makes it easier to discuss problems that arise from alcohol abuse. By keeping lines of communication open, your goal is to draw attention to the harmful effects of alcohol and to remind your spouse that they have your support when they are ready to seek treatment or rehabilitation care.

Discuss the causes of your spouse’s drinking.

Heavy drinkers rarely like to drink. More often they drink because of life situations that can cause fear, anxiety, depression, worry and other negative expressions. Addiction specialists should begin treatment by addressing alcohol abuse and mental health issues that may lead to or contribute to persistent drinking. By recognizing these cycles, treatment and care can prove to be more effective.

Give specific examples of a drinking problem.

Be prepared to share specific cases with a person with a drinking problem. According to the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, alcoholism can sometimes have a profound effect on complex structures in the brain.

Don’t make ultimatums

If you insist on hard options like “stop drinking or I’ll leave!” Be prepared for the possibility that your partner may choose alcohol over the other option. This increases the stress, frustration, and pain in the relationship. Offer advice or ways to help.

Do your research in good time. Learn more about effective programs. Find ones in a format your husband might consider.

Don’t be judgmental or accusatory

Alcoholics can already feel shame and low self-esteem. Alcoholism is a disease. His allure is strong. Don’t judge or scold. Shaming an addict is likely to fuel denial, anger, and continued drinking.

Use resources wisely

Perhaps you know someone who is a successful alcoholic. Find out how they did it when they’re ready to discuss it. Ask for advice. Discuss the best way to approach your spouse. Ask if this person would be willing to talk to your spouse. Sometimes information from someone who was there can be more convincing.

Find out about treatment and recovery programs

Be ready to offer local and online sobriety and recovery resources. Be willing to support your husband through initial contact and treatment and recovery.

Be a good role model

If you think your spouse has a drinking problem, drinking alcohol around them is inconsiderate and unsupportive.

Avoid activating behavior

Do not give alcohol to your spouse. Don’t bring him into social situations that encourage drinking or trigger mental health episodes. Also, avoid making excuses for problematic drinking habits and behavior changes. Instead, think of these changes as possible signs that alcohol abuse is causing major relationship problems. Would you like to learn more about how to enable behavior and how to avoid it? There is a big difference between support and empowerment. This is where you can start figuring out how to deal with a husband who drinks too much.

To be present. Understand. Join us for detox and recovery.

Educate yourself and other family members about alcohol addiction. Encourage your spouse’s efforts to sober up. Tell him you know how hard this is and how proud you are of his efforts. Support your man through every phase of getting clean and sober. Attend support group meetings. Get support for yourself and other family members. Ongoing support is critical to rehab and recovery.

Options for treatment, care and family support

No single treatment center or program is ideal for everyone. To assess which program is right for your partner, you need to research what is available.

There are several treatment options and support groups. Familiarize yourself with what they have to offer.

Alcohol addiction support groups

Alcoholics Anonymous is a free service. It’s widespread and often led by recovering alcoholics. AA is based on a faith-based twelve-step program. There are several benefits to supporting groups like AA and SMART. Be it in-person or virtual meetings, they allow your man to meet others who are striving for a sober life. The group explores abilities that defeat desire. Support groups provide a place to turn and people to talk to during difficult emotional times. Support groups help others realize that they are not alone in their struggles. They also hold group members accountable for their actions.

Self Management and Recovery Training – SMART – Support Group focuses on self empowerment. The moderator is often a licensed consultant. This person leads the group discussion and guides participants through a four-point program.

Al-Anon is a branch of AA. Al-Anon offers support for the spouse, partner, colleague, or friend of a recovering alcoholic. Through group discussions, facilitators teach how to avoid enabling habits. They also teach how to avoid blaming a loved one for their addiction and how to let go of anger and resentment. They also teach how to acknowledge and change behaviors that may have contributed to a partner’s drinking. It is critical to your husband’s success that family members understand what he is dealing with and how he is managing.

Alateen, like Al-anon, is a branch of AA. The target group is a young person whose family member is struggling with alcohol addiction.

How can AspenRidge help?

AspenRidge Recovery Centers offer a variety of services and delivery models for alcohol abusers, from intensive inpatient detox programs to post-program alumni support to online virtual REACH counseling services. One is just right for your husband’s alcohol addiction.

AspenRidge’s board-certified, licensed therapists, addiction specialists and counselors are here to help. Call them anytime 24/7. Our experienced, empathetic admissions staff will help your family find the right treatment program for your husband. Call 855-678-3144 for more information on our alcohol addiction programs.